What happens to extroverted, controlling, bossy little girls down the line?

[Anonymous]

Op, this is way down the road ~ it may help if her professional identity is credentialed. I suspected early on that DD would want to be a "licensed something". I just had that in mind and made her aware of opportunities. She will work tirelessly towards a goal but wants predictable recognition. She's great at being in charge. If she's not in charge she respects structure but only firm structure that is clearly established. This is a child where you will not want to skew anything to her advantage. It's not enough to be smart and ambitious, obviously you want her to be a good person too. And having said all that about ambition, make sure she knows she's not loved for her success but is loved unconditionally.

[Anonymous]

My kid adores a bossy kid. He's a follower by nature and plays well with kids who are directing the show. But there is a difference between bossy and mean/inconsiderate. So watch that. And she will have conflict with kids who don't like to be bossed around - and she'll learn though these interactions though they might be painful for her and the other child. Be there to support her and help her make sense of what happened (again and again because these things take time).

I do recess duty. Bossiness does NOT seem to be the biggest problem kids face - rather it is meanness (purposely doing things to get a rise out of another child) and exclusion and rough play that gets personal. I wouldn't be overly concerned with bossiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do recess duty. Bossiness does NOT seem to be the biggest problem kids face - rather it is meanness (purposely doing things to get a rise out of another child) and exclusion and rough play that gets personal. I wouldn't be overly concerned with bossiness.

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is pretty, she will meet someone fabulous one day.
If she is average or below in looks, it will be a tough road for her.

Yep. It's really held Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Madeline Albright, Condi Rice, Amy Schumer, Tammy Duckworth, Elizabeth Warren, Loretta Lynch, Michelle Obama, Sheryl Sandberg, Barbara Walters, Barbara Streisand, and Margaret Cho back.

If anything, it seems like bright, bossy girls only succeed if they AREN'T pretty.

I don't understand this sub-thread at ALL. A lot of the women on that list are (or "were," in their youth) very pretty. Even most of the "ugliest" on that list are/were pretty objectively better than average.

Michelle Obama? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is pretty, she will meet someone fabulous one day.
If she is average or below in looks, it will be a tough road for her.

Yep. It's really held Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Madeline Albright, Condi Rice, Amy Schumer, Tammy Duckworth, Elizabeth Warren, Loretta Lynch, Michelle Obama, Sheryl Sandberg, Barbara Walters, Barbara Streisand, and Margaret Cho back.

If anything, it seems like bright, bossy girls only succeed if they AREN'T pretty.

I don't understand this sub-thread at ALL. A lot of the women on that list are (or "were," in their youth) very pretty. Even most of the "ugliest" on that list are/were pretty objectively better than average.

Michelle Obama? Really?

She's much prettier now than she was at 20.

[Anonymous]

I be some a lobbyist ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your DD allowed to get away with this behavior? Are theirrelevant boundaries that need to be observed in your family?

What? WTF? Seriously?

Little girls who are "bossy" are natural leaders. They have terrific, innate leadership skills. It's not something that she "gets away with." It's something that is a tremendous asset and which she needs to learn to harness to make the world a better place.

Girls that are bossy are not natural leaders. Natural leaders take control sometimes yes, but they also listen to others, digest what people are saying around them and come up with better ways to do things.

Bossy girls on the playground always tell other kids what to do, don't listen or care what the other kids want to do or say, always is waiting to get a word in edge-wise, ignores adults, always has a rationale as to why they did something their way (even when they know it is wrong) and then stomp if they don't get their way.

Please don't think that bossy is a positive word. It has nothing to do with being a leader.

An immature leader is bossy. MANY bossy children turn into leaders, and they have the strength to do what is needed. You seem to be making a leap here that people can't learn and refine their skills.

A bossy child whose parents work with them and who can learn self-control and harnessing their power can and do turn into leaders. But at 8 years old, they aren't going to have those skills yet. Leadership is learned, but there are innate skills (often that manifest as bossy) that can lend to having a personality style well-suited for leading.

How do you know that MANY bossy children turn into leaders? There are leaders in young grades that are not bossy. There are leaders in youth sports that are not bossy. They are not synonyms or a one thing leads to another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I be some a lobbyist ?

I hate autocorrect. Anyway, I became a lobbyist. It works with that type of personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

They grow up to be academic superstars, convert their smarts into big law partnership, and bank fat stacks of cash while never again talking to the asshole, misogynistic parents who called them names like "bossy."

Or at least that's my story.

Sounds like a fairy tale.

[Anonymous]

I was a bossy kid -

My parents were called into school often because I didn't want to follow the rules. The principal of my school told my mother my "big mouth would get me into trouble" and "I needed to learn my place as a young lady"

Lucky for me, my mother didn't listen to that crap.

I have a loving husband, great group of friends, and I am a very successful at my job.

My parents did have pretty sucky teenage years with me.

[Anonymous]

Eye roll. If your daughter is a bossy jerk then I would tell my daughter to steer clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll. If your daughter is a bossy jerk then I would tell my daughter to steer clear.

Ugh! OP never said her kid was a "bossy jerk" - in fact she described her as kind.

I think a lot of the reactions on this thread are pretty telling regarding people's outdated, sexist attitudes about girls.

Listen, OP, you're kid sounds FINE. In fact, she sounds above average, and I would be thrilled if she was my daughter! She has a voice, opinions, and she shares them! That's great! Kids and adjults learn soon enough how to modulate. As long as she's not a bully, there's no problem here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll. If your daughter is a bossy jerk then I would tell my daughter to steer clear.

Eventually she will meet up with my daughter...when she is working for her as my secretary.

You added jerk, because you are living in 1950s when it comes to attitudes about women and "bossy"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll. If your daughter is a bossy jerk then I would tell my daughter to steer clear.

Eventually she will meet up with my daughter...when she is working for her as my secretary.

You added jerk, because you are living in 1950s when it comes to attitudes about women and "bossy"

Not the PP but you sound like an asshole. There's nothing wrong with being a secretary. I hope my own daughter learns to treat all people with respect regardless of their occupation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll. If your daughter is a bossy jerk then I would tell my daughter to steer clear.

Eventually she will meet up with my daughter...when she is working for her as my secretary.

You added jerk, because you are living in 1950s when it comes to attitudes about women and "bossy"

Not the PP but you sound like an asshole. There's nothing wrong with being a secretary. I hope my own daughter learns to treat all people with respect regardless of their occupation.

+1 I bet PP acts mean to wait staff and her admins.