What happens to extroverted, controlling, bossy little girls down the line?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the most depressing thread ever.

Agreed. Not sure we would see the same comments if the OP's child were a boy.

Disagree. DD had a friend like this and he annoyed all of the neighborhood parents.

OP, my little sister was like this. I was amazed that she had friends! What was most surprising is she was quite submissive with boys once she started dating in HS. This was a huge shock, because women in my family are anything but in relationships. She calmed down a lot in her early 20s and is awesome today. She is also the world's best auntie and such a huge support to myself and others in the family. She's still assertive, but it works for her now. She's actually pretty sensitive which people don't always realize because she seems so tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

At 5 you need to rein her in a bit. You sound like the indulgent parent who does not understand that to others this sounds like "brat"

+1000

[Anonymous]

Me. I'm now a CFO.

Keep encouraging her, but she has to be nice too. Although I'm bossy, I've always been a very loyal friend who others can depend on.

I also have a very supportive husband who is better with the softer skills, compassion, patience, that really benefits our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me. I'm now a CFO.

Keep encouraging her, but she has to be nice too. Although I'm bossy, I've always been a very loyal friend who others can depend on.

I also have a very supportive husband who is better with the softer skills, compassion, patience, that really benefits our children.

So you are a CFO but you were a bossy kid and now lack compassion and patience with your kids?

Listen no one is saying to tell the "bossy" kids to lay down and be a doormat but kids like this need a lot of compassion, patience and really need to be taught empathy and inclusion. Bossy kids tend to be "my way or the highway" and if a parent doesn't step in or even worse, encourages this type of "powerful" behavior, the child will lack many appropriate social skills and tends to be the one stomping on others acting like doormats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is pretty, she will meet someone fabulous one day.
If she is average or below in looks, it will be a tough road for her.

Yep. It's really held Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Madeline Albright, Condi Rice, Amy Schumer, Tammy Duckworth, Elizabeth Warren, Loretta Lynch, Michelle Obama, Sheryl Sandberg, Barbara Walters, Barbara Streisand, and Margaret Cho back.

If anything, it seems like bright, bossy girls only succeed if they AREN'T pretty.

I don't understand this sub-thread at ALL. A lot of the women on that list are (or "were," in their youth) very pretty. Even most of the "ugliest" on that list are/were pretty objectively better than average.

Michelle Obama? Really?

You blind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll. If your daughter is a bossy jerk then I would tell my daughter to steer clear.

Eventually she will meet up with my daughter...when she is working for her as my secretary.

You added jerk, because you are living in 1950s when it comes to attitudes about women and "bossy"

Not the PP but you sound like an asshole. There's nothing wrong with being a secretary. I hope my own daughter learns to treat all people with respect regardless of their occupation.

NP, I have much higher expectations of my daughter. I respect admins, but no way in hell would I want her to have that as a career. They get shit in and have no job flexibility and are not paid well.

Don't be dense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll. If your daughter is a bossy jerk then I would tell my daughter to steer clear.

Eventually she will meet up with my daughter...when she is working for her as my secretary.

You added jerk, because you are living in 1950s when it comes to attitudes about women and "bossy"

Not the PP but you sound like an asshole. There's nothing wrong with being a secretary. I hope my own daughter learns to treat all people with respect regardless of their occupation.

NP, I have much higher expectations of my daughter. I respect admins, but no way in hell would I want her to have that as a career. They get shit in and have no job flexibility and are not paid well.

Don't be dense.

You sound dense. We're not talking about your precious snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll. If your daughter is a bossy jerk then I would tell my daughter to steer clear.

Eventually she will meet up with my daughter...when she is working for her as my secretary.

You added jerk, because you are living in 1950s when it comes to attitudes about women and "bossy"

Not the PP but you sound like an asshole. There's nothing wrong with being a secretary. I hope my own daughter learns to treat all people with respect regardless of their occupation.

NP, I have much higher expectations of my daughter. I respect admins, but no way in hell would I want her to have that as a career. They get shit in and have no job flexibility and are not paid well.

Don't be dense.

Not the PP but it sounds like everyone is dense besides perfect you and your "training to be perfect" bossy kid. You come off as a terrible human being

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

They grow up to be academic superstars, convert their smarts into big law partnership, and bank fat stacks of cash while never again talking to the asshole, misogynistic parents who called them names like "bossy."

Or at least that's my story.

Sounds like a fairy tale.

My life is pretty great. Bossy women get it done.

Bossy woman must not have common sense - missing some sarcasm there.

Hi dummy. I didn't miss the sarcasm. I just don't give a shit. Stay jealous.

OP - be forewarned...

[Anonymous]

peer correction will happen - she will be a great leader someday!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would constantly encourage kindness to others.

This.

She needs to learn to use her powers for good. She can really reshape the context of a classroom and her communities by becoming someone who is kind and who advocates for fairness. She needs to learn patience and kindness and how to advocate for herself and others.

Yeah, the bossy little girl who learns kindness can turn into the big girl who stands up for others, is a strong advocate, and calls out injustice. She can be the girl who demands that others stop excluding someone, and insists on making them part of the community. Just work on developing empathy and kindness, so that the bossiness isn't just about getting what she wants.

Agree with this. This is the route we are going with our DD. I've actually thought those exact words "use your power for good" so many times in my head!

[Anonymous]

Some of them turn out like my former boss:

Controlling, demeaning, awful to be around.

Teach her how to be a leader.

[Anonymous]

They end up in a pole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll. If your daughter is a bossy jerk then I would tell my daughter to steer clear.

Eventually she will meet up with my daughter...when she is working for her as my secretary.

You added jerk, because you are living in 1950s when it comes to attitudes about women and "bossy"

You both sound like jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was that kid.

I was at the head of my class and loved by teachers in early elementary.

In older elementary I hung with the mean girls so I imagine I was not so loved.

Early teen years I was awful, especially to my poor mom.

In high school I grew up a bit. I was still very outgoing, but I was kind, very likeable, and made friends easily from all sorts of social groups.

I became a very mellow, laid back adult. I am still outgoing.

You never know OP. Life experiences shape people quite a bit.

Always remember, there is hope for "mean girls."

So funny! You just described me, too!!

Just remember that all kids have growing to do. Even the more quiet and calm ones.

There's nothing inherently wrong with a strong girl who likes to lead.

I say encourage her natural tendencies. AND help her develop empathy, patience and flexibility, too. Not at the expense of her natural strengths. In addition to them.

Enjoy the kid you have. Love her. Accept her. Teach her. And model for her ways she can do well AND good in the world.

PS. As an adult I'm not very bossy. I don't like leading groups or teams. But I do have strong opinions grounded in my even stronger analytic skills. I'm an excellent sounding board and counselor. And I'm very independent and self-directed. I think my childhood extroversion + bossiness was in some ways my attempt to develop/maintain autonomy, even at an early age. Still extroverted but more focused on playing my game well than directing or leading others.