What happens to extroverted, controlling, bossy little girls down the line?

[Anonymous]

Can make a ton of money in sales.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the most depressing thread ever.

Agreed. Not sure we would see the same comments if the OP's child were a boy.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by bossy?

My DD is quiet, introverted, a watcher rather than a doer. Her best buddies might be called bossy. They always have ideas about what they want to do, and what they want others to do. They're eager to involve kids in their ideas. You know why I don't consider them bossy? They also (occasionally - they are young!) ask their quieter friends what they want to do. Sure, they may insist that they play their game first, which is fine with my daughter, and after their game they'll ask my daughter what she wants to do. And then they'll do it, or work together to turn it into something they both want to do. I also don't consider them bossy because on those rare occasions they come up with something my DD doesn't want to do, they listen (mostly - they are young!) to her when she says she doesn't want to do that, and the kids then work together to come up with something enjoyable to both.

Bossy would be trying to force someone who doesn't want to to go along with you. Is she doing that?

[Anonymous]

I have a daughter who was like this. She's a senior in HS now and very successful. (well, as successful as a HS senior can be, I guess). She's passionate about things like women's rights, politics, gay and lesbian rights, among other issues. She does well in school and plays sports.

Socially, she has a lot of friends of both sexes. However, she is not in the "popular" crowd, and she hasn't had a serious boyfriend. She seems to be happy with her social life, though. Boys have asked her to homecoming, things like that, so she's not a social pariah.

I think your daughter has potential to be very successful. She will learn her way. If she bosses too many people around, they will call her out on it, and she will learn to adjust, things like that.

[Anonymous]

This sound like a friend of mine who just got named one of "40 under 40" in her field. Yeah, she annoyed the hell out of us in school ("frenemy" may be more accurate) by taking over everyone but, to be fair, she always did a good job. And, as an adult she has certainly done really well for herself--she has a happy marriage and is beloved by everyone who works for her because she is a great manager and mentor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the most depressing thread ever.

Agreed. Not sure we would see the same comments if the OP's child were a boy.

Completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your DD allowed to get away with this behavior? Are theirrelevant boundaries that need to be observed in your family?

What? WTF? Seriously?

Little girls who are "bossy" are natural leaders. They have terrific, innate leadership skills. It's not something that she "gets away with." It's something that is a tremendous asset and which she needs to learn to harness to make the world a better place.

Girls that are bossy are not natural leaders. Natural leaders take control sometimes yes, but they also listen to others, digest what people are saying around them and come up with better ways to do things.

Bossy girls on the playground always tell other kids what to do, don't listen or care what the other kids want to do or say, always is waiting to get a word in edge-wise, ignores adults, always has a rationale as to why they did something their way (even when they know it is wrong) and then stomp if they don't get their way.

Please don't think that bossy is a positive word. It has nothing to do with being a leader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your DD allowed to get away with this behavior? Are theirrelevant boundaries that need to be observed in your family?

What? WTF? Seriously?

Little girls who are "bossy" are natural leaders. They have terrific, innate leadership skills. It's not something that she "gets away with." It's something that is a tremendous asset and which she needs to learn to harness to make the world a better place.

Girls that are bossy are not natural leaders. Natural leaders take control sometimes yes, but they also listen to others, digest what people are saying around them and come up with better ways to do things.

Bossy girls on the playground always tell other kids what to do, don't listen or care what the other kids want to do or say, always is waiting to get a word in edge-wise, ignores adults, always has a rationale as to why they did something their way (even when they know it is wrong) and then stomp if they don't get their way.

Please don't think that bossy is a positive word. It has nothing to do with being a leader.

An immature leader is bossy. MANY bossy children turn into leaders, and they have the strength to do what is needed. You seem to be making a leap here that people can't learn and refine their skills.

A bossy child whose parents work with them and who can learn self-control and harnessing their power can and do turn into leaders. But at 8 years old, they aren't going to have those skills yet. Leadership is learned, but there are innate skills (often that manifest as bossy) that can lend to having a personality style well-suited for leading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

They grow up to be academic superstars, convert their smarts into big law partnership, and bank fat stacks of cash while never again talking to the asshole, misogynistic parents who called them names like "bossy."

Or at least that's my story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your DD allowed to get away with this behavior? Are theirrelevant boundaries that need to be observed in your family?

What? WTF? Seriously?

Little girls who are "bossy" are natural leaders. They have terrific, innate leadership skills. It's not something that she "gets away with." It's something that is a tremendous asset and which she needs to learn to harness to make the world a better place.

Girls that are bossy are not natural leaders. Natural leaders take control sometimes yes, but they also listen to others, digest what people are saying around them and come up with better ways to do things.

Bossy girls on the playground always tell other kids what to do, don't listen or care what the other kids want to do or say, always is waiting to get a word in edge-wise, ignores adults, always has a rationale as to why they did something their way (even when they know it is wrong) and then stomp if they don't get their way.

Please don't think that bossy is a positive word. It has nothing to do with being a leader.

...or the actions of the girl are being perceived as bossy. OP actually doesn't say that her daughter is exhibiting the exact behaviors that you describe. In fact OP says, DD is "Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time".

I agree that bossy isn't a positive word, especially when applied to a female. Better to be explicit about the behavior and direct it positively as you would any behavior in any child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

They grow up to be academic superstars, convert their smarts into big law partnership, and bank fat stacks of cash while never again talking to the asshole, misogynistic parents who called them names like "bossy."

Or at least that's my story.

And I'm happily married with three kids. Women still can't stand me. I don't care because men love me and bossy women like me run the world with men while non-bossy girls act as background props.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

They grow up to be academic superstars, convert their smarts into big law partnership, and bank fat stacks of cash while never again talking to the asshole, misogynistic parents who called them names like "bossy."

Or at least that's my story.

+1

[Anonymous]

too much stress over a behavior of a 5 year old. They change as they grow up because they Grow UP. For now, Keep reminding her about how being considerate of others is a good thing and leave it at that. Sounds like traits of an "Iron Lady" in the making. If I were you I will nurture her these very traits. She will blossom in corporate world or a lawyer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

They grow up to be academic superstars, convert their smarts into big law partnership, and bank fat stacks of cash while never again talking to the asshole, misogynistic parents who called them names like "bossy."

Or at least that's my story.

+1

Why do we have to bulldoze a parent every time he/she asks a question on this forum ? Whats wrong with sharing advice and yet be gentle ? Please. Lets be kind to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

They grow up to be academic superstars, convert their smarts into big law partnership, and bank fat stacks of cash while never again talking to the asshole, misogynistic parents who called them names like "bossy."

Or at least that's my story.

+1

Why do we have to bulldoze a parent every time he/she asks a question on this forum ? Whats wrong with sharing advice and yet be gentle ? Please. Lets be kind to each other.

When a parent expresses misogynistic views of her child, I am not going to treat that with kid gloves. And the story I shared really is my story!