Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say your husband will be lucky to make $100k. In my book that's decent money, although certainly not to the level of income you'll be attaining. Together you two will be making nearly a million dollars a year! I'm not sure I see a pronlme unless you resent working harder than he does. You can have a good life together.

I do realize it's a lot of money, especially from where we started! But my reaction to it is a lot different I think because I am watching his motives and intentions and that's bothering me..

If 100k was the top for his field then I'd be happy, knowing he isn't making steps forward gets to me. Is it reasonable then if the total HHI is more than enough to not push him? Is it a common decision made, besides SAHMs, but with a working partner, to have them not worry about advancement?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have children and, if so, has he made it his primary job to raise them so that you could, for example, put in the hours as a career-track associate to make partner at your firm? If so, then your success was, at least in part, made possible by his sacrifice. By this I mean that you were able to work late nights, weekends, travel at a moment's notice, go into work early, while he took the children to school, doctor's appointments, sports practices, music rehearsals, made dinner, etc.

If you do not have nay children and my scenario is not the case, then you need to explain to your husband that you are very concerned about his lack of ambition, and that you expect him to work diligently on his career because your assets and income will in no way be used to support his family, or even him unless he steps up to the plate.

We have children but none of the above applied. We have had to hire nannies or my family has cared for them. He has never been a stay at home dad, he has needed the same amount of time as me in respects to education (class, labs, projects) and has always worked as well, requiring fulltime childcare . Shuttling around to activities, etc has been mostly shared, possibly more driving on my part because my schedule for coming and going aligned well, and household responsibilities have mostly been done by me. I'm still very traditional in my home life, one of the reasons this is hard for me to swallow, my image of a partner is changing...

If he is not taking care of the children, is not particularly involved in the home life, and is not working very hard at his career - what has he been doing while at work? Or is it the case that his job, unlike your partner-track career, is one with limited-income potential. Many people, for example teachers, emergency personnel, municipal employees, may be giving their career their very all -but those careers may just not pay very well. If he works to his potential in a sector or industry with modest pay, then I do not think that you should resent his not looking for another higher-paying line of work, particularly if he likes his job. If your husband is simply shirking, loafing, sitting at his desk, and his skills and income have stagnated as a result, then that is another thing altogether.

People say that they want a supportive husband who will prioritize his home life over his work life, but I just think that most women (and I am one) want a husband who can fill the traditional role of supporting the family.

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a god awful person and a horrible marriage partner. I'd be glad to never be unlucky enough to marry you, pre nor post $750k salary.

I hope you divorce him and he takes you to the cleaners.

Anonymous wrote:
Not worse scenario: Everything we have has been shared, am I in a position to have "my" money and "his" being separate? Is he allowed, legally that is, to use whatever he pleases as ours?

Anonymous wrote:

Worst case scenario: my work hours are too hard, if he is having some mood disorders now it will only worsen, I won't be around to nurture our relationship. What position does that put me in with the children, with assests and having to support him?

Should I be trying to avoid divorce at all costs from a financial standpoint?

Not worse scenario: Everything we have has been shared, am I in a position to have "my" money and "his" being separate? Is he allowed, legally that is, to use whatever he pleases as ours?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Worst case scenario: my work hours are too hard, if he is having some mood disorders now it will only worsen, I won't be around to nurture our relationship. What position does that put me in with the children, with assests and having to support him?

Should I be trying to avoid divorce at all costs from a financial standpoint?

Not worse scenario: Everything we have has been shared, am I in a position to have "my" money and "his" being separate? Is he allowed, legally that is, to use whatever he pleases as ours?

You sound heartless. It makes me sad.

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like the reverse of a man making it as a powerful attorney or doctor, then deciding that his wife, who helped him through med or law school is too old, doesn't work out enough for him to stay fit after having kids, so then decides to divorce for a younger model.

If your DH was an asshole, this would be a different story, but low ambition?

How many posts have you read on this forum where a women states her DH is saying mean things to her after she's gained some weight after having kids?

Did you marry him for his ambition? If you need him to pickup more slack at home, that's different. Talk to him about it. But divorcing him for a lack of ambition sounds much like a man divorcing a woman for gaining weight.