Backlash from family and friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is my theory on the situation (well, my situation).

I live in a pretty affluent community in Montgomery County. Schools here are considered excellent. All my friends send their kids there. I truly believe the negative reaction from people is mostly their own regret or confusion about whether they are doing the right thing sending their kids to public, when they can EASILY afford to send their kids to a private school. It is a harder pill to swallow when you know very well you have the means to give your child the very best in education, but choose, instead to have nicer cars, vacations, diamond rings. Consequently, they lash out in anger or whatever emotional reaction you might observe.

Or maybe they don't think that "the very best in education" is necessarily a private school, and are reacting to your attitude that public school is inferior.

I know that most of my friends only wish they could make the sacrifices we are making...they just don't want to or have the guts to. It's ok. Their kids will be OK. But not as OK as mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is my theory on the situation (well, my situation).

I live in a pretty affluent community in Montgomery County. Schools here are considered excellent. All my friends send their kids there. I truly believe the negative reaction from people is mostly their own regret or confusion about whether they are doing the right thing sending their kids to public, when they can EASILY afford to send their kids to a private school. It is a harder pill to swallow when you know very well you have the means to give your child the very best in education, but choose, instead to have nicer cars, vacations, diamond rings. Consequently, they lash out in anger or whatever emotional reaction you might observe.

Or maybe they don't think that "the very best in education" is necessarily a private school, and are reacting to your attitude that public school is inferior.

I know that most of my friends only wish they could make the sacrifices we are making...they just don't want to or have the guts to. It's ok. Their kids will be OK. But not as OK as mine.

You don't say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand both sides of the situation. On the one hand op... you ARE making a judgment about the quality of the public school. You have to own that. On the other hand, everyone gets to decide what they want for their own kids... some are willing to pay extra for education and some are not. Both are o.k. choices.

I understand your situation b/c we are making plans to sell our house and move to a different public school zone. Obviously, when we announce the move/plans, people will realize that we think the local school isn't good enough ... while they are still planning to send their kids there (some wish they weren't and some think it's just fine). Sometimes people ask about your decision b/c they wonder what you know that they don't (about the local public ... I've asked people that before when I heard they were moving to private). Sometimes, like you experienced, they just think you are crazy and trying to waste your money.

All I can say is that when you are convinced what you are doing is the right thing -- i.e. the path that will allow you to sleep well at night -- then you just stay strong to that. As to what you say to other people... "we really love the curriculum/vibe/energy/etc. at ____ and we wanted to give it a try." Focus on what you like about the new plan rather than what's wrong with the public school. (For us, we are going to focus on saying we want to shorten the commute and try not to dwell on the school deficiencies where we are.)

You are only making a judgement about the quality of the local publics if you buy into the idea that any school is capable of meeting the needs of all potential students. Once you break out of that mindset, you are free to match child to school without guilt. I had one in public and now have one in private. Two of my siblings were in public only, myself and the others did a combo of public and private as needed.

[Anonymous]

my family member said that because we live in MC we were wrong to send out child to private in the district because we were taking the place of someone who really needed it. family member is white, DC is black.

[Anonymous]

Really shock and anger or just needling questions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually just almost posted a thread about someone who didn't know that my child is going to a private next year (kindergarten) that went on a rant at a luncheon with a few mutual friends about how it was a waste, the schools are fine, who would do that, how ridiculous it was, on and on.

It was excruciating, especially as she was flashing around a $45k diamond ring her husband just upgraded her to (she told her cousin who told me, I know, I know, I didn't need to know that!)
It was all I could do not to comment on how wasteful I thought diamonds were and how ridiculous it was, but I held my tongue and thankfully everyone else was stunned and silent as I said nothing and let her go on.
Op I don't know what to tell you except to keep repeating, as I do, "we really like the school." No more, no less. Not that it's the best choice, that irks people who know by now what a pat answer that is, don't try to explain about the school or how your child has needs, just stop all that and say simply "we like the school." It has cut down about 75% of the follow up questions when said in a flat voice and a closed smile.

And here I thought my friends thinking my spending money on private school was wasteful while they spend their money on the latest fashion trends and I can't remember the last time I went shopping for new clothes. LOL. When someone can afford a $45,000 diamond ring and has the nerves to think someone else's spending is wasteful, well that's just remarkable!

Yup, she could have sent one of her children to private school for one full year instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is my theory on the situation (well, my situation).

I live in a pretty affluent community in Montgomery County. Schools here are considered excellent. All my friends send their kids there. I truly believe the negative reaction from people is mostly their own regret or confusion about whether they are doing the right thing sending their kids to public, when they can EASILY afford to send their kids to a private school. It is a harder pill to swallow when you know very well you have the means to give your child the very best in education, but choose, instead to have nicer cars, vacations, diamond rings. Consequently, they lash out in anger or whatever emotional reaction you might observe.

Ugh. No, they are reacting to this attitude you just exhibited in such a gross fashion. Honesty, don't be that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is my theory on the situation (well, my situation).

I live in a pretty affluent community in Montgomery County. Schools here are considered excellent. All my friends send their kids there. I truly believe the negative reaction from people is mostly their own regret or confusion about whether they are doing the right thing sending their kids to public, when they can EASILY afford to send their kids to a private school. It is a harder pill to swallow when you know very well you have the means to give your child the very best in education, but choose, instead to have nicer cars, vacations, diamond rings. Consequently, they lash out in anger or whatever emotional reaction you might observe.

Or maybe they don't think that "the very best in education" is necessarily a private school, and are reacting to your attitude that public school is inferior.

I know that most of my friends only wish they could make the sacrifices we are making...they just don't want to or have the guts to. It's ok. Their kids will be OK. But not as OK as mine.

I'm so curious by what metric you intend to measure this.
Will your child be happier? smarter? wealthier?

[Anonymous]

Deeply moved by the terrible suffering in this thread. Thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my family member said that because we live in MC we were wrong to send out child to private in the district because we were taking the place of someone who really needed it. family member is white, DC is black.

This is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And here I thought my friends thinking my spending money on private school was wasteful while they spend their money on the latest fashion trends and I can't remember the last time I went shopping for new clothes. LOL. When someone can afford a $45,000 diamond ring and has the nerves to think someone else's spending is wasteful, well that's just remarkable!

Yup, she could have sent one of her children to private school for one full year instead.

But can they afford 39 $45,000 diamond rings? (Assuming 3 children, going to private school for their entire schooling.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is my theory on the situation (well, my situation).

I live in a pretty affluent community in Montgomery County. Schools here are considered excellent. All my friends send their kids there. I truly believe the negative reaction from people is mostly their own regret or confusion about whether they are doing the right thing sending their kids to public, when they can EASILY afford to send their kids to a private school. It is a harder pill to swallow when you know very well you have the means to give your child the very best in education, but choose, instead to have nicer cars, vacations, diamond rings. Consequently, they lash out in anger or whatever emotional reaction you might observe.

Holy cow, pp. if that's your attitude, no wonder people react badly to you.
Just as people should respect that you are making the best choice *for your child* you also should respect that people who make different choices for you are doing what they think is best for their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand both sides of the situation. On the one hand op... you ARE making a judgment about the quality of the public school. You have to own that. On the other hand, everyone gets to decide what they want for their own kids... some are willing to pay extra for education and some are not. Both are o.k. choices.

I understand your situation b/c we are making plans to sell our house and move to a different public school zone. Obviously, when we announce the move/plans, people will realize that we think the local school isn't good enough ... while they are still planning to send their kids there (some wish they weren't and some think it's just fine). Sometimes people ask about your decision b/c they wonder what you know that they don't (about the local public ... I've asked people that before when I heard they were moving to private). Sometimes, like you experienced, they just think you are crazy and trying to waste your money.

All I can say is that when you are convinced what you are doing is the right thing -- i.e. the path that will allow you to sleep well at night -- then you just stay strong to that. As to what you say to other people... "we really love the curriculum/vibe/energy/etc. at ____ and we wanted to give it a try." Focus on what you like about the new plan rather than what's wrong with the public school. (For us, we are going to focus on saying we want to shorten the commute and try not to dwell on the school deficiencies where we are.)

You are only making a judgement about the quality of the local publics if you buy into the idea that any school is capable of meeting the needs of all potential students. Once you break out of that mindset, you are free to match child to school without guilt. I had one in public and now have one in private. Two of my siblings were in public only, myself and the others did a combo of public and private as needed.

Disagree. Even if you are focussing on matching one child with X public school... if you choose not to send your child there, even one child... you are making a judgement about the quality of that school. It is not meeting your standards. It's not surprising that other people would wonder what is wrong with that school that it doesn't meet your standards (even if your standards are child specific). OP IS saying that this school isn't good enough. I'm saying that my local zoned school isn't good enough for my kids. There is no "guilt" involved... but there is an assessment being made and one school is on the losing end of that assessment. Doesn't mean people should shun or judge you for making that assessment. You have to own your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is my theory on the situation (well, my situation).

I live in a pretty affluent community in Montgomery County. Schools here are considered excellent. All my friends send their kids there. I truly believe the negative reaction from people is mostly their own regret or confusion about whether they are doing the right thing sending their kids to public, when they can EASILY afford to send their kids to a private school. It is a harder pill to swallow when you know very well you have the means to give your child the very best in education, but choose, instead to have nicer cars, vacations, diamond rings. Consequently, they lash out in anger or whatever emotional reaction you might observe.

Or maybe they don't think that "the very best in education" is necessarily a private school, and are reacting to your attitude that public school is inferior.

I know that most of my friends only wish they could make the sacrifices we are making...they just don't want to or have the guts to. It's ok. Their kids will be OK. But not as OK as mine.

Wow. I wonder why they think you feel superior? Tis a puzzle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Deeply moved by the terrible suffering in this thread. Thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

. You can belittle it, but there are people who lose friends over this or have fights with family and, as a result, do suffer.

My younger DD can attend her private school because of a combo of generous FA and deep sacrifices at the household level of our family. I don't think we're better or smarter than anyone else. We have a specific set of needs and the school has a matching set of solutions. I don't think our school would be the best placement for every child. I don't even think it would have been the best placement for my older child.

If someone else feels insecure because of the choices I make for my child's education, that is on them.

I have a bit more sympathy for people who argue that taking a gifted kid out of the struggling public is helping to pull down the test scores, but it's not that child's responsibility to prop up a broken system. I say this as a teacher and parent. I once advised a parent to pull her DD out of my unevenly performing public at the semester although she was the top performer in my IB class. It was what was best for the girl. She did a virtual high school for the rest of the year and then enrolled in a Catholic school with an IB program. The family still sends me holiday cards every year.