Found some strange panty hose, it wasn't mine....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've endured a special kind of abuse from this jerk for way too long...

He's sane enough to function normally at work, open secret bank accts etc, but too "mentally ill" to come home for 6-week periods ? Really? If this is coming from some therapist, that's soo sad, I've no words.

Run, while you still have some stability to hang on to.

+1

[Anonymous]

Whether or not he is cheating on you is the least of your marital problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised nobody had really questioned this secret credit card and bank account. Have you demanded to see the statements? What's on them? If you don't know, why?

There are so many deal breakers in this story.

BTW, why does your teen DD have gay male friends that come over to your house wearing pantyhose?

Question is, why shouldn't her teen DD have gay wearing whatever they want friends? What exactly is wrong with that??

I think the point of PP's statement was that OP said she asked about her DD and DD's female friends - PP was noting that it could be male friends, too.

Correction: it was because OP notes the size was too big for her/DD but too small for DH. I had to go back and reread the thread. Oops!

If DD's guy friend came over wearing pantyhose, fine.
But why would he be removing said pantyhose and then "forgetting" to put them back on. Leaving them where? In the bedroom, where he later wouldn't remember to put his outfit back together completely?

If this was really a possibility that you were considering (and given the other options, sounds like the most plausible), then perhaps you should get DD one of those pregnancy tests.

[Anonymous]

It is disturbing that your DH is banging someone who:

a) wears pantyhose
b) gets action when wearing it
c) is the type of gal to not notice she lost her pantyhose.

Sorry- what was your question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying you shouldn't be suspicious, but at the same time it's disingenuous for you to say that you didn't say anything about him cheating. Pointing out you found another woman's pantyhose in your house is exactly that. Not saying you're wrong, but yes, you did bring it up.

OH FFS. This is what you chose to reply to? Out of all of her post? Jesus . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is disturbing that your DH is banging someone who:

a) wears pantyhose
b) gets action when wearing it
c) is the type of gal to not notice she lost her pantyhose.

Sorry- what was your question?

Oh you are so behind the times... that was so page 3.
We are now on to DD's male friend who wears the hose, and the type of guy not to notice he lost her pantyhose.
Jury is still out on the issue of getting action while in or out of hose....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying you shouldn't be suspicious, but at the same time it's disingenuous for you to say that you didn't say anything about him cheating. Pointing out you found another woman's pantyhose in your house is exactly that. Not saying you're wrong, but yes, you did bring it up.

OH FFS. This is what you chose to reply to? Out of all of her post? Jesus . . .

Indeed. Clearly, some people just can't stop being nasty about the irrelevant things. OP is upset, and you are debating what she said and what she wrote she said, and what you think she said.... Are you her douche husband?

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry, OP.

It sounds like your husband is mentally ill, and doesn't recognize it. The cheating may or may not have happened, may or may not be related to the mental illness, but it really matters very little (other than perhaps getting tested for STDs?).

I would get my ducks in a row and tell him that unless he comes clean, you are divorcing him. Coming clean means explaining to you what goes on inside his head: mental breaks, anger issues, and non-disclosure of financial activity.

[Anonymous]

If he is taking his wedding ring off and disappearing for a month or so here & there, the pantyhose is really a non-issue.

Your husband may be leading a double life and that is not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is taking his wedding ring off and disappearing for a month or so here & there, the pantyhose is really a non-issue.

Your husband may be leading a double life and that is not acceptable.

Yes! A double life. That makes the most sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very sorry, OP.

It sounds like your husband is mentally ill, and doesn't recognize it. The cheating may or may not have happened, may or may not be related to the mental illness, but it really matters very little (other than perhaps getting tested for STDs?).

I would get my ducks in a row and tell him that unless he comes clean, you are divorcing him. Coming clean means explaining to you what goes on inside his head: mental breaks, anger issues, and non-disclosure of financial activity.

Oops, didn't see it was bipolar disorder, OP. You should have said so in your original post. My FIL was bipolar but it was a manageable version. I don't think you should be obligated to stay with him in such extremes of his disease, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His prior behavior is extreme. He has given you no reason to trust him, and every reason to distrust him - and yet he gets defensive and gaslights you when you are feeling insecure or uneasy.

Based on past events, basic logic can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that you cannot trust him. That doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating, but it seems you cannot have any expectations of him as a partner or husband.

I guess I'm wondering how you've remained in this marriage, truly.

How? Or why?
Because I remember who he was before he was sick, and I am hoping, that going through treatment, the man he was will come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His prior behavior is extreme. He has given you no reason to trust him, and every reason to distrust him - and yet he gets defensive and gaslights you when you are feeling insecure or uneasy.

Based on past events, basic logic can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that you cannot trust him. That doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating, but it seems you cannot have any expectations of him as a partner or husband.

I guess I'm wondering how you've remained in this marriage, truly.

How? Or why?
Because I remember who he was before he was sick, and I am hoping, that going through treatment, the man he was will come back.

At what cost to your children? Where do you draw the line of what is too much? Disappearing for weeks? No. Secrect finances? No. Probable infidelity? No
You're a trooper op, but I worry for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His prior behavior is extreme. He has given you no reason to trust him, and every reason to distrust him - and yet he gets defensive and gaslights you when you are feeling insecure or uneasy.

Based on past events, basic logic can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that you cannot trust him. That doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating, but it seems you cannot have any expectations of him as a partner or husband.

I guess I'm wondering how you've remained in this marriage, truly.

How? Or why?
Because I remember who he was before he was sick, and I am hoping, that going through treatment, the man he was will come back.

At what cost to your children? Where do you draw the line of what is too much? Disappearing for weeks? No. Secrect finances? No. Probable infidelity? No
You're a trooper op, but I worry for your kids.

Some people don't care about their kids. Some people don't care that they are not modeling healthy relationships. Some people don't care if their kid grows up thinking that being treated this way is ok. Some people don't care about the emotional stress the scenarios put on their kid. OP is one of those people. She's selfish, really no other way of putting it. Don't be surprised when your kid winds up in an abusive relationship OP, dear old mommy taught them that it was acceptable.

[Anonymous]

How would you know that he removes his wedding ring while he's gone?

And you should really reach out to his psychiatrist--he needs his meds adjusted.