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Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Pre-empting the advice to get a better job: (1) big law wants nothing to do with someone who has been doing landlord-tenant and domestic violence work for close to 20 years; (2) neither are the Feds; and (3) I love my job and serving my community more than I love the idea of leaving my marriage to find an imaginary soul mate I don't want at age 46 with a child to care for and child support to pay. Imagine that.
I'm a decent looking 46. I work out and I am a good weight and haven't aged badly considering.
But if I came on here as a divorced 46-year-old mother with no money and a school-aged child and asked what my chances are for finding a nice spouse, I'd be told (accurately) to expect a bald guy 5-10 years my senior with kids, an ex, and a modest income.
Who the hell would uproot their child's life for that? My spouse isn't mean. He's kind to our child and he does the dishes and cleans the gutters. We aren't fighting. We have friends in common who like us both.
He also doesn't want to break up.
What if I just told him to go get sex elsewhere?
Yes. That is probably the best solution for you. You have no intention/way of fixing this problem and you're willing to stay with a man who repulses you sexually for the sake of friendship and child care. So that's great that you're willing to let him get sex elsewhere. Because you're right, there is no fix to this problem...
I agree with this.
Mental illness is a hard thing to address because it often feels like people are being accused of having character flaws.
Anonymous wrote:As a man, DW is pretty not-in-shape. I kind of doubt I'd sleep with her more often if she was fitter though. Time/work/kids are a bigger constraint on sex than attraction. As it is, I have no problem getting it up for her fat ass.
Maybe you are such a sweet talker and that is why she is so shy lately
Wife here.
I think we are equally attractive and both take good care of ourselves and are aging well although he is 6 years older than me. He is actually becoming better looking as he gets older. I am getting more and more attracted to him as he ages. It is so sexy. Anyways. I earn less money and he has a more powerful career.
I think we share power in different ways in our marriage. He is probably more powerful in more ways (controls majority of our finances/house decisions/etc) merely because I am pretty easy going and he is really type A.
I think we are equally attractive and both take good care of ourselves and are aging well although he is 6 years older than me. He is actually becoming better looking as he gets older. I am getting more and more attracted to him as he ages. It is so sexy. Anyways. I earn less money and he has a more powerful career.
I think we share power in different ways in our marriage. He is probably more powerful in more ways (controls majority of our finances/house decisions/etc) merely because I am pretty easy going and he is really type A.
Anonymous wrote:If OP is serious- no. That is celebutant-level money for a ring. Rings are terrible investments, expensive to insure and easily lost or stolen. Only a fool would spend that much on a ring, regardless of how much they earn. A fool, or someone who's desperately insecure.
FOR SURE!
When I first read this, I read it as 15K and I was thinking that even seemed fine but maybe even a little high and weird to think someone would have an expectation for a. I do have to giggle at the responses of "I thought my ring of $___ was high" because they are.
Testosterone is not FDA approved to be used for women, is it?
OP, one time I had gone to a holiday party for a hospital that I was interning at. I was fairly close (professionally) with many of the doctors there-I was only 24 and considered them to be mentors in my field. I had not met any of the wives but had heard stories of them and their children so I was glad to meet all of the wives. During this party one of the wives took me aside and told me to stay the hell away from her husband. She went on to tell me that she wouldn't let another woman ruin her family and she could tell right away what was going on here.
I was FLABBERGASTED!
So I usually believe in trusting your gut but with this kind of stuff, my experience says otherwise. Her husband and I had nothing going and absolutely never would. Maybe her husband was a serial cheater which only goes to show how little I knew of him.
I was FLABBERGASTED!
So I usually believe in trusting your gut but with this kind of stuff, my experience says otherwise. Her husband and I had nothing going and absolutely never would. Maybe her husband was a serial cheater which only goes to show how little I knew of him.
Those examples make sense and I can see pretty clearly why a career that required distance might put someone in a position of choosing. I was thinking maybe someone had an ethical boundary in their career that their love might not approve of also. An interesting topic if you examine it.
And I don't know that this decision would be made so cut and dry. Personally, my career is my passion too. I would have to seriously consider the reason for having to give it up. I could always find another one with my education but it wouldn't be so easy. Not a question I can be so lackadaisical about responding to.
And I don't know that this decision would be made so cut and dry. Personally, my career is my passion too. I would have to seriously consider the reason for having to give it up. I could always find another one with my education but it wouldn't be so easy. Not a question I can be so lackadaisical about responding to.
What kind of love or relationship would demand such a choice?
Seriously! Can someone enlighten me!
Seriously! Can someone enlighten me!
I think women date married men for many reasons. Some of them do it because of low self esteem and they want to feel like they are winning or that they are better than the wife. Particularly if the wife is really attractive and/or educated.
Some just do it because they like the man.
Or they are desperate. Or hate themselves.
Or none of those reasons. They just do it because they never think it will come to the surface and they are looking for a carefree relationship.
The human psyche is a complicated thing.
Some just do it because they like the man.
Or they are desperate. Or hate themselves.
Or none of those reasons. They just do it because they never think it will come to the surface and they are looking for a carefree relationship.
The human psyche is a complicated thing.
Anonymous wrote:My DH left his ex-wife for me. No childhood trauma in my life. We've been married for 18 years. I wasnt the typical OW in that we didn't start seeing each other romantically until after he had moved out. There was no long-term, secret affair. But when we met, he was married. And he left her to be with me.
It's normal to want to explain or even vilify the OW, especially if you are the one he left. But it's not particularly helpful.
With all due respect to your post, I think affair in this context is meant to be affair with a happily married man. It sounds like your husband was just a signature away from divorce
Anonymous wrote:Interesting.
I could absolutely understand why your SO would lie about not having a college degree. I have a bachelors degree and am doing well, but since I moved to the DMV, even I get questions as to why I didn't go to grad school (b/c it was not necessary for me to be successful).
People, especially in this area, place a high value on your worth in society by how much money and how many degrees or credentials you have. If you have been able to make it far in life w/o a degree, those have have them will generally think less of your abilities, and question if your success if legitimate.
I would probably lie to me SO about having a degree if I was trying to keep up with an ongoing/historical lie. It would be weird to have dinner with friends/colleagues with your SO in the room, and talk about college if my SO knows I'm lying about it. That would be my guess.
This makes sense.
But what a boring topic of conversation to be had again and again and again. I can see it maybe once but who wants to sit around and discuss credentials at every social gathering? No thanks.
Anonymous wrote:PaigeKeller wrote:I am small (short and slender)so I don't need him to be particularly tall or strong to be able to save me from a burning building or throw me on a bed
I like men who are confident in what they are carrying whether it be a swimmers physique or someone who has gained since college from putting in too much time at the office and not enough time at the gym. I think confidence is the key with whatever body type.
Do I sound like I have low standards? I don't. They are high. I just don't have clearly defined physical definitions.
How refreshing, you seem hot, but having a good head on your shoulders is even hotter.
Thanks. I don't do too bad for myself
Anonymous wrote:Thanks everybody. I talked to him about it last night. He said he was glad I worked through my angst. I shared that my XH, who was a Southerner of a certain class (I am a Yankee) expected me to know all his social rules and the woman's responsibilities for gifts, etc., immediately, and would scream at me if I got the wrong thing or wore the wrong thing. (Wish that were the only abusive thing about him, but no - that's why he's X). So I spent a lot of years learning those rules, as well as the rules of my professional circle, which tend to skew more high society. That is not my background growing up. I told him I realized that (a) he wasn't asking me to take on the responsibility for figuring out what to bring, that they were his friends and he would know what to do, and (b) that I knew he wouldn't yell at me for being wrong. He was very sweet about the whole thing. Now I am starting to get excited about this. Plus he's away this week on business, so I am looking forward to his coming back anyway!
Thanks again, everybody!
That provides more perspective on why you have such anxiety! I am glad you discussed this with your date because that is a lot of pressure to put on yourself. Usually if you have some idea of where you are headed and if there is a special occasion, that will provide some clues as to what would be appropriate to wear.
Anonymous wrote:I like the body type that does the dishes and cleans the living room without having to be asked.
Cute.