What happens to extroverted, controlling, bossy little girls down the line?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

They grow up to be academic superstars, convert their smarts into big law partnership, and bank fat stacks of cash while never again talking to the asshole, misogynistic parents who called them names like "bossy."

Or at least that's my story.

Sounds like a fairy tale.

My life is pretty great. Bossy women get it done.

Bossy woman must not have common sense - missing some sarcasm there.

Hi dummy. I didn't miss the sarcasm. I just don't give a shit. Stay jealous.

[Anonymous]

Wow, lots of haters for female bosses here.

My daughter is a strong independent type. She also likes to lead others. As a child it came off "bossy" as a teen it's called "independence" as an adult it will be called "leadership"

OP, just watch it, nurture it and treat it like any skill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a bossy kid -

My parents were called into school often because I didn't want to follow the rules. The principal of my school told my mother my "big mouth would get me into trouble" and "I needed to learn my place as a young lady"

Lucky for me, my mother didn't listen to that crap.

I have a loving husband, great group of friends, and I am a very successful at my job.

My parents did have pretty sucky teenage years with me.

So you didn't follow the rules at school and your mom didn't care? Sad

Not PP, but not everyone is interested in raising sheep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your DD allowed to get away with this behavior? Are theirrelevant boundaries that need to be observed in your family?

What? WTF? Seriously?

Little girls who are "bossy" are natural leaders. They have terrific, innate leadership skills. It's not something that she "gets away with." It's something that is a tremendous asset and which she needs to learn to harness to make the world a better place.

Girls that are bossy are not natural leaders. Natural leaders take control sometimes yes, but they also listen to others, digest what people are saying around them and come up with better ways to do things.

Bossy girls on the playground always tell other kids what to do, don't listen or care what the other kids want to do or say, always is waiting to get a word in edge-wise, ignores adults, always has a rationale as to why they did something their way (even when they know it is wrong) and then stomp if they don't get their way.

Please don't think that bossy is a positive word. It has nothing to do with being a leader.

An immature leader is bossy. MANY bossy children turn into leaders, and they have the strength to do what is needed. You seem to be making a leap here that people can't learn and refine their skills.

A bossy child whose parents work with them and who can learn self-control and harnessing their power can and do turn into leaders. But at 8 years old, they aren't going to have those skills yet. Leadership is learned, but there are innate skills (often that manifest as bossy) that can lend to having a personality style well-suited for leading.

How do you know that MANY bossy children turn into leaders? There are leaders in young grades that are not bossy. There are leaders in youth sports that are not bossy. They are not synonyms or a one thing leads to another.

Not PP, but you wrote your own answer. There are different kinds of leadership.

People know that the traits that people identify as "bossy" in little girls can be shaped into traits that are identified as "leadership" later on, because they have raised and mentored these girls. I have been a Girl Scout leader and a college instructor and a coach and a chapter advisor for a sorority. Girls that are bossy usually have a clear vision for a group of people or an organization. If they are smart, extroverted and have some kindness, they can be taught the appropriate social skills to lead that group to great things. They just need to learn how to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

At 5 you need to rein her in a bit. You sound like the indulgent parent who does not understand that to others this sounds like "brat"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: thanks for all the feedback. Interesting how some things came up that I never thought were relevant (looks).

My daughter is actually very beautiful and I'm not just saying that as her mom. She's just genetically lucky in that regard and will probably end up to be a stunning adult. But again I am not sure that is relevant.

She is not a bossy jerk. If a child gets hurt on the playground, she is the first to run over to see how she can make them feel better. She really does care about others and can empathize.

I think it's more of an annoying bossiness. "Jane, you use the blue crayon to color Elsa while I color Anna's cape green." If Jane wants Elsa to be red today, that will not be acceptable and dd will not shut up until Jane is coloring Elsas cape in the most perfect frozen esque blue in the crayon box. Or if Jane wants to color her own picture of Cinderella...
Not happening. I've never really seen her get into a showdown with another child because she is so bossy that they all just listen.

At home, she does not run the show, but there are a lot of tears and a lot of screaming matches and dramatics and tantrums. But no- she does not run the show at home.. not for lack of trying though.

OP Take a parenting class.

[Anonymous]

Smart children figure out how to get what they want without tears and tantrums. This child sounds socially immature.

And OP REALLY needs to think if she would find the domineering behavior with peers to be acceptable if DD was a DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, lots of haters for female bosses here.

My daughter is a strong independent type. She also likes to lead others. As a child it came off "bossy" as a teen it's called "independence" as an adult it will be called "leadership"

OP, just watch it, nurture it and treat it like any skill.

Even little children do not love "bossy"

[Anonymous]

Well, I'd say most of the last several posts have been pure idiocy.

"This child sounds socially immature"??? The child is FIVE. Dumbass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'd say most of the last several posts have been pure idiocy.

"This child sounds socially immature"??? The child is FIVE. Dumbass.

To think that the behavior of a five year old shows leadership is dumba$$.

[Anonymous]

I was an extroverted kid who was always getting elected "team captain" and "group leader" despite not particularly wanting it or seeking it out. I assume that I showed leadership ability, and I take leadership seriously so sh*t got done. I wasn't bossy or controlling of other people, but I do like a certain degree of control over my own life, and if given the reins, I take charge.

I think the outcome for such girls depends on how much self-awareness and social grace the girl has. A girl who is perceptive and tactful will end up going pretty far with those traits. A girl who is more socially inept may end up unpopular with the kids at school or her colleagues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a bossy kid -

My parents were called into school often because I didn't want to follow the rules. The principal of my school told my mother my "big mouth would get me into trouble" and "I needed to learn my place as a young lady"

Lucky for me, my mother didn't listen to that crap.

I have a loving husband, great group of friends, and I am a very successful at my job.

My parents did have pretty sucky teenage years with me.

So you didn't follow the rules at school and your mom didn't care? Sad

Not PP, but not everyone is interested in raising sheep.

So you teach your child not to follow the rules, because they would be sheep if they respected and listened to their teacher? WTF???? You should like a royal B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, lots of haters for female bosses here.

My daughter is a strong independent type. She also likes to lead others. As a child it came off "bossy" as a teen it's called "independence" as an adult it will be called "leadership"

OP, just watch it, nurture it and treat it like any skill.

No one here is hating on female bosses. We are talking about 5yr olds acting bossy. They are not even on the same level here. Rationalizing that a child can act bossy to other children because they may grow up and be a leader is about as crappy parenting as it gets. The OP is asking for a few things. First off, she is apparent her child is like this and that is good. Her child has obvious good traits but telling her to embrace the way she acts and treats others NOW because "maybe" 20 years down the line it may benefit her? No one is trying to squash her good traits. But there are bad ones like telling kids what to do all the time, not listening, not always having empathy for others and throwing a shit fit if she doesn't get her way - should not go under the radar. There is a way to positively reinforce behavior, not turning her into a narcissist, engaging more people, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your DD allowed to get away with this behavior? Are theirrelevant boundaries that need to be observed in your family?

What? WTF? Seriously?

Little girls who are "bossy" are natural leaders. They have terrific, innate leadership skills. It's not something that she "gets away with." It's something that is a tremendous asset and which she needs to learn to harness to make the world a better place.

That's not actually true. Bossy people are better suited for sales than leadership. Great leaders aren't "bossy." But to be in sales, you have be comfortable telling other people what they want and what they should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, lots of haters for female bosses here.

My daughter is a strong independent type. She also likes to lead others. As a child it came off "bossy" as a teen it's called "independence" as an adult it will be called "leadership"

OP, just watch it, nurture it and treat it like any skill.

No one here is hating on female bosses. We are talking about 5yr olds acting bossy. They are not even on the same level here. Rationalizing that a child can act bossy to other children because they may grow up and be a leader is about as crappy parenting as it gets. The OP is asking for a few things. First off, she is apparent her child is like this and that is good. Her child has obvious good traits but telling her to embrace the way she acts and treats others NOW because "maybe" 20 years down the line it may benefit her? No one is trying to squash her good traits. But there are bad ones like telling kids what to do all the time, not listening, not always having empathy for others and throwing a shit fit if she doesn't get her way - should not go under the radar. There is a way to positively reinforce behavior, not turning her into a narcissist, engaging more people, etc...

This is true. I am a 30s something woman with an AWESOME female boss who is fair, kind, and whipsmart.

But my 6 year old DD is close friends with a girl who is like OP's DD. And you know what? I used to love inviting her over for play dates, but now I dread it because she's exhausting and inevitably, my DD will quietly confide in me something controlling that her friend did, or that she felt terrible because she was excluded because she didn't do what her friend wanted to do at recess.