Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?

[Anonymous]

Marriage has not been great for a few years, but we work at it. Husband has an interest that he often goes out for that I have never accompanied on, until last night. He introduced me to several other people who are regulars that he hangs out with when he engages in this interest, men and women. And there was one woman, when he introduced me, I immediately went, "Oh my gosh, they're fucking." It was just a total gut reaction in the moment -- I'm not a jealous person and have never thought this before although he has many other women friends -- but it was something about a shadow of shame that came over his face when he introduced me and a look that she gave me. And then she avoided me the rest of the night.

I honestly am not going to do anything about it and am not even really that mad about it -- I wouldn't blame him that much because things have been rough between us and I could see myself being tempted to do the same thing. It obviously would be crazy to accuse him of anything. I did, on our drive home later, ask him more about several of the people I met, including her, and he confirmed she's part of the group he sees regularly on this circuit, which involves some travel. He answered nonchalantly. Just wondering out of curiosity if people believe in a kind of sixth sense about these kinds of things and that I'm onto something or if I'm probably making it up in my head.

[Anonymous]

There could be something there. Doesn't necessarily mean they're sleeping together, but if she's been particularly flirty with him, she might have a similar reaction.

[Anonymous]

I think your reaction means something, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Even if you are right, I like the way you are handling it without freaking out.

[Anonymous]

Trust your instinct. I had a similar experience. I didn't raise it well, and maybe even pushed the affair to be more than it was/should have been by instigating DH's defensiveness, but I was right. I give you a lot of credit for handling it calmly.

[Anonymous]

Trust your gut. You are probably right.

BTW, it is kind of hard to work on your marriage when you are having an affair. I wouldn't be so sanguine about this.

[Anonymous]

Private investigator.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they are doing it and have done it several times. It's not a big deal for them anymore and they are almost over each other.
Suddenly you being there made them both uncomfortable, especially her now that she saw you in person.

[Anonymous]

Yep. Women always know.

[Anonymous]

Is she hot, better shap than you? If so you only have yourself to blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she hot, better shap than you? If so you only have yourself to blame.

Shit, man, at least put some effort into your trolling. Bush league.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she hot, better shap than you? If so you only have yourself to blame.

This is the OP. No. But she is sluttier. Lots of publicly available pictures of herself in her bikini on her FB page and even a picture of her in a t-shirt that says "Slut for ..." with the ... being the mutual interest that she and my husband share.

[Anonymous]

OP again, she did not strike me as particularly slutty when I met her. She was dressed normally and all. But interesting viewing as I FB stalk her today.

[Anonymous]

I had this experience in college--I saw this girl who was in my boyfriend's friend group with my boyfriend at a party, and thought "They just hooked up." I chalked it up to paranoia because I was stoned at the time, but then I found out a few days later that I was right. Made me unfortunately more paranoid for awhile.

But, if you already knew your marriage was in trouble then this maybe is not really news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage has not been great for a few years, but we work at it. Husband has an interest that he often goes out for that I have never accompanied on, until last night. He introduced me to several other people who are regulars that he hangs out with when he engages in this interest, men and women. And there was one woman, when he introduced me, I immediately went, "Oh my gosh, they're fucking." It was just a total gut reaction in the moment -- I'm not a jealous person and have never thought this before although he has many other women friends -- but it was something about a shadow of shame that came over his face when he introduced me and a look that she gave me. And then she avoided me the rest of the night.

I honestly am not going to do anything about it and am not even really that mad about it -- I wouldn't blame him that much because things have been rough between us and I could see myself being tempted to do the same thing. It obviously would be crazy to accuse him of anything. I did, on our drive home later, ask him more about several of the people I met, including her, and he confirmed she's part of the group he sees regularly on this circuit, which involves some travel. He answered nonchalantly. Just wondering out of curiosity if people believe in a kind of sixth sense about these kinds of things and that I'm onto something or if I'm probably making it up in my head.

I believe there is absolutely a sixth sense. I can't explain it but it's there. I was an unsuspecting spouse when my h was involved in a lengthly affair with a coworker. Then one night out of the blue I dreamed he was involved with her. I had not suspected a thing, but my subconscious mind apparently did and it turned out to be true.