What happens to extroverted, controlling, bossy little girls down the line?

[Anonymous]

I don't know where she got this from (just kidding- dad and I both have strong personalities and are go-getter types) but over the last year or two, my 5 year old's personality has really emerged, for better or worse.

-Extremely extroverted and thrives on social interaction.
-Kind, but intensely competitive at the same time
-Bossy- very, very, very bossy
-Very bright
-Analytical in the kindergartener sense- thinks about the "why's" and the "how's" and tries to get around things, very quick to point out rules/policies/actions that don't make sense to her

I'm curious if anyone had a little girl like this and what they ended up to be like as an adolescent or young adult. I am not sure how to encourage the good while also shutting down the bad. I have Sheryl Sandberg in the back of my head, saying that we shouldn't refer to little girls as bossy.. but she really is bossy, and I'm afraid this is going to hurt her socially. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect as a parent. I know there are plenty of other kids with this personality type, I just don't know any of them personally.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

They often get the spunk smacked out of them by living in the patriarchal society we do. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

She will be the child that annoys her teachers and peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They often get the spunk smacked out of them by living in the patriarchal society we do. Sorry.

Yep. Give her a few years and she'll be talking about how she wants her male math teacher to like her. Sorry, maybe I'm projecting.

[Anonymous]

I would constantly encourage kindness to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They often get the spunk smacked out of them by living in the patriarchal society we do. Sorry.

OP: In some ways (I feel badly saying this, but I'm trying to be realistic) - I don't know that a little bit of that would be so bad. She cannot boss the entire world around at 5 years old. Maybe in 35 years (maybe?) she can start bossing people around at work, but that's a long time from now. I don't think her teachers and peers are going to appreciate being told what to do every minute. As her mother, I know I don't. This is not the "Life According to DD" show. I don't know how to emphasize that without going too far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She will be the child that annoys her teachers and peers.

This is precisely what I am considered about!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They often get the spunk smacked out of them by living in the patriarchal society we do. Sorry.

OP: In some ways (I feel badly saying this, but I'm trying to be realistic) - I don't know that a little bit of that would be so bad. She cannot boss the entire world around at 5 years old. Maybe in 35 years (maybe?) she can start bossing people around at work, but that's a long time from now. I don't think her teachers and peers are going to appreciate being told what to do every minute. As her mother, I know I don't. This is not the "Life According to DD" show. I don't know how to emphasize that without going too far.

Start with things she does understand. By five, kids get the concept and often the rationale for taking turns. Talk about how the same person shouldn't be in charge all the time, but instead take turns deciding what to do, etc. Her peers aren't going to like being bossed around--and they will let her know. Read stories about bossy kids, and talk about how the other kids feel about them. Do they want to play with the bossy kid? Would she like it if someone was always telling her what to do and not letting her decide? Her teachers won't like being bossed around--and they will let her know. Talk about how the teacher is in charge of the classroom. Tell her that if she has a question or comment, she should talk to the teacher in private, not in front of the whole class.

[Anonymous]

OP, is your DD allowed to get away with this behavior? Are theirrelevant boundaries that need to be observed in your family?

[Anonymous]

This is the most depressing thread ever.

[Anonymous]

I was that kid.

I was at the head of my class and loved by teachers in early elementary.

In older elementary I hung with the mean girls so I imagine I was not so loved.

Early teen years I was awful, especially to my poor mom.

In high school I grew up a bit. I was still very outgoing, but I was kind, very likeable, and made friends easily from all sorts of social groups.

I became a very mellow, laid back adult. I am still outgoing.

You never know OP. Life experiences shape people quite a bit.

Always remember, there is hope for "mean girls."

[Anonymous]

I agree with previous posts about talking about the behavior, reading books and setting boundaries. Your 5 year old should not be the boss of your house, you are the parent, say no.

If the bossiness continues her peers will most likely comment on it or will not want to play. If that happens, as a parent you need to help your DD and not jump to "they are being mean" or "they just don't understand your need to be a leader".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your DD allowed to get away with this behavior? Are theirrelevant boundaries that need to be observed in your family?

What? WTF? Seriously?

Little girls who are "bossy" are natural leaders. They have terrific, innate leadership skills. It's not something that she "gets away with." It's something that is a tremendous asset and which she needs to learn to harness to make the world a better place.

[Anonymous]

You can work on being assertive without bossy. My son's best friend is a very bossy girl - they get along terrific because my son is so passive (they're 8). But sometimes when I hear how she speaks to him, I'm taken aback by how rude and bossy it comes across. Doesn't phase DS at all, but I can definitely see some kids not liking it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They often get the spunk smacked out of them by living in the patriarchal society we do. Sorry.

OP: In some ways (I feel badly saying this, but I'm trying to be realistic) - I don't know that a little bit of that would be so bad. She cannot boss the entire world around at 5 years old. Maybe in 35 years (maybe?) she can start bossing people around at work, but that's a long time from now. I don't think her teachers and peers are going to appreciate being told what to do every minute. As her mother, I know I don't. This is not the "Life According to DD" show. I don't know how to emphasize that without going too far.

Is she bossy to her peers as well as her parents? Is she "bossy" or a child who tantrums when she can't get her way? There is a difference. Teach manners and empathy and encourage her to stand up for what she wants and needs in a respectful way. Then, yes, wait for our culture to change her into a preteen who cares about how she looks and if the boys think she's skinny enough. (Yes I posted about the math teacher) this has been our experience and im glad my DD has retained a lot of the spunk she had as a 5 year old. But it's been a battle to protect her spirit while teaching social niceties. It often helps to me look at how I'd handle her if she'd been born a boy. It reveals my own biases.