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I am sure that you could hire someone, but I think you may just need to tough it out and keep offering bottles. If you have a neighbor that could help you during the day (or if your DH was available any time he was needed) here's what I'd suggest:
Make sure you have an appropriately sized nipple. Too slow or fast and baby will give up trying.
Wear a night gown or t-shirt the night before and have the bottle feeder drape the shirt over themselves so baby smells you.
Offer the bottle in a different place than baby usually eats. Associations with BF can make baby refuse bottles.
If necessary, have baby sit in a high chair or a "baby recliner seat" to drink. Again, not being held may help with accepting a different food source.
Make sure your sub can stay calm, because as PP said, baby will eat if she is hungry enough. The transition may take a few days, which means you'll be feeding a lot at night, but it will happen.
Make sure you have an appropriately sized nipple. Too slow or fast and baby will give up trying.
Wear a night gown or t-shirt the night before and have the bottle feeder drape the shirt over themselves so baby smells you.
Offer the bottle in a different place than baby usually eats. Associations with BF can make baby refuse bottles.
If necessary, have baby sit in a high chair or a "baby recliner seat" to drink. Again, not being held may help with accepting a different food source.
Make sure your sub can stay calm, because as PP said, baby will eat if she is hungry enough. The transition may take a few days, which means you'll be feeding a lot at night, but it will happen.
Anonymous wrote:OP is being paid while her employer is away on the assumption that she is reserving her availability for them. She should really check with Family B before accepting any other employment to make sure they don't expect to need her for alternative tasks while they are away and to make sure their plans are firm and not likely to change. If their plans change and they suddenly need her, she would be obligated to cancel on family A because that is the basis for her acceptance of guaranteed pay from Family B.
As for family A not paying while they are on vacation, getting paid when the employer doesn't need your services is a perk that must be negotiated. Your rate with family A was set based on their expectation that they would pay only when they need you. This is very common with part time jobs. Also, if OP approaches family A about getting paid when they vacation, it would be entirely appropriate for them to require that she bank those hours to offset any future overtime, or make up hours on a date night here and there, or come in and do alternative work (such as taking in mail, cooking to stock the freezer, sanitizing and organizing toys, planning educational activities, etc.) while they are out of town. Telling your employer after you've been hired that you want to be paid for not working during their vacations, even if you have already used your paid time off, is not likely to be received well.
It is illegal to "bank" hours for use in the future. If Family A is unwilling to guarantee hours during a contract re-negotiation, then nanny can offer to do small things around their home in exchange for that week's pay. However, any "banking" of hours for use other than in that specific pay period is not legal or acceptable to most nannies who prefer to work the hours they have reserved for their employers, not random extra hours due to an employer chosen vacation 5 months ago.
OP, has your nanny gotten yearly raises and anniversary bonuses? If so, then I think you have compensated her for the job she has done, and a bonus would be unneeded yet very generous, since she is making the decision to leave.
OTOH, if you have not given raises or bonuses over the past 3 years, and her performance was excellent until the last few months, I think a bonus of 2 weeks pay would be a good idea to acknowledge the good work she did for you during her tenure.
Of course, if you didn't give raises/bonuses over the last 3 years, it's pretty clear why she's leaving, frankly.
OTOH, if you have not given raises or bonuses over the past 3 years, and her performance was excellent until the last few months, I think a bonus of 2 weeks pay would be a good idea to acknowledge the good work she did for you during her tenure.
Of course, if you didn't give raises/bonuses over the last 3 years, it's pretty clear why she's leaving, frankly.
For those saying MYOB, that's all well and good unless the nanny is in an abusive relationship and that abuse bleeds over into her employer's home.
Op, follow the advice above, speak with her calmly and ask what's going on. If she denies any issues are occurring, then back off. If she says there is a problem, offer as much help as you are comfortable offering.
Op, follow the advice above, speak with her calmly and ask what's going on. If she denies any issues are occurring, then back off. If she says there is a problem, offer as much help as you are comfortable offering.
Anonymous wrote:Also how would vacations work? Our plan was to give her paid vacation for 13 days of our choosing (basically whenever we take our vacation) and also paid federal holidays and 7 days of paid sick leave.
In all honesty, although you are offering a LOT of vacation/sick leave, I would combine it into a PTO package of 20 days for her to use as needed. Or, if you take my next bit of advice, offer 15 days PTO and federal holidays.
And unless you and the other family plan to coordinate YOUR vacations to ensure nanny actually has a week entirely off of work, nanny needs to be able to pick her own vacation times. In a single family + nanny situation, nanny can be asked to coordinate at least 1 week of PTO with the family's vacation plans, but what is likely to happen in your situation is that you take a week of vacation in May and in October, Family X takes a week of vacation in June and in December, and nanny works 52 weeks a year, with 4 of those weeks being "half-duty" weeks.
Instead, have a set share rate ($20 - $24) and a set "single family" rate ($15 - $18). When family X takes their vacation, you pay nanny her single family rate. When you take your vacation, family X pays nanny her single family rate. When nanny chooses to take HER vacation, she gets paid her "share rate".
And you can ask for 4 - 6 weeks notice for her vacations as well.
The answer does depend on the hours the nanny is working. I'm assuming she's working the typical 7 - 6 shift.
OP, for now, I would ask your nanny to bring her meals, and offer to keep simple breakfast/lunch food on hand for her. Cereal and milk, fruit, frozen meals, sandwich fixings - nothing fancy, just basic supplies, as well as any favorite drinks.
In my experience, life is much simpler once my charges are eating table foods if I eat what they eat. Kids always want the food they don't have, and if there is nothing to beg nanny to share, meals are much more pleasant, IMO. In addition, since I am pleasing my palate and the kids palates too, they get more variety on their plates, which makes for better nutrition.
Congrats and good luck!
OP, for now, I would ask your nanny to bring her meals, and offer to keep simple breakfast/lunch food on hand for her. Cereal and milk, fruit, frozen meals, sandwich fixings - nothing fancy, just basic supplies, as well as any favorite drinks.
In my experience, life is much simpler once my charges are eating table foods if I eat what they eat. Kids always want the food they don't have, and if there is nothing to beg nanny to share, meals are much more pleasant, IMO. In addition, since I am pleasing my palate and the kids palates too, they get more variety on their plates, which makes for better nutrition.
Congrats and good luck!
I do wonder though how many of the employers who fire "for cause" with no notice and refuse to pay any sort of severance would accept the situation if the roles were reversed...
Nanny: "MB and DB, we've talked before about my need to leave promptly at 6:30, which is my contracted end time. However, you both have been 30+ minutes late every day for a week without giving me any notice at all. In addition, I have asked you repeatedly to purchase extra diapering supplies on your monthly Costco run, and you haven't done that, and will not let me take Jane and Sam to Costco myself to purchase supplies.
Because these issues seem to be irresolvable, I am giving you notice that I am quitting as of today. I have written a resignation letter and I have also written up a letter for you to sign confirming my work for your family and achievements made by the children that were noted in my last written review.
Here is my door key, I have told the children good-bye, and I wish you the best of luck in your search for new childcare that fits your needs."
MB and DB: "What just happened?"
Nanny: "I fired you with no notice. Bye!"
Nanny: "MB and DB, we've talked before about my need to leave promptly at 6:30, which is my contracted end time. However, you both have been 30+ minutes late every day for a week without giving me any notice at all. In addition, I have asked you repeatedly to purchase extra diapering supplies on your monthly Costco run, and you haven't done that, and will not let me take Jane and Sam to Costco myself to purchase supplies.
Because these issues seem to be irresolvable, I am giving you notice that I am quitting as of today. I have written a resignation letter and I have also written up a letter for you to sign confirming my work for your family and achievements made by the children that were noted in my last written review.
Here is my door key, I have told the children good-bye, and I wish you the best of luck in your search for new childcare that fits your needs."
MB and DB: "What just happened?"
Nanny: "I fired you with no notice. Bye!"
Your nanny dumped you. I'm sorry you are feeling so upset. Perhaps it is the fact that this nanny wasn't all that great and you still planned to keep her that is most upsetting to you now? I know that a search for a new nanny isn't any fun, but odds are you might be able to find a better fit, like a nanny who doesn't ignore your kids to do her homework!
Write up a job description with specifics about hours and pay and any need for flexibility. Offer pay on the lower end of your scale and see what sort of applicants you get. If they aren't satisfactory, notch the pay up and see if the quality improves.
Make sure you set up some ground rules, like your kids are her job, and that you touch base with the new nanny occasionally to be sure all parties are satisfied.
Do NOT expect to get a nanny who is willing to set aside time for you without pay, as one PP suggested. Nannies will run away from situations like that, because we benefit not in the slightest by saving our time for you for no compensation. The only way I would accept a job where I was "on-call" without being paid was if I had 40 hours guaranteed at an outrageously high hourly rate, which would compensate me for being "on-call" to stay late/start early.
Write up a job description with specifics about hours and pay and any need for flexibility. Offer pay on the lower end of your scale and see what sort of applicants you get. If they aren't satisfactory, notch the pay up and see if the quality improves.
Make sure you set up some ground rules, like your kids are her job, and that you touch base with the new nanny occasionally to be sure all parties are satisfied.
Do NOT expect to get a nanny who is willing to set aside time for you without pay, as one PP suggested. Nannies will run away from situations like that, because we benefit not in the slightest by saving our time for you for no compensation. The only way I would accept a job where I was "on-call" without being paid was if I had 40 hours guaranteed at an outrageously high hourly rate, which would compensate me for being "on-call" to stay late/start early.
I would ask your nanny how often she is willing to have the neighbor kids over for an UNPAID play date. Then go to your neighbor, and tell him kindly, that his kids are welcome to come over to play X times per month, but after that he will need to pay your nanny $Y per hour for her time and care.
Tell him that you know he would never take advantage of your nanny being willing to help him out, but that you feel strongly that she must be paid extra to care for extra children.
Make yourself the "bad guy", make sure nanny knows to expect $Y/hour if neighbor has her babysit more than X times a month, and if neighbor ever "forgets" to pay, you then remind him he owes nanny money and needs to pay her before asking her to work for him again.
Tell him that you know he would never take advantage of your nanny being willing to help him out, but that you feel strongly that she must be paid extra to care for extra children.
Make yourself the "bad guy", make sure nanny knows to expect $Y/hour if neighbor has her babysit more than X times a month, and if neighbor ever "forgets" to pay, you then remind him he owes nanny money and needs to pay her before asking her to work for him again.
Anonymous wrote:"If you want to hire master service person X, who has X established hourly rates, do you say, "I don't need all of your expertise, so I'll pay you only half of your regular rates."
"
yeah, actually we do that all the time in my job. Technically the law firm agrees to cap the fees and do the project for a specified fixed cost. They like to tally up the actual hours at the end to show us what a deal we got. The reality is that we would not be willing to pay the full rate for those lawyers that they would normally change which is why we asked "Would you be willing to do the project for $X?" rather than simply hiring them at their full rate or declining to work with them since they are too expensive. Normally, the firms accept.
So "bartering" as you like to call it, PP, is not unheard of in the regular business world.
But I am reasonably sure that you are bartering to lower a legal cost from 50K to 45K, or something along those lines. I am guessing no lawyer works for $20/hour and is willing to drop their hourly rate by 20% to $16/hour.
OP, if your concern is that nanny will somehow be getting away with being paid more than she is worth, you could always hire a pretty crummy nanny and pay her as little as possible.
If, on the other hand, you are genuinely wishing to leave room for yearly raises and bonuses when you decide on a starting hourly rate, only you know your budget and what you are willing to pay for childcare. I do suggest that you just add a dollar or two to the hourly for the baby and pay it year round to cover times your older child is in need of care. Nannies are often turned off by the idea that they have to track hours with 2 kids to determine how much "extra" they get paid. This is especially true if your child will be in need of FT care over the summer. Haggling and bargaining often makes nannies believe you are cheap.
So if you want to/can afford to pay $18/hour and still have room for raises and bonuses, pay $18/hour.
Anonymous wrote:A wonderful nanny - never late, never in a bad mood and never texts or makes personal calls when she is working (we have nanny cams and I know that she carries an inexpensive flip-phone just for DH and I to call her). I was the only employer who posted that they could answer "yes" to the three questions posed last week.
She is a college graduate with graduate school credits in ECD and years of experience. She is truly great with our baby and the baby loves her. She has handles all child related chores including making his baby food and doing his laundry (at her home on her off hours without pay as she has a washer/dryer in her apartment and we don't - she said it was easier for her to do this rather than haul a baby to the basement). The baby has been learning and thriving in her care. Further we have no worries about his health or safety.
She has been at $18 an hour for 34 hours with no other benefits other than guaranteed hours for this last full year.
She has asked for either a $2 an hour raise or a $1 an hour raise with 2 additional hours added to her schedule. Further, she has asked to be paid for any vacation weeks we take off and the option to make up any hours she loses on federal holidays.
Further wrinkle - I am still in graduate school and DH works full time. We have been using a small part of our savings just to have a nanny and would definitely have to dip about $300 into our savings a month to meet her requests.
What would you do?
Your nanny is asking for either a $2/hour raise ($68/week) or a $1/hour raise and 2 additional hours of work ($72/week) - the easy answer is to go with the $2/hour raise, and save yourselves $208/year.
However, you also said nanny has "guaranteed hours", then you said she is asking to be paid for your vacation weeks and the federal holidays you have off. So what you mean is that right now you pay her only when she works. Guaranteed hours means nanny is paid her full wages every week 52 weeks a year, regardless of whether her employers use her services or not.
Honestly, it sounds as if you really can't afford this nanny. Is it essential that you have a nanny due to odd working hours that a daycare can't cover? if so, maybe you need to compromise on the kind of nanny you hire and seek out someone who can take great care of your child, but doesn't have to do anything like laundry or food prep - that might lower the cost for you.
Or, if this nanny is the nanny you want to have caring for your child, you'll need to dip further into your savings to keep her.
This isn't question anyone but you and your DH can really answer, OP. Good luck figuring it out!
The whole nanny cam issue can be dealt with as follows:
<during interviews with potential nannies>
Parents: Ms. Jones, we wanted to also let you know that we reserve the right to use a nanny cam at any time during your employment. We will not tell you when or where, but the cam will not be in any area such as a bathroom."
Nanny: responds however she feels best.
<during interviews with potential nannies>
Parents: Ms. Jones, we wanted to also let you know that we reserve the right to use a nanny cam at any time during your employment. We will not tell you when or where, but the cam will not be in any area such as a bathroom."
Nanny: responds however she feels best.
OP, if you are still around, you emphasized how essential it is to be on time when interviewing this nanny. Now you have hired her, and she is not only on time, but EARLY, and suddenly you are pissy.
For a nanny just getting used to your family dynamic, she may not know exactly what you want from her, but I guarantee you she knows you are angry about something.
You may have to choose from a few options here.
1) Tell her that you want her to be at your home no earlier than 8 on the dot, and tell her there will be ZERO repercussions if she is a few minutes late on occasion due to her commute. Then live with the results.
2) ASK her if she would mind pitching in as soon as she gets to your house, and emphasize that you want her to be paid for every minute she works, and will use a sign in/sign out sheet to guarantee that happens. Tell her how much her help will be appreciated. And then tell her again on occasion how much it means to have her come early at times.
3) Deal with the situation as is, let your displeasure go, and be thrilled your nanny is so conscientious. Many many employers would kill to have nanny in the house and ready to go at her start time!
For a nanny just getting used to your family dynamic, she may not know exactly what you want from her, but I guarantee you she knows you are angry about something.
You may have to choose from a few options here.
1) Tell her that you want her to be at your home no earlier than 8 on the dot, and tell her there will be ZERO repercussions if she is a few minutes late on occasion due to her commute. Then live with the results.
2) ASK her if she would mind pitching in as soon as she gets to your house, and emphasize that you want her to be paid for every minute she works, and will use a sign in/sign out sheet to guarantee that happens. Tell her how much her help will be appreciated. And then tell her again on occasion how much it means to have her come early at times.
3) Deal with the situation as is, let your displeasure go, and be thrilled your nanny is so conscientious. Many many employers would kill to have nanny in the house and ready to go at her start time!
This can be solved in 3 steps, OP.
Discuss what happened with your nanny. If you want her eyes on your child at all times, tell her that is what you expect. Let her know what you want, and be crystal clear.
Go to the nearest Home Depot. Buy hotel style door latches that prevent anyone from opening the door when they are engaged. Install them 1 foot higher than your tallest child can reach when standing on a chair. Use them. All the time.
Talk to your child with your nanny. Emphasize that he never is allowed to open the door without one of his grownups at his side. Tell him another 56,739,281 times until he remembers, and skids to a halt while running to answer the door. Praise him for remembering the rule.
Discuss what happened with your nanny. If you want her eyes on your child at all times, tell her that is what you expect. Let her know what you want, and be crystal clear.
Go to the nearest Home Depot. Buy hotel style door latches that prevent anyone from opening the door when they are engaged. Install them 1 foot higher than your tallest child can reach when standing on a chair. Use them. All the time.
Talk to your child with your nanny. Emphasize that he never is allowed to open the door without one of his grownups at his side. Tell him another 56,739,281 times until he remembers, and skids to a halt while running to answer the door. Praise him for remembering the rule.
OP, if you adore your nanny, and you want to show your appreciation for a job well done AND a $3/hour raise will still allow you to offer additional raises over time, and bonuses if you wish, you should absolutely do exactly that. $3/hour is a little more than $150/week, or a little more than $7800/year.
Not knowing your nanny's personal skill set, her level of experience, or anything else, it's impossible to correctly gauge what the "right" new baby raise might be, but if you have a nanny you want to keep, a terrific raise helps.
And to the SAHM at 9:52 - exactly! There is no decrease in work with an additional infant when the older child heads to school. The older kid still needs clean clothes, food to eat, activities to do after school, and so on, and the baby needs to be on some sort of schedule that fits around the older child's needs. It becomes way more of a juggling act.
Not knowing your nanny's personal skill set, her level of experience, or anything else, it's impossible to correctly gauge what the "right" new baby raise might be, but if you have a nanny you want to keep, a terrific raise helps.
And to the SAHM at 9:52 - exactly! There is no decrease in work with an additional infant when the older child heads to school. The older kid still needs clean clothes, food to eat, activities to do after school, and so on, and the baby needs to be on some sort of schedule that fits around the older child's needs. It becomes way more of a juggling act.
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