Delaying a divorce

[Anonymous]

OP, what happened with wife number 1? How did he treat her in the divorce? Or was he a widower? If it was a divorce, that can clue you in about whether your strategy is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Will a week ever go by here without vindictive women threads?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened with wife number 1? How did he treat her in the divorce? Or was he a widower? If it was a divorce, that can clue you in about whether your strategy is worth it.

He bought her out on same terms I offered him now. He refused to these terms (I just flipped their separation agreement). He bullied her threatening courts, he does the same with me. I feel like if I cave into his threats, I will loose everything.
I have a lot of leverage in this case that I did not write about. My husband is a white collar criminal and I will talk if needed.
I was very young when I met him. He didn’t tell me he was married to his first wife. We dates for 2 months and I found out he was married and left him. He divorced her in 6 months (she already had a lover, no kids in 1st marriage, so she was happy to divorce and get out).
When he came back to me 6 months later after his 1st divorce, I made a fatal mistake of trusting him again. He could keep fidelity only for 10 years with me. But I have no regrets as my son was born, and it was a financially successful marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened with wife number 1? How did he treat her in the divorce? Or was he a widower? If it was a divorce, that can clue you in about whether your strategy is worth it.

He bought her out on same terms I offered him now. He refused to these terms (I just flipped their separation agreement). He bullied her threatening courts, he does the same with me. I feel like if I cave into his threats, I will loose everything.
I have a lot of leverage in this case that I did not write about. My husband is a white collar criminal and I will talk if needed.
I was very young when I met him. He didn’t tell me he was married to his first wife. We dates for 2 months and I found out he was married and left him. He divorced her in 6 months (she already had a lover, no kids in 1st marriage, so she was happy to divorce and get out).
When he came back to me 6 months later after his 1st divorce, I made a fatal mistake of trusting him again. He could keep fidelity only for 10 years with me. But I have no regrets as my son was born, and it was a financially successful marriage.

You cannot be for real? You cheated with your husband and are surprised he continued to cheat. You both are cheaters.

Its his house. It sounds like its his business. It sounds like you knew he was an ass as you were his affair partner.

You will not lose everything. You will get a fair share of assets and you have your own income and will probably get some child support. Grow up. File for divorce, stop demanding more than you are entitled to and move on. You are probably having an affair to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will a week ever go by here without vindictive women threads?

This is fake. OP keeps changing the story. She is the AP from husband's first marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened with wife number 1? How did he treat her in the divorce? Or was he a widower? If it was a divorce, that can clue you in about whether your strategy is worth it.

He bought her out on same terms I offered him now. He refused to these terms (I just flipped their separation agreement). He bullied her threatening courts, he does the same with me. I feel like if I cave into his threats, I will loose everything.
I have a lot of leverage in this case that I did not write about. My husband is a white collar criminal and I will talk if needed.
I was very young when I met him. He didn’t tell me he was married to his first wife. We dates for 2 months and I found out he was married and left him. He divorced her in 6 months (she already had a lover, no kids in 1st marriage, so she was happy to divorce and get out).
When he came back to me 6 months later after his 1st divorce, I made a fatal mistake of trusting him again. He could keep fidelity only for 10 years with me. But I have no regrets as my son was born, and it was a financially successful marriage.

You cannot be for real? You cheated with your husband and are surprised he continued to cheat. You both are cheaters.

Its his house. It sounds like its his business. It sounds like you knew he was an ass as you were his affair partner.

You will not lose everything. You will get a fair share of assets and you have your own income and will probably get some child support. Grow up. File for divorce, stop demanding more than you are entitled to and move on. You are probably having an affair to.

Can you read? OP didn’t know he was married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened with wife number 1? How did he treat her in the divorce? Or was he a widower? If it was a divorce, that can clue you in about whether your strategy is worth it.

He bought her out on same terms I offered him now. He refused to these terms (I just flipped their separation agreement). He bullied her threatening courts, he does the same with me. I feel like if I cave into his threats, I will loose everything.
I have a lot of leverage in this case that I did not write about. My husband is a white collar criminal and I will talk if needed.
I was very young when I met him. He didn’t tell me he was married to his first wife. We dates for 2 months and I found out he was married and left him. He divorced her in 6 months (she already had a lover, no kids in 1st marriage, so she was happy to divorce and get out).
When he came back to me 6 months later after his 1st divorce, I made a fatal mistake of trusting him again. He could keep fidelity only for 10 years with me. But I have no regrets as my son was born, and it was a financially successful marriage.

You cannot be for real? You cheated with your husband and are surprised he continued to cheat. You both are cheaters.

Its his house. It sounds like its his business. It sounds like you knew he was an ass as you were his affair partner.

You will not lose everything. You will get a fair share of assets and you have your own income and will probably get some child support. Grow up. File for divorce, stop demanding more than you are entitled to and move on. You are probably having an affair to.

Can you read? OP didn’t know he was married.

I mean, she knew he was a cheater. Even if we take her at her word that she didn't know he was married, she knew that he could and did cheat.

I'm guessing he fed her a whole line about his first wife, and how terrible she was, and how the marriage was "practically over anyway."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dragging things out in divorce is such a petty behavior. Whether you were wronged or right. It is a controlling holding pattern and abusive. I’d want to be free of it as soon as possible, but different strokes for different folks, I guess.

I'd argue the controlling and abusive behavior was the years of cheating, gaslighting and emotional abuse.

None of it matters. Work out money and custody and move on. Or, instead of the money going to your child it will all go to attorneys.

NP and I think OP's theory is that 50% of $440K HHI minus attorney fees over X years is greater than 50% of current assets now minus lower attorney fees. At that level of income OP might be right, hard to tell how hard the DH will push for the divorce.

You don't get 50 percent of HHI. If the company was formed during the marriage she may get half of that but she has income so she gets her income.

PP here and I think you're misunderstanding my point. If they are still married they will be splitting the joint pool of assets which includes the $440K + her income. Like I said, I think OP's calculus is that the longer they stay together the larger her share of the assets will be. So let's say they save $100K per year together and she can only save $10K per year on her own income. Each year she stays with him her share of the assets increases by $45K.

[Anonymous]

^Edit: The joint pool of assets I'm referring to is obviously the $440K less taxes and expenses as compared to what she would earn by herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ if you are on the deed, he cannot tell you to vacate the premises. Wtf?

Unfortunately, I am not on the deed of the house where we live as he brought it from his first marriage. I do have a significant equity in it that he has to pay me, but he will retain it regardless. He can't do anything or evict me, as it's still considered a "marital home" as long as we are married. He kind of gets mad because he can't do anything, and I kind of enjoy mooching of him, living in the main house alone with my son, having him "evicted" in the carriage house.

It is interesting to read this little tidbit in light of your comments about the new whore using your closets and splashing in your pool.

Seriously!!! If OP had an affair to start her marriage it’s kind of coming full circle. I do feel bad for the son though.

It always does. You think he is going to treat you better than he treated the wife before you? 2nd marriages have even a worse track record than the first ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what happened with wife number 1? How did he treat her in the divorce? Or was he a widower? If it was a divorce, that can clue you in about whether your strategy is worth it.

He bought her out on same terms I offered him now. He refused to these terms (I just flipped their separation agreement). He bullied her threatening courts, he does the same with me. I feel like if I cave into his threats, I will loose everything.
I have a lot of leverage in this case that I did not write about. My husband is a white collar criminal and I will talk if needed.
I was very young when I met him. He didn’t tell me he was married to his first wife. We dates for 2 months and I found out he was married and left him. He divorced her in 6 months (she already had a lover, no kids in 1st marriage, so she was happy to divorce and get out).
When he came back to me 6 months later after his 1st divorce, I made a fatal mistake of trusting him again. He could keep fidelity only for 10 years with me. But I have no regrets as my son was born, and it was a financially successful marriage.

I was on your team prior. NOT AFTER THIS!! YOU WERE A CHEATER TOO! YOU WERE AN OW!

DEAL WITH IT, BEATCH! How do you think his first wife felt about you? The same way you do about this OW---a whore to swim in my pool and move into my closets.

Of course, he is still the same mean, merciless a-hole he was to his first wife with you. They can fake it at the beginning with the AP and new wife--but those true colors come out..they always do!

[Anonymous]

Karma, Karma chameleon .....

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was 23 when he fed me the crap, he was my second sexual partner and I was still studying at the university, not particular experienced with dating. His first wife remarried 1 year after their divorce, even faster than he married me. I don’t think he lied back then that they were separated and lived separate lives. After that, we had 15 years of committed and pretty happy relationship (10 first years of marriage included), and 5 more him hiding the affair. The affair partner is married herself, she’s 50 yo with 2 grown up kids, perfectly aware about him having a young child when she started sleeping with him for monetary gains. I don’t think it’s appropriate to compare the 2 situations.
He wasn’t wealthy when I met him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Plus, I don't want to split the custody 50/50 - my child is in high school and I want to have 100% time with him the last years before I send him off to college....

I understand that your stbx is a jerk and deserves to lose half his assets and pay support - on that I agree.

But if you ask for more than 50% custody, do anything that would deprive the father and child of spending time together, or (heaven forbid) do or say ANYTHING that would cause any sort of parental alienation or fracture in their relationship, then you should get zero. I think that spouses who do this should be sanctioned and possibly face jail time. It's one of the tragedies of divorce.

Please - do NOT put your child in the middle of this or do anything to damage the relationship with the father. Let your son figure things out for himself and decide how to move forward. If you pour gas on the fire, you are guilty of child abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Plus, I don't want to split the custody 50/50 - my child is in high school and I want to have 100% time with him the last years before I send him off to college....

I understand that your stbx is a jerk and deserves to lose half his assets and pay support - on that I agree.

But if you ask for more than 50% custody, do anything that would deprive the father and child of spending time together, or (heaven forbid) do or say ANYTHING that would cause any sort of parental alienation or fracture in their relationship, then you should get zero. I think that spouses who do this should be sanctioned and possibly face jail time. It's one of the tragedies of divorce.

Please - do NOT put your child in the middle of this or do anything to damage the relationship with the father. Let your son figure things out for himself and decide how to move forward. If you pour gas on the fire, you are guilty of child abuse.

My approach to it just not to talk about dad with my son at all. It’s a prohibited topic between us, as it’s just too painful