Delaying a divorce

[Anonymous]

My jerk of a husband cheated on me for 5 years while I took care of family business and our sick son. Moved down in the basement in August. He says he would file for a divorce in August, unless I sign a very unfavorable settlement agreement. I refuse, and frankly, I don't feel like giving him a divorce during pandemic. I am looking for a job, need to study to take an extra few courses at a local college for a certification in my field. While we are married, all joint assets are appreciating and I have full time with our son (husband lives in the basement in-law suite and I don't care).
He brags how nice it is to get rid of the wife (of 15 years) during covid, so he can "live his life" right after the travel restrictions are lifted. And how nice is to cash out from our joint real estate on top of the market... He was sleeping with women when on business trips.
I feel like I was ripped off my time and my career working for our marriage, and he was working on successfully exiting the marriage. And that he has to wait now until at least I find a job.
What would you have done?

[Anonymous]

I would file for divorce and ask for 1/2 the family business or life long alimony, child support and 1/2 of all real-estate and assets. Don't wait till you find a job. You own half that business. You worked in that business so that was your job.

And, make a custody schedule where he is responsible 50% of the time. Stop playing nice.

What are you waiting for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would file for divorce and ask for 1/2 the family business or life long alimony, child support and 1/2 of all real-estate and assets. Don't wait till you find a job. You own half that business. You worked in that business so that was your job.

And, make a custody schedule where he is responsible 50% of the time. Stop playing nice.

What are you waiting for?

Mic drop!

[Anonymous]

I would consult a lawyer and get that certification.
Also, be careful with the joint accounts. He can clear them out.

[Anonymous]

How did he cheat? Did he have a girlfriend? Or was in meaningless one night stands? If it's the latter, who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would file for divorce and ask for 1/2 the family business or life long alimony, child support and 1/2 of all real-estate and assets. Don't wait till you find a job. You own half that business. You worked in that business so that was your job.

And, make a custody schedule where he is responsible 50% of the time. Stop playing nice.

What are you waiting for?

If I file for a divorce and split it like that, I would be moving out from the large house we currently all live in (my ex will retain it, and I will retain smaller one as I can't afford the large one), into a much smaller townhouse or even an apartment. I will live on 120K net annual income (down from 440K current net income). I won't be getting much alimony or child support because of the assets that I would be getting in the divorce, and because I married my jerk very young and I am in my early 40s. I feel like he would increase his lifestyle and net income divorcing by 72% and my standard of living will go down significantly. I don't want that to happen, until I am able to "make up" at least some of that lost income.

Plus, I don't want to split the custody 50/50 - my child is in high school and I want to have 100% time with him the last years before I send him off to college....

I don't plan to date, re-marry, I hate men and just want to grow my child until college in the house where he was born.

I have a good lawyer. He thinks it is beneficial for me to delay, as all marital assets (including the jerk pension) are appreciating, the longer we are married.

He had a 5-year long affair, with mental and financial infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would file for divorce and ask for 1/2 the family business or life long alimony, child support and 1/2 of all real-estate and assets. Don't wait till you find a job. You own half that business. You worked in that business so that was your job.

And, make a custody schedule where he is responsible 50% of the time. Stop playing nice.

What are you waiting for?

If I file for a divorce and split it like that, I would be moving out from the large house we currently all live in (my ex will retain it, and I will retain smaller one as I can't afford the large one), into a much smaller townhouse or even an apartment. I will live on 120K net annual income (down from 440K current net income). I won't be getting much alimony or child support because of the assets that I would be getting in the divorce, and because I married my jerk very young and I am in my early 40s. I feel like he would increase his lifestyle and net income divorcing by 72% and my standard of living will go down significantly. I don't want that to happen, until I am able to "make up" at least some of that lost income.

Plus, I don't want to split the custody 50/50 - my child is in high school and I want to have 100% time with him the last years before I send him off to college....

I don't plan to date, re-marry, I hate men and just want to grow my child until college in the house where he was born.

I have a good lawyer. He thinks it is beneficial for me to delay, as all marital assets (including the jerk pension) are appreciating, the longer we are married.

He had a 5-year long affair, with mental and financial infidelity.

I agree with your lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would file for divorce and ask for 1/2 the family business or life long alimony, child support and 1/2 of all real-estate and assets. Don't wait till you find a job. You own half that business. You worked in that business so that was your job.

And, make a custody schedule where he is responsible 50% of the time. Stop playing nice.

What are you waiting for?

If I file for a divorce and split it like that, I would be moving out from the large house we currently all live in (my ex will retain it, and I will retain smaller one as I can't afford the large one), into a much smaller townhouse or even an apartment. I will live on 120K net annual income (down from 440K current net income). I won't be getting much alimony or child support because of the assets that I would be getting in the divorce, and because I married my jerk very young and I am in my early 40s. I feel like he would increase his lifestyle and net income divorcing by 72% and my standard of living will go down significantly. I don't want that to happen, until I am able to "make up" at least some of that lost income.

Plus, I don't want to split the custody 50/50 - my child is in high school and I want to have 100% time with him the last years before I send him off to college....

I don't plan to date, re-marry, I hate men and just want to grow my child until college in the house where he was born.

I have a good lawyer. He thinks it is beneficial for me to delay, as all marital assets (including the jerk pension) are appreciating, the longer we are married.

He had a 5-year long affair, with mental and financial infidelity.

Your post makes no sense. You should get 1/2 the assets and business. And, $120K net income is a fantastic income so I don't get what you are complain about. Child support has nothing to do with assets and it has to do with income and custody. You will be just fine on $120 a year. Your post makes zero sense to me as we live on that as a family.

[Anonymous]

OP here: am I crazy or there are other women with such logics as well? I just don't see how it would be easier for me if I divorce and live my modest life, when the jerk would bring his whore in the house where I bought our baby. And my son would have to spend 50% with the whore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would file for divorce and ask for 1/2 the family business or life long alimony, child support and 1/2 of all real-estate and assets. Don't wait till you find a job. You own half that business. You worked in that business so that was your job.

And, make a custody schedule where he is responsible 50% of the time. Stop playing nice.

What are you waiting for?

If I file for a divorce and split it like that, I would be moving out from the large house we currently all live in (my ex will retain it, and I will retain smaller one as I can't afford the large one), into a much smaller townhouse or even an apartment. I will live on 120K net annual income (down from 440K current net income). I won't be getting much alimony or child support because of the assets that I would be getting in the divorce, and because I married my jerk very young and I am in my early 40s. I feel like he would increase his lifestyle and net income divorcing by 72% and my standard of living will go down significantly. I don't want that to happen, until I am able to "make up" at least some of that lost income.

Plus, I don't want to split the custody 50/50 - my child is in high school and I want to have 100% time with him the last years before I send him off to college....

I don't plan to date, re-marry, I hate men and just want to grow my child until college in the house where he was born.

I have a good lawyer. He thinks it is beneficial for me to delay, as all marital assets (including the jerk pension) are appreciating, the longer we are married.

He had a 5-year long affair, with mental and financial infidelity.

Your post makes no sense. You should get 1/2 the assets and business. And, $120K net income is a fantastic income so I don't get what you are complain about. Child support has nothing to do with assets and it has to do with income and custody. You will be just fine on $120 a year. Your post makes zero sense to me as we live on that as a family.

I would have to rent an apartment from that 120K income. My actual net income would be much lower. My husband will pay some child support but not alimony. I just feel that being separated I am still better off, and can study and apply for jobs without worrying about tomorrow. My jerk was obligated by the lawyers to support the family financially during separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would consult a lawyer and get that certification.
Also, be careful with the joint accounts. He can clear them out.

Also, check about liability for debts during this informal (?) separation period when you consult a lawyer. Given what you’ve said about soon to be ex, I would prepare for the worst. While you are trying to stay together to get your ducks in a row, he can be hiding assets, cleaning out bank accounts, running up joint debts to be vindictive, all while pressuring you to sign an unfair settlement. Why would you expect him to be fair and play the the rules when he hasn’t so far?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would consult a lawyer and get that certification.
Also, be careful with the joint accounts. He can clear them out.

Also, check about liability for debts during this informal (?) separation period when you consult a lawyer. Given what you’ve said about soon to be ex, I would prepare for the worst. While you are trying to stay together to get your ducks in a row, he can be hiding assets, cleaning out bank accounts, running up joint debts to be vindictive, all while pressuring you to sign an unfair settlement. Why would you expect him to be fair and play the the rules when he hasn’t so far?

True.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would consult a lawyer and get that certification.
Also, be careful with the joint accounts. He can clear them out.

Also, check about liability for debts during this informal (?) separation period when you consult a lawyer. Given what you’ve said about soon to be ex, I would prepare for the worst. While you are trying to stay together to get your ducks in a row, he can be hiding assets, cleaning out bank accounts, running up joint debts to be vindictive, all while pressuring you to sign an unfair settlement. Why would you expect him to be fair and play the the rules when he hasn’t so far?

You are so right! He secretly took a HELOC loan out of the marital home in 2019, and transferred part of the money to mistress. I discovered it 2 years later, and that's how I found out he's leading double life. He quickly moved the funds back (must be hiding other accounts somewhere as the mistress is abroad), and closed down HELOC

I am checking DC land registrar for any liens on the homes deeds constantly, checking my credit score.

Where else do I check for joint liabilities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would file for divorce and ask for 1/2 the family business or life long alimony, child support and 1/2 of all real-estate and assets. Don't wait till you find a job. You own half that business. You worked in that business so that was your job.

And, make a custody schedule where he is responsible 50% of the time. Stop playing nice.

What are you waiting for?

If I file for a divorce and split it like that, I would be moving out from the large house we currently all live in (my ex will retain it, and I will retain smaller one as I can't afford the large one), into a much smaller townhouse or even an apartment. I will live on 120K net annual income (down from 440K current net income). I won't be getting much alimony or child support because of the assets that I would be getting in the divorce, and because I married my jerk very young and I am in my early 40s. I feel like he would increase his lifestyle and net income divorcing by 72% and my standard of living will go down significantly. I don't want that to happen, until I am able to "make up" at least some of that lost income.

Plus, I don't want to split the custody 50/50 - my child is in high school and I want to have 100% time with him the last years before I send him off to college....

I don't plan to date, re-marry, I hate men and just want to grow my child until college in the house where he was born.

I have a good lawyer. He thinks it is beneficial for me to delay, as all marital assets (including the jerk pension) are appreciating, the longer we are married.

He had a 5-year long affair, with mental and financial infidelity.

Your post makes no sense. You should get 1/2 the assets and business. And, $120K net income is a fantastic income so I don't get what you are complain about. Child support has nothing to do with assets and it has to do with income and custody. You will be just fine on $120 a year. Your post makes zero sense to me as we live on that as a family.

I would have to rent an apartment from that 120K income. My actual net income would be much lower. My husband will pay some child support but not alimony. I just feel that being separated I am still better off, and can study and apply for jobs without worrying about tomorrow. My jerk was obligated by the lawyers to support the family financially during separation.

You cannot be for real. $120 plus child support a year is very good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would consult a lawyer and get that certification.
Also, be careful with the joint accounts. He can clear them out.

Also, check about liability for debts during this informal (?) separation period when you consult a lawyer. Given what you’ve said about soon to be ex, I would prepare for the worst. While you are trying to stay together to get your ducks in a row, he can be hiding assets, cleaning out bank accounts, running up joint debts to be vindictive, all while pressuring you to sign an unfair settlement. Why would you expect him to be fair and play the the rules when he hasn’t so far?

True.

A forensic accountant will find the hidden funds. Your lawyer will hire one and it will be worth it.