Backlash from family and friends

[Anonymous]

We have not announced that we are applying to the independent schools for our DC. People ask. However, the reaction we've gotten ranges from shock to anger. Why can't your child just go to the local public school? Why do you want to pay so much money? Your child's friends will be snobs. This is what we've gotten.

It's so disrespectful, we think. Why do other parents care? It's our choice. We're running into people who are so pro-DCPS that they put down anyone who seeks an independent school education. We didn't expect this especially from family and close friends. These are not strangers.

[Anonymous]

Ignore them and do what's best for your child. I got similar reactions from the few DCPS parents we told and could care less. My kids are very happy where they are and we have never looked back.

[Anonymous]

It's more about them, their insecurities, regrets, priorities, etc. Try not to take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Well, OP, we were planning on using public and now we're getting major pressure in the other direction. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[Anonymous]

People react that way where we are in FCPS, too. I just figure they're insecure in their own choices.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are upset because now their son has to pay for our child's tuition. She's their grandchild. How much worse could that be?

[Anonymous]

That's weird. Just start hanging out with the private school crowd and everything will be fine!

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I lost a friend over this. She said she couldn't be friends with someone whose priorities are so askew. I was floored, but what can you do? Hold your line, do what is best for your child and your family and don't apologize for it. I hope you find a school that is a good fit. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's weird. Just start hanging out with the private school crowd and everything will be fine!

Agree!!

[Anonymous]

I've dealt with the same foolish responses and questions from family and friends. I wasted a lot of time trying to explain why I believed an IS would be best for my children (based on my own personal experience of NOT being properly prepared for my top college out of a public school). What I found is that my decision somehow made them feel inadequate about their decision. I've decided to limit my communications about my IS to others who are interested in private school and family and friends who truly support me and respect my wishes even if it differed from their choices.
I found this great group on Facebook called Parents Applying to Private School. It's become my safe haven for this journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have not announced that we are applying to the independent schools for our DC. People ask. However, the reaction we've gotten ranges from shock to anger. Why can't your child just go to the local public school? Why do you want to pay so much money? Your child's friends will be snobs. This is what we've gotten.

It's so disrespectful, we think. Why do other parents care? It's our choice. We're running into people who are so pro-DCPS that they put down anyone who seeks an independent school education. We didn't expect this especially from family and close friends. These are not strangers.

I'm going to step out on a limb here and guess you are AA/Black, right? Before someone jump in their feelings I say that because as an AA/Black myself I found this sentiment to be more prevalent in our community. It's beyond annoying and I can only chalk it up to that "you must think you are too good for the school the rest of us go to" mentality. Ignore it as best as possible and when your DC starts at their IS you will find a large community of other people who support your choice to spend time with. I know plenty of kids who are graduated of IS and they are far from snobs, so I definitely wouldn't worry about that. Snobbery starts at home. If you aren't a snob chances are your DC won't become one either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are upset because now their son has to pay for our child's tuition. She's their grandchild. How much worse could that be?

My former MIL loves the private school DC attends, but her husband and my ex-husband trash the school constantly. They criticize things even the local public does. For example, the school follows the inclement weather policy of the public. They love to complain about that. How could it hurt DC to attend the private when the public closes for the same inch of snow? A lot of unfounded accusations, too. The biggest lies are about the curriculum and instructional practices. Every year, I invite ex-husband to BTSN so he can meet the teacher and review the curriculum. Every year he refuses. Former MIL comes for Grandparents' Day. Her husband won't. My ex doesn't even pay a cent of tuition, but I get a credit in the CS calculation based on tuition and uniforms. The credit is just 10% of what it costs me and means he might pay an extra $40/mo in CS.

[Anonymous]

OP - see this thread. Similar issue / question. Very mixed and interesting responses.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/368508.page

[Anonymous]

I actually just almost posted a thread about someone who didn't know that my child is going to a private next year (kindergarten) that went on a rant at a luncheon with a few mutual friends about how it was a waste, the schools are fine, who would do that, how ridiculous it was, on and on.

It was excruciating, especially as she was flashing around a $45k diamond ring her husband just upgraded her to (she told her cousin who told me, I know, I know, I didn't need to know that!)
It was all I could do not to comment on how wasteful I thought diamonds were and how ridiculous it was, but I held my tongue and thankfully everyone else was stunned and silent as I said nothing and let her go on.
Op I don't know what to tell you except to keep repeating, as I do, "we really like the school." No more, no less. Not that it's the best choice, that irks people who know by now what a pat answer that is, don't try to explain about the school or how your child has needs, just stop all that and say simply "we like the school." It has cut down about 75% of the follow up questions when said in a flat voice and a closed smile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually just almost posted a thread about someone who didn't know that my child is going to a private next year (kindergarten) that went on a rant at a luncheon with a few mutual friends about how it was a waste, the schools are fine, who would do that, how ridiculous it was, on and on.

It was excruciating, especially as she was flashing around a $45k diamond ring her husband just upgraded her to (she told her cousin who told me, I know, I know, I didn't need to know that!)
It was all I could do not to comment on how wasteful I thought diamonds were and how ridiculous it was, but I held my tongue and thankfully everyone else was stunned and silent as I said nothing and let her go on.
Op I don't know what to tell you except to keep repeating, as I do, "we really like the school." No more, no less. Not that it's the best choice, that irks people who know by now what a pat answer that is, don't try to explain about the school or how your child has needs, just stop all that and say simply "we like the school." It has cut down about 75% of the follow up questions when said in a flat voice and a closed smile.

And here I thought my friends thinking my spending money on private school was wasteful while they spend their money on the latest fashion trends and I can't remember the last time I went shopping for new clothes. LOL. When someone can afford a $45,000 diamond ring and has the nerves to think someone else's spending is wasteful, well that's just remarkable!