WWYD is this situation?

[Anonymous]

It was very gross and rainy out today so I decided to take my three charges to this local indoor playground that we go to at least once a week. At one point I was sitting at the little table by the door with the twins feeding them a snack and the 3 1/2 year old comes up to me and points to this woman who had just walked in and goes "C, why does that lady have such a HUGE tummy?" in this VERY loud voice that 3 year olds can have. I was obviously embarrassed and apologized to the woman who also looked embarrassed and told my charge that we don't make comments about how someone looks because it can hurt their feelings and left it at that. This woman was indeed very obese (300+ pounds) but obviously it wasn't okay for my charge to say that out loud. Right before we left, she also commented again on what a big tummy she had. I decided to turn this into a learning experience and in the car, I again told her how it's not nice to say things like that because it can make people sad. She was just very curious and asked how her tummy got so big and I told her that sometimes, people eat a lot of food that isn't good for them and it can give them a big tummy and that's why we eat fruits and vegetables and healthy snacks so that we don't get big tummys and are healthy. That seemed to answer her questions and she hasn't brought it up again. I'm just curious about what others would have done in this type of a situation. I felt bad for the woman because she did look very embarrassed but besides apologizing and telling my charge that it wasn't okay, I wasn't sure what else to do. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

[Anonymous]

As the parent I wouldn't be happy about how you handled it. You could explain that people come in all shapes and sizes. You basically fat shamed to a toddler, congrats.

[Anonymous]

While I wouldn't call that fat shaming, we do try to keep away from tying food to appearances. Granted MB had a very, very long battle with bulimia so she is pretty on top of good connotations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the parent I wouldn't be happy about how you handled it. You could explain that people come in all shapes and sizes. You basically fat shamed to a toddler, congrats.

OP here: I don't think that I "fat shamed" at all. Considering that we have such a obesity epidemic going on, I thought it was a good time to explain to her that this is why we eat healthy foods and not junk foods. I didn't use the term fat with her (I don't even think she knows that word or what it means). I told her that it's not nice to talk about how someone looks but when she asked me how her tummy got so big, I told her that sometimes when you eat a lot of bad food, that is what happens which is the truth.

[Anonymous]

I think you handled it great op.

[Anonymous]

You told your charge that that lady is big because she eats too much junk food and doesn't exercise. That is fat shaming. The fact that you told your charge that it's not nice to have that conversation to someone's face does not change the fact that you taught her that what we eat is responsible for how we look. The reality is that you have no idea why that woman is the size that she is. While I agree that you should be encouraging healthy eating habits in your charges, telling them that they had better eat healthy food and exercise when you tell them too so that they don't turn into a big gross fat person is not the way to go about that. The correct response to an inquiry of this kind is to simply say that there are lots of different types of bodies and that if your charge is curious about someone's body that she should save her question and ask you when that person is no longer around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the parent I wouldn't be happy about how you handled it. You could explain that people come in all shapes and sizes. You basically fat shamed to a toddler, congrats.

OP here: I don't think that I "fat shamed" at all. Considering that we have such a obesity epidemic going on, I thought it was a good time to explain to her that this is why we eat healthy foods and not junk foods. I didn't use the term fat with her (I don't even think she knows that word or what it means). I told her that it's not nice to talk about how someone looks but when she asked me how her tummy got so big, I told her that sometimes when you eat a lot of bad food, that is what happens which is the truth.

Well no...sometimes people have medical conditions that can cause obesity or the inability to exercise. Some people can eat crap all day long and be thin as a rail. Some people can try and eat healthy and really struggle with food. You tied food consumption to appearance and it's inappropriate IMO. You basically said that chick is fat because she's an over eating pig. Not nice, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the parent I wouldn't be happy about how you handled it. You could explain that people come in all shapes and sizes. You basically fat shamed to a toddler, congrats.

OP here: I don't think that I "fat shamed" at all. Considering that we have such a obesity epidemic going on, I thought it was a good time to explain to her that this is why we eat healthy foods and not junk foods. I didn't use the term fat with her (I don't even think she knows that word or what it means). I told her that it's not nice to talk about how someone looks but when she asked me how her tummy got so big, I told her that sometimes when you eat a lot of bad food, that is what happens which is the truth.

Well no...sometimes people have medical conditions that can cause obesity or the inability to exercise. Some people can eat crap all day long and be thin as a rail. Some people can try and eat healthy and really struggle with food. You tied food consumption to appearance and it's inappropriate IMO. You basically said that chick is fat because she's an over eating pig. Not nice, OP.

which is probably true....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You told your charge that that lady is big because she eats too much junk food and doesn't exercise. That is fat shaming. The fact that you told your charge that it's not nice to have that conversation to someone's face does not change the fact that you taught her that what we eat is responsible for how we look. The reality is that you have no idea why that woman is the size that she is. While I agree that you should be encouraging healthy eating habits in your charges, telling them that they had better eat healthy food and exercise when you tell them too so that they don't turn into a big gross fat person is not the way to go about that. The correct response to an inquiry of this kind is to simply say that there are lots of different types of bodies and that if your charge is curious about someone's body that she should save her question and ask you when that person is no longer around.

OP Here: I didn't say anything to her about exercising. I told her that SOMETIMES when people eat a lot of food, that can cause them to get "big tummys". She's 3 1/2 years old, I wasn't going to go into all the reasons why someone can have a big tummy (genetics, diseases, etc.) when she is just 3 and when the main reason is because of eating bad things. My bosses are big on the kids eating healthy and eating healthy snacks (carrots with hummus or fresh fruit, etc.) but do allow me to take them to McDonald's for a special lunch or for FroYo once a week. I don't really know where you are getting half the things you are talking about. I didn't tell my charge that she has to exercise or better eat healthy foods, she loves eating healthy and is a super active kid and even if she wasn't, I wouldn't force her to exercise. All I am saying is that in reality, 90% of the time when someone is obese, it is because of the way they eat. I didn't fat shame and I didn't make fun of the lady or anything. I told her it wasn't nice to do that but also included a lesson on why we eat healthy because I'm sorry but it's not good to be obese or fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the parent I wouldn't be happy about how you handled it. You could explain that people come in all shapes and sizes. You basically fat shamed to a toddler, congrats.

OP here: I don't think that I "fat shamed" at all. Considering that we have such a obesity epidemic going on, I thought it was a good time to explain to her that this is why we eat healthy foods and not junk foods. I didn't use the term fat with her (I don't even think she knows that word or what it means). I told her that it's not nice to talk about how someone looks but when she asked me how her tummy got so big, I told her that sometimes when you eat a lot of bad food, that is what happens which is the truth.

Well no...sometimes people have medical conditions that can cause obesity or the inability to exercise. Some people can eat crap all day long and be thin as a rail. Some people can try and eat healthy and really struggle with food. You tied food consumption to appearance and it's inappropriate IMO. You basically said that chick is fat because she's an over eating pig. Not nice, OP.

which is probably true....

It could be, neither you or I know, however it feeds into a fat shaming culture and as a parent I'm not okay with it. A thin or average weight person could have the exact same diet and I don't see anyone shaming them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You told your charge that that lady is big because she eats too much junk food and doesn't exercise. That is fat shaming. The fact that you told your charge that it's not nice to have that conversation to someone's face does not change the fact that you taught her that what we eat is responsible for how we look. The reality is that you have no idea why that woman is the size that she is. While I agree that you should be encouraging healthy eating habits in your charges, telling them that they had better eat healthy food and exercise when you tell them too so that they don't turn into a big gross fat person is not the way to go about that. The correct response to an inquiry of this kind is to simply say that there are lots of different types of bodies and that if your charge is curious about someone's body that she should save her question and ask you when that person is no longer around.

OP Here: I didn't say anything to her about exercising. I told her that SOMETIMES when people eat a lot of food, that can cause them to get "big tummys". She's 3 1/2 years old, I wasn't going to go into all the reasons why someone can have a big tummy (genetics, diseases, etc.) when she is just 3 and when the main reason is because of eating bad things. My bosses are big on the kids eating healthy and eating healthy snacks (carrots with hummus or fresh fruit, etc.) but do allow me to take them to McDonald's for a special lunch or for FroYo once a week. I don't really know where you are getting half the things you are talking about. I didn't tell my charge that she has to exercise or better eat healthy foods, she loves eating healthy and is a super active kid and even if she wasn't, I wouldn't force her to exercise. All I am saying is that in reality, 90% of the time when someone is obese, it is because of the way they eat. I didn't fat shame and I didn't make fun of the lady or anything. I told her it wasn't nice to do that but also included a lesson on why we eat healthy because I'm sorry but it's not good to be obese or fat.

Agreed. Being fat is NOT healthy. And MOST of the time it is because people do not correctly and do not exercise. Fat people use a gland problem as an excuse. Some people do have that but most do not. Obesity is not a good thing nor is it healthy. The nanny here did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the parent I wouldn't be happy about how you handled it. You could explain that people come in all shapes and sizes. You basically fat shamed to a toddler, congrats.

OP here: I don't think that I "fat shamed" at all. Considering that we have such a obesity epidemic going on, I thought it was a good time to explain to her that this is why we eat healthy foods and not junk foods. I didn't use the term fat with her (I don't even think she knows that word or what it means). I told her that it's not nice to talk about how someone looks but when she asked me how her tummy got so big, I told her that sometimes when you eat a lot of bad food, that is what happens which is the truth.

Well no...sometimes people have medical conditions that can cause obesity or the inability to exercise. Some people can eat crap all day long and be thin as a rail. Some people can try and eat healthy and really struggle with food. You tied food consumption to appearance and it's inappropriate IMO. You basically said that chick is fat because she's an over eating pig. Not nice, OP.

which is probably true....

It could be, neither you or I know, however it feeds into a fat shaming culture and as a parent I'm not okay with it. A thin or average weight person could have the exact same diet and I don't see anyone shaming them.

Oh come on. The fact is most people are fat because of a poor diet and lack of exercise. Sorry but being obese is NOT healthy. There is a difference between being over weight and being obese.

[Anonymous]

I think you handled it fine considering you only had a few minutes to consider what you would say. You're in a tough spot because you are trying to teach two concepts which, in the case, contradict each other. On the one hand you want to teach healthy eating habits as well as be honest with your charge. On the other hand you want to socialize the child so she doesn't blurt out embarrassing and hurtful comments. Hate to nitpick but in this case you may have wanted to concentrate on the socialization aspect by saying, as a PP mentioned, that people come in all shapes and sizes. The issue with what you said is that the next time your charge sees an obese person she'll naturally ask them why they eat so much.

With all that said, i don't think this is a big deal.

[nannydebsays]

OP, I have a standard line that I use when a charge asks a question about someone's appearance:

"People come in all different shapes and sizes." or if there is a disability issue, "Some people have hurt <body part> and need help getting around." or if the child is questioning a person's skin color, "People come in all sorts of lovely colors!"

And then I add, "You can always ask me about how people look or what is different about people, but you must ask in a very quiet voice. It is rude to talk loudly about someone when they can hear you!"

Try that next time, instead of linking food intake to appearance. It may be true that many fat people eat poorly, but it's just going to lead to your charge asking the next fat person she sees why they eat too much bad food and make their tummy too big.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the parent I wouldn't be happy about how you handled it. You could explain that people come in all shapes and sizes. You basically fat shamed to a toddler, congrats.

As a parent you should praise a nanny that is trying to teach your child it's not OK to become obese and encourage her to eat healthy, stay fit, and care about herself in the future.