Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he is telling the truth. What do I do? He said he felt excited after it happened.

You are an idiot.

Pretty harsh. She's going through a lot right now, and it's easy for all of us to see that he is clearly lying, but I understand why she wants to believe him. Hopefully she will come around sooner than later.
She isn't an idiot- she's just in pain.

I agree. No need to name call, but we should all also give advice that's worth a damn, wake her up, or she will be back to talk about her pain in a few months.

OP you're in denial. If you do believe him, no harm in confirming with the other woman right? And if he is so open now he shouldn't have a problem with you speaking to her yourself, or listening in on the conversation. It seems more like you don't want to know the truth so you want to accept we just kissed story.

At 9pm he has more than enough time to make that trip twice, sorry you are lying to yourself. Also, not sure what being excited have to do with anything, he could be excited after making love to his lover in his car.. Seriously get the truth.

Or..... He knows you aren't a S anymore so went one size up? Ijs

Hmm OP. Sounds like you need to discuss with a lawyer.

I don't think there is something meeting all your criteria. For convenience a ring sounds like a good option, but you don't want any hormones... Your best non hormonal options are condoms or IUD.

Other option is the shot which would be every three months, but again doesn't fit all criteria, and can cause you to gain a lot of weight.

Next option female condoms.. But sounds like your DH doesn't want anything interfering with sensation.

Something has to give, IMO.

OP I gave you a completely different scenario that does not mean he is disrespecting you, but you seem to be hell bent on he is just ruining everything even though you don't seem to know his motives... Are there other issues and you're focusing on this just because? You haven't even given him a chance to see if the new job will end in neglect or any other outcome.

IUD. This is serious right?

I can see why you would be hurt OP. Maybe I'm being a little optimistic here, but you say you don't think you really need money, on the other hand you guys rekindled a relationship and have been stronger since. What I am seeing in between the lines is maybe your boyfriend has a plan that he came to on his own.. Sucky yes, but bear with me. Maybe he wants more for you, or you as a couple.

I've seen this a few times with friends, break up, get back together and soon after a big change; engagement, getting a place together, or something similar. Maybe your bf is thinking of something to make you see how serious he is, to see how big of a priority he is to you this time around, and it will take more financially than he can spare on current earnings. Maybe, this weekend job is a short term solution to this goal.

I'm not trying to get your hopes up for an engagement or anything, but just giving some insight on what I've seen with friends. For all you know this may not be a selfish decision at all. I say try not to be too hurt or resentful about this, tell him how you feel without making him feel too guilty, because after-all you don't know his intentions at the moment. And most importantly express the things that will make you feel connected and intimate when he is gone so much. For example, that you would like him to text/call/email more often, or to make the time you do have together quality time, not just passively watching tv in the same room etc.

You should definitely tell him he needs to seek couples therapy. In the mean to one OP, you should NEVER repeatedly have sex with a man if after doing so you feel sick to your stomach. I don't care if he is your spouse, you are degrading yourself. You don't owe him sex for him to prove he isn't a selfish lover after an affair. You owe it to your marriage to work on things, but that does not mean cheapening yourself to please him. Get counseling and have sex with your husband when it is a healthy manner, with good intentions and not out of pity, or guilt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely don't dump him. His actions clearly show that he is invested in you. It's still so new, just give it a little time. Enjoy fooling around and if sex comes up let him know that you don't go that far unless you're in an exclusive relationship. I don't know how the online profile thing works but it sounds like he can be "active" without pursuing new connections. Just give it time - 4 weeks is nothing.

Thanks for the perspective PP.

The other thing I find creepy is that IF he's still seeing other people and getting hot and heavy with me...that doesn't bode well for any other person either. I would be beyond pissed if I discovered while even causally dating my man was in bed with another woman. That would end it for me.

I should also say his friends are his coworkers. So I imagine it would be really awkward if he was bringing several women to after work events.

The work events thing could go either way. Depending on the formality of the events it's not uncommon for coworkers to introduce different women. Most of my DH's have introduced me to at least 3 women in a period of a couple months. I don't think any stigma exists with that, so don't use that as a safety.

I'd say base it on the quiet of your time together, the emotional and time investment he gives you and start trusting him now. Don't keep checking the profile daily. If you want it to be serious, move towards that without sex, hopefully he is a good guy and the profile goes inactive or is deleted. You have your non-negotiable, no sex without exclusivity, give him some time to step up. Also question, are the 4 weeks included that online exchanges? If so definitely relax and give it more time!

Anonymous wrote:

Incognita wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Incognita wrote:If you deleted yours, how do you know his is still there? You're going back to check up on him regularly?

I know a lot of guy friends who date online, they don't delete until it's serious. Even if they feel someone is "special" they keep the profile.. Half the time it seems for the entertainment or ego boost I think.

You are correct, I am spying on him still. Its all public. Part of the reason I'm watching him is because I want to have sex but am very wary of being with someone that has a wandering eye, you know?

Thanks for your perspective on the ego boost. Should I just trust that if he said we're exclusive, that promise stands?

To be frank, I can't honestly say. I have a friend who feeds the line "I really like you, and I'm just looking for one special person, so I'm going to delete my profile, yadda yadda" very quickly, even without knowing any potential to bag chicks fast. I want to say trust him, but online dating makes it sooo much easier to keep a stacked deck so to speak. I think you have to go with the cues you've been given from his personality and make a gut decision. Don't have sex if you are unsure, that's a sure way to regret it. Feel him out some more, and the more you talk I'm sure you will see how serious it really is or if he is leaving room for others.

Oh and "active" is a bit worrisome, versus it just still existing like the PP above. Even if just for the ego boost, you have to decide if that's something your okay with. It's the same as seeking ego boosts by flirting with people irl. Which is very common of course, but depends on what you think/feel of such actions.

He didn't delete his profile to bag me, in fact by not deleting/hiding he very well could lose me.

I honestly don't get the activity. For example, he was once marked as active while he was with me. He checked his gmail once, but didn't even seem to click on an email. I've heard the site we are on is notorious for having deceptive activity triggers.

That being said, I've tried to be very communicative about my feelings and expectations. I don't want to say nothing and then withdraw. At the very least maybe this could be a learning lesson for him.

I wasn't using the example of bagging to describe him, just to emphasize that guys have extremely different motives and intentions that are not always clear. Do what you feel comfortable with, if it's plain out telling him you guys can't make the next step until he does delete then that's your choice. For me, 4 weeks is too early to have that type of demand. But the caveat is if you're ready to have a physical relationship then you should speak up, or wait for the change you want before going there.

I understand why you want the exclusivity of course, just not sure I would have the "why won't you delete your profile?!" Talk so soon.

Anonymous wrote:

Incognita wrote:If you deleted yours, how do you know his is still there? You're going back to check up on him regularly?

I know a lot of guy friends who date online, they don't delete until it's serious. Even if they feel someone is "special" they keep the profile.. Half the time it seems for the entertainment or ego boost I think.

You are correct, I am spying on him still. Its all public. Part of the reason I'm watching him is because I want to have sex but am very wary of being with someone that has a wandering eye, you know?

Thanks for your perspective on the ego boost. Should I just trust that if he said we're exclusive, that promise stands?

To be frank, I can't honestly say. I have a friend who feeds the line "I really like you, and I'm just looking for one special person, so I'm going to delete my profile, yadda yadda" very quickly, even without knowing any potential to bag chicks fast. I want to say trust him, but online dating makes it sooo much easier to keep a stacked deck so to speak. I think you have to go with the cues you've been given from his personality and make a gut decision. Don't have sex if you are unsure, that's a sure way to regret it. Feel him out some more, and the more you talk I'm sure you will see how serious it really is or if he is leaving room for others.

Oh and "active" is a bit worrisome, versus it just still existing like the PP above. Even if just for the ego boost, you have to decide if that's something your okay with. It's the same as seeking ego boosts by flirting with people irl. Which is very common of course, but depends on what you think/feel of such actions.

If you deleted yours, how do you know his is still there? You're going back to check up on him regularly?

I know a lot of guy friends who date online, they don't delete until it's serious. Even if they feel someone is "special" they keep the profile.. Half the time it seems for the entertainment or ego boost I think.

Someone please tell all the white, Asian, and middle eastern college and hs kids that hoodies are "thug" clothing and not respectable!!

No the kids are not doing that... If you are in a monogamous long term relationship you have to make a decision. Friendly meeting up is cool. But don't have multiple hookups while you "test-drive" him/her. The person you are dating still deserves respect even if you aren't married.

And if this coworker is someone you then want to be in a real relationship with, what would be your thoughts if after a year he/she was test driving someone else?