Do most affairs eventually come out?

[Anonymous]

Friend’s DH kept affair a secret for ten years but then made the mistake of getting caught cheating on the AP and she went nuts. Showed up at my Friend’s work with photos, print outs of messages, etc. She is now divorced and has custody of her 4 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friend’s DH kept affair a secret for ten years but then made the mistake of getting caught cheating on the AP and she went nuts. Showed up at my Friend’s work with photos, print outs of messages, etc. She is now divorced and has custody of her 4 kids.

I was having regular sex with my ex-husband 3-4 times per week and the AP he biked was paranoid and freaking out that he had another girlfriend, going through his phone contacts and sleuthing....um don’t mind the wife here . Those b@tches are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Define "come out". My former friend has had 2 long term affairs and she's still holding public office. And yes, her DH found out about at least one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend’s DH kept affair a secret for ten years but then made the mistake of getting caught cheating on the AP and she went nuts. Showed up at my Friend’s work with photos, print outs of messages, etc. She is now divorced and has custody of her 4 kids.

I was having regular sex with my ex-husband 3-4 times per week and the AP he biked was paranoid and freaking out that he had another girlfriend, going through his phone contacts and sleuthing....um don’t mind the wife here . Those b@tches are crazy.

F@cked, not biked. Anyways, no problem that she knew he was screwing me regularly...he just better not have another side whore. Oh—and she was married herself!!!! These are seriously pathologically messed up people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Affairs devastate families and children.

They cause the victims mental trauma, PTSD, that can last a lifetime.

Shitty, f@cked up people have affairs. Something is wrong inside. It’s not answer for anything. It’s selfish and cowardly.

Some people are fantastic, devious little f@ckers so it might be a long time until they are caught. When they are, they quickly change their tune and throw their “lovah” under the bus because it was never love. It was enmeshment of two broken people in a fantasy world.

I’m in my 50s and do not know anyone personally that has had an affair or a marriage that blew up from an affair.

I think it’s a huge character flaw. You are a liar. Cheating=lying at the base level. It is morally corrupt.

This has been very true for me. In my 40s and never had a normal relationship after seeing my parent (mother) have multiple APs and often involve me in the deceit. The main affair came out but parents stayed together and once mother's "drive" settled down in her late 60s it has been a non-issue for them. DADT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs devastate families and children.

They cause the victims mental trauma, PTSD, that can last a lifetime.

Shitty, f@cked up people have affairs. Something is wrong inside. It’s not answer for anything. It’s selfish and cowardly.

Some people are fantastic, devious little f@ckers so it might be a long time until they are caught. When they are, they quickly change their tune and throw their “lovah” under the bus because it was never love. It was enmeshment of two broken people in a fantasy world.

I’m in my 50s and do not know anyone personally that has had an affair or a marriage that blew up from an affair.

I think it’s a huge character flaw. You are a liar. Cheating=lying at the base level. It is morally corrupt.

This has been very true for me. In my 40s and never had a normal relationship after seeing my parent (mother) have multiple APs and often involve me in the deceit. The main affair came out but parents stayed together and once mother's "drive" settled down in her late 60s it has been a non-issue for them. DADT

Yikes. That had to be hard watching your mom f@ck all these men behind your dad’s back.

Sorry, but she’s awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs devastate families and children.

They cause the victims mental trauma, PTSD, that can last a lifetime.

Shitty, f@cked up people have affairs. Something is wrong inside. It’s not answer for anything. It’s selfish and cowardly.

Some people are fantastic, devious little f@ckers so it might be a long time until they are caught. When they are, they quickly change their tune and throw their “lovah” under the bus because it was never love. It was enmeshment of two broken people in a fantasy world.

I’m in my 50s and do not know anyone personally that has had an affair or a marriage that blew up from an affair.

I think it’s a huge character flaw. You are a liar. Cheating=lying at the base level. It is morally corrupt.

This has been very true for me. In my 40s and never had a normal relationship after seeing my parent (mother) have multiple APs and often involve me in the deceit. The main affair came out but parents stayed together and once mother's "drive" settled down in her late 60s it has been a non-issue for them. DADT

Yikes. That had to be hard watching your mom f@ck all these men behind your dad’s back.

Sorry, but she’s awful.

Thank you - it was hard to see, and also hard to know that (at some point) dad knew and didn't do anything about it. I will always wonder why - did he just love her so much, or would he rather stay in denial? (I think both).

[Anonymous]

Do people actually confess affairs to friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs devastate families and children.

They cause the victims mental trauma, PTSD, that can last a lifetime.

Shitty, f@cked up people have affairs. Something is wrong inside. It’s not answer for anything. It’s selfish and cowardly.

Some people are fantastic, devious little f@ckers so it might be a long time until they are caught. When they are, they quickly change their tune and throw their “lovah” under the bus because it was never love. It was enmeshment of two broken people in a fantasy world.

I’m in my 50s and do not know anyone personally that has had an affair or a marriage that blew up from an affair.

I think it’s a huge character flaw. You are a liar. Cheating=lying at the base level. It is morally corrupt.

This has been very true for me. In my 40s and never had a normal relationship after seeing my parent (mother) have multiple APs and often involve me in the deceit. The main affair came out but parents stayed together and once mother's "drive" settled down in her late 60s it has been a non-issue for them. DADT

Yikes. That had to be hard watching your mom f@ck all these men behind your dad’s back.

Sorry, but she’s awful.

Thank you - it was hard to see, and also hard to know that (at some point) dad knew and didn't do anything about it. I will always wonder why - did he just love her so much, or would he rather stay in denial? (I think both).

Your mom might just be a bad person, but could it be the case that your dad is asexual or closeted or otherwise unable to provide her what she needs but also doesn't want to leave the marriage? Or maybe he gets off on it. You never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs devastate families and children.

They cause the victims mental trauma, PTSD, that can last a lifetime.

Shitty, f@cked up people have affairs. Something is wrong inside. It’s not answer for anything. It’s selfish and cowardly.

Some people are fantastic, devious little f@ckers so it might be a long time until they are caught. When they are, they quickly change their tune and throw their “lovah” under the bus because it was never love. It was enmeshment of two broken people in a fantasy world.

I’m in my 50s and do not know anyone personally that has had an affair or a marriage that blew up from an affair.

I think it’s a huge character flaw. You are a liar. Cheating=lying at the base level. It is morally corrupt.

This has been very true for me. In my 40s and never had a normal relationship after seeing my parent (mother) have multiple APs and often involve me in the deceit. The main affair came out but parents stayed together and once mother's "drive" settled down in her late 60s it has been a non-issue for them. DADT

Same here. Terrible. Big hugs to you

[Anonymous]

But the modern day child psychiatry research indicates that the entire family be given age-approproate versions of the truth when parents divorce, rather than gaslighting them or leaving them to figure it out on their own.

That was exactly what my mom did and it was a terrible approach, very damaging.

All we ever heard was “your father is an evil pig, the scum of the earth, an inhuman monster!”
“But why, mom?”
“Never mind why. Because I said so!”

[Anonymous]

Your mom might just be a bad person, but could it be the case that your dad is asexual or closeted or otherwise unable to provide her what she needs but also doesn't want to leave the marriage? Or maybe he gets off on it. You never know.

Yes, yes, every DCUM reader knows that any marital or sexual problem is really the man’s fault if you just dig deep enough. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But the modern day child psychiatry research indicates that the entire family be given age-approproate versions of the truth when parents divorce, rather than gaslighting them or leaving them to figure it out on their own.

That was exactly what my mom did and it was a terrible approach, very damaging.

All we ever heard was “your father is an evil pig, the scum of the earth, an inhuman monster!”
“But why, mom?”
“Never mind why. Because I said so!”

I was old enough to know when my father’s affair happened. I was very upset with him. But my mother stayed with him. Five years later - their relationship was very toxic (before and after affair) and he filed for divorce. She went scorched earth and our relationship was permanently damaged.
As with most things in life... it’s always better to take the high road.
Work on yourself and find happiness- no matter what side of that equation you’re on.
Bad-mouthing, outing your cheating spouse to the world, trying to get your children to turn against the other spouse... it will all work against you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But the modern day child psychiatry research indicates that the entire family be given age-approproate versions of the truth when parents divorce, rather than gaslighting them or leaving them to figure it out on their own.

That was exactly what my mom did and it was a terrible approach, very damaging.

All we ever heard was “your father is an evil pig, the scum of the earth, an inhuman monster!”
“But why, mom?”
“Never mind why. Because I said so!”

I was old enough to know when my father’s affair happened. I was very upset with him. But my mother stayed with him. Five years later - their relationship was very toxic (before and after affair) and he filed for divorce. She went scorched earth and our relationship was permanently damaged.
As with most things in life... it’s always better to take the high road.
Work on yourself and find happiness- no matter what side of that equation you’re on.
Bad-mouthing, outing your cheating spouse to the world, trying to get your children to turn against the other spouse... it will all work against you.

God forbid it never happens to you. It causes mental break in many victims. The cheater always plays good guy/gal to everyone else in the world. They are usually 100% a different awful person to their spouse in private. Then it’s “I can see why he/she did it.” They’re gaslighting, nastiness and psychological torment literally makes people crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs devastate families and children.

They cause the victims mental trauma, PTSD, that can last a lifetime.

Shitty, f@cked up people have affairs. Something is wrong inside. It’s not answer for anything. It’s selfish and cowardly.

Some people are fantastic, devious little f@ckers so it might be a long time until they are caught. When they are, they quickly change their tune and throw their “lovah” under the bus because it was never love. It was enmeshment of two broken people in a fantasy world.

I’m in my 50s and do not know anyone personally that has had an affair or a marriage that blew up from an affair.

I think it’s a huge character flaw. You are a liar. Cheating=lying at the base level. It is morally corrupt.

This has been very true for me. In my 40s and never had a normal relationship after seeing my parent (mother) have multiple APs and often involve me in the deceit. The main affair came out but parents stayed together and once mother's "drive" settled down in her late 60s it has been a non-issue for them. DADT

Same here. Terrible. Big hugs to you

My spouse had a midlife affair with a woman that has had multiple affairs and she isn’t slowing down. Her boys are now in high school and the husband (and kids) now know. I really think what psychological load that presents, “my mom is a whore and doesn’t care enough about any of us to get into therapy and make it stop”. They will be f@cked up for life.