When a lover/spouse dies...

[Anonymous]

...and you can’t move on.

Four months ago, my beloved one passed away. Wed known each other for over twenty years.

Always compatible mentally and physically, he had challenges with drugs in recent years and I kept my distance. Always kind to me and I to him no matter what.

Since his passing, I have been unable to move on. All fantasies involve him, I find myself imagining him pleasuring me when I take time to self pleasure.

I miss him deeply. Is this normal ?

[Anonymous]

Yes it is. I am sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is good time to refocus on your husband.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s normal. I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Very normal.
Grief is the final act of love.

[Anonymous]

4 months is nothing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is good time to refocus on your husband.

I don’t have one. I used lover in a sense that many of us out here are not married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very normal.
Grief is the final act of love.

Thank you this is the first loss this close to me of someone I’ve loved romantically. Was just wondering if this was normal.

[Anonymous]

4 months is nothing. Give it more time.

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry for your loss, OP. Your grief sounds normal. If you find that it's interfering with your normal activities, I'd gently suggest you work with a counselor. I found it helpful and then went on an SSRI for a short time. Some people have a biochemical struggle let go of grief and the medication can help interrupt it. But, it doesn't sound like you're in that place. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Four months is a blip. You’re not going to feel over it yet.

-a widow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Four months is a blip. You’re not going to feel over it yet.

-a widow

Would also add that, if and when you do meet someone new, grief will still be there. And that’s normal too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Four months is a blip. You’re not going to feel over it yet.

-a widow

Would also add that, if and when you do meet someone new, grief will still be there. And that’s normal too.

+1, my husband died in March and I’ve been on a few dates this month. It seems to have magnified the grief and caused a new set of confusing feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Four months is a blip. You’re not going to feel over it yet.

-a widow

Would also add that, if and when you do meet someone new, grief will still be there. And that’s normal too.

+1, my husband died in March and I’ve been on a few dates this month. It seems to have magnified the grief and caused a new set of confusing feelings.

Do you think this is a sign that you’re not ready to date yet?

[Anonymous]

You said you had kept your distance in recent years and he struggled with drugs. It sounds like you were preparing yourself for this outcome but it still is a major loss when it happens. Do you miss him outside of during sex? It isn't clear what your relationship was. Did you have a strong emotional bond as well?
Have you had other partners in the last few years while keeping your distance from him?

4 months is no time and if he was a close friend, it will take time.