Seeing OPP (other people’s parenting) up close

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of your house. “Sis, I’m really sorry, but this just isn’t working for us. We booked you this hotel, it comes highly recommended and we will all be able to get some rest.”

Op here. Currently very worried as their youngest is sick with a fever. They are taking him to urgent care. Just praying it’s not COVID because then they will have to isolate for 10 days and won’t be able to fly home on Tuesday as planned.

Would it be awful to get them an Airbnb if he’s positive Instead of having them stay here? Or does that make me a jerk? About to have an emergency session with my counselor to talk through all this as I’m kinda freaking out inside. I just hope it’s some virus and not Covid. Or maybe they’d end up driving home? Ugh. This is terrible for them (and for me).

I’ll put it this way. I have my issues but am basically a normal person. If I had three kids at someone’s house and a kid got sick I would receive the gift of an Air B & B with total gratitude. No one wants to play out a kid illness on a family stage.

Keep in mind that if it is COVID you are going to have to quarantine for 10 days after the last day you see them (unless someone in your household gets sick, then all bets are off). So the sooner they are out of your house, the better.

[Anonymous]

OP you said her kids won’t even look you in the eye. Are they on the spectrum? Is the reason they’re so hard to manage. They should be evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you said her kids won’t even look you in the eye. Are they on the spectrum? Is the reason they’re so hard to manage. They should be evaluated.

Op here. I don’t think that’s what’s going on but of course I’m not at all qualified to make a diagnosis here.

My 2 yo we thought was on the spectrum and has been thoroughly evaluated so I’m familiar with the signs and evaluation process. Their kids do look my sister and BIL in the eye, they just sort of don’t want to deal with me so kind of pretend I don’t exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you said her kids won’t even look you in the eye. Are they on the spectrum? Is the reason they’re so hard to manage. They should be evaluated.

Op here. I don’t think that’s what’s going on but of course I’m not at all qualified to make a diagnosis here.

My 2 yo we thought was on the spectrum and has been thoroughly evaluated so I’m familiar with the signs and evaluation process. Their kids do look my sister and BIL in the eye, they just sort of don’t want to deal with me so kind of pretend I don’t exist.

Their behavior should be telling you something OP. Kids have very good instincts. The kids must know that you don't have their best interests at heart. I'm sorry to say but in your repeated posts you sound very judgmental. Kids can recognize that. Parts of your story had me concerned about your sister. However, your more recent posts make me much more suspicious that you are not on the up-and-up and actually being very contriving and seeking some sort of weird validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you said her kids won’t even look you in the eye. Are they on the spectrum? Is the reason they’re so hard to manage. They should be evaluated.

Op here. I don’t think that’s what’s going on but of course I’m not at all qualified to make a diagnosis here.

My 2 yo we thought was on the spectrum and has been thoroughly evaluated so I’m familiar with the signs and evaluation process. Their kids do look my sister and BIL in the eye, they just sort of don’t want to deal with me so kind of pretend I don’t exist.

Their behavior should be telling you something OP. Kids have very good instincts. The kids must know that you don't have their best interests at heart. I'm sorry to say but in your repeated posts you sound very judgmental. Kids can recognize that. Parts of your story had me concerned about your sister. However, your more recent posts make me much more suspicious that you are not on the up-and-up and actually being very contriving and seeking some sort of weird validation.

Op here. Or maybe it’s because they’ve never been cared for by anyone except mom or dad since birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of your house. “Sis, I’m really sorry, but this just isn’t working for us. We booked you this hotel, it comes highly recommended and we will all be able to get some rest.”

Op here. Currently very worried as their youngest is sick with a fever. They are taking him to urgent care. Just praying it’s not COVID because then they will have to isolate for 10 days and won’t be able to fly home on Tuesday as planned.

Would it be awful to get them an Airbnb if he’s positive Instead of having them stay here? Or does that make me a jerk? About to have an emergency session with my counselor to talk through all this as I’m kinda freaking out inside. I just hope it’s some virus and not Covid. Or maybe they’d end up driving home? Ugh. This is terrible for them (and for me).

Yes, it does. It does make you a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of your house. “Sis, I’m really sorry, but this just isn’t working for us. We booked you this hotel, it comes highly recommended and we will all be able to get some rest.”

Op here. Currently very worried as their youngest is sick with a fever. They are taking him to urgent care. Just praying it’s not COVID because then they will have to isolate for 10 days and won’t be able to fly home on Tuesday as planned.

Would it be awful to get them an Airbnb if he’s positive Instead of having them stay here? Or does that make me a jerk? About to have an emergency session with my counselor to talk through all this as I’m kinda freaking out inside. I just hope it’s some virus and not Covid. Or maybe they’d end up driving home? Ugh. This is terrible for them (and for me).

I’ll put it this way. I have my issues but am basically a normal person. If I had three kids at someone’s house and a kid got sick I would receive the gift of an Air B & B with total gratitude. No one wants to play out a kid illness on a family stage.

Keep in mind that if it is COVID you are going to have to quarantine for 10 days after the last day you see them (unless someone in your household gets sick, then all bets are off). So the sooner they are out of your house, the better.

Op here. We are waiting on results still but it hasn’t occurred to my sister that we will need to have a conversation about what will happen if it’s COVID. She’s already said “well if it’s COVID at least we have a nice place to stay for the next two weeks!” I’m going to need to clarify things with her on that front. It will be relationship ending to tell her she can’t quarantine here, of that I am certain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of your house. “Sis, I’m really sorry, but this just isn’t working for us. We booked you this hotel, it comes highly recommended and we will all be able to get some rest.”

Op here. Currently very worried as their youngest is sick with a fever. They are taking him to urgent care. Just praying it’s not COVID because then they will have to isolate for 10 days and won’t be able to fly home on Tuesday as planned.

Would it be awful to get them an Airbnb if he’s positive Instead of having them stay here? Or does that make me a jerk? About to have an emergency session with my counselor to talk through all this as I’m kinda freaking out inside. I just hope it’s some virus and not Covid. Or maybe they’d end up driving home? Ugh. This is terrible for them (and for me).

Yes, it does. It does make you a jerk.

But what about my own family and avoiding illness for my own small children? There’s lots of Airbnb’s available, or they could rent a car and drive home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I am a bit of a doormat. But trying to talk to my sister even about small things, even putting down small boundaries results in extreme tension. It’s easier to just do whatever she wants. I can either have her in my life by going along or she will stop talking to me again for several years.

The latest thing drama this morning was she wanted to go for a hike to a waterfall. We live in Arizona. It’s 98 degrees here today. I told her that I’m totally game, but it’s the sort of thing we need to plan the night before and we need to be in the car driving before 8 AM (by 10 it’s already in the 90s). She got super defensive and said that because she has 3 kids and I only have 2 that I have no idea how hard that is for them to get out that early.

This isn’t a matter of my preferences around timing-it’s about safety. We have little kids. Her family is unable to get out the door before 11 am but by then it’s too late to do anything out in the desert.

I told her-you can take my car, and use my membership to get into the park, and there’s no bad feelings, but I just cannot go unless we are on the road by 8. And she stormed out and hasn’t spoken to me the rest of the day. She left with her kids and went somewhere. No complaints here!!

Uh, you don't read as a doormat here. You read as an instigator. Interesting. The more you post the more it sounds like your sister isn't really the problem.

Op here. Instigating how?

DP. Posting from Phoenix. Given that yesterday it didn't break 89 degrees until 1:30 it is highly unlikely that you or your children would have been in any danger if you went hiking at 11 am. Humidity was less than 10% all day. You do seem to be drawing lines in the sand that are unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of your house. “Sis, I’m really sorry, but this just isn’t working for us. We booked you this hotel, it comes highly recommended and we will all be able to get some rest.”

Op here. Currently very worried as their youngest is sick with a fever. They are taking him to urgent care. Just praying it’s not COVID because then they will have to isolate for 10 days and won’t be able to fly home on Tuesday as planned.

Would it be awful to get them an Airbnb if he’s positive Instead of having them stay here? Or does that make me a jerk? About to have an emergency session with my counselor to talk through all this as I’m kinda freaking out inside. I just hope it’s some virus and not Covid. Or maybe they’d end up driving home? Ugh. This is terrible for them (and for me).

Yes, it does. It does make you a jerk.

But what about my own family and avoiding illness for my own small children? There’s lots of Airbnb’s available, or they could rent a car and drive home.

Logic is your friend. If their child is sick then likely the rest of you have already been exposed since they've been at your house for 4-5 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of your house. “Sis, I’m really sorry, but this just isn’t working for us. We booked you this hotel, it comes highly recommended and we will all be able to get some rest.”

Op here. Currently very worried as their youngest is sick with a fever. They are taking him to urgent care. Just praying it’s not COVID because then they will have to isolate for 10 days and won’t be able to fly home on Tuesday as planned.

Would it be awful to get them an Airbnb if he’s positive Instead of having them stay here? Or does that make me a jerk? About to have an emergency session with my counselor to talk through all this as I’m kinda freaking out inside. I just hope it’s some virus and not Covid. Or maybe they’d end up driving home? Ugh. This is terrible for them (and for me).

I’ll put it this way. I have my issues but am basically a normal person. If I had three kids at someone’s house and a kid got sick I would receive the gift of an Air B & B with total gratitude. No one wants to play out a kid illness on a family stage.

Keep in mind that if it is COVID you are going to have to quarantine for 10 days after the last day you see them (unless someone in your household gets sick, then all bets are off). So the sooner they are out of your house, the better.

Op here. We are waiting on results still but it hasn’t occurred to my sister that we will need to have a conversation about what will happen if it’s COVID. She’s already said “well if it’s COVID at least we have a nice place to stay for the next two weeks!” I’m going to need to clarify things with her on that front. It will be relationship ending to tell her she can’t quarantine here, of that I am certain.

Sounds like that may be a bonus. Take it where you can get it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you said her kids won’t even look you in the eye. Are they on the spectrum? Is the reason they’re so hard to manage. They should be evaluated.

Op here. I don’t think that’s what’s going on but of course I’m not at all qualified to make a diagnosis here.

My 2 yo we thought was on the spectrum and has been thoroughly evaluated so I’m familiar with the signs and evaluation process. Their kids do look my sister and BIL in the eye, they just sort of don’t want to deal with me so kind of pretend I don’t exist.

Their behavior should be telling you something OP. Kids have very good instincts. The kids must know that you don't have their best interests at heart. I'm sorry to say but in your repeated posts you sound very judgmental. Kids can recognize that. Parts of your story had me concerned about your sister. However, your more recent posts make me much more suspicious that you are not on the up-and-up and actually being very contriving and seeking some sort of weird validation.

Op here. Or maybe it’s because they’ve never been cared for by anyone except mom or dad since birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I am a bit of a doormat. But trying to talk to my sister even about small things, even putting down small boundaries results in extreme tension. It’s easier to just do whatever she wants. I can either have her in my life by going along or she will stop talking to me again for several years.

The latest thing drama this morning was she wanted to go for a hike to a waterfall. We live in Arizona. It’s 98 degrees here today. I told her that I’m totally game, but it’s the sort of thing we need to plan the night before and we need to be in the car driving before 8 AM (by 10 it’s already in the 90s). She got super defensive and said that because she has 3 kids and I only have 2 that I have no idea how hard that is for them to get out that early.

This isn’t a matter of my preferences around timing-it’s about safety. We have little kids. Her family is unable to get out the door before 11 am but by then it’s too late to do anything out in the desert.

I told her-you can take my car, and use my membership to get into the park, and there’s no bad feelings, but I just cannot go unless we are on the road by 8. And she stormed out and hasn’t spoken to me the rest of the day. She left with her kids and went somewhere. No complaints here!!

Uh, you don't read as a doormat here. You read as an instigator. Interesting. The more you post the more it sounds like your sister isn't really the problem.

Op here. Instigating how?

DP. Posting from Phoenix. Given that yesterday it didn't break 89 degrees until 1:30 it is highly unlikely that you or your children would have been in any danger if you went hiking at 11 am. Humidity was less than 10% all day. You do seem to be drawing lines in the sand that are unnecessary.

Op here. Not sure what to tell you. We aren’t in Phoenix, we are quite a bit south of you. It was 95 by noon, so leaving for a hike at 11 doesn’t work. We have 5 kids under 6 between us, and the hike doesn’t have shade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of your house. “Sis, I’m really sorry, but this just isn’t working for us. We booked you this hotel, it comes highly recommended and we will all be able to get some rest.”

Op here. Currently very worried as their youngest is sick with a fever. They are taking him to urgent care. Just praying it’s not COVID because then they will have to isolate for 10 days and won’t be able to fly home on Tuesday as planned.

Would it be awful to get them an Airbnb if he’s positive Instead of having them stay here? Or does that make me a jerk? About to have an emergency session with my counselor to talk through all this as I’m kinda freaking out inside. I just hope it’s some virus and not Covid. Or maybe they’d end up driving home? Ugh. This is terrible for them (and for me).

Yes, it does. It does make you a jerk.

But what about my own family and avoiding illness for my own small children? There’s lots of Airbnb’s available, or they could rent a car and drive home.

Logic is your friend. If their child is sick then likely the rest of you have already been exposed since they've been at your house for 4-5 days.

Op here. Well CDC guidelines say to isolate the sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of your house. “Sis, I’m really sorry, but this just isn’t working for us. We booked you this hotel, it comes highly recommended and we will all be able to get some rest.”

Op here. Currently very worried as their youngest is sick with a fever. They are taking him to urgent care. Just praying it’s not COVID because then they will have to isolate for 10 days and won’t be able to fly home on Tuesday as planned.

Would it be awful to get them an Airbnb if he’s positive Instead of having them stay here? Or does that make me a jerk? About to have an emergency session with my counselor to talk through all this as I’m kinda freaking out inside. I just hope it’s some virus and not Covid. Or maybe they’d end up driving home? Ugh. This is terrible for them (and for me).

Yes, it does. It does make you a jerk.

Uh no, it wouldn’t make OP a jerk. I’m not sure if OP is for real, but it’s clear that you are here only to cause controversy.