Backlash from family and friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, I don't really see black families poo-pooing private schools. "Good on you" is the message.

Not my experience. Every person that I have shared my choice with who has some ridiculous critiscm has been Black.

I would not use the word ridiculous, but our African American friends tell us to be careful about the teachers who may be prejudiced, the white, privileged children who may bully minorities, and the parents who may snub us because we receive FA. Is it true that some parents will know we receive it? I'm concerned about that.

I would agree those particular warnings are not ridiculous per se. However, in touring schools and such (we are not IS parents yet) I have found there to be a good amount of diversity in the staff (so I am no more or less worried about finding prejudice teachers in private -- there are a ton of prejudiced teachers in public schools), bullying (again I haven't seen anyone speak of minority children being bullied because they are minorities), parents who snum because of FA (that seems to be a real possibility based on some of the heartless things I have read on DCUM).

I have been told that most schools do a very good job at protecting the financial privacy of all of the students. I've even heard some schools specifically ask that it not be discussed. I have also heard people make assumptions about who might be on FA (and often times those assumptions are wrong). There seems to be an underlying assumption that its the minority children on FA, when in reality many of the minority children's parents are paying full tuition. For this past admissions cycle we attended Sidwell's open house. During the open house they had a FA session. The majority of people in attendance where not minorities. We hung around and spoke to some of the parents. One was a White college professor, a White Maryland state government worker, and a White Physician Assistant. Yes there where minorities in the room as well but I wouldnt say the make-up was majority minority either. Unfortunately, there is nothing the school can do about people's misconceptions. However, I would say this I personally could care less if people know we recieve FA. I believe in owning who you are and being true to yourself. If someone is going to snub me or my kid because we can't afford to pay the full cost, they can go right ahead because I don't want to be associated with those types of people anyway.

[Anonymous]

As far as touring, I haven't found as much diversity. Which schools have this? With regard to teachers being unfair to nonwhite students in private schools, I think parents have to be vigilant and present. Go to all meetings, participate and volunteer, try to build a positive relationship with your child's teachers, and make sure you feel comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As far as touring, I haven't found as much diversity. Which schools have this? With regard to teachers being unfair to nonwhite students in private schools, I think parents have to be vigilant and present. Go to all meetings, participate and volunteer, try to build a positive relationship with your child's teachers, and make sure you feel comfortable.

GDS appeared to be very diverse. The entire admissions office is AA, they have a very high number of male teachers, etc. At Sidwell there is at least one AA Admissions Officer, 2-3 teachers, etc. Those are the only two we toured in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not paying tuition (grandparents) and I'm very open about that. It's amazing how many offended anti-private school parents seem to be okay with our decision BECAUSE it's free.

It seems to fly in the face of their angry lectures about how great our local public is when they let me off the hook for taking private over public when the cost is the same.

Ha, yes! In our case, with FA private is vastly cheaper than moving to a non-crappy school district. When I mention that, judgment turns to naked envy.

But, all things being equal, you would get the money from moving "back" when you sold your house. It would be an investment, wheres IS is just money spent. Before you slam me, remember that I said all things being equal in that you value the particular PS and IS the same. I think there can be PS that are essentially equal (or maybe sometimes even better) than IS. It depends on the particular PS and the IS, but it's hard to tell that when you move to the house. We bought where we live for the school district (and have "10") schools. It turns out that one of our kids really just can't function with that many kids in the class and needs smaller classes, so we do IS for that child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not paying tuition (grandparents) and I'm very open about that. It's amazing how many offended anti-private school parents seem to be okay with our decision BECAUSE it's free.

It seems to fly in the face of their angry lectures about how great our local public is when they let me off the hook for taking private over public when the cost is the same.

Ha, yes! In our case, with FA private is vastly cheaper than moving to a non-crappy school district. When I mention that, judgment turns to naked envy.

But, all things being equal, you would get the money from moving "back" when you sold your house. It would be an investment, wheres IS is just money spent. Before you slam me, remember that I said all things being equal in that you value the particular PS and IS the same. I think there can be PS that are essentially equal (or maybe sometimes even better) than IS. It depends on the particular PS and the IS, but it's hard to tell that when you move to the house. We bought where we live for the school district (and have "10") schools. It turns out that one of our kids really just can't function with that many kids in the class and needs smaller classes, so we do IS for that child.

I hear you. But the investment aspect isn't worth to me the possibility of being locked into a bad situation. I had a terrible experience at a "10" school, so it's really important to me to be able to move DS to a different school if need be. Doing it this way may not be financially wise, but it preserves maximum flexibility. He will never be trapped the way I was trapped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have not announced that we are applying to the independent schools for our DC. People ask. However, the reaction we've gotten ranges from shock to anger. Why can't your child just go to the local public school? Why do you want to pay so much money? Your child's friends will be snobs. This is what we've gotten.

It's so disrespectful, we think. Why do other parents care? It's our choice. We're running into people who are so pro-DCPS that they put down anyone who seeks an independent school education. We didn't expect this especially from family and close friends. These are not strangers.

I'm going to step out on a limb here and guess you are AA/Black, right? Before someone jump in their feelings I say that because as an AA/Black myself I found this sentiment to be more prevalent in our community. It's beyond annoying and I can only chalk it up to that "you must think you are too good for the school the rest of us go to" mentality. Ignore it as best as possible and when your DC starts at their IS you will find a large community of other people who support your choice to spend time with. I know plenty of kids who are graduated of IS and they are far from snobs, so I definitely wouldn't worry about that. Snobbery starts at home. If you aren't a snob chances are your DC won't become one either.

It's interesting to see that a poster would say that, for AA/Black families choosing private, there may be backlash. We are white and now upper middle class, but both DH and I grew up very much lower middle class. Our parents think we are "fancy pants" for sending our 2 kids to private. They genuinely think we are forgetting our roots and being snobbish. I wish they weren't so critical of our decision. I think that they don't realize we are upper middle class because we live so modestly (because we are paying tuition!) Maybe they genuinely think it's a waste of our money and that we are short on money. DH and I pay tuition for 2 kids (albeit barely) and therefore must live very frugally. (Luckily, because we grew up LMC, we weren't accustomed to having nice cars or a beautifully decorated home.)

I found this thread which addresses feeling guilty for sending our child to private, and I found it somewhat helpful.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/495406.page

I'm AA and there's no backlash among my family or close AA friends for chosing private. My family actually has a long history of Catholic schools on both sides and I chose a Catholic independent for my DC. My non-AA ex-husband thinks it's ridiculous waste of $, but he 's not paying tuition so I don't really pay him much mind on this.

+1. AA here. No backlash from friends or family....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As far as touring, I haven't found as much diversity. Which schools have this? With regard to teachers being unfair to nonwhite students in private schools, I think parents have to be vigilant and present. Go to all meetings, participate and volunteer, try to build a positive relationship with your child's teachers, and make sure you feel comfortable.

GDS appeared to be very diverse. The entire admissions office is AA, they have a very high number of male teachers, etc. At Sidwell there is at least one AA Admissions Officer, 2-3 teachers, etc. Those are the only two we toured in DC.

This is a joke, correct? Not a single white, Hispanic or Asian person in admissions makes it very diverse?

[Anonymous]

I used to be very defensive but now that my son is graduating if I encounter a negative reaction I tell the truth... There is no way my son would have had all the educational opportunities he has had in a public school. I don't say he gets lots of FA for tuition and other programs because the school tells us not to, but I wish I could because I think it might encourage other people to apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, I don't really see black families poo-pooing private schools. "Good on you" is the message.

I agree. We are planning to keep DC in public schools through middle and most of our circle think we are nuts. Black families in this area are very pro-private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As far as touring, I haven't found as much diversity. Which schools have this? With regard to teachers being unfair to nonwhite students in private schools, I think parents have to be vigilant and present. Go to all meetings, participate and volunteer, try to build a positive relationship with your child's teachers, and make sure you feel comfortable.

GDS appeared to be very diverse. The entire admissions office is AA, they have a very high number of male teachers, etc. At Sidwell there is at least one AA Admissions Officer, 2-3 teachers, etc. Those are the only two we toured in DC.

This is a joke, correct? Not a single white, Hispanic or Asian person in admissions makes it very

Dense? It's one of the factors that makes the school very diverse. But I know the minute the majority in numbers is a minority race, things aren't so fair after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, I don't really see black families poo-pooing private schools. "Good on you" is the message.

Not my experience. Every person that I have shared my choice with who has some ridiculous critiscm has been Black.

You must not be a member of Jack & Jill (or know many members). The vast majority of members in the DC chapter (proudly) send their children to private school (especially for high school). Wilson and SWW graduates are a distinct minority; to say nothing of Banneker or other public schools. It sounds as if you need a different AA social circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, I don't really see black families poo-pooing private schools. "Good on you" is the message.

Not my experience. Every person that I have shared my choice with who has some ridiculous critiscm has been Black.

You must not be a member of Jack & Jill (or know many members). The vast majority of members in the DC chapter (proudly) send their children to private school (especially for high school). Wilson and SWW graduates are a distinct minority; to say nothing of Banneker or other public schools. It sounds as if you need a different AA social circle.

Hahahahaha! Yeah NO I am NOT a member of Jack and Jill. I'm laughing because I was just saying be to myself every Black person responding that no one criticized their choice must be from that J&J circle. J&J are predominantly Black people who grew up with money or new money Black people who would prefer to forget from where they came. I have ZERO desire to be a part of that circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, I don't really see black families poo-pooing private schools. "Good on you" is the message.

Not my experience. Every person that I have shared my choice with who has some ridiculous critiscm has been Black.

You must not be a member of Jack & Jill (or know many members). The vast majority of members in the DC chapter (proudly) send their children to private school (especially for high school). Wilson and SWW graduates are a distinct minority; to say nothing of Banneker or other public schools. It sounds as if you need a different AA social circle.

Hahahahaha! Yeah NO I am NOT a member of Jack and Jill. I'm laughing because I was just saying be to myself every Black person responding that no one criticized their choice must be from that J&J circle. J&J are predominantly Black people who grew up with money or new money Black people who would prefer to forget from where they came. I have ZERO desire to be a part of that circle.

Based on your description, it's clear that you don't know any actual J&J members. It appears that you're more comfortable relying on tired stereotypes and ignorance. Therefore, please continue to surround yourself with AA who criticize your efforts to provide what you think is the best education for your children. Good luck with that dear .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, I don't really see black families poo-pooing private schools. "Good on you" is the message.

Not my experience. Every person that I have shared my choice with who has some ridiculous critiscm has been Black.

You must not be a member of Jack & Jill (or know many members). The vast majority of members in the DC chapter (proudly) send their children to private school (especially for high school). Wilson and SWW graduates are a distinct minority; to say nothing of Banneker or other public schools. It sounds as if you need a different AA social circle.

Hahahahaha! Yeah NO I am NOT a member of Jack and Jill. I'm laughing because I was just saying be to myself every Black person responding that no one criticized their choice must be from that J&J circle. J&J are predominantly Black people who grew up with money or new money Black people who would prefer to forget from where they came. I have ZERO desire to be a part of that circle.

Based on your description, it's clear that you don't know any actual J&J members. It appears that you're more comfortable relying on tired stereotypes and ignorance. Therefore, please continue to surround yourself with AA who criticize your efforts to provide what you think is the best education for your children. Good luck with that dear .

I've met enough. They are mostly snobs. The fact that you even associate private schools acceptance with Jack and Jill speaks volumes. They are the Black elite. That's OK, but some of us aren't interested in only associating with the so called elite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have not announced that we are applying to the independent schools for our DC. People ask. However, the reaction we've gotten ranges from shock to anger. Why can't your child just go to the local public school? Why do you want to pay so much money? Your child's friends will be snobs. This is what we've gotten.

It's so disrespectful, we think. Why do other parents care? It's our choice. We're running into people who are so pro-DCPS that they put down anyone who seeks an independent school education. We didn't expect this especially from family and close friends. These are not strangers.

I wouldn't give much explanation except this, "We visited xx school and really loved the school and could see our child xx attending and being happy there." Also most primates offer much smaller class sizes and that can be another reason. 30 kids verses 15 in a class can really make a difference for certain kids.