DW Mental Issues - How to address?

[Anonymous]

My DW is a complete stress case and always has been. It doesn't matter if it something serious like a health issue or something completely minor like a kid bringing home a poor grade. I want her to see someone to potentially get on some anti-anxiety medication. Her anxiety has always been below the surface in our home, but lately its getting a lot worse. Some changes in her job situation is not making it any better. Her mother and sister have both been hospitalized at different times for mental issues, and she is extremely sensitive about that and the entire topic. I suggested a long time ago she see a counselor, and just got an icy response. I have come to believe she has the beginnings of a real mental illness, but I don't know how to begin to address it with her. Any thoughts? Similar circumstances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW is a complete stress case and always has been. It doesn't matter if it something serious like a health issue or something completely minor like a kid bringing home a poor grade. I want her to see someone to potentially get on some anti-anxiety medication. Her anxiety has always been below the surface in our home, but lately its getting a lot worse. Some changes in her job situation is not making it any better. Her mother and sister have both been hospitalized at different times for mental issues, and she is extremely sensitive about that and the entire topic. I suggested a long time ago she see a counselor, and just got an icy response. I have come to believe she has the beginnings of a real mental illness, but I don't know how to begin to address it with her. Any thoughts? Similar circumstances?

It sounds like generalized anxiety disorder. Sometimes people with anxiety don't want to seek help or meds because of control issues. When anxiety gets out of control, it's difficult to differentiate between major or minor issues because the anxiety becomes a physical reaction. In other words she is not reacting rationally because her brain is sending signals to her body that heighten stress. It's what happens when anxiety is not dealt with in early stages. The most extreme manifestation can be panic attacks-- but anger, hysteria, irritability, etc. are common with generalized anxiety disorder.

Insomnia, poor nutrition, lack of exercise, etc. contribute to anxiety but are also the result of anxiety/depression creating a vicious cycle.

Your wife would benefit from both anti anxiety medication and therapy. You need to be firm with your DW- explain that her anxiety is disruptive and counterproductive to your home life and relationship. At the same time, let her know that you love her and support her with getting the help she needs. She has to take responsibility for her condition but also feel secure, loved, and supported by you.

Anxiety is probably the most common mental health condition. It affects many people and is hellish for the person suffering from it and very difficult for their family members. Fortunately it highly treatable.

[Anonymous]

The way you're most likely to get her in front of a therapist is to start going to therapy yourself and then to ask her to come to help YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way you're most likely to get her in front of a therapist is to start going to therapy yourself and then to ask her to come to help YOU.

I don't think she'd ever agree to go. I've had a couple work acquaintances that are married to therapists, and when we occasionally have to socialize, she will avoid them even in a social setting. I'm sure medications will help - it's convincing her she needs the help and will feel better after getting it. The only way I can think of manipulating it so she would go is if I told her it was affecting the kids, which it is, but then she'll feel guilty about impacting the kids, which will increase the stress, and so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way you're most likely to get her in front of a therapist is to start going to therapy yourself and then to ask her to come to help YOU.

I don't think she'd ever agree to go. I've had a couple work acquaintances that are married to therapists, and when we occasionally have to socialize, she will avoid them even in a social setting. I'm sure medications will help - it's convincing her she needs the help and will feel better after getting it. The only way I can think of manipulating it so she would go is if I told her it was affecting the kids, which it is, but then she'll feel guilty about impacting the kids, which will increase the stress, and so on.

Another PP here- I think it sounds like denial. She is probably worried that she has inherited her family's mental health issues and is ignoring red flags. You didn't mention what her mother and sister were hospitalized for, but if it was anxiety, it probably got "that bad" because it wasn't treated.

I look at generalized anxiety more as a mental health condition rather than a mental illness. It doesn't cause psychosis or delusions- but interferes with healthy functioning, relationships and happiness. Eventually, it can lead to clinical depression which is very serious and can make a person wish they were no longer alive.

I think if it is affecting the kids, you should say that- it's not manipulative if it's true. Anxiety at this level doesn't usually go away on its own and it can feel manageable, but often it's a lifetime condition that ebbs and flows and needs chronic treatment and management.

[Anonymous]

First, don't call them 'mental issues'. Second, mindfulness has been shown to be really effective. There are lots of at home things she can try before doing counseling or therapy. There are mindfulness guided imagery tracks she can listen to with headphones, adult (or child) coloring books have been shown to be really effective, she can take up yoga or meditation, etc. Spending time in nature has also proven to be beneficial. Maybe you can take up one of these activities and then offer for her to join, without ever mentioning her 'mental issues'

[PaigeKeller]

Mental illness is a hard thing to address because it often feels like people are being accused of having character flaws.

[Anonymous]

PaigeKeller wrote:Mental illness is a hard thing to address because it often feels like people are being accused of having character flaws.

OP here. Very much this ^^. I'm very much of the mind that if you can take a pill to fix something, you should. She views anything you have to take a pill for as some sort of character flaw. That's for everything - pain, cholesterol, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, don't call them 'mental issues'. Second, mindfulness has been shown to be really effective. There are lots of at home things she can try before doing counseling or therapy. There are mindfulness guided imagery tracks she can listen to with headphones, adult (or child) coloring books have been shown to be really effective, she can take up yoga or meditation, etc. Spending time in nature has also proven to be beneficial. Maybe you can take up one of these activities and then offer for her to join, without ever mentioning her 'mental issues'

Another PP- these are great activities to relieve stress. Generalized anxiety is a mental health issue. These activities that pp mentions are great complements to therapy and possibly meds. They are not a substitute if OP's DW has an anxiety disorder. Occasional stress vs an anxiety disorder is like an occasional headache vs chronic migraines. Just not in the same league.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PaigeKeller wrote:Mental illness is a hard thing to address because it often feels like people are being accused of having character flaws.

OP here. Very much this ^^. I'm very much of the mind that if you can take a pill to fix something, you should. She views anything you have to take a pill for as some sort of character flaw. That's for everything - pain, cholesterol, etc.

...it could be control issues and inflexibility. Sometimes the traits that correlate with anxiety are the same traits that prevent sufferers from seeking treatment. Meds don't have to be part of the equation unless your wife makes peace with that decision. Seeking out a therapist would be the first order of business whether she was open to meds or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, don't call them 'mental issues'. Second, mindfulness has been shown to be really effective. There are lots of at home things she can try before doing counseling or therapy. There are mindfulness guided imagery tracks she can listen to with headphones, adult (or child) coloring books have been shown to be really effective, she can take up yoga or meditation, etc. Spending time in nature has also proven to be beneficial. Maybe you can take up one of these activities and then offer for her to join, without ever mentioning her 'mental issues'

Another PP- these are great activities to relieve stress. Generalized anxiety is a mental health issue. These activities that pp mentions are great complements to therapy and possibly meds. They are not a substitute if OP's DW has an anxiety disorder. Occasional stress vs an anxiety disorder is like an occasional headache vs chronic migraines. Just not in the same league.

PP of the quoted material here - you're clearly not up to date on the research regarding mindfulness as a primary treatment for GAD. I suggest you do the research before discounting mindfulness - it's more than a stress reliever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, don't call them 'mental issues'. Second, mindfulness has been shown to be really effective. There are lots of at home things she can try before doing counseling or therapy. There are mindfulness guided imagery tracks she can listen to with headphones, adult (or child) coloring books have been shown to be really effective, she can take up yoga or meditation, etc. Spending time in nature has also proven to be beneficial. Maybe you can take up one of these activities and then offer for her to join, without ever mentioning her 'mental issues'

Another PP- these are great activities to relieve stress. Generalized anxiety is a mental health issue. These activities that pp mentions are great complements to therapy and possibly meds. They are not a substitute if OP's DW has an anxiety disorder. Occasional stress vs an anxiety disorder is like an occasional headache vs chronic migraines. Just not in the same league.

PP of the quoted material here - you're clearly not up to date on the research regarding mindfulness as a primary treatment for GAD. I suggest you do the research before discounting mindfulness - it's more than a stress reliever.

I'm not discounting it- I think that OP's wife would benefit from seeing a therapist and pursuing treatment while being treated and monitored by a therapist. She is not even admitting that she has a problem so the likelihood of doing any of what you suggest at a level where it has a therapeutic effect is small. Without a consistent regimen the likelihood that GAD will worsen is high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, don't call them 'mental issues'. Second, mindfulness has been shown to be really effective. There are lots of at home things she can try before doing counseling or therapy. There are mindfulness guided imagery tracks she can listen to with headphones, adult (or child) coloring books have been shown to be really effective, she can take up yoga or meditation, etc. Spending time in nature has also proven to be beneficial. Maybe you can take up one of these activities and then offer for her to join, without ever mentioning her 'mental issues'

Another PP- these are great activities to relieve stress. Generalized anxiety is a mental health issue. These activities that pp mentions are great complements to therapy and possibly meds. They are not a substitute if OP's DW has an anxiety disorder. Occasional stress vs an anxiety disorder is like an occasional headache vs chronic migraines. Just not in the same league.

PP of the quoted material here - you're clearly not up to date on the research regarding mindfulness as a primary treatment for GAD. I suggest you do the research before discounting mindfulness - it's more than a stress reliever.

As someone with an anxiety disorder, show me this research. I'm interested in how coloring books would be as beneficial as my meds.

[Anonymous]

Here's one link: http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/06/health/adult-coloring-books-popularity-mental-health/

The Health Benefits of Adult Coloring Books
Despite the fact that coloring and art therapy aren't quite the same thing, coloring does offer a slew of mental benefits. "Coloring definitely has therapeutic potential to reduce anxiety, create focus or bring [about] more mindfulness," says Berberian. Groundbreaking research in 2005 proved anxiety levels dropped when subjects colored mandalas, which are round frames with geometric patterns inside. Simply doodling, though, had no effect in reducing the other subjects' stress levels.
Just like meditation, coloring also allows us to switch off our brains from other thoughts and focus only on the moment, helping to alleviate free-floating anxiety. It can be particularly effective for people who aren't comfortable with more creatively expressive forms of art, says Berberian, "My experience has been that those participants who are more guarded find a lot of tranquility in coloring an image. It feels safer and it creates containment around their process," she adds.

And here's a link to the 2005 peer reviewed article that is mentioned: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/07421656.2005.10129441

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's one link: http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/06/health/adult-coloring-books-popularity-mental-health/

The Health Benefits of Adult Coloring Books
Despite the fact that coloring and art therapy aren't quite the same thing, coloring does offer a slew of mental benefits. "Coloring definitely has therapeutic potential to reduce anxiety, create focus or bring [about] more mindfulness," says Berberian. Groundbreaking research in 2005 proved anxiety levels dropped when subjects colored mandalas, which are round frames with geometric patterns inside. Simply doodling, though, had no effect in reducing the other subjects' stress levels.
Just like meditation, coloring also allows us to switch off our brains from other thoughts and focus only on the moment, helping to alleviate free-floating anxiety. It can be particularly effective for people who aren't comfortable with more creatively expressive forms of art, says Berberian, "My experience has been that those participants who are more guarded find a lot of tranquility in coloring an image. It feels safer and it creates containment around their process," she adds.

And here's a link to the 2005 peer reviewed article that is mentioned: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/07421656.2005.10129441

Different pp here-- I think OP's dilemma is getting his DW to admit that she has an anxiety issue and to seek help.