Seeing OPP (other people’s parenting) up close

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you live near Los Angeles? We saw a lot of this when we lived there, maybe over 50% of families were into this nonsense, with the results being everyone was pretty unhappy.

Op here. Lol no but I do think they are very deep into their own interpretation of attachment parenting. The 2 yo is still up 3 times a night to nurse. And I’m not sure I’ve ever seen any of their kids go into timeout before. And yeah even on vacation my sister has to prep all their food. I shopped for her before they came and tried to get all her items but on a few I couldn’t (Costco didn’t have the organic butter, so I got non-organic and she rejected it).

I’m just so tired. We are on day 4. 3.5 days to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're not down with OPP, OP.

Op here. Love that you got the reference!

You know me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live near Los Angeles? We saw a lot of this when we lived there, maybe over 50% of families were into this nonsense, with the results being everyone was pretty unhappy.

Op here. Lol no but I do think they are very deep into their own interpretation of attachment parenting. The 2 yo is still up 3 times a night to nurse. And I’m not sure I’ve ever seen any of their kids go into timeout before. And yeah even on vacation my sister has to prep all their food. I shopped for her before they came and tried to get all her items but on a few I couldn’t (Costco didn’t have the organic butter, so I got non-organic and she rejected it).

I’m just so tired. We are on day 4. 3.5 days to go.

Oh my god. That is beyond messed up. I try not to judge people who extended breastfeed but to be waking up 3x a night at 2 is not healthy or normal christ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live near Los Angeles? We saw a lot of this when we lived there, maybe over 50% of families were into this nonsense, with the results being everyone was pretty unhappy.

Op here. Lol no but I do think they are very deep into their own interpretation of attachment parenting. The 2 yo is still up 3 times a night to nurse. And I’m not sure I’ve ever seen any of their kids go into timeout before. And yeah even on vacation my sister has to prep all their food. I shopped for her before they came and tried to get all her items but on a few I couldn’t (Costco didn’t have the organic butter, so I got non-organic and she rejected it).

I’m just so tired. We are on day 4. 3.5 days to go.

Oh my god. That is beyond messed up. I try not to judge people who extended breastfeed but to be waking up 3x a night at 2 is not healthy or normal christ

Op here. Yeah I had my sis walk me through a typical night. They also are unwilling to use night pull ups, and their 4 and 6 yo both wet the bed most nights so they are changing bedding in the middle of the night. Also the kids apparently each also wake up at least once a night and need comforting. So between the nursing, pee accidents, comforting, and sippy milk runs for the older kids, it’s basically every 45-90 minutes they are all up every single night.

Also none of her kids nap, so she doesn’t get a break at nap time either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh - she's welcome to make her own parenting decisions. It's no of your business. Young kids are exhausting no matter how you sleep.

Next time don't do meals together. Problem solved.

Every family has the right to do what they want to do in their OWN home. They do not have the right to go to another's home a dictate the happenings there.

OP you are enabling your sister. Take back your kitchen. " This is on the menu." You are all welcome to eat it, if not she'll have to find another time to cook.



"I'm taking my kids to the zoo, park, beach etc you are welcome to come or stay home." Shut down any guilt trips.


Never host her for more than 2 days again ,f she wants a longer trip she'll have to stay in an Air BNB or hotel.

I agree she likely has severe untreated anxiety, but she's not likely going to accept you telling her that.

[Anonymous]

I would just start leaving the house and letting her stay behind. Order pizza for your kids so you don’t have to share the kitchen and then never, ever have a visit this long again.

[Anonymous]

Okay so I’ll chime in because I’m like your sister, maybe not to that extend but still.

We have no family nearby and haven’t had a time alone since kids were born, I complain I want alone time and date night but know that there will be meltdowns so I don’t even want to go through it.

I’m obsessed about the food we eat, family members have color cancer and other types of illnesses, that I hope and desperately want to control and avoid so I’m hoping things like food and what we put in our bodies are as safe as possible. Yes up to date on all vaccinations bc I want to control illness. Here is how you can help, try finding easy recipes or some good healthy takeout, and they’ll welcome it. I know i did when I got smarter about reading labels.

We don’t have elaborate cups but I don’t reuse cups, for myself included. There’s spit and food particles and smells, it’s disgusting and I won’t have it. Now this is where you could help, when my mom visited she put them in the dishwasher not knowing it was hand wash only and they actually...turned out clean and great. So I now do them by dishwasher.

I never sleep trained and I regret it. I hoped things will get better but they never did so three year old still wakes up a few times crying, not able to settle, etc. we don’t cosleep but I get it, you’ve screwed up the sleep and now is too late to fix so you keep hoping it will be improve.

I try the whole compassionate parenting acknowledging feelings or letting them have their feelings out, so I’ve never done timeouts. I was spanked as a kid and sent to time out and I felt very ashamed. Yes there’s tantrums that timeouts may help but I don’t want that.

Now all this to say....you shouldn’t judge because everyone makes different choices, they may not be right or make sense to you, but you can only offer support, acknowledgement, and help where you can, otherwise there’s nothing else to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay so I’ll chime in because I’m like your sister, maybe not to that extend but still.

We have no family nearby and haven’t had a time alone since kids were born, I complain I want alone time and date night but know that there will be meltdowns so I don’t even want to go through it.

I’m obsessed about the food we eat, family members have color cancer and other types of illnesses, that I hope and desperately want to control and avoid so I’m hoping things like food and what we put in our bodies are as safe as possible. Yes up to date on all vaccinations bc I want to control illness. Here is how you can help, try finding easy recipes or some good healthy takeout, and they’ll welcome it. I know i did when I got smarter about reading labels.

We don’t have elaborate cups but I don’t reuse cups, for myself included. There’s spit and food particles and smells, it’s disgusting and I won’t have it. Now this is where you could help, when my mom visited she put them in the dishwasher not knowing it was hand wash only and they actually...turned out clean and great. So I now do them by dishwasher.

I never sleep trained and I regret it. I hoped things will get better but they never did so three year old still wakes up a few times crying, not able to settle, etc. we don’t cosleep but I get it, you’ve screwed up the sleep and now is too late to fix so you keep hoping it will be improve.

I try the whole compassionate parenting acknowledging feelings or letting them have their feelings out, so I’ve never done timeouts. I was spanked as a kid and sent to time out and I felt very ashamed. Yes there’s tantrums that timeouts may help but I don’t want that.

Now all this to say....you shouldn’t judge because everyone makes different choices, they may not be right or make sense to you, but you can only offer support, acknowledgement, and help where you can, otherwise there’s nothing else to do.

Nicely, you know you’re a bit of a nut job, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live near Los Angeles? We saw a lot of this when we lived there, maybe over 50% of families were into this nonsense, with the results being everyone was pretty unhappy.

Op here. Lol no but I do think they are very deep into their own interpretation of attachment parenting. The 2 yo is still up 3 times a night to nurse. And I’m not sure I’ve ever seen any of their kids go into timeout before. And yeah even on vacation my sister has to prep all their food. I shopped for her before they came and tried to get all her items but on a few I couldn’t (Costco didn’t have the organic butter, so I got non-organic and she rejected it).

I’m just so tired. We are on day 4. 3.5 days to go.

Oh my god. That is beyond messed up. I try not to judge people who extended breastfeed but to be waking up 3x a night at 2 is not healthy or normal christ

Op here. Yeah I had my sis walk me through a typical night. They also are unwilling to use night pull ups, and their 4 and 6 yo both wet the bed most nights so they are changing bedding in the middle of the night. Also the kids apparently each also wake up at least once a night and need comforting. So between the nursing, pee accidents, comforting, and sippy milk runs for the older kids, it’s basically every 45-90 minutes they are all up every single night.

Also none of her kids nap, so she doesn’t get a break at nap time either.

This is insane. 6yo wetting bed as a regular thing?! Pls talk with her; she needs some solid parenting advice. I am sorry you have to go through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay so I’ll chime in because I’m like your sister, maybe not to that extend but still.

We have no family nearby and haven’t had a time alone since kids were born, I complain I want alone time and date night but know that there will be meltdowns so I don’t even want to go through it.

I’m obsessed about the food we eat, family members have color cancer and other types of illnesses, that I hope and desperately want to control and avoid so I’m hoping things like food and what we put in our bodies are as safe as possible. Yes up to date on all vaccinations bc I want to control illness. Here is how you can help, try finding easy recipes or some good healthy takeout, and they’ll welcome it. I know i did when I got smarter about reading labels.

We don’t have elaborate cups but I don’t reuse cups, for myself included. There’s spit and food particles and smells, it’s disgusting and I won’t have it. Now this is where you could help, when my mom visited she put them in the dishwasher not knowing it was hand wash only and they actually...turned out clean and great. So I now do them by dishwasher.

I never sleep trained and I regret it. I hoped things will get better but they never did so three year old still wakes up a few times crying, not able to settle, etc. we don’t cosleep but I get it, you’ve screwed up the sleep and now is too late to fix so you keep hoping it will be improve.

I try the whole compassionate parenting acknowledging feelings or letting them have their feelings out, so I’ve never done timeouts. I was spanked as a kid and sent to time out and I felt very ashamed. Yes there’s tantrums that timeouts may help but I don’t want that.

Now all this to say....you shouldn’t judge because everyone makes different choices, they may not be right or make sense to you, but you can only offer support, acknowledgement, and help where you can, otherwise there’s nothing else to do.

Nicely, you know you’re a bit of a nut job, right?

Haha yes but it’s me and my life and my choices. The only thing that may be different, is that these choices of mine make me feel control or enable me to know my weaknesses, so I’m actually happy and easy going if you meet me...unless you give me a cup from lunch to sip out of ...duhnn duhn lol

But seriously I think some other parenting choices are insane to me, like photo shoots for kids?! Or special outfits for events or keepsakes? Like what the f are you building shrines? Or over the top birthday parties that involve more than cake balloons and a gift. Now those are some crazies 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay so I’ll chime in because I’m like your sister, maybe not to that extend but still.

We have no family nearby and haven’t had a time alone since kids were born, I complain I want alone time and date night but know that there will be meltdowns so I don’t even want to go through it.

I’m obsessed about the food we eat, family members have color cancer and other types of illnesses, that I hope and desperately want to control and avoid so I’m hoping things like food and what we put in our bodies are as safe as possible. Yes up to date on all vaccinations bc I want to control illness. Here is how you can help, try finding easy recipes or some good healthy takeout, and they’ll welcome it. I know i did when I got smarter about reading labels.

We don’t have elaborate cups but I don’t reuse cups, for myself included. There’s spit and food particles and smells, it’s disgusting and I won’t have it. Now this is where you could help, when my mom visited she put them in the dishwasher not knowing it was hand wash only and they actually...turned out clean and great. So I now do them by dishwasher.

I never sleep trained and I regret it. I hoped things will get better but they never did so three year old still wakes up a few times crying, not able to settle, etc. we don’t cosleep but I get it, you’ve screwed up the sleep and now is too late to fix so you keep hoping it will be improve.

I try the whole compassionate parenting acknowledging feelings or letting them have their feelings out, so I’ve never done timeouts. I was spanked as a kid and sent to time out and I felt very ashamed. Yes there’s tantrums that timeouts may help but I don’t want that.

Now all this to say....you shouldn’t judge because everyone makes different choices, they may not be right or make sense to you, but you can only offer support, acknowledgement, and help where you can, otherwise there’s nothing else to do.

Nicely, you know you’re a bit of a nut job, right?

Haha yes but it’s me and my life and my choices. The only thing that may be different, is that these choices of mine make me feel control or enable me to know my weaknesses, so I’m actually happy and easy going if you meet me...unless you give me a cup from lunch to sip out of ...duhnn duhn lol

But seriously I think some other parenting choices are insane to me, like photo shoots for kids?! Or special outfits for events or keepsakes? Like what the f are you building shrines? Or over the top birthday parties that involve more than cake balloons and a gift. Now those are some crazies 🤣

PP but do take your nuttiness into other people’s homes? If so, stay home. And find a babysitter, teach your kids to sleep, etc

[Anonymous]

That’s sad that your sister (and probably her kids too) is so anxious, miserable, tired. I really doubt you can do much to help them, unfortunately. She probably needs professional help to change her thinking and methods.

One thing that stood out to me is refilling sippy cups of milk during the night for 4 and 6 year olds??? She’s so anxious about their health but she doesn’t worry about tooth decay?

I do have anxiety but luckily it doesn’t manifest for me nearly the same way your sister’s does. I’m anxious about plenty of things in my parenting: my kids’ safety (like beyond what is probably normal), I’m very strict about their sleeping schedule and kind of freak out if they don’t get what I consider the right amount of sleep, I constantly have to remind myself not to nitpick their behavior when it’s just normal kid behavior. But I’m aware of those things about myself and I’m working on it bc I don’t want to be this crazy, anxious, always stressed mom in their memories. I want them to think of me as a fun, loving, patient, laid back mom. It sounds like your sister also wants to be that loving, giving parent by being so attached to her kids and being overprotective of them but she doesn’t realize it’ll likely have the effect of pushing them away from her as they get older and making them resent her. I know she probably won’t take it well if you tell her this outright but depending how close you are to her, maybe you could bring it up somehow without closing her off to you. She probably needs you in her life being that it sounds like she’s already so isolated from others.

Where is her husband in all of this??

So I’m far from your sister in my parenting but dental hygiene is a big thing for me so I am very fastidious about it w my kids. I can’t imagine having them drink milk during night and then sleeping without brushing their teeth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s sad that your sister (and probably her kids too) is so anxious, miserable, tired. I really doubt you can do much to help them, unfortunately. She probably needs professional help to change her thinking and methods.

One thing that stood out to me is refilling sippy cups of milk during the night for 4 and 6 year olds??? She’s so anxious about their health but she doesn’t worry about tooth decay?

I do have anxiety but luckily it doesn’t manifest for me nearly the same way your sister’s does. I’m anxious about plenty of things in my parenting: my kids’ safety (like beyond what is probably normal), I’m very strict about their sleeping schedule and kind of freak out if they don’t get what I consider the right amount of sleep, I constantly have to remind myself not to nitpick their behavior when it’s just normal kid behavior. But I’m aware of those things about myself and I’m working on it bc I don’t want to be this crazy, anxious, always stressed mom in their memories. I want them to think of me as a fun, loving, patient, laid back mom. It sounds like your sister also wants to be that loving, giving parent by being so attached to her kids and being overprotective of them but she doesn’t realize it’ll likely have the effect of pushing them away from her as they get older and making them resent her. I know she probably won’t take it well if you tell her this outright but depending how close you are to her, maybe you could bring it up somehow without closing her off to you. She probably needs you in her life being that it sounds like she’s already so isolated from others.

Where is her husband in all of this??

So I’m far from your sister in my parenting but dental hygiene is a big thing for me so I am very fastidious about it w my kids. I can’t imagine having them drink milk during night and then sleeping without brushing their teeth.

Sorry my last paragraph was meant to go after the 2nd paragraph. Don’t know what happened there.

[Anonymous]

I'm into attachment parenting, OP, although because I have ADHD and know my limits, I only had two kids 5 years apart, and I always knew to relax rules when everyone was too tired. My oldest is now in high school, and I feel what we did worked for us.

But the key to success is to adapt and not be rigid! Your sister sounds actuated by anxiety and rigidity, and I wonder whether she's always been like this, but now you're noticing it more. It sounds like some form of OCD, really.

If she's hyper defensive, she must know deep down that this is not working well, but she can't help herself. Perhaps, once they're out of your house, a gentle conversation about compulsive behavior might help her steer her to the right expert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s sad that your sister (and probably her kids too) is so anxious, miserable, tired. I really doubt you can do much to help them, unfortunately. She probably needs professional help to change her thinking and methods.

One thing that stood out to me is refilling sippy cups of milk during the night for 4 and 6 year olds??? She’s so anxious about their health but she doesn’t worry about tooth decay?

I do have anxiety but luckily it doesn’t manifest for me nearly the same way your sister’s does. I’m anxious about plenty of things in my parenting: my kids’ safety (like beyond what is probably normal), I’m very strict about their sleeping schedule and kind of freak out if they don’t get what I consider the right amount of sleep, I constantly have to remind myself not to nitpick their behavior when it’s just normal kid behavior. But I’m aware of those things about myself and I’m working on it bc I don’t want to be this crazy, anxious, always stressed mom in their memories. I want them to think of me as a fun, loving, patient, laid back mom. It sounds like your sister also wants to be that loving, giving parent by being so attached to her kids and being overprotective of them but she doesn’t realize it’ll likely have the effect of pushing them away from her as they get older and making them resent her. I know she probably won’t take it well if you tell her this outright but depending how close you are to her, maybe you could bring it up somehow without closing her off to you. She probably needs you in her life being that it sounds like she’s already so isolated from others.

Where is her husband in all of this??

So I’m far from your sister in my parenting but dental hygiene is a big thing for me so I am very fastidious about it w my kids. I can’t imagine having them drink milk during night and then sleeping without brushing their teeth.

Forget the teeth! The bedwetting might stop if they weren't drinking all night long.