Backlash from family and friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can afford something they can't. It's bound to cause problems. However, you should just smile, nod, and keep it moving. Don't let it get to you and DON'T try and justify your choice. Your kid, your money, your choice. End of story.

Yup.

Look, let's face it -- not everyone has the same options you/we do, and many of those who do don't want to spend so much extra money. It's hard enough to afford to live in this area without putting the cost of private school on top of it. Not everyone finds themselves able to fully consider the option. It's natural for them to want to believe they aren't limiting the options available to their kids -- especially if the public school they're attending is perfectly fine. It's easier for many people not to have to deal with the possibility that there's another option that might have been better if the expense could be afforded or justified.

This doesn't excuse people being rude, closed-minded, judgmental or critical. But it explains part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can afford something they can't. It's bound to cause problems. However, you should just smile, nod, and keep it moving. Don't let it get to you and DON'T try and justify your choice. Your kid, your money, your choice. End of story.

Yup.

Look, let's face it -- not everyone has the same options you/we do, and many of those who do don't want to spend so much extra money. It's hard enough to afford to live in this area without putting the cost of private school on top of it. Not everyone finds themselves able to fully consider the option. It's natural for them to want to believe they aren't limiting the options available to their kids -- especially if the public school they're attending is perfectly fine. It's easier for many people not to have to deal with the possibility that there's another option that might have been better if the expense could be afforded or justified.

This doesn't excuse people being rude, closed-minded, judgmental or critical. But it explains part of it.

False statement: all public schools "limit the options available" to children in comparison with all private schools. This kind of assumption really puts people off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can afford something they can't. It's bound to cause problems. However, you should just smile, nod, and keep it moving. Don't let it get to you and DON'T try and justify your choice. Your kid, your money, your choice. End of story.

Yup.

Look, let's face it -- not everyone has the same options you/we do, and many of those who do don't want to spend so much extra money. It's hard enough to afford to live in this area without putting the cost of private school on top of it. Not everyone finds themselves able to fully consider the option. It's natural for them to want to believe they aren't limiting the options available to their kids -- especially if the public school they're attending is perfectly fine. It's easier for many people not to have to deal with the possibility that there's another option that might have been better if the expense could be afforded or justified.

This doesn't excuse people being rude, closed-minded, judgmental or critical. But it explains part of it.

False statement: all public schools "limit the options available" to children in comparison with all private schools. This kind of assumption really puts people off.

Nice way to completely misread that paragraph.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can afford something they can't. It's bound to cause problems. However, you should just smile, nod, and keep it moving. Don't let it get to you and DON'T try and justify your choice. Your kid, your money, your choice. End of story.

Yup.

Look, let's face it -- not everyone has the same options you/we do, and many of those who do don't want to spend so much extra money. It's hard enough to afford to live in this area without putting the cost of private school on top of it. Not everyone finds themselves able to fully consider the option. It's natural for them to want to believe they aren't limiting the options available to their kids -- especially if the public school they're attending is perfectly fine. It's easier for many people not to have to deal with the possibility that there's another option that might have been better if the expense could be afforded or justified.

This doesn't excuse people being rude, closed-minded, judgmental or critical. But it explains part of it.

False statement: all public schools "limit the options available" to children in comparison with all private schools. This kind of assumption really puts people off.

Nice way to completely misread that paragraph.

I can see that poster was trying to be more conciliatory, but I did still read it as saying "forgive them, they just can't afford private schools and so will never know they are better." A lot of people come by their knowledge of schools through a lot of experience and still choose public. There are lots of Sidwell grads posting in another thread who are intentionally sending their kids to public. Of course I also agree that no one should be acting rude or judgmental about any of this.

[Anonymous]

NP here. There is a sort of reverse-snobbishness among some public school parents. I grew up with that sort of thing. Then my parents enrolled me in a private school in HS, and I was like ((O.O))

[Anonymous]

I will bet you that none of those Sidwell grads could afford to send their kids there today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I will bet you that none of those Sidwell grads could afford to send their kids there today.

The awesome thing about this douchebag comment is that it transcends the whole public school/private school parent paradigm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have not announced that we are applying to the independent schools for our DC. People ask. However, the reaction we've gotten ranges from shock to anger. Why can't your child just go to the local public school? Why do you want to pay so much money? Your child's friends will be snobs. This is what we've gotten.

It's so disrespectful, we think. Why do other parents care? It's our choice. We're running into people who are so pro-DCPS that they put down anyone who seeks an independent school education. We didn't expect this especially from family and close friends. These are not strangers.

I'm going to step out on a limb here and guess you are AA/Black, right? Before someone jump in their feelings I say that because as an AA/Black myself I found this sentiment to be more prevalent in our community. It's beyond annoying and I can only chalk it up to that "you must think you are too good for the school the rest of us go to" mentality. Ignore it as best as possible and when your DC starts at their IS you will find a large community of other people who support your choice to spend time with. I know plenty of kids who are graduated of IS and they are far from snobs, so I definitely wouldn't worry about that. Snobbery starts at home. If you aren't a snob chances are your DC won't become one either.

It's interesting to see that a poster would say that, for AA/Black families choosing private, there may be backlash. We are white and now upper middle class, but both DH and I grew up very much lower middle class. Our parents think we are "fancy pants" for sending our 2 kids to private. They genuinely think we are forgetting our roots and being snobbish. I wish they weren't so critical of our decision. I think that they don't realize we are upper middle class because we live so modestly (because we are paying tuition!) Maybe they genuinely think it's a waste of our money and that we are short on money. DH and I pay tuition for 2 kids (albeit barely) and therefore must live very frugally. (Luckily, because we grew up LMC, we weren't accustomed to having nice cars or a beautifully decorated home.)

I found this thread which addresses feeling guilty for sending our child to private, and I found it somewhat helpful.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/495406.page

I'm AA and there's no backlash among my family or close AA friends for chosing private. My family actually has a long history of Catholic schools on both sides and I chose a Catholic independent for my DC. My non-AA ex-husband thinks it's ridiculous waste of $, but he 's not paying tuition so I don't really pay him much mind on this.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I don't really see black families poo-pooing private schools. "Good on you" is the message.

[Anonymous]

I'm not paying tuition (grandparents) and I'm very open about that. It's amazing how many offended anti-private school parents seem to be okay with our decision BECAUSE it's free.

It seems to fly in the face of their angry lectures about how great our local public is when they let me off the hook for taking private over public when the cost is the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not paying tuition (grandparents) and I'm very open about that. It's amazing how many offended anti-private school parents seem to be okay with our decision BECAUSE it's free.

It seems to fly in the face of their angry lectures about how great our local public is when they let me off the hook for taking private over public when the cost is the same.

Ha, yes! In our case, with FA private is vastly cheaper than moving to a non-crappy school district. When I mention that, judgment turns to naked envy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can afford something they can't. It's bound to cause problems. However, you should just smile, nod, and keep it moving. Don't let it get to you and DON'T try and justify your choice. Your kid, your money, your choice. End of story.

Yup.

Look, let's face it -- not everyone has the same options you/we do, and many of those who do don't want to spend so much extra money. It's hard enough to afford to live in this area without putting the cost of private school on top of it. Not everyone finds themselves able to fully consider the option. It's natural for them to want to believe they aren't limiting the options available to their kids -- especially if the public school they're attending is perfectly fine. It's easier for many people not to have to deal with the possibility that there's another option that might have been better if the expense could be afforded or justified.

This doesn't excuse people being rude, closed-minded, judgmental or critical. But it explains part of it.

False statement: all public schools "limit the options available" to children in comparison with all private schools. This kind of assumption really puts people off.

Nice way to completely misread that paragraph.

I can see that poster was trying to be more conciliatory, but I did still read it as saying "forgive them, they just can't afford private schools and so will never know they are better." A lot of people come by their knowledge of schools through a lot of experience and still choose public. There are lots of Sidwell grads posting in another thread who are intentionally sending their kids to public. Of course I also agree that no one should be acting rude or judgmental about any of this.

09:17 here and thank you to 13:45 PP. Yes, you did misread what I wrote. "Limiting the options available" is a reference to the number of options people are able to consider for their kids (public and private, or just public) and is no way an inherent judgment about their comparative quality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, I don't really see black families poo-pooing private schools. "Good on you" is the message.

Not my experience. Every person that I have shared my choice with who has some ridiculous critiscm has been Black.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not paying tuition (grandparents) and I'm very open about that. It's amazing how many offended anti-private school parents seem to be okay with our decision BECAUSE it's free.

It seems to fly in the face of their angry lectures about how great our local public is when they let me off the hook for taking private over public when the cost is the same.

Ha, yes! In our case, with FA private is vastly cheaper than moving to a non-crappy school district. When I mention that, judgment turns to naked envy.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, I don't really see black families poo-pooing private schools. "Good on you" is the message.

Not my experience. Every person that I have shared my choice with who has some ridiculous critiscm has been Black.

I would not use the word ridiculous, but our African American friends tell us to be careful about the teachers who may be prejudiced, the white, privileged children who may bully minorities, and the parents who may snub us because we receive FA. Is it true that some parents will know we receive it? I'm concerned about that.