What happens to extroverted, controlling, bossy little girls down the line?

[Anonymous]

If she is pretty, she will meet someone fabulous one day.
If she is average or below in looks, it will be a tough road for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would constantly encourage kindness to others.

This.

She needs to learn to use her powers for good. She can really reshape the context of a classroom and her communities by becoming someone who is kind and who advocates for fairness. She needs to learn patience and kindness and how to advocate for herself and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would constantly encourage kindness to others.

This. This. This. Your child will be the queen bee/mean girl if you don't set limits on her bossiness and strongly encourage her to look outside herself and be kind. I'm seeing this with a child in DD's 6th grade class whose parents acknowlege "Yeah, she's always been bossy and extroverted and the loudest in the room" but don't understand how she is perceived as the class mean girl.

[Anonymous]

They end up being my boss. I'd chill out about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would constantly encourage kindness to others.

This. This. This. Your child will be the queen bee/mean girl if you don't set limits on her bossiness and strongly encourage her to look outside herself and be kind. I'm seeing this with a child in DD's 6th grade class whose parents acknowlege "Yeah, she's always been bossy and extroverted and the loudest in the room" but don't understand how she is perceived as the class mean girl.

And lots and lots and lots of coaching on social skills for how to handle group disagreements and talking to authority figures. She needs some diplomacy.

[Anonymous]

I'm parenting this kid. My 12 year old DD has a very strong personality. The bossy thing gradually got better. Although there was some intervention on our part, telling her to stop telling other kids what to do. But I think her peers played a bigger role in this. She has a very nice group of friends.

She still is strong willed. (Let's face it-- stubborn). And that can be a parenting challenge, because if she decides not to do something, then she doesn't do it, and she cannot be bribed, coerced or punished into changing her mind. But as she enters adolescence, I'm glad she has a backbone. I think she is well equipped to stand up for herself and not give in to peer pressure.

[Anonymous]

"Bossiness" gets sorted out on the playground. She will learn how to read people and how to get her point across with more nuance-- just give her time and let her peers do the work for you. Seriously.

The rest of it is great! She'll be a great student, not forgotten in the back of the class and will have lots of friends. She may need help with empathy, but all kids do. Enjoy her!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would constantly encourage kindness to others.

This.

She needs to learn to use her powers for good. She can really reshape the context of a classroom and her communities by becoming someone who is kind and who advocates for fairness. She needs to learn patience and kindness and how to advocate for herself and others.

Yeah, the bossy little girl who learns kindness can turn into the big girl who stands up for others, is a strong advocate, and calls out injustice. She can be the girl who demands that others stop excluding someone, and insists on making them part of the community. Just work on developing empathy and kindness, so that the bossiness isn't just about getting what she wants.

[Anonymous]

I am like that... I am a project manager so I still boss people around.

I have a strong sense of morals so I tended to defend the kids that were being bullied. I actually got an award at school because I stood up to a girl that was bullying a girl I didn't even know.

I also have a son that is this way and he has stood up to many bullies in his years at school.

I say to my son you have a gift ... you need to use it for good not evil.

At work, I read lots of books on communication and leadership to understand the difference between being assertive and aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was that kid.

I was at the head of my class and loved by teachers in early elementary.

In older elementary I hung with the mean girls so I imagine I was not so loved.

Early teen years I was awful, especially to my poor mom.

In high school I grew up a bit. I was still very outgoing, but I was kind, very likeable, and made friends easily from all sorts of social groups.

I became a very mellow, laid back adult. I am still outgoing.

You never know OP. Life experiences shape people quite a bit.

Always remember, there is hope for "mean girls."

I wasn't necessarily an extrovert, but I had very, very clear ideas on how things should work, what was fair and unfair and I was not afraid to question authority. Teachers HATED that. Of course, I realize now, who the hell wants a 9 year old telling you that you're not doing something right? Of course, not much in my personality has changed. I was never truly happy in work until I was in a leadership position (less about being in charge, but willingness to take chances and accept responsibility for decisions - good and not so great) At least it stopped feeling like life was 'happening to me' and I was in charge of my own destiny. And I definitely had to learn to be more diplomatic in my message delivery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is pretty, she will meet someone fabulous one day.
If she is average or below in looks, it will be a tough road for her.

Yep. It's really held Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Madeline Albright, Condi Rice, Amy Schumer, Tammy Duckworth, Elizabeth Warren, Loretta Lynch, Michelle Obama, Sheryl Sandberg, Barbara Walters, Barbara Streisand, and Margaret Cho back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is pretty, she will meet someone fabulous one day.
If she is average or below in looks, it will be a tough road for her.

Yes, because life for a woman is all about finding a man.... who are you people? What cave do you live in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was that kid.

I was at the head of my class and loved by teachers in early elementary.

In older elementary I hung with the mean girls so I imagine I was not so loved.

Early teen years I was awful, especially to my poor mom.

In high school I grew up a bit. I was still very outgoing, but I was kind, very likeable, and made friends easily from all sorts of social groups.

I became a very mellow, laid back adult. I am still outgoing.

You never know OP. Life experiences shape people quite a bit.

Always remember, there is hope for "mean girls."

I was also that kid.

I also graduated top of my class, loved by teachers almost universally. Perfect grades and SATs (being competitive can be good for academic achievement).

Not many mean girls at school (my grade just didn't have many mean girls, for which I'm eternally grateful), stayed close to my parents throughout my teen years. Outgoing throughout high school and college, also lots of friends from different social groups. Best friends were quirky types.

Studied abroad in a very different culture and finally learned how quiet/listening/group consideration skills (but still can turn the bossy back on when need be).

Energetic and intense adult with a great career and a family I adore fiercely. Also own a burgeoning business -- being confident and bossy helps so much there.

Agree 100% with PP that life experiences shape people. Bossy, bright girls won't let themselves get pushed around and held down by the patriarchy, and will try to take advantage of opportunities and learn from missteps. Encourage her to be the boss she is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

My DD has a friend like this. Now in middle school this is what I observe added onto your original post:

- Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction AND now so do plenty of other girls. Many girls who were shy in K have changed so much over the years!
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time AND still intensely competitive but now "loses" more often because being competitive in K is pretty easy but being competitive as they get older is harder because all the other kids get better at things and sometimes much, much better.
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy AND still is bossing her mother and father around and it's now embarrasing for the parents becuase what they thought was cute and assertive in K has lost it's charm in middle school. Also, because she runs the show at their house, parents have been less willing to let their kids hang out there now that kids are older. IN terms of other kids, the bossiness has toned down a lot because being bossy in K was really easy.
-Very bright AND meh, average. Because it's easy to be "very bright" in K and every single kid in my child's class was.
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her AND it's not that she is being "analytical" it's that she is being bratty and argumentative and as the parent and you are thinking it's because she it super smart/awesome/cool and you are secretly patting yourself on the back for this behavior. By middle school, you will be regretting it. (see above)

[Anonymous]

My SIL was like this. She is amazing and we love her but she was demanding, bossy, stubborn, and even manipulating as a child.

She is now thriving in the corporate world. She was promoted higher and faster than anyone before in her top company and was managing a team before she was 27.