Delaying a divorce

[Anonymous]

OP here. I also concerned that as soon as we divorce, my ex would remarry, and brings the whore to live in my marital home. My son says he won’t even go see his dad or stay there any overnights, if that happens. The son doesn’t want to be bouncing between 2 households. He enters 10th grade in the fall- very intense program, then all the college prep would fall on me, while I am starting a new job. At the moment my husband and I are splitting HW duties , and I have more time for myself. So in a way, delaying is also helping me to delegate many parenting duties dealing with autistic teen in high school. I don’t want my son to be a college dropout, just because dad remarried and had no time for him in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex left over the summer. My 2 kids live with me and I make 85k. I don’t get anything from him except he pays the mortgage on the house me and the kids live in. He cheated on me for years and is still with the woman. My peace of mind with him being out of this house is worth more than any amount of money.

But you stayed in your house for which he pays mortgage, right? Your kids were not uprooted with him moving out? My life will have to change, and my son would be splitting time and possibly living in his birthplace home with his whore

Yes, that’s right. My kids are older like your son so the uprooting thing didn’t bother me as much, I was willing to leave the house with my kids but this is the arrangement we worked out. I know it’s tough, and I’m sorry. I just needed him away from me ASAP, I borderline hate him. He also moved into our basement prior to leaving but even with that I was struggling. I worry about him introducing my kids to the other women too. I hate her. But I mostly have let it go, my kids are older and I have zero control over it. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would file for divorce and ask for 1/2 the family business or life long alimony, child support and 1/2 of all real-estate and assets. Don't wait till you find a job. You own half that business. You worked in that business so that was your job.

And, make a custody schedule where he is responsible 50% of the time. Stop playing nice.

What are you waiting for?

Hahahahahahahahah life long alimony hahahahaha please stop

OP here: I am waiting to finish my courses to sit for CPA and take as many exams as I can prior divorce actions, to upper my resume. I am not able to find a job at the moment at all! And I was making 100k 10 years ago.

My lawyer and several others told me I would not get life long alimony in DC as 1) I am young 2) I am educated 3) I will be getting assets in the divorce 4)my son is 15.

I don’t want to move out from my NWDC mansion until I get a job. I won’t be even asking for alimony - 50k/year for 2 years won’t make me a big difference and I will be under higher stress when living alone.

CPA here. First and foremost, listen to your attorney. But with respect to job prospects, I am not sure getting your license will help at this point in your career. That said, if you continue to pursue that option, you could theoretically crank it out in 1.5 years (assuming you only need to fulfill your 24 credit hours in accounting). I did it while working full time with two young children...it wasn't pleasant but it is doable if you make it your single focus. Just thought it might be helpful to put some sort timeframe around when you can expect to move on to the next stage.

[Anonymous]

Are you in therapy to process the hurt and anger, and let go of your old life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would file for divorce and ask for 1/2 the family business or life long alimony, child support and 1/2 of all real-estate and assets. Don't wait till you find a job. You own half that business. You worked in that business so that was your job.

And, make a custody schedule where he is responsible 50% of the time. Stop playing nice.

What are you waiting for?

Hahahahahahahahah life long alimony hahahahaha please stop

OP here: I am waiting to finish my courses to sit for CPA and take as many exams as I can prior divorce actions, to upper my resume. I am not able to find a job at the moment at all! And I was making 100k 10 years ago.

My lawyer and several others told me I would not get life long alimony in DC as 1) I am young 2) I am educated 3) I will be getting assets in the divorce 4)my son is 15.

I don’t want to move out from my NWDC mansion until I get a job. I won’t be even asking for alimony - 50k/year for 2 years won’t make me a big difference and I will be under higher stress when living alone.

CPA here. First and foremost, listen to your attorney. But with respect to job prospects, I am not sure getting your license will help at this point in your career. That said, if you continue to pursue that option, you could theoretically crank it out in 1.5 years (assuming you only need to fulfill your 24 credit hours in accounting). I did it while working full time with two young children...it wasn't pleasant but it is doable if you make it your single focus. Just thought it might be helpful to put some sort timeframe around when you can expect to move on to the next stage.

I only need 13.5 credits, as I already have prior finance related MS degree. I will finish my extra credits courses by the end of the summer and can take at least 1 CPA Exam in parallel. I do hope that pursuing a designation should help, at least somewhat. Of course I continue applying for jobs, but the market is just terrible!

[Anonymous]

OP- if she’s younger beware of the second family she will most likely want to start to seal her position. Protect your kid’s inheritance. OW sounds like an intense gold-digger. She most likely is using his sorry ass and will cheat on him in the future and take him for all he’s worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would file for divorce and ask for 1/2 the family business or life long alimony, child support and 1/2 of all real-estate and assets. Don't wait till you find a job. You own half that business. You worked in that business so that was your job.

And, make a custody schedule where he is responsible 50% of the time. Stop playing nice.

What are you waiting for?

Hahahahahahahahah life long alimony hahahahaha please stop

OP here: I am waiting to finish my courses to sit for CPA and take as many exams as I can prior divorce actions, to upper my resume. I am not able to find a job at the moment at all! And I was making 100k 10 years ago.

My lawyer and several others told me I would not get life long alimony in DC as 1) I am young 2) I am educated 3) I will be getting assets in the divorce 4)my son is 15.

I don’t want to move out from my NWDC mansion until I get a job. I won’t be even asking for alimony - 50k/year for 2 years won’t make me a big difference and I will be under higher stress when living alone.

CPA here. First and foremost, listen to your attorney. But with respect to job prospects, I am not sure getting your license will help at this point in your career. That said, if you continue to pursue that option, you could theoretically crank it out in 1.5 years (assuming you only need to fulfill your 24 credit hours in accounting). I did it while working full time with two young children...it wasn't pleasant but it is doable if you make it your single focus. Just thought it might be helpful to put some sort timeframe around when you can expect to move on to the next stage.

I only need 13.5 credits, as I already have prior finance related MS degree. I will finish my extra credits courses by the end of the summer and can take at least 1 CPA Exam in parallel. I do hope that pursuing a designation should help, at least somewhat. Of course I continue applying for jobs, but the market is just terrible!

Got it. My suggestion would be to take FAR first - it's the hardest for most people, and it is nice to work your way backwards from the hardest to the easiest (because by the time you get to the last one you will be OVER IT and summoning the strength to study will not be easy). Depending on your skillset you might want to consider other, easier certifications as well - like Certified Internal Auditor, Fraud Examiner and I believe there are some COSO 'certifications' as well. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex left over the summer. My 2 kids live with me and I make 85k. I don’t get anything from him except he pays the mortgage on the house me and the kids live in. He cheated on me for years and is still with the woman. My peace of mind with him being out of this house is worth more than any amount of money.

But you stayed in your house for which he pays mortgage, right? Your kids were not uprooted with him moving out? My life will have to change, and my son would be splitting time and possibly living in his birthplace home with his whore

Yes, that’s right. My kids are older like your son so the uprooting thing didn’t bother me as much, I was willing to leave the house with my kids but this is the arrangement we worked out. I know it’s tough, and I’m sorry. I just needed him away from me ASAP, I borderline hate him. He also moved into our basement prior to leaving but even with that I was struggling. I worry about him introducing my kids to the other women too. I hate her. But I mostly have let it go, my kids are older and I have zero control over it. Good luck to you.

How are your kids communicating with dad - did he agree to visitation, or they are old enough and just chose to spend all overnights with you? So basically you make 85K, plus he pays the mortgage for the house. Your income combined is probably about the same as what I would have if I was to move out, except I would need to rent an apartment. I would love to have your arrangement! And that's a problem for me, as I don't want my son to be uprooted. I would love to have the same arrangement as you, but my jerk keeps saying "you have to vacate premises by ...." As if my son has no relationship to me "vacating the premises". I also hate my soon to be ex, can't even see or talk to him. He is so full of himself, and called me names and emotionally abused me for years! We only communicate through lawyers and text/email.

To all telling me managing my anger: I am totally sane and calculative in my logics. I just don't feel I would be any better 1) vacating premises on his terms (e.g. unfavorable settlement that does no good except reducing my standard of living, even comparing to possible trial court outcome ) 2) seeing my son either live with step mom last 2 years of HS, or, to the opposite, seeing my son abandon his dad completely.

I feel like his whore should wait using my closets and splashing in my pool, not I should be moving out in a rush with my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- if she’s younger beware of the second family she will most likely want to start to seal her position. Protect your kid’s inheritance. OW sounds like an intense gold-digger. She most likely is using his sorry ass and will cheat on him in the future and take him for all he’s worth.

Luckily she's older, she is 51. But stretching the divorce for couple more years would probably seal the possibility of any donor kids etc.

[Anonymous]

^ if you are on the deed, he cannot tell you to vacate the premises. Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would file for divorce and ask for 1/2 the family business or life long alimony, child support and 1/2 of all real-estate and assets. Don't wait till you find a job. You own half that business. You worked in that business so that was your job.

And, make a custody schedule where he is responsible 50% of the time. Stop playing nice.

What are you waiting for?

Hahahahahahahahah life long alimony hahahahaha please stop

OP here: I am waiting to finish my courses to sit for CPA and take as many exams as I can prior divorce actions, to upper my resume. I am not able to find a job at the moment at all! And I was making 100k 10 years ago.

My lawyer and several others told me I would not get life long alimony in DC as 1) I am young 2) I am educated 3) I will be getting assets in the divorce 4)my son is 15.

I don’t want to move out from my NWDC mansion until I get a job. I won’t be even asking for alimony - 50k/year for 2 years won’t make me a big difference and I will be under higher stress when living alone.

CPA here. First and foremost, listen to your attorney. But with respect to job prospects, I am not sure getting your license will help at this point in your career. That said, if you continue to pursue that option, you could theoretically crank it out in 1.5 years (assuming you only need to fulfill your 24 credit hours in accounting). I did it while working full time with two young children...it wasn't pleasant but it is doable if you make it your single focus. Just thought it might be helpful to put some sort timeframe around when you can expect to move on to the next stage.

I only need 13.5 credits, as I already have prior finance related MS degree. I will finish my extra credits courses by the end of the summer and can take at least 1 CPA Exam in parallel. I do hope that pursuing a designation should help, at least somewhat. Of course I continue applying for jobs, but the market is just terrible!

Got it. My suggestion would be to take FAR first - it's the hardest for most people, and it is nice to work your way backwards from the hardest to the easiest (because by the time you get to the last one you will be OVER IT and summoning the strength to study will not be easy). Depending on your skillset you might want to consider other, easier certifications as well - like Certified Internal Auditor, Fraud Examiner and I believe there are some COSO 'certifications' as well. Best of luck!

Thank you! I think taking the hardest first would also time it better, as I would be taking less difficult ones during the divorce under stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- if she’s younger beware of the second family she will most likely want to start to seal her position. Protect your kid’s inheritance. OW sounds like an intense gold-digger. She most likely is using his sorry ass and will cheat on him in the future and take him for all he’s worth.

Luckily she's older, she is 51. But stretching the divorce for couple more years would probably seal the possibility of any donor kids etc.

Does she have kids of her own??? Will he be paying for their college??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ if you are on the deed, he cannot tell you to vacate the premises. Wtf?

Unfortunately, I am not on the deed of the house where we live as he brought it from his first marriage. I do have a significant equity in it that he has to pay me, but he will retain it regardless. He can't do anything or evict me, as it's still considered a "marital home" as long as we are married. He kind of gets mad because he can't do anything, and I kind of enjoy mooching of him, living in the main house alone with my son, having him "evicted" in the carriage house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- if she’s younger beware of the second family she will most likely want to start to seal her position. Protect your kid’s inheritance. OW sounds like an intense gold-digger. She most likely is using his sorry ass and will cheat on him in the future and take him for all he’s worth.

Luckily she's older, she is 51. But stretching the divorce for couple more years would probably seal the possibility of any donor kids etc.

Does she have kids of her own??? Will he be paying for their college??

Yes, she has 2 kids of her own. I have no idea about their college costs. He doesn't even acknowledge at the moment or discusses his mistress with anyone at the moment, as she's his subordinate and he can loose his job. I learned about all of it accidentally during the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: am I crazy or there are other women with such logics as well? I just don't see how it would be easier for me if I divorce and live my modest life, when the jerk would bring his whore in the house where I bought our baby. And my son would have to spend 50% with the whore.

You are letting your anger get in the way. It isn’t fair. But you can’t do anything about your husbands behavior. My mom has stood seething by my dad as he has had a years long affair. She refuses to divorce him because she doesn’t want to give up her lifestyle.