Found some strange panty hose, it wasn't mine....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's a nutcase and you're pretty close.

I am starting to think that, too.

Op here - how am I a nutcase?

Easy answer - you let him disappear for weeks on end with no real explanation and what sets you off on DCum is a pair of panty hose?

[Anonymous]

It's time to leave.

[Anonymous]

He's not cheating or a cross-dresser.

If he were, he wouldn't try to "hide" the pantyhose in your drawer, where you would find it.
He would hide it somewhere that you wouldn't easily find it. Believe me, I know.
If he was the one who put it into your drawer when doing laundry, then obviously he thought they were yours.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. No matter what went on, you have people in your corner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be this much in denial. Is he abusive by any chance? I ask because I find it odd that you would keep the homefires burning while he's off on some 6 week ringless vacation from life. Also, you didn't straight out discuss it with him, which makes it seem like you are afraid. Or enabling.

Like I said, he is mentally ill and when he was gone it was due to his mental breakdowns. I didn't straight-out discuss it with him because I didn't get a chance to, since he immediately flew right off the handle as soon as I told him I had "feelings" about it. I would have had I been able to get that far but once he's in a tantrum you can't reason with him.

He seems so disruptive to the stability of your family. Does that worry you, OP. Your kids experiencing that over and over. And quite honestly, what kind of mental illness dictates ditching your ring and secret credit cards? Seriously that's a lot of presence of mind to then only have issues for short spurts of time.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not cheating or a cross-dresser.

If he were, he wouldn't try to "hide" the pantyhose in your drawer, where you would find it.
He would hide it somewhere that you wouldn't easily find it. Believe me, I know.
If he was the one who put it into your drawer when doing laundry, then obviously he thought they were yours.

Yeah, but men don't typically keep a running mental inventory of dw's clothing. He found them in the house -wherever- and assumed they were OP's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be this much in denial. Is he abusive by any chance? I ask because I find it odd that you would keep the homefires burning while he's off on some 6 week ringless vacation from life. Also, you didn't straight out discuss it with him, which makes it seem like you are afraid. Or enabling.

Like I said, he is mentally ill and when he was gone it was due to his mental breakdowns. I didn't straight-out discuss it with him because I didn't get a chance to, since he immediately flew right off the handle as soon as I told him I had "feelings" about it. I would have had I been able to get that far but once he's in a tantrum you can't reason with him.

He seems so disruptive to the stability of your family. Does that worry you, OP. Your kids experiencing that over and over. And quite honestly, what kind of mental illness dictates ditching your ring and secret credit cards? Seriously that's a lot of presence of mind to then only have issues for short spurts of time.

It's what bipolar disorder does.

Thanks for being specific. Does he continue to go to work during these disappearances? I'm not doubting the illness, just the extreme behavior and over the top reactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be this much in denial. Is he abusive by any chance? I ask because I find it odd that you would keep the homefires burning while he's off on some 6 week ringless vacation from life. Also, you didn't straight out discuss it with him, which makes it seem like you are afraid. Or enabling.

Like I said, he is mentally ill and when he was gone it was due to his mental breakdowns. I didn't straight-out discuss it with him because I didn't get a chance to, since he immediately flew right off the handle as soon as I told him I had "feelings" about it. I would have had I been able to get that far but once he's in a tantrum you can't reason with him.

He seems so disruptive to the stability of your family. Does that worry you, OP. Your kids experiencing that over and over. And quite honestly, what kind of mental illness dictates ditching your ring and secret credit cards? Seriously that's a lot of presence of mind to then only have issues for short spurts of time.

It's what bipolar disorder does.

Thanks for being specific. Does he continue to go to work during these disappearances? I'm not doubting the illness, just the extreme behavior and over the top reactions.

Yes he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be this much in denial. Is he abusive by any chance? I ask because I find it odd that you would keep the homefires burning while he's off on some 6 week ringless vacation from life. Also, you didn't straight out discuss it with him, which makes it seem like you are afraid. Or enabling.

Like I said, he is mentally ill and when he was gone it was due to his mental breakdowns. I didn't straight-out discuss it with him because I didn't get a chance to, since he immediately flew right off the handle as soon as I told him I had "feelings" about it. I would have had I been able to get that far but once he's in a tantrum you can't reason with him.

He seems so disruptive to the stability of your family. Does that worry you, OP. Your kids experiencing that over and over. And quite honestly, what kind of mental illness dictates ditching your ring and secret credit cards? Seriously that's a lot of presence of mind to then only have issues for short spurts of time.

It's what bipolar disorder does.

A very common sympton of biplor disorder is hypersexuality, it's also true that many times people don't cleary remember these episodes.It's also true that sometimes they do, but are so ashamed and embarrassed by their manic behavior they deny it.

[Anonymous]

I suspect kris kardashian jenner would tell you that she can relate.

[Anonymous]

OP, why do you put up with this behavior? It sounds awful, and not good for your kids either. Why why why.

[Anonymous]

This is so strange. What do you tell your daughters when he disappears for a month? This is horrible behavior for them to witness

I'm sorry you are going through this OP. He's doing something really bad and you need to get out. Have you ever found any gay porn or anything like that?

[Anonymous]

He's telling you and showing you he doesn't care. Leave girl before he truly wrecks your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be this much in denial. Is he abusive by any chance? I ask because I find it odd that you would keep the homefires burning while he's off on some 6 week ringless vacation from life. Also, you didn't straight out discuss it with him, which makes it seem like you are afraid. Or enabling.

Like I said, he is mentally ill and when he was gone it was due to his mental breakdowns. I didn't straight-out discuss it with him because I didn't get a chance to, since he immediately flew right off the handle as soon as I told him I had "feelings" about it. I would have had I been able to get that far but once he's in a tantrum you can't reason with him.

He seems so disruptive to the stability of your family. Does that worry you, OP. Your kids experiencing that over and over. And quite honestly, what kind of mental illness dictates ditching your ring and secret credit cards? Seriously that's a lot of presence of mind to then only have issues for short spurts of time.

It's what bipolar disorder does.

A very common sympton of biplor disorder is hypersexuality, it's also true that many times people don't cleary remember these episodes.It's also true that sometimes they do, but are so ashamed and embarrassed by their manic behavior they deny it.

+1. My exDH had hypersexuality as part of his bipolar mania. I sympathize with you if you are looking at this as an illness and giving him time to seek help. But, especially with kids, your job is to put your own oxygen mask on first, because you are the only stable person for your kids. This means you need legal counsel ASAP to guide you as to how to protect yourself financially whether you stay married or not.

You need to have regular access to his credit report and know about all debts and accounts. You need to have regular contact with his psychaotrost and therapist in order to privide input about mood and participate in treatment.

bipolar is a difficult diagnosis because it is quite common that the patient is unable to accurately report moods and is thus misdignosed or treated. Also many doctors still prescribe anti-depressants to bipolars which can make the situation worse. It can be hard to find an effective mood stabilizer; patients often have to try multiple med combos before finding something effective. Bipolar patients often stop taking effective meds due to side effects or loss of the pleasant aspects of mania.

Read Burden of Sumpathy by Karp is you are struggling with your obligation to him. GEt support from NAMI - their Family to Family class is great. Sign up to bpso.org for online support - it's the best support anywhere for bipolar families.

Remember - you are trying to interact rationally with someone that is irrational. COnsider how long you can live like this while giving him a chance to get well. In the end, it doesn't really matter where the stockings came from. His hostility to discussing it is unacceptable. Same with his disappearances - whether he cheated or not is irrelevant - it's enough that he left, lied, etc. Same with the hidden finances.

Sadly, it sounds like it is likely you will need to end the relationship. But, he can still be part of the family in a different way and a good parent to the degree possible for him. That's what happened to us. Not what I hoped for from marriage, but the kids and I are safer and healthier now that he is out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not cheating or a cross-dresser.

If he were, he wouldn't try to "hide" the pantyhose in your drawer, where you would find it.
He would hide it somewhere that you wouldn't easily find it. Believe me, I know.
If he was the one who put it into your drawer when doing laundry, then obviously he thought they were yours.

Yeah, but men don't typically keep a running mental inventory of dw's clothing. He found them in the house -wherever- and assumed they were OP's.

If I were having an affair, or I were cross-dressing... I would certainly recognize that pair of pantyhose and not assume they were OP's.
The only way he assumes they are OP's are they are hers or her daughters (or one of their friends). I'm telling you, if he had any inkling that they may incriminate him, they would not be in her drawer.
If here were crossdressing, he'd know that pair inside and out, literally.