Do most affairs eventually come out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most of the girls who do this come from pretty well off families, and want to continue the
lifestyle while in college, or those that are heading into extreme amounts of debt (grad school) and want a mean to pay at least some of
it down while in College. My college had a few hundred SBs.

I would expect a girl from a well-off family to “maintain her lifestyle” by calling her parents and asking for money, not by getting a side gig as a wh0re.

A lot of parents use college to learn some kind of financial independence, they’ll pay for the dorm, food, college ofc, and emergency credit cards but tighten up the purse strings.

I forgot one more group which is the children of immigrants they do really well(fetishization), but the gap just tend too big and often find themselves staying longer than their counter parts. I could write a whole paper on the subject.

The real hustlers sell their virginity to the highest bidders tbh, that’s a market within itself. With parents being obsessed with having their daughters wait, it’s hard to tell who these women are though. These women(US) almost immediately exit the SW tho, besides tho who try to resell.

teach* not learn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do people actually confess affairs to friends?

Some do. Some don’t. Not all sociopaths follow the same pattern.

+1 I know one person who got so BIG HEADED she called her husband her ‘baby daddy’ endlessly
on social media.

Her friend had to tell her what the connotations meant. I’m not sure if she was just that dumb, or didn’t care
for her spouse.

Some use them as their cover for their deceit. A weekend away with Laura is really with Jim.

A night out with girlfriends is a night out banging her affair partner.

If husband were ever to ask or check they have their whore friend’s back.

Gross behavior by all.

Yeah I was a kid then, her “friend” was my aunt. She’d always tell her she didn’t

want to hear about her AP, she was disgusted. But never knew if she told her friends husband.

Ugh. Awful. Why do these whores think people want to hear about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife had an affair with her tennis instructor. We were married for 18 years and she had an affair for 6 years before I found out.

Two of my ex-wife's friends had affairs, one with her boss and one with a coworker.

An acquaintance has an arrangement with a college student where he visits her a certain number of times a month and she gets paid a "stipend". Apparently there is a network to recruit and get into this arrangement. I do not think his wife knows.

A also know one coworker who is carrying on an affair in another city where we travel frequently.

Sugar Babies and Seeking Arrangement--the college girl is in reality a prostitute who goes by a fancy name of sugar baby

I’m in my mid twenties with friends that are very sex positive (some are involved polyamorous relationships/threesomes/BDSM) and I know no women who are sugar babies now or when I was in college. I doubt very many UMC college aged women do this often. It would be the women who are kind of trashy, obsessed with Instagram and luxury/material goods (but don’t have any safety net).

What age would you expect them to be doing it? They’re most popular between the ages of 18-24yo as a SB.

The strip clubs in my area staff with college students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife had an affair with her tennis instructor. We were married for 18 years and she had an affair for 6 years before I found out.

Two of my ex-wife's friends had affairs, one with her boss and one with a coworker.

An acquaintance has an arrangement with a college student where he visits her a certain number of times a month and she gets paid a "stipend". Apparently there is a network to recruit and get into this arrangement. I do not think his wife knows.

A also know one coworker who is carrying on an affair in another city where we travel frequently.

Heard about it but never knew anyone who actually did it. Scary thing for parents.

When our DD went off to college, DH brought this up with me. Seemed surprisingly aware of all the details

From what I learned it is not widespread. Maybe a few dozen per college.

A lot more than a few dozen, lol. Most of the girls who do this come from pretty well off families, and want to continue the
lifestyle while in college, or those that are heading into extreme amounts of debt (grad school) and want a mean to pay at least some of
it down while in College. My college had a few hundred SBs.

And then where are those who are career SBs that just matriculate into trophy wives. Not in college but their looks, and interesting hobbies got them far enough.

It is more common in urban areas. Rural colleges in the middle of nowhere don't have the local population to support the sugar babies.

[Anonymous]

^ this is not on topic. This is a thread about affairs coming out.

[Anonymous]

Hard to say, since I know of at least two discovered affairs and the couple are still together years later. So unless you have some inside info, it could be discovered a d they worked through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But the modern day child psychiatry research indicates that the entire family be given age-approproate versions of the truth when parents divorce, rather than gaslighting them or leaving them to figure it out on their own.

That was exactly what my mom did and it was a terrible approach, very damaging.

All we ever heard was “your father is an evil pig, the scum of the earth, an inhuman monster!”
“But why, mom?”
“Never mind why. Because I said so!”

I was old enough to know when my father’s affair happened. I was very upset with him. But my mother stayed with him. Five years later - their relationship was very toxic (before and after affair) and he filed for divorce. She went scorched earth and our relationship was permanently damaged.
As with most things in life... it’s always better to take the high road.
Work on yourself and find happiness- no matter what side of that equation you’re on.
Bad-mouthing, outing your cheating spouse to the world, trying to get your children to turn against the other spouse... it will all work against you.

God forbid it never happens to you. It causes mental break in many victims. The cheater always plays good guy/gal to everyone else in the world. They are usually 100% a different awful person to their spouse in private. Then it’s “I can see why he/she did it.” They’re gaslighting, nastiness and psychological torment literally makes people crazy.

Exactly. It’s so interesting that men who cheat have no consequence but the wife who just finds out and is reacting to this information is called crazy. Why do we label women as crazy but these a-hole guys are just given a pass. Women do this to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But the modern day child psychiatry research indicates that the entire family be given age-approproate versions of the truth when parents divorce, rather than gaslighting them or leaving them to figure it out on their own.

That was exactly what my mom did and it was a terrible approach, very damaging.

All we ever heard was “your father is an evil pig, the scum of the earth, an inhuman monster!”
“But why, mom?”
“Never mind why. Because I said so!”

I was old enough to know when my father’s affair happened. I was very upset with him. But my mother stayed with him. Five years later - their relationship was very toxic (before and after affair) and he filed for divorce. She went scorched earth and our relationship was permanently damaged.
As with most things in life... it’s always better to take the high road.
Work on yourself and find happiness- no matter what side of that equation you’re on.
Bad-mouthing, outing your cheating spouse to the world, trying to get your children to turn against the other spouse... it will all work against you.

God forbid it never happens to you. It causes mental break in many victims. The cheater always plays good guy/gal to everyone else in the world. They are usually 100% a different awful person to their spouse in private. Then it’s “I can see why he/she did it.” They’re gaslighting, nastiness and psychological torment literally makes people crazy.

Exactly. It’s so interesting that men who cheat have no consequence but the wife who just finds out and is reacting to this information is called crazy. Why do we label women as crazy but these a-hole guys are just given a pass. Women do this to themselves.

Men get cheated on all the time. Rarely do you hear of him drafting a “tell all” letter to send to the other spouse or do they try to turn their children against the mother. Usually they move on and find happiness elsewhere.
Yes it’s hard. Do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But the modern day child psychiatry research indicates that the entire family be given age-approproate versions of the truth when parents divorce, rather than gaslighting them or leaving them to figure it out on their own.

That was exactly what my mom did and it was a terrible approach, very damaging.

All we ever heard was “your father is an evil pig, the scum of the earth, an inhuman monster!”
“But why, mom?”
“Never mind why. Because I said so!”

I was old enough to know when my father’s affair happened. I was very upset with him. But my mother stayed with him. Five years later - their relationship was very toxic (before and after affair) and he filed for divorce. She went scorched earth and our relationship was permanently damaged.
As with most things in life... it’s always better to take the high road.
Work on yourself and find happiness- no matter what side of that equation you’re on.
Bad-mouthing, outing your cheating spouse to the world, trying to get your children to turn against the other spouse... it will all work against you.

You can’t blame a child for not wanting to be around a parent who is constantly disparaging the other half of their dna.

God forbid it never happens to you. It causes mental break in many victims. The cheater always plays good guy/gal to everyone else in the world. They are usually 100% a different awful person to their spouse in private. Then it’s “I can see why he/she did it.” They’re gaslighting, nastiness and psychological torment literally makes people crazy.

Exactly. It’s so interesting that men who cheat have no consequence but the wife who just finds out and is reacting to this information is called crazy. Why do we label women as crazy but these a-hole guys are just given a pass. Women do this to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs devastate families and children.

They cause the victims mental trauma, PTSD, that can last a lifetime.

Shitty, f@cked up people have affairs. Something is wrong inside. It’s not answer for anything. It’s selfish and cowardly.

Some people are fantastic, devious little f@ckers so it might be a long time until they are caught. When they are, they quickly change their tune and throw their “lovah” under the bus because it was never love. It was enmeshment of two broken people in a fantasy world.

I’m in my 50s and do not know anyone personally that has had an affair or a marriage that blew up from an affair.

I think it’s a huge character flaw. You are a liar. Cheating=lying at the base level. It is morally corrupt.

This has been very true for me. In my 40s and never had a normal relationship after seeing my parent (mother) have multiple APs and often involve me in the deceit. The main affair came out but parents stayed together and once mother's "drive" settled down in her late 60s it has been a non-issue for them. DADT

Same here. Terrible. Big hugs to you

A mom’s affairs are much harder on the children.

This is true. It’s not sexist either. It’s human. Teen Boys have an especially hard time learning their mother is screwing other men behind their father’s back. It’s tough when dad does it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But the modern day child psychiatry research indicates that the entire family be given age-approproate versions of the truth when parents divorce, rather than gaslighting them or leaving them to figure it out on their own.

That was exactly what my mom did and it was a terrible approach, very damaging.

All we ever heard was “your father is an evil pig, the scum of the earth, an inhuman monster!”
“But why, mom?”
“Never mind why. Because I said so!”

I was old enough to know when my father’s affair happened. I was very upset with him. But my mother stayed with him. Five years later - their relationship was very toxic (before and after affair) and he filed for divorce. She went scorched earth and our relationship was permanently damaged.
As with most things in life... it’s always better to take the high road.
Work on yourself and find happiness- no matter what side of that equation you’re on.
Bad-mouthing, outing your cheating spouse to the world, trying to get your children to turn against the other spouse... it will all work against you.

God forbid it never happens to you. It causes mental break in many victims. The cheater always plays good guy/gal to everyone else in the world. They are usually 100% a different awful person to their spouse in private. Then it’s “I can see why he/she did it.” They’re gaslighting, nastiness and psychological torment literally makes people crazy.

Exactly. It’s so interesting that men who cheat have no consequence but the wife who just finds out and is reacting to this information is called crazy. Why do we label women as crazy but these a-hole guys are just given a pass. Women do this to themselves.

Men get cheated on all the time. Rarely do you hear of him drafting a “tell all” letter to send to the other spouse or do they try to turn their children against the mother. Usually they move on and find happiness elsewhere.
Yes it’s hard. Do better.

Listen, men who are cheated on also disclose and some are drama kings. It's just that perception is different when men do it vs. when women do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But the modern day child psychiatry research indicates that the entire family be given age-approproate versions of the truth when parents divorce, rather than gaslighting them or leaving them to figure it out on their own.

That was exactly what my mom did and it was a terrible approach, very damaging.

All we ever heard was “your father is an evil pig, the scum of the earth, an inhuman monster!”
“But why, mom?”
“Never mind why. Because I said so!”

I was old enough to know when my father’s affair happened. I was very upset with him. But my mother stayed with him. Five years later - their relationship was very toxic (before and after affair) and he filed for divorce. She went scorched earth and our relationship was permanently damaged.
As with most things in life... it’s always better to take the high road.
Work on yourself and find happiness- no matter what side of that equation you’re on.
Bad-mouthing, outing your cheating spouse to the world, trying to get your children to turn against the other spouse... it will all work against you.

I think anyone whose spouse had an affair and lied and exposed them to STIs/STDs and gaslighted for years has every right to be a 'drama king/queen'. In fact, they are not being 'drama kings/queens". Those are the ones with histrionic disorder that are acting out in affairs.

God forbid it never happens to you. It causes mental break in many victims. The cheater always plays good guy/gal to everyone else in the world. They are usually 100% a different awful person to their spouse in private. Then it’s “I can see why he/she did it.” They’re gaslighting, nastiness and psychological torment literally makes people crazy.

Exactly. It’s so interesting that men who cheat have no consequence but the wife who just finds out and is reacting to this information is called crazy. Why do we label women as crazy but these a-hole guys are just given a pass. Women do this to themselves.

Men get cheated on all the time. Rarely do you hear of him drafting a “tell all” letter to send to the other spouse or do they try to turn their children against the mother. Usually they move on and find happiness elsewhere.
Yes it’s hard. Do better.

Listen, men who are cheated on also disclose and some are drama kings. It's just that perception is different when men do it vs. when women do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But the modern day child psychiatry research indicates that the entire family be given age-approproate versions of the truth when parents divorce, rather than gaslighting them or leaving them to figure it out on their own.

That was exactly what my mom did and it was a terrible approach, very damaging.

All we ever heard was “your father is an evil pig, the scum of the earth, an inhuman monster!”
“But why, mom?”
“Never mind why. Because I said so!”

I was old enough to know when my father’s affair happened. I was very upset with him. But my mother stayed with him. Five years later - their relationship was very toxic (before and after affair) and he filed for divorce. She went scorched earth and our relationship was permanently damaged.
As with most things in life... it’s always better to take the high road.
Work on yourself and find happiness- no matter what side of that equation you’re on.
Bad-mouthing, outing your cheating spouse to the world, trying to get your children to turn against the other spouse... it will all work against you.

God forbid it never happens to you. It causes mental break in many victims. The cheater always plays good guy/gal to everyone else in the world. They are usually 100% a different awful person to their spouse in private. Then it’s “I can see why he/she did it.” They’re gaslighting, nastiness and psychological torment literally makes people crazy.

Exactly. It’s so interesting that men who cheat have no consequence but the wife who just finds out and is reacting to this information is called crazy. Why do we label women as crazy but these a-hole guys are just given a pass. Women do this to themselves.

Men get cheated on all the time. Rarely do you hear of him drafting a “tell all” letter to send to the other spouse or do they try to turn their children against the mother. Usually they move on and find happiness elsewhere.
Yes it’s hard. Do better.

Listen, men who are cheated on also disclose and some are drama kings. It's just that perception is different when men do it vs. when women do it.

I think anyone whose spouse had an affair and lied and exposed them to STIs/STDs and gaslighted for years has every right to be a 'drama king/queen'. In fact, they are not being 'drama kings/queens". Those are the ones with histrionic disorder that are acting out in affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But the modern day child psychiatry research indicates that the entire family be given age-approproate versions of the truth when parents divorce, rather than gaslighting them or leaving them to figure it out on their own.

That was exactly what my mom did and it was a terrible approach, very damaging.

All we ever heard was “your father is an evil pig, the scum of the earth, an inhuman monster!”
“But why, mom?”
“Never mind why. Because I said so!”

I was old enough to know when my father’s affair happened. I was very upset with him. But my mother stayed with him. Five years later - their relationship was very toxic (before and after affair) and he filed for divorce. She went scorched earth and our relationship was permanently damaged.
As with most things in life... it’s always better to take the high road.
Work on yourself and find happiness- no matter what side of that equation you’re on.
Bad-mouthing, outing your cheating spouse to the world, trying to get your children to turn against the other spouse... it will all work against you.

God forbid it never happens to you. It causes mental break in many victims. The cheater always plays good guy/gal to everyone else in the world. They are usually 100% a different awful person to their spouse in private. Then it’s “I can see why he/she did it.” They’re gaslighting, nastiness and psychological torment literally makes people crazy.

Exactly. It’s so interesting that men who cheat have no consequence but the wife who just finds out and is reacting to this information is called crazy. Why do we label women as crazy but these a-hole guys are just given a pass. Women do this to themselves.

Men get cheated on all the time. Rarely do you hear of him drafting a “tell all” letter to send to the other spouse or do they try to turn their children against the mother. Usually they move on and find happiness elsewhere.
Yes it’s hard. Do better.

Listen, men who are cheated on also disclose and some are drama kings. It's just that perception is different when men do it vs. when women do it.

I think anyone whose spouse had an affair and lied and exposed them to STIs/STDs and gaslighted for years has every right to be a 'drama king/queen'. In fact, they are not being 'drama kings/queens". Those are the ones with histrionic disorder that are acting out in affairs.

Men are statistically more likely to kill when an affair is exposed...so maybe that isn't drama in pp's book

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you just take the high road for your own personal happiness?
Get therapy, counseling, deal with yourself and process the pain safely and in a forward moving way.
Find a new sense of happiness, hope and purpose.

Signed,
Someone who’s been there.