My DH left the house to meet a girl...
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Anonymous
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I'm sorry OP. I've been through this with my DH who I trusted completely and it sucks. Yes, he first confessed to just "hanging out" with another woman but swore nothing happened. Then that maybe he danced with her. After I saw emails from her including a picture of them kissing and how much she loved waking up next to him I finally realized the truth. They'd been sleeping together for months.
Don't believe him, he has no reason to tell you the truth now. Get additional information on your own. He'll cover his tracks quickly now that he knows you are on to him. You might try calling her - DH's OW didn't know he was married and was very honest with me. |
Anonymous
Huh? The gym trip didnt end until after midnight yet he wasnt gone long enough to fuck? Whatever lady. |
Anonymous
He didn't leave until 9pm and met her in shirlington. He was back at midnight. So there wasn't much time. |
Anonymous
3 hours isnt enough time to have sex? |
Anonymous
From where? Where do you live? |
Anonymous
Sorry. We live in McLean. |
Anonymous
| Oh OP I'm so sorry you are going through this but yes, there was more than enough time for sex. He doesn't want to fess up to that yet. He probably has condoms in his gym bag. |
Anonymous
Are you still together. What did you do after you knew? |
Anonymous
| I think he is telling the truth. What do I do? He said he felt excited after it happened. |
Incognita
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OP you're in denial. If you do believe him, no harm in confirming with the other woman right? And if he is so open now he shouldn't have a problem with you speaking to her yourself, or listening in on the conversation. It seems more like you don't want to know the truth so you want to accept we just kissed story.
At 9pm he has more than enough time to make that trip twice, sorry you are lying to yourself. Also, not sure what being excited have to do with anything, he could be excited after making love to his lover in his car.. Seriously get the truth. |
Anonymous
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Make no decisions now. There are couples that can get past it but the committment has to work both ways. You can't be the only one committed to being in a monogomous relationship. I emphasize monogomous relationship because there are some guys that don't want to get divorced (financial impacts, convenience , thinks the spouse is a great mom but not in love etc) but don't remain faithful to spouse. So even if he says he doesn't want to divorce, that isn't necessarily the same as being committed to the marriage in the conventional sense.
My advice is if you do want to stay together, make sure it isn't fear I.e. Monetary or split custody or dating with two kids, the impacts or perception of divorce keeping you with him and vice versa. If you are the type to refuse to divorce etc, he may agree to stay married but feel trapped or not willing to put in the hard work to really improve the relationship and address the fundamental issues because he isn't really motivated to change. My parents tried to stay together because of the kids and IMO it didn't work because they didn't both commit to improving the marriage and agreeing that they loved each other and would do what they needed to do to find their way back to the happiness they had when first married. Without that committment on both sides, my dad ended up cheating. As kids we didn't know where he was at night, he woild lie and say he was playing cards with his friends, but wouldn't answer his cell phone etc. My mom was the type that "didn't believe in divorce" and eventually my dad did divorce my mom when his girlfriend was pressuring him for marriage and the youngest was almost out of highschool. The crazy thing is my dad believe it or not, wanted to get back together with my mom years later! I really, truly believe if my mom had been willing to divorce my dad and made fixing the foundation of the marriage a condition for staying together he would have been willing to try for no other reason than he wanted to be there for us. She would have had to do some of the changing too and maybe the things that made each unhappy with each other could have been addressed. I think even if that didn't work, if things had been above board and they both felt like they made a combined decision to end the marriage, if my dad went out into the dating world and decided as he did that he preferred being with my mom, there may have been a chance she would have tried again. With the way the divorce went down plus never fixing the fundamental issues, no way my parents will get back together. |
Anonymous
You are an idiot. |
Anonymous
Pretty harsh. She's going through a lot right now, and it's easy for all of us to see that he is clearly lying, but I understand why she wants to believe him. Hopefully she will come around sooner than later. She isn't an idiot- she's just in pain. |
Anonymous
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Who cares if it was kissing or sex. The main thing is he had a wandering eye, and was acting upon it. Even if they did nothing, he snuck around behind you to meet this woman. No need to play Sherlock Holmes and figure out what they did -- point is he met her and hid it from you.
I know some will say get rid of him, but I'd say think of the why. Leave out the physical part too. I'm guessing he felt young again to talk to this woman. and his conversations with her were uplifting and not like your current conversations (you said your marriage is on the rocks). Would some other husband have done the same in the same situation? Then decide.. do you want to work on whatever the problems are, or move on? |
Incognita
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I agree. No need to name call, but we should all also give advice that's worth a damn, wake her up, or she will be back to talk about her pain in a few months. |