Anonymous wrote:Thanks pp. Yes she is considering that!

One of the posters raised a point I didn't know. If she gets married a month before she was going to go home. (Plane ticket already purchased) that is gong to be an issue?

She can't travel for 90 days to her country?


How long to get her valid papers after getting married? She doesn't want to be illegal for any period of time.

Thanks. I know I coukd go to other sites and figure it out but this site helps!

It takes a month for your application to even be accepted and noted as being processed, getting married a month before is a bad idea.

Another note. Even if she marries now she will still be waiting at least a year for her PR card. The "immediate" visa number is a relative term, the number is secured "immediately", but the paperwork, interviews, biostats, etc will require she be present in the U.S. during the process. If she isn't, it's much the same as the fiancé visa, and if she starts it and leaves, it will be cancelled. (Though she can apply for a travel permit, which covers between 60-90days)

They should read up on the process themselves, it's not so simple.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think she is depressed and has been for a while. She's been on meds for years and has been to a couple therapists. I think she's better now but she's far from the person I married. I made a vow to be in it whether in sickness and in health...but I didn't imagine how depression could impact the whole family

FWIW, I got her a bracelet from Tiffany for Xmas.

Pp was right it isn't about the presents.. It's about the sentiment. You shouldn't have to qualify what you got her last year or this. Even with your marriage on the rocks there should still be decency, a cake for your birthday, pajamas or something for Christmas. Your children, if old enough, will notice that she didn't give you anything.

22:20 has it right, if you or the marriage was a priority she should be willing to do these things, especially since you do them for her. IMO, it seems like she is sending a message that she doesn't care. You need to address this. If she is already checked out, you need to know and take your family and friends' advice.

I'm sure it is very difficult when your parents are weary of the situation. I'm sorry OP.

There is no great advice but to say stay strong, perhaps tune down on the social media as pp suggested. You won't be able to get out if you keep a negative attitude, so try to stay positive and keep going for it. Keep your head up and focus on you, not what others have done or are doing, that won't help.

Also, is it possible to work the temp jobs and save to relocate? Are you finding difficulty due to geographic locations of your field?

My daughter just turned two, and it is already much better. I think mostly because she is so independent, which relieves a lot of pressure. The first 6 months were incredibly difficult. Primary reason, I was not getting any sleep. DH did not wake up in the night, ever. I was breast feeding and found it incredibly painful to pump, so I could never maintain a decent supply for him to bottle feed anyway. He didn't wake for support either. I was pissed off all the time as a result and he didn't see what was so horrible. A few times he tried to get up but would literally close his eyes within seconds.

Actually his sleeping is still a bit of a problem now, DD wakes up very early and I have to try to entertain her. However, when he is up/home he does clean up her messes. I get enough sleep now that I don't feel cranky all day long. Sex is almost daily, though we had some dry spells through the year for reasons other than DD. Her care is no longer the main factor in any argument, and arguments are seldom.

Potty training to suddenly sink in. This is a nightmare.

Anonymous wrote:I would just say "Oh my goodness! Look at you, you're dripping in sweat! Are you o.k.? Here let me get you a towel. Do you need some water?"

This is a start!

I'd probably be worried that said guest may stay seated as you fetch the water...

Sorry OP! My skin crawled for you lol

I brag about DH to friends when they ask about specifics, that's the only thing I feel comfortable bragging about.


I wish I could brag about my educational and career accomplishments... First in my family to achieve what I have, and from a family that gives little recognition for it. Sometimes I just want to so bad, just to know what it feels like lol, but I know it would be in bad taste.

No problem. Make sure you make this convo stick though, you shouldn't have to have this talk many times. Change is hard, but if the motivation is there you should get results

Anonymous wrote:

Incognita wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute!

Where do you guys live? Cause I hooked up with a married guy twice this week, and we were out till after 1:30. He lied and told me he was separated at first. Then he admitted to being married. He left home late both nights. I asked what story he used to get and stay out so late. The gym , huh?

Is your name Raynella?

Close. But I gave married guy a different name.

Raynella? Really? Is that the slut's name?

Slut? Didn't you just say you are fucking a married man? Lol I'm confused.

Yes, slut.

I'm pissed off on OP's behalf. Didn't stop to think of my wrongdoings. His wife is nameless and faceless to me. He's just a fuck (a damn good one at that).

Ok, I'm the pot calling the kettle black.

Lol as long as you realize it, sure it doesn't make much difference to your own situation though. Meh

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute!

Where do you guys live? Cause I hooked up with a married guy twice this week, and we were out till after 1:30. He lied and told me he was separated at first. Then he admitted to being married. He left home late both nights. I asked what story he used to get and stay out so late. The gym , huh?

Is your name Raynella?

Close. But I gave married guy a different name.

Raynella? Really? Is that the slut's name?

Slut? Didn't you just say you are fucking a married man? Lol I'm confused.

You should talk to your wife. Try to explain the qualities and what they mean, perhaps by examples of what you saw in this other wife. But it's completely unnecessary for you to name the couple or the woman. That could end badly. Wife may think you are just admiring that woman. Make it a point with scenarios, that showcase the type of attitude you're after. "If X happened I would appreciate you responding in Y matter, that makes me feel like Z, and that you think bla bla bla of me" you get the point. Don't name the couple!

Yeah this thread is going nowhere, OP is feeding herself his lies. This is going to be an easy one for him, and he'll be seeing that woman in about a week or two after OP blinds herself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Incognita wrote:OP you're in denial. If you do believe him, no harm in confirming with the other woman right? And if he is so open now he shouldn't have a problem with you speaking to her yourself, or listening in on the conversation. It seems more like you don't want to know the truth so you want to accept we just kissed story.

At 9pm he has more than enough time to make that trip twice, sorry you are lying to yourself. Also, not sure what being excited have to do with anything, he could be excited after making love to his lover in his car.. Seriously get the truth.

+1. Also think back to your first dates with a guy once you were out of college especially if you met him over the internet. Were you willing to meet a guy for the first time after 9pm at night by yourself? If a guy told me that the only time he could meet up with me was 9:30pm and we had only been texting/talking on the phone until that point, I would find out when he was available to meet earlier like right after work or on the weekend. That's also kind of late for the first few dates unless it was tickets for something like a comedy club, going to a jazz club etc type of event.

Odds are that he has met with this woman before at least enough that she felt comfortable meeting him late and past the time for traditional first date things ...unless she is married too.

Good point. I am single and if someone asked to meet me at 930 pm I would laugh at them. Most women want to meet someone at a reasonable hour in a public place. Most coffee shops in he suburbs are closed at this time, and I doubt the ones that are open are fine with a couple making out in the middle of the store. Smells like bullshit to me.

Furthermore, if OP really believes there was no time, I'm not sure I see a "I'm really busy I can only stop by to give you a kiss and leave" as a first meeting. The woman either knows he is sneaking around, or it's not the first time.

Has DH caught wind of DD's awareness?