Incognita wrote:If you deleted yours, how do you know his is still there? You're going back to check up on him regularly?

I know a lot of guy friends who date online, they don't delete until it's serious. Even if they feel someone is "special" they keep the profile.. Half the time it seems for the entertainment or ego boost I think.

Anonymous wrote:

Incognita wrote:If you deleted yours, how do you know his is still there? You're going back to check up on him regularly?

I know a lot of guy friends who date online, they don't delete until it's serious. Even if they feel someone is "special" they keep the profile.. Half the time it seems for the entertainment or ego boost I think.

You are correct, I am spying on him still. Its all public. Part of the reason I'm watching him is because I want to have sex but am very wary of being with someone that has a wandering eye, you know?

Thanks for your perspective on the ego boost. Should I just trust that if he said we're exclusive, that promise stands?

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have sex with him yet. Both of you need to be tested anyway, to make sure you are STD free or at least come clean about what you have.

If he refuses to do that, THEN dump him.

Incognita wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Incognita wrote:If you deleted yours, how do you know his is still there? You're going back to check up on him regularly?

I know a lot of guy friends who date online, they don't delete until it's serious. Even if they feel someone is "special" they keep the profile.. Half the time it seems for the entertainment or ego boost I think.

You are correct, I am spying on him still. Its all public. Part of the reason I'm watching him is because I want to have sex but am very wary of being with someone that has a wandering eye, you know?

Thanks for your perspective on the ego boost. Should I just trust that if he said we're exclusive, that promise stands?

To be frank, I can't honestly say. I have a friend who feeds the line "I really like you, and I'm just looking for one special person, so I'm going to delete my profile, yadda yadda" very quickly, even without knowing any potential to bag chicks fast. I want to say trust him, but online dating makes it sooo much easier to keep a stacked deck so to speak. I think you have to go with the cues you've been given from his personality and make a gut decision. Don't have sex if you are unsure, that's a sure way to regret it. Feel him out some more, and the more you talk I'm sure you will see how serious it really is or if he is leaving room for others.

Oh and "active" is a bit worrisome, versus it just still existing like the PP above. Even if just for the ego boost, you have to decide if that's something your okay with. It's the same as seeking ego boosts by flirting with people irl. Which is very common of course, but depends on what you think/feel of such actions.

Anonymous wrote:

Incognita wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Incognita wrote:If you deleted yours, how do you know his is still there? You're going back to check up on him regularly?

I know a lot of guy friends who date online, they don't delete until it's serious. Even if they feel someone is "special" they keep the profile.. Half the time it seems for the entertainment or ego boost I think.

You are correct, I am spying on him still. Its all public. Part of the reason I'm watching him is because I want to have sex but am very wary of being with someone that has a wandering eye, you know?

Thanks for your perspective on the ego boost. Should I just trust that if he said we're exclusive, that promise stands?

To be frank, I can't honestly say. I have a friend who feeds the line "I really like you, and I'm just looking for one special person, so I'm going to delete my profile, yadda yadda" very quickly, even without knowing any potential to bag chicks fast. I want to say trust him, but online dating makes it sooo much easier to keep a stacked deck so to speak. I think you have to go with the cues you've been given from his personality and make a gut decision. Don't have sex if you are unsure, that's a sure way to regret it. Feel him out some more, and the more you talk I'm sure you will see how serious it really is or if he is leaving room for others.

Oh and "active" is a bit worrisome, versus it just still existing like the PP above. Even if just for the ego boost, you have to decide if that's something your okay with. It's the same as seeking ego boosts by flirting with people irl. Which is very common of course, but depends on what you think/feel of such actions.

He didn't delete his profile to bag me, in fact by not deleting/hiding he very well could lose me.

I honestly don't get the activity. For example, he was once marked as active while he was with me. He checked his gmail once, but didn't even seem to click on an email. I've heard the site we are on is notorious for having deceptive activity triggers.

That being said, I've tried to be very communicative about my feelings and expectations. I don't want to say nothing and then withdraw. At the very least maybe this could be a learning lesson for him.

Anonymous wrote:Definitely don't dump him. His actions clearly show that he is invested in you. It's still so new, just give it a little time. Enjoy fooling around and if sex comes up let him know that you don't go that far unless you're in an exclusive relationship. I don't know how the online profile thing works but it sounds like he can be "active" without pursuing new connections. Just give it time - 4 weeks is nothing.

Incognita wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Incognita wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Incognita wrote:If you deleted yours, how do you know his is still there? You're going back to check up on him regularly?

I know a lot of guy friends who date online, they don't delete until it's serious. Even if they feel someone is "special" they keep the profile.. Half the time it seems for the entertainment or ego boost I think.

You are correct, I am spying on him still. Its all public. Part of the reason I'm watching him is because I want to have sex but am very wary of being with someone that has a wandering eye, you know?

Thanks for your perspective on the ego boost. Should I just trust that if he said we're exclusive, that promise stands?

To be frank, I can't honestly say. I have a friend who feeds the line "I really like you, and I'm just looking for one special person, so I'm going to delete my profile, yadda yadda" very quickly, even without knowing any potential to bag chicks fast. I want to say trust him, but online dating makes it sooo much easier to keep a stacked deck so to speak. I think you have to go with the cues you've been given from his personality and make a gut decision. Don't have sex if you are unsure, that's a sure way to regret it. Feel him out some more, and the more you talk I'm sure you will see how serious it really is or if he is leaving room for others.

Oh and "active" is a bit worrisome, versus it just still existing like the PP above. Even if just for the ego boost, you have to decide if that's something your okay with. It's the same as seeking ego boosts by flirting with people irl. Which is very common of course, but depends on what you think/feel of such actions.

He didn't delete his profile to bag me, in fact by not deleting/hiding he very well could lose me.

I honestly don't get the activity. For example, he was once marked as active while he was with me. He checked his gmail once, but didn't even seem to click on an email. I've heard the site we are on is notorious for having deceptive activity triggers.

That being said, I've tried to be very communicative about my feelings and expectations. I don't want to say nothing and then withdraw. At the very least maybe this could be a learning lesson for him.

I wasn't using the example of bagging to describe him, just to emphasize that guys have extremely different motives and intentions that are not always clear. Do what you feel comfortable with, if it's plain out telling him you guys can't make the next step until he does delete then that's your choice. For me, 4 weeks is too early to have that type of demand. But the caveat is if you're ready to have a physical relationship then you should speak up, or wait for the change you want before going there.

I understand why you want the exclusivity of course, just not sure I would have the "why won't you delete your profile?!" Talk so soon.

Anonymous wrote:Oof OP you sound a bit needy and insecure. Nothing will make a guy run faster than that

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof OP you sound a bit needy and insecure. Nothing will make a guy run faster than that

You aren't totally wrong, honestly. I'm not needy, but am insecure (long history of bad dating experiences). I try to keep a tight lid on my insecurities, though.