Seeing OPP (other people’s parenting) up close

[Anonymous]

I would have a conversation with a sister I was close to that didn’t focus on parenting.

“Sis, you seem pretty unhappy. If I’m right about this, I would love to see you give yourself some time to feel better. Do you think talking to a therapist might help? Have you ever considered talking to your doctor about a screening to see if anxiety or depression could be a factor? Remember [aunt sally had post party’s, uncle Johnny has anxiety or whatever anecdote might support a familial connection to this simply being about biology]. I really love you and want to see you at your happiest so let me know how I can help.”

[Anonymous]

Post partum, not party’s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister is incredibly anxious and needs treatment. This isn’t about parenting, it is control.

+1
She's also going to end up with a bunch of anxious children as a result. I'm sure she thinks they all have food allergies too. Does she also have strong opinions about homeschooling and vaccines?

I feel for you, OP, and agree that even gently confronting her about her apparently strongly held beliefs will do no good. She's probably complaining about you right now on something like www.organicmom.com (I made that up) about your kids having a juice box, their own bed, and some screen time.

+1

Her kids are going to hate her when they are older, if she keeps this up. Your sister is not being reasonable, and she does not have reasonable expectations, OP.

[Anonymous]

Your sister and or her husband have severe anxiety this is about total control. But the thing is you don’t have the same anxiety and it’s your house so you get to take back the control I’ll be damn if somebody’s taking over my kitchen that I can’t cook in and I can’t eat in and if you are close enough to stay in my house for a week you are close enough for us to have a kind but FRANK conversation.
I BE DAMN!!!

[Anonymous]

Op here. I don’t think I can say anything. My sister has already gotten a lot of advice/criticism from most people in her life so she’s extremely defensive and isolated. She’s so defensive that even making suggestions about ideas for plans for their trip winds her up. And she has a lot of opinions about what they do but doesn’t always disclose them so I’m left kind of trying to figure out what she’s thinking. When I just tell her things like “we could go to the zoo” or “you could try this park”, she bristles. She’s extremely cautious/paranoid about COVID so I’m guessing that’s part of the reason. But the hypocrisy is kind of confusing to me, considering they flew on a plane to come here, but then expects me to keep my kids home and isolated the whole time they are here (I sense she’s uncomfortable going to parks or zoos).

[Anonymous]

Ok, I previously posted kind words you could say to your sister, but with your follow up, I would be over it.

“Sis, I’m taking the kids to the park, see you later.”

She freaks about covid.

“Dude, you flew in on a plane. I’m going to the park. If you aren’t comfortable with my choices, then you should find a hotel.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I don’t think I can say anything. My sister has already gotten a lot of advice/criticism from most people in her life so she’s extremely defensive and isolated. She’s so defensive that even making suggestions about ideas for plans for their trip winds her up. And she has a lot of opinions about what they do but doesn’t always disclose them so I’m left kind of trying to figure out what she’s thinking. When I just tell her things like “we could go to the zoo” or “you could try this park”, she bristles. She’s extremely cautious/paranoid about COVID so I’m guessing that’s part of the reason. But the hypocrisy is kind of confusing to me, considering they flew on a plane to come here, but then expects me to keep my kids home and isolated the whole time they are here (I sense she’s uncomfortable going to parks or zoos).

This is weird.

She’s staying for a week abd you guys didn’t discuss plans and expectations first????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I don’t think I can say anything. My sister has already gotten a lot of advice/criticism from most people in her life so she’s extremely defensive and isolated. She’s so defensive that even making suggestions about ideas for plans for their trip winds her up. And she has a lot of opinions about what they do but doesn’t always disclose them so I’m left kind of trying to figure out what she’s thinking. When I just tell her things like “we could go to the zoo” or “you could try this park”, she bristles. She’s extremely cautious/paranoid about COVID so I’m guessing that’s part of the reason. But the hypocrisy is kind of confusing to me, considering they flew on a plane to come here, but then expects me to keep my kids home and isolated the whole time they are here (I sense she’s uncomfortable going to parks or zoos).

This is weird.

She’s staying for a week abd you guys didn’t discuss plans and expectations first????

Op
Here. We did discuss and had an outline of a plan, but not for every minute of every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I don’t think I can say anything. My sister has already gotten a lot of advice/criticism from most people in her life so she’s extremely defensive and isolated. She’s so defensive that even making suggestions about ideas for plans for their trip winds her up. And she has a lot of opinions about what they do but doesn’t always disclose them so I’m left kind of trying to figure out what she’s thinking. When I just tell her things like “we could go to the zoo” or “you could try this park”, she bristles. She’s extremely cautious/paranoid about COVID so I’m guessing that’s part of the reason. But the hypocrisy is kind of confusing to me, considering they flew on a plane to come here, but then expects me to keep my kids home and isolated the whole time they are here (I sense she’s uncomfortable going to parks or zoos).

You realize that you walk on egg shells around her, right?

I would suggest, one time, that she seeks professional help with with her control issues, then drop it.

And I would not host her family in my home again until she got help.

[Anonymous]

Meh - she's welcome to make her own parenting decisions. It's no of your business. Young kids are exhausting no matter how you sleep.

Next time don't do meals together. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I don’t think I can say anything. My sister has already gotten a lot of advice/criticism from most people in her life so she’s extremely defensive and isolated. She’s so defensive that even making suggestions about ideas for plans for their trip winds her up. And she has a lot of opinions about what they do but doesn’t always disclose them so I’m left kind of trying to figure out what she’s thinking. When I just tell her things like “we could go to the zoo” or “you could try this park”, she bristles. She’s extremely cautious/paranoid about COVID so I’m guessing that’s part of the reason. But the hypocrisy is kind of confusing to me, considering they flew on a plane to come here, but then expects me to keep my kids home and isolated the whole time they are here (I sense she’s uncomfortable going to parks or zoos).

This is weird.

She’s staying for a week abd you guys didn’t discuss plans and expectations first????

Op
Here. We did discuss and had an outline of a plan, but not for every minute of every day.

Okay but Covid precautions is pretty basic. Same with things like zoo outings—it’s outdoors! Though I get it could be crowded. What kinds of places is she taking her kids?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you're not down with OPP, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're not down with OPP, OP.

Op here. Love that you got the reference!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh - she's welcome to make her own parenting decisions. It's no of your business. Young kids are exhausting no matter how you sleep.

Next time don't do meals together. Problem solved.

Op here. Most of our food has been separated but that also creates challenges (eg-fridge space having two separate sets of everything, and just operationally making 3 meals a day for two sets of families is hard-we don’t have enough dishes, dishwasher space, etc) and then coordinating schedules is more complicated too. Her meals are just very elaborate for it being a vacation and her being in someone else’s kitchen.

I agree that every family has to do what works for them. I am just finding myself really walking on eggshells as a PP said, and being brought down by their misery. I’m trying to figure out how to be less affected by that since of course it’s not up to me how my sis wants to raise her family.

[Anonymous]

Do you live near Los Angeles? We saw a lot of this when we lived there, maybe over 50% of families were into this nonsense, with the results being everyone was pretty unhappy.