Found some strange panty hose, it wasn't mine....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't be this much in denial. Is he abusive by any chance? I ask because I find it odd that you would keep the homefires burning while he's off on some 6 week ringless vacation from life. Also, you didn't straight out discuss it with him, which makes it seem like you are afraid. Or enabling.

Like I said, he is mentally ill and when he was gone it was due to his mental breakdowns. I didn't straight-out discuss it with him because I didn't get a chance to, since he immediately flew right off the handle as soon as I told him I had "feelings" about it. I would have had I been able to get that far but once he's in a tantrum you can't reason with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here...uh, ok, so you all think it was passive aggressive accusation. I was thinking of all the other things it could be before jumping to that conclusion, so I don't feel like it was any kind of accusation, and I am generally direct and not the passive-aggressive type. Nonetheless, that's not really the point or question of the post.

OP, I don't agree it was passive aggressive accusation. What you write about your discovery and your marriage suggests you don't trust your judgment and that you were genuinely trying to find a legitimate explanation for what you found.

Thank you. -OP

[Anonymous]

OP, real Q: do you even wear pantyhose regularly? I don't, although I have a few pairs, but most importantly my teen doesn't have ANY. Does your DD? Or her friends? That doesn't seem plausible to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, real Q: do you even wear pantyhose regularly? I don't, although I have a few pairs, but most importantly my teen doesn't have ANY. Does your DD? Or her friends? That doesn't seem plausible to me.

Yes, I do, I have a dress-code. The daughters wear them in winter, but only black or white tights. As for the friends, I thought maybe the male gay ones wore them, since they wear makeup too.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be this much in denial. Is he abusive by any chance? I ask because I find it odd that you would keep the homefires burning while he's off on some 6 week ringless vacation from life. Also, you didn't straight out discuss it with him, which makes it seem like you are afraid. Or enabling.

Like I said, he is mentally ill and when he was gone it was due to his mental breakdowns. I didn't straight-out discuss it with him because I didn't get a chance to, since he immediately flew right off the handle as soon as I told him I had "feelings" about it. I would have had I been able to get that far but once he's in a tantrum you can't reason with him.

He is abusing you. I understand you are honoring your marriage vows, "in sickness and health", but he is using his illness as both a shield and a weapon. As a pp advised, get your finances and life in order. You should probably get an STD screening as well. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

He exploded into a tantrum about being accused via text?
Wow that sounds wild...what type of emojis did he use?

??
??
??
??

[Anonymous]

He's a nutcase and you're pretty close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be this much in denial. Is he abusive by any chance? I ask because I find it odd that you would keep the homefires burning while he's off on some 6 week ringless vacation from life. Also, you didn't straight out discuss it with him, which makes it seem like you are afraid. Or enabling.

Like I said, he is mentally ill and when he was gone it was due to his mental breakdowns. I didn't straight-out discuss it with him because I didn't get a chance to, since he immediately flew right off the handle as soon as I told him I had "feelings" about it. I would have had I been able to get that far but once he's in a tantrum you can't reason with him.

He is abusing you. I understand you are honoring your marriage vows, "in sickness and health", but he is using his illness as both a shield and a weapon. As a pp advised, get your finances and life in order. You should probably get an STD screening as well. I'm sorry.

+100000000000000000000000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a nutcase and you're pretty close.

I am starting to think that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's a nutcase and you're pretty close.

I am starting to think that, too.

Op here - how am I a nutcase?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be this much in denial. Is he abusive by any chance? I ask because I find it odd that you would keep the homefires burning while he's off on some 6 week ringless vacation from life. Also, you didn't straight out discuss it with him, which makes it seem like you are afraid. Or enabling.

Like I said, he is mentally ill and when he was gone it was due to his mental breakdowns. I didn't straight-out discuss it with him because I didn't get a chance to, since he immediately flew right off the handle as soon as I told him I had "feelings" about it. I would have had I been able to get that far but once he's in a tantrum you can't reason with him.

He seems so disruptive to the stability of your family. Does that worry you, OP. Your kids experiencing that over and over. And quite honestly, what kind of mental illness dictates ditching your ring and secret credit cards? Seriously that's a lot of presence of mind to then only have issues for short spurts of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be this much in denial. Is he abusive by any chance? I ask because I find it odd that you would keep the homefires burning while he's off on some 6 week ringless vacation from life. Also, you didn't straight out discuss it with him, which makes it seem like you are afraid. Or enabling.

Like I said, he is mentally ill and when he was gone it was due to his mental breakdowns. I didn't straight-out discuss it with him because I didn't get a chance to, since he immediately flew right off the handle as soon as I told him I had "feelings" about it. I would have had I been able to get that far but once he's in a tantrum you can't reason with him.

He seems so disruptive to the stability of your family. Does that worry you, OP. Your kids experiencing that over and over. And quite honestly, what kind of mental illness dictates ditching your ring and secret credit cards? Seriously that's a lot of presence of mind to then only have issues for short spurts of time.

It's what bipolar disorder does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...uh, ok, so you all think it was passive aggressive accusation. I was thinking of all the other things it could be before jumping to that conclusion, so I don't feel like it was any kind of accusation, and I am generally direct and not the passive-aggressive type. Nonetheless, that's not really the point or question of the post.

No, I agree with the rest, your comment to him was absolutely saying that you think he might be cheating on you. It's ok to confront him on it, btw. Just silly for you to deny it.

When your spouse disappears for days, removes his ring, puts strange hose in your drawer, it's reasonable to confront him about the possibility that he may be cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:....it doesn't belong to my daughters or their friends either. It was put away in my drawer as DH does the laundry sometimes. When I asked him about it, he said he didn't know, I asked my daughters they didn't know.

So this isn't really whats bothering me.....

He took me to work and I was silent in the car, just thinking, about my work day and wondering where the pantyhose came from. He texted me that I seemed upset and I replied,"Just the usual feelings one would feel when finding women's underthings in her house that don't belong to her." And he exploded into a tantrum about being accused and he won't sit here and be accused of something he hasn't done, the pantyhose didn't come from him and I need to question my daughters and their friends some more, and I need to think things through before jumping to conclusions (??) and on and on about he is so sick of being accused of cheating, he isn't a cheater, and never has been, etc. etc.......

Now, I have never accused him of cheating, and I in no way even went there today. A couple years ago, he lost interest in sex and I asked him if there was someone else, he said no, and we moved on. A year ago, he had a mental break, was gone for a month to 6 weeks (as in just left home, not in hospital), took off his ring, said I should divorce him, blah blah blah...this is in the wake of him having several mental breaks in which he takes off his ring, disappears for days to weeks, to who knows where (well, HOTELS actually)....he got better, is now in treatment, and we have been trying to rebuild ever since. Recently, as in months ago, I asked him again if he had cheated on me (at any time during these mental break disappearances, specifically the month-long disappearance). I asked because he was gone for so long, he took off his ring and didn't wear it for months, and then I discovered he had a secret credit card along with a bank account I don't have access to. He became very agitated and said "Why would I do that? Why would I do that?" Never looked me in the eye and just said, "No I didn't cheat on you."

So today, with his reaction, I am taking it that he HAS cheated on me, otherwise why would he get so immediately angry and defensive, when I hadn't even said a single thing about it, didn't accuse, didn't ask. I literally had not even arrived at a conclusion.......what would you think?

Cross dresser. Now you need to find out if he getting sex on craigslist with other men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here...uh, ok, so you all think it was passive aggressive accusation. I was thinking of all the other things it could be before jumping to that conclusion, so I don't feel like it was any kind of accusation, and I am generally direct and not the passive-aggressive type. Nonetheless, that's not really the point or question of the post.

No, I agree with the rest, your comment to him was absolutely saying that you think he might be cheating on you. It's ok to confront him on it, btw. Just silly for you to deny it.

When your spouse disappears for days, removes his ring, puts strange hose in your drawer, it's reasonable to confront him about the possibility that he may be cheating.

THIS. +100000