Found some strange panty hose, it wasn't mine....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ unless I missed something??

Yes you missed it.

OOps. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of the posts were helpful? No one was condemning your family, just you and your husband. He is cheating, you are enabling, the kids are watching.

"He is cheating"? That's the problem in your eyes? This is a bigger problem than that, slightly. OP may have to leave him, buts it's an enormous tragedy for her and him. Been there.

No, the problem is that no one is minding the kids. Op is so caught up in it with dh, she doesn't have the time or mental energy to see about their well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, OP here.
Let's put this to rest. What seems to be lost on everyone is that his past behavior is past, prior to treatment and medication and hospitalization, etc. it is no longer happening. Many incidents only happened once, and are pretty common among bipolars when in a manic state, including disappearances.

I really don't need any armchair diagnosis or advice about bipolar, there's nothing anyone can tell me I don't already know. Unless you are a licensed professional or are a caregiver of a bipolar person, I don't need your insight into bipolar disorder. It is a disease.

I simply wanted opinions regarding his reaction that I interpreted as guilt , because yes I have reason to think he cheated in the past at some time when he was gone and in a manic state, prior to treatment. Since he is stable now, he does experience a great deal of remorse shame and guilt which is also common to bipolar people once they get stable.

But thank you all for your snide judgemental sanctimonious remarks and condemnation of me and my family. I only commented further here because I did not want anyone going through the experience of a bipolar family member or loved one seeing all the shitty comments and think they were receiving real or helpful information, which none of it was.

I can understand you're frustration. It's got to suck knowing you're no longer desirable to your husband.

I'll pray for you.

[Anonymous]

I simply wanted opinions regarding his reaction that I interpreted as guilt , because yes I have reason to think he cheated in the past at some time when he was gone and in a manic state, prior to treatment. Since he is stable now, he does experience a great deal of remorse shame and guilt which is also common to bipolar people once they get stable.

Look OP, what you originally posted and followed up with is inconsistent. You mention a strnage situation with the pantyhose, the absences, your suspicions that he's cheated in the past. When ppl say that this behavior is not acceptable, you counter that he has a mental illness. When people question how it is controlled, you say that you are not really part of his treatment plan.

People are responding to that and to the fact that you now say you only want other people's validation that the way you brought up the pantyhose was not accusatory (you're not even really asking whether we think he cheated!). It doesn't matter whether it was or not. As you yourself have since laid out, your husband has a mental illness that causes him to react in ways that are unpredictable; you know this so asking us who is "right" in this situation is a little pointless. If you want validation that this situation is fishy, unfair, that you have a right to be suspicious, you have my validation.

But the bigger point is this: you've brought up a marriage in which one partner suffers from bipolar disorder that is impacting the marriage and family in profound ways and that has destabilized trust to the extent that you dont know what to believe; you're not entirely sure whether the disorder is being treated properly and you do not seem to be an integral part of his care.

So, from the outside, this is a marriage in trouble and i think you know that. If you want to pull back now and you do not want anyone else's judgment, fine. I can understand how painful this must be. But getting angry because people are responding to the situation you have outlined, and not just your question about who was "right" seems like you're missing the bigger picture.

I say this from a sincere place: I am sorry that you are going through this. I think its extremely challenging to be with someone who has bipolar disorder and its is hard to know what the best thing to do is. I hope you find resolution.

[Anonymous]

Op, you're a shitty excuse for a mother. But obviously you don't care about it. Hopefully your kids see how pathetic you are and vow never to be like you and actually get themselves into good marriages have good self esteem, and are role models for their kids. Frankly, I find you disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying you shouldn't be suspicious, but at the same time it's disingenuous for you to say that you didn't say anything about him cheating. Pointing out you found another woman's pantyhose in your house is exactly that. Not saying you're wrong, but yes, you did bring it up.

OH FFS. This is what you chose to reply to? Out of all of her post? Jesus . . .

+1 Just trying to pick a fight.

[Anonymous]

Wow you are some of the worse people DC has to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best idea is to hire a private investigator to follow him. You seem to need to see what is so obvious to so many of us-- that he's living a double life, whether that's a boyfriend, a girlfriend, living as a transvestite or he has a drug trouble. Yes, you need to be involved in his therapy, you need std tests, you need an attorney-- but, more than anything, you need to open your eyes to what is going on and I think pi can help you do that.

Oh, and when you find out, think about all the lies it takes to sustain whatever it is he is doing. He's been doing this a long time.

This.

You are desperately caught up in a cycle of abuse and want to believe anything including this 'past is past' rhetoric to forgive these actions. I've got a newsflash for you. WHY he is doing any of these things isn't important. He is doing them, and it's unacceptable behavior in a marriage. I hope you can believe that.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need help. His breakdown was only a year ago. Nothing is healed or stable or okay. He can't handle you feeling any normal feelings of being upset, so you need an excellent therapist to help you through this.

[Anonymous]

I'm more concerned with the fact that you don't know how to spell pantyhose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serial killer

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow you are some of the worse people DC has to offer.

+1. The worst.