Can't stand all the crying! Need advice from BTDT
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Anonymous
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I've been with the family since May so just over 1.5 months. Im having a problem really connecting with the older one... i think.
He cries all the time.. he will say he misses his Dad... but its just like spontaneous out bursts of tears. For example today we were at the park a bit before his friend showed up(about 20 mins). its not the biggest park in the world but has a slide a swing and some climbing things, enough to entertain a 5 year old boy for 20 mins. His friend arrived and they were playing a bit. but then my charge started to state that there wasn't much to do at this park. I said well your best friend is here so maybe you guys can play hide and seek or superhero tag? he says okay and goes and plays... then he just burst out crying saying he missed his Dad. At this point I've made the connection that when he doesn't get what he wants (in this case to leave the park) he starts to "miss daddy" and cries. and like sobbing crying. After i asked (told) him what the real reason he was crying (he was bored) he stopped and started playing with his friend. Then he stopped again and started crying. I said okay a few more minutes then we will go home for lunch. he sucked it up and kept playing. Then today at Lunch i gave him a yogurt tube... He looks at me with tears streaming down his face and says I'm not sad i can't stop this water from my eyes... and i don't like yogurt tubes. then he eats for about 2 minutes and again starts crying and saying he wants to go back to the park after lunch. I know with Mom and Dad he pretty much gets what ever he wants and is pretty spoiled & I'm not like that. So its probably adjustment for him I guess but he goes to preschool for 6 hours 3 days a week and I know the preschool teacher is also quite strict. I honestly don't know what to do. He is 5 years old and going to Kindergarten in September. I feel like the whole tear thing should be coming to an end. On a side and possibly related note... He can't colour a picture, like in the lines.. he scribbles like a 3 year old would. He reputes EVERYTHING i say to him. For example "Archie can you please put your cup on the counter?" He says "The counter?" "Archie 5 more slides then we are going to go home!" "5 more slides then we will go home?" "You need to eat your lunch then we will go to water park!" "The water park?" Literally everything. Im not sure if this is related. He also seems to be a bit delayed in other parts of being 5 such as speech. He has a 3 year old sister who only cries when I brush her hair Any thoughts on A: How to deal with the crying B:the constant questions.. |
nannydebsays
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The crying: Try a little empathy or some reflective listening. If he's just a little upset, it might help him to have his feelings validated. Once you do that, then suggest he go play, and if he doesn't want to play, let him be and gently tell him you hope he joins in the fun soon.
The repeating: Boys are odd. He might just be double checking for no reason, he might think you don't really mean what you say, he might even have a developmental language issue. Ask his parents if the school he attends has ever suggested testing him to see if he needs speech therapy - most preschools do test these days, so it's a fairly innocuous question. And count yourself lucky. My little guy actually will refute everything I say. It's tough to be wrong about everything all the time! |
Anonymous
| I would ask the parents and/or teacher 1) whether he seems to have good coping skills with them and 2) what they do when he is upset. You need to find out how much of this is him and how much is the dynamic between the two of you. |
Anonymous
| I would ask the parents and/or teacher 1) whether he seems to have good coping skills with them and 2) what they do when he is upset. You need to find out how much of this is him and how much is the dynamic between the two of you. |
Anonymous
| MB suggested me to skype or FaceTime DB when he's sad... I'm not sure if that's the best idea... |
Anonymous
No no no no no. If you are at home and everything is going nicely and he becomes sad and misses his dad, that is an appropriate time to call. But any situation in which his heightened emotion comes from not getting his own way, do NOT reward that drama with a phone call to dad. |
Anonymous
| Yes this is what I'm thibk too. Had a talk with preschool teacher this afternoon... *sister goes to the same school* she says he doesn't do any of it with her... Maybe we aren't the right fit. He says he likes Nanny days tho... ( I'm only part time and random days at that) |
Anonymous
You're still very new, 1.5 months is not nearly as long as he's know his preschool teacher and if you're their PT and not on a consistent schedule it makes sense that his transition is taking a little longer. I wouldn't blame it on not being the right fit this quickly! |
Anonymous
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This thread is really just impossible to read. Not one comment *besides nannydeb* has made any grammatical sense.
OP, you obviously just don't like this child and he can tell. Nothing he is doing is out of the norm or cause for huge concern (really, nitpicking his coloring?), you just don't know how to handle an emotional child. I am usually loathed to say this, but just quit. You aren't a good fit. |
Anonymous
| Makes perfect sense to me... |
Anonymous
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Validate his feelings! Poor kid. I feel like you're basically telling him to "man up" and "suck it up."
It's okay for him to be sad. Change is hard. You aren't there on a consistent basis. I'd work on methods with him to take deep, calming breaths and relax himself. Maybe he gets overstimulated easily. Or overwhelmed. https://consciousdiscipline.com/resources/safe_place_breathing_icons.asp |
Anonymous
| He's a brat and not very bright. |
Anonymous
| He reminds me ALOT of an high functioning autistic child I used to watch. I feel you pain op, at the end of the day it wasn't a good fit for me and I left that job. Maybe this is his issue? |
Anonymous
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I have a boy I watch a couple of long days twice a week twice a year (his dad does seasonal photography for a couple of companies catalogs.) He is 3.5, so a bit younger than your boy, but he does get emotional throughout the day, particularly mornings and particularly at the beginning of each season. It gets better as time wears on. What seems to help my kid somewhat is to 1.) validate his feelings. "I know you miss dad. It's hard to play at someone else's house when you'd rather be at home." Things like that. 2.) Find out if he's hungry. My boy is much more emotional when hungry or tired. Offer a snack, something you know he likes...berries, crackers, whatever he'll eat. 3.) Require a rest or nap time to recharge. Even if it's an hour and a half laying on the couch watching a movie (if they're tired they'll fall asleep.) Require he lay down, turn the lights off, make the room as dark, cool and restful as you can. 4.) Give him an itinerary. This morning we're going to X, then lunch, then rest, then X, then dad comes! Help him know what to expect as the day goes on. Remind him throughout the day. Now lunch, then rest, then X, then dad etc. 5.) Distract with toys. Can you go wake up the firetruck? The firetruck misses you! What's the firetruck going to do today? Things like that.
It should get better. Focus on his strengths. Not all boys are good at coloring or even enjoy doing it. IT has nothing to do w/ intelligence, and everything to do w/ small muscle coordination. If he's bad at coloring, don't force it on him. Get him on your side by being your helper...hey Archie, can you help me make popcicles (or whatever.) Let him do things he enjoys and everyone will be happier. |
Anonymous
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The colouring thing was more of an observation... he doesnt colour the pictures just the page. I thought maybe it could be linked with something.
Thanks for the tip PP. I think the problem is he doesn't seem to recognize his emotions. I read an article on whining,and it was saying how around 3 years old children switch from crying to whining. Im wondering if its a development thing? Not being able to express his emotions. Im concerned about him in school. He will be attending french immersion which is a brand new language for him. Im with him for 10 days a month 8 hour days, started transition time mid april so i guess it has actually been about 2 months we have been together at least 2 days a week. |