Wife doesn’t care for looking good, dressing well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has been a frustration for me for a while. I struggle with it because the last thing I want to do is be controlling in any way with my wife. But no matter how much I buy her or encourage her when she does dress up a bit more and look good.

I don’t think I’m asking for that much, but just would like to see her put a bit more effort into her appearance. Even jeans and a tee would be more of a turn on than what she normally wears.

Too late you are controlling if you buy her clothes and expect her to wear it and get dolled up.

Btw how do you look? Do you wear clothes that your wife likes? How would you feel if wife bought clothes in a style you hated?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Legit don’t understand women who are content to look dumpy.

Same. Personally it puts me in a better mood when I put some effort into my appearance.

I think the issue is that some women find that they put in a ton of effort in to dressing up and still don't like the way they look. It kind of emphasizes the problem.

You can only do so much with the base material you are working with or the expectations are way too high. But to give up and look dumpy is very sad.

Not the case for me, my base material is fantastic. I still get hit on all the time in my athleisurewear. Just like I would get hit on right and left in college even when I’d go to the store sick and in my pajamas. And I still get tons of compliments from random women on how good my body looks.

It’s pretty great that I can be comfortable most of the time, then dress up when I feel like it, and be happy with how I look either way.

🙄 Shouldn’t you be rising up out of the sea on a giant shell or something? Why are you wasting your time on DCUM?

The 6 Jason Momoa look-alikes who carry my shell have the day off. It was the right thing to do after what I put them through this weekend

Hmm.. I can’t relate. I have never been hit on in my life! Deep down I know it’s because I am so fabulously beautiful that mere mortal men know they would just be wasting their time… 😉

For the amount of attention you receive, maybe you just look easy?

I’ve never been hit on because I reverse engineered an invisible fence to create a force field to keep men away from my magnificence!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so excited to wear my workout clothes around today. I would anyway because I’m so much more likely to do my daily workout if I don’t have to change but I love that it riles up so many uptight people.

Also my husband compliments my body more when I’m wearing that than anything else, so I only look dumpy to people who insist on wearing classy hairdos and jeans to the playground.

Yep, you sound lazy if you need to wear workout clothes the entire day to somehow motivate you to actually workout, since changing clothes is just too much effort. You hit the right note.

The insults slung at those who wear workout clothes are more about how they look rather than how lazy they are, but whatever, call me lazy. I can’t work out a specific time every day and sort of have to squeeze a workout in when I can so I think it’s smart and not lazy, but make whatever judgments about my character you want based on what I wear. I just don’t care. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so excited to wear my workout clothes around today. I would anyway because I’m so much more likely to do my daily workout if I don’t have to change but I love that it riles up so many uptight people.

Also my husband compliments my body more when I’m wearing that than anything else, so I only look dumpy to people who insist on wearing classy hairdos and jeans to the playground.

If you have a decent body and don’t pick unflattering shapes/cuts/materials I am sure you can look great in your athleisure. Lots of women do. Maybe I missed it, but since OP is complaining that his wife does NOT look nice/great, than presumably whatever clothes she is wearing, athleisure or not, look like crap.

For the slow folks in the back: this thread ain’t about you, shockingly enough.

Fair enough but a good 50% of the comments and conversations have evolved from OP’s issue to general thoughts about what people should wear, so maybe you should write another comment asking people to stick to original question, including not making comments saying that people who go around in workout clothes are dumpy and lazy, instead of replying to just my comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Legit don’t understand women who are content to look dumpy.

Same. Personally it puts me in a better mood when I put some effort into my appearance.

I think the issue is that some women find that they put in a ton of effort in to dressing up and still don't like the way they look. It kind of emphasizes the problem.

+1. I don’t dress up because I don’t look good anyways. Middle-aged women don’t suddenly look hot with a bit of lip gloss and form fitting clothes. They still look middle-aged, you can just see all the lumps and bumps from aging and childbirth. If I could throw on a dress and look good I would. I don’t. And spending all that time,energy, and anticipation to just look bad afterwards doesn’t make me feel good. It just makes me hate my appearance more.

Society puts so much pressure and emphasis on women’s appearance. It messes with your self esteem trying to fit into a mold that you can’t.

I mean this with no snark PP, but your defeatist attitude may have something to do with why you don’t feel good about your appearance. Confidence starts from within and my guess is you’d look lovely in well-constructed clothing that accentuates your figure, lumps and bumps be damned! Also, a good moisturizer, concealer and mascara go a long way!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Legit don’t understand women who are content to look dumpy.

Same. Personally it puts me in a better mood when I put some effort into my appearance.

I think the issue is that some women find that they put in a ton of effort in to dressing up and still don't like the way they look. It kind of emphasizes the problem.

You can only do so much with the base material you are working with or the expectations are way too high. But to give up and look dumpy is very sad.

Not the case for me, my base material is fantastic. I still get hit on all the time in my athleisurewear. Just like I would get hit on right and left in college even when I’d go to the store sick and in my pajamas. And I still get tons of compliments from random women on how good my body looks.

It’s pretty great that I can be comfortable most of the time, then dress up when I feel like it, and be happy with how I look either way.

🙄 Shouldn’t you be rising up out of the sea on a giant shell or something? Why are you wasting your time on DCUM?

The 6 Jason Momoa look-alikes who carry my shell have the day off. It was the right thing to do after what I put them through this weekend

Hmm.. I can’t relate. I have never been hit on in my life! Deep down I know it’s because I am so fabulously beautiful that mere mortal men know they would just be wasting their time… 😉

For the amount of attention you receive, maybe you just look easy?

Possibly. Although it’s more likely no one wants you because you say things like “you can only do so much with the base material you’re working with”. Calling women who choose to dress differently than you inherently ugly doesn’t make you look better by comparison. Or when women say they are attractive even in so-called “frumpy” clothes, you say they just look easy. You’re mean, and no one likes a mean girl.

Any woman can put on some mascara and a cute blouse, but an ugly soul is much harder to fix.

[Anonymous]

On behalf of women everywhere.
1. I get to decide how I dress and how much maintenance I want to engage in. If you wife is clean and heathy, back off. If your wife is having trouble bathing regularly, not brushing teeth, or has mats in her hair, please work with her to get her help.
2. Have you asked her what she wants? If her leggings and t-shirts are stained and full of holes, have you asked her if she wants new ones in similar styles?
3. We are TIRED of managing Covid risk, school plans, awkward social situations with Covid - all on top of the normal mental load of new planning, kid activities, maintaining the house, etc. Take on some mental load from your wife. Don’t expect her to run off and paint her nails the first time you unload the dishwasher. Pick up mental load by knowing what needs to be done in your house and doing it without being asked. And then keep it up forever. Maybe after a few weeks or months she will begin to trust that you will really keep doing your share of work and she will feel like she has time to invest in herself. Maybe she will use that time to put on makeup. Maybe she will use that time to read a book. It doesn’t matter because you should be doing your fair share no matter what.

How are you looking OP? Is your back hair waxed? Are your feet callus free with clean, trimmed nails? Is your ear and nose hair trimmed? Are your undershirts white or do they have pit stains? Are your teeth white and your breath pleasant? Please do tell us what an impeccable specimen you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legit don’t understand women who are content to look dumpy.

Same. Personally it puts me in a better mood when I put some effort into my appearance.

I think the issue is that some women find that they put in a ton of effort in to dressing up and still don't like the way they look. It kind of emphasizes the problem.

+1. I don’t dress up because I don’t look good anyways. Middle-aged women don’t suddenly look hot with a bit of lip gloss and form fitting clothes. They still look middle-aged, you can just see all the lumps and bumps from aging and childbirth. If I could throw on a dress and look good I would. I don’t. And spending all that time,energy, and anticipation to just look bad afterwards doesn’t make me feel good. It just makes me hate my appearance more.

Society puts so much pressure and emphasis on women’s appearance. It messes with your self esteem trying to fit into a mold that you can’t.

I mean this with no snark PP, but your defeatist attitude may have something to do with why you don’t feel good about your appearance. Confidence starts from within and my guess is you’d look lovely in well-constructed clothing that accentuates your figure, lumps and bumps be damned! Also, a good moisturizer, concealer and mascara go a long way!

I see your point, but maybe PP is okay with not being attractive? She sounds like she does have self-esteem, or at least knows that her confidence and self-esteem can and should come from places other than how attractive society finds you.

[Anonymous]

This thread reminds me of this amazing poem “Pretty” by Katie Makkai. The best line (addressed to her daughter): “The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be.”

https://youtu.be/M6wJl37N9C0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legit don’t understand women who are content to look dumpy.

Same. Personally it puts me in a better mood when I put some effort into my appearance.

I think the issue is that some women find that they put in a ton of effort in to dressing up and still don't like the way they look. It kind of emphasizes the problem.

You can only do so much with the base material you are working with or the expectations are way too high. But to give up and look dumpy is very sad.

Not the case for me, my base material is fantastic. I still get hit on all the time in my athleisurewear. Just like I would get hit on right and left in college even when I’d go to the store sick and in my pajamas. And I still get tons of compliments from random women on how good my body looks.

It’s pretty great that I can be comfortable most of the time, then dress up when I feel like it, and be happy with how I look either way.

🙄 Shouldn’t you be rising up out of the sea on a giant shell or something? Why are you wasting your time on DCUM?

The 6 Jason Momoa look-alikes who carry my shell have the day off. It was the right thing to do after what I put them through this weekend

Hmm.. I can’t relate. I have never been hit on in my life! Deep down I know it’s because I am so fabulously beautiful that mere mortal men know they would just be wasting their time… 😉

For the amount of attention you receive, maybe you just look easy?

Possibly. Although it’s more likely no one wants you because you say things like “you can only do so much with the base material you’re working with”. Calling women who choose to dress differently than you inherently ugly doesn’t make you look better by comparison. Or when women say they are attractive even in so-called “frumpy” clothes, you say they just look easy. You’re mean, and no one likes a mean girl.

Any woman can put on some mascara and a cute blouse, but an ugly soul is much harder to fix.

I am the immediate PP to whom you are responding (not the base material PP, btw) and I was being snarky/sarcastic (duh) at the miss thang PP in bold… and I also said she probably looks easy (again, because that PP is clearly a self-absorbed B who probably DOES look easy…)

You seem to lack reading comprehension all around… you can’t recognize snark OR smug comments. Maybe work on fixing that?

[Anonymous]

On general if I look good feel good. Some days I don’t care how I look but most days I do and it only takes a few minutes to look good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she's gone completely frumpy. I'm a SAHM and manage to put effort into my clothes, although I'm wearing jean shorts and a cute tee. It's not that hard, I don't know what these other posters are going on about. Would you like it if your husband walked around the house in frumpy clothes? I wouldn't.

I don't know, OP. Maybe she is depressed?

Ugh. Maybe she doesn’t feel like she needs wear clothes she doesn’t like.

It’s not that hard for YOU. For others it can be really hard to put themselves out there.

I’m another SAHM. I have 3 kids. I wear t shirts and shorts and mostly athleisure. DH tells me I look cute all the time.

I did start getting eyelash extensions. This is more for pure laziness. I used to take 2 min to get ready. Now I don’t put makeup on at all.

When I am home, I wear more baggy clothes. I may wear fitted pants when I go out but I lounge around in pajama pants at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legit don’t understand women who are content to look dumpy.

Same. Personally it puts me in a better mood when I put some effort into my appearance.

I think the issue is that some women find that they put in a ton of effort in to dressing up and still don't like the way they look. It kind of emphasizes the problem.

+1. I don’t dress up because I don’t look good anyways. Middle-aged women don’t suddenly look hot with a bit of lip gloss and form fitting clothes. They still look middle-aged, you can just see all the lumps and bumps from aging and childbirth. If I could throw on a dress and look good I would. I don’t. And spending all that time,energy, and anticipation to just look bad afterwards doesn’t make me feel good. It just makes me hate my appearance more.

Society puts so much pressure and emphasis on women’s appearance. It messes with your self esteem trying to fit into a mold that you can’t.

I mean this with no snark PP, but your defeatist attitude may have something to do with why you don’t feel good about your appearance. Confidence starts from within and my guess is you’d look lovely in well-constructed clothing that accentuates your figure, lumps and bumps be damned! Also, a good moisturizer, concealer and mascara go a long way!

I see your point, but maybe PP is okay with not being attractive? She sounds like she does have self-esteem, or at least knows that her confidence and self-esteem can and should come from places other than how attractive society finds you.

I’m middle age and look great in a dress. I had put on about 10 pounds over covid. A few months ago, I put on shorts and a dress and did not feel good. I started working out and eating healthier. I’m 43 and feel fantastic.

I wear mostly comfy clothes. Dresses are equally comfortable as sweats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so excited to wear my workout clothes around today. I would anyway because I’m so much more likely to do my daily workout if I don’t have to change but I love that it riles up so many uptight people.

Also my husband compliments my body more when I’m wearing that than anything else, so I only look dumpy to people who insist on wearing classy hairdos and jeans to the playground.

Yep, you sound lazy if you need to wear workout clothes the entire day to somehow motivate you to actually workout, since changing clothes is just too much effort. You hit the right note.

NP. I'm like that as well. I need to get in to workout clothes ahead of when I plan to work out so that I don't just go when I'm supposed to. It's not about laziness, it's about what motivates you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember taking a very high level job at a company where the CEO, soon to be terminated, only hired beautiful young women for support positions. My wife showed up one day with our young kids to see where Dad worked…dressed in mom gear….and she said that’s the last time she was going any where near our offices in mom gear. She really upped her game after that and she definitely had the underpinnings to make it happen. Many years later she still likes to look good.

So the takeaway is: put your wife in embarrassing situations and shame her into looking nicer! Brilliant.

Yea, that’s pretty messed up.

My takeaway would have been thank god I don’t have to work or put in all that effort into my appearance. Pretty sure landing the rich husband, getting to stay hone with the kids, and wear leggings everyday means I’m the one winning.

Sure, if that’s what you enjoy. I’d be bored silly.