Stay at home Dad: My kids not accepted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

So do you not work b/c he is worried you might be alone with some men at the office, like in a windowless conference room? I assume work trips would be impossible.

[Anonymous]

In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

Well, my husband doesn't care, but I also don't do every single thing that he likes, or not do every single thing that he wouldn't, regardless of whether I think it is reasonable. Sure, for minor things (like don't wear that t shirt with the hole in the armpit to the gym), I'll do it whether or not the request is reasonable, but for a more major issue (like who my kids and I hang out with), I would need DH to proffer a reasonable explanation.

[Anonymous]

We do host playdates, but we are insecure about our house, which is a 100-year-old, unfinished fixer-upper. It's a great investment and cozy and a roof over our heads, but nothing that you would feature in Home & Gardens and the free cash is just not there for all-at-one renovations. We are also both pretty tired by the time the weekend rolls around and the thought of hosting...and then there are other obligations. I have to twist DH's arm to get him to OK an afternoon playdate. And he agrees that there is something different about sending your kid to spend time with another kid's Dad, versus the mom. He is actually a hypocrit about it - a great Dad & play date supervisor himself who complains about mommy cliques, and is also suspicious of other dads we don't know very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

Well, my husband doesn't care, but I also don't do every single thing that he likes, or not do every single thing that he wouldn't, regardless of whether I think it is reasonable. Sure, for minor things (like don't wear that t shirt with the hole in the armpit to the gym), I'll do it whether or not the request is reasonable, but for a more major issue (like who my kids and I hang out with), I would need DH to proffer a reasonable explanation.

I agree.

How are women ever supposed to be equal if we can't be alone in private with other people because they happen to be male?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

So do you not work b/c he is worried you might be alone with some men at the office, like in a windowless conference room? I assume work trips would be impossible.

I do work and a) no one is really alone at the office, b) no office is actually private, and c) work is a must-do, not want-to-do. Meetings with male colleagues are sometimes needed to have work done. No one HAS to do playdates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

Well, my husband doesn't care, but I also don't do every single thing that he likes, or not do every single thing that he wouldn't, regardless of whether I think it is reasonable. Sure, for minor things (like don't wear that t shirt with the hole in the armpit to the gym), I'll do it whether or not the request is reasonable, but for a more major issue (like who my kids and I hang out with), I would need DH to proffer a reasonable explanation.

I agree.

How are women ever supposed to be equal if we can't be alone in private with other people because they happen to be male?

How are women ever supposed to be equal if they allow other women to dictate how they should feel? I am not saying YOU can't be alone in private with other male people. I am saying that I don't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

why can't you invite the kid over for a playdate when your DH is home then?

I don't think OP is like, jonesing for alone time with moms, just wondering why he doesn't get reciprocal invites. I go on plenty of playdates where both parts of the couple are invited.

[Anonymous]

I literally can't believe this thread. Is it a farce thread? You people won't go to a mans house? Where the fuck are you posting from? Please tell me. I assume you a stay at home moms from Centerville or somewhere?

What if...there are two dads! Zomg.

[Anonymous]

Mine doesn't so I don't do it.


Well, my husband doesn't care, but I also don't do every single thing that he likes, or not do every single thing that he wouldn't, regardless of whether I think it is reasonable. Sure, for minor things (like don't wear that t shirt with the hole in the armpit to the gym), I'll do it whether or not the request is reasonable, but for a more major issue (like who my kids and I hang out with), I would need DH to proffer a reasonable explanation.


I agree.

How are women ever supposed to be equal if we can't be alone in private with other people because they happen to be male?

How are women ever supposed to be equal if they allow other women to dictate how they should feel? I am not saying YOU can't be alone in private with other male people. I am saying that I don't want to.

But that isn't what you said. If you didn't want to, I would find it unusual, but hey, different strokes for different folks. What you said, if you read your post, is that you didn't do it because your husband didn't like it, which is a different matter entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

So do you not work b/c he is worried you might be alone with some men at the office, like in a windowless conference room? I assume work trips would be impossible.

Excellent point, yes having a job is the exact same thing as inviting someone to your home socially

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

Well, my husband doesn't care, but I also don't do every single thing that he likes, or not do every single thing that he wouldn't, regardless of whether I think it is reasonable. Sure, for minor things (like don't wear that t shirt with the hole in the armpit to the gym), I'll do it whether or not the request is reasonable, but for a more major issue (like who my kids and I hang out with), I would need DH to proffer a reasonable explanation.

I agree.

How are women ever supposed to be equal if we can't be alone in private with other people because they happen to be male?

When did equal start meaning the same? Please hang out with all the dads you want but I prefer to make my own choices about my social life and family life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I literally can't believe this thread. Is it a farce thread? You people won't go to a mans house? Where the fuck are you posting from? Please tell me. I assume you a stay at home moms from Centerville or somewhere?

What if...there are two dads! Zomg.

I'm good with 2 dads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Mine doesn't so I don't do it.


Well, my husband doesn't care, but I also don't do every single thing that he likes, or not do every single thing that he wouldn't, regardless of whether I think it is reasonable. Sure, for minor things (like don't wear that t shirt with the hole in the armpit to the gym), I'll do it whether or not the request is reasonable, but for a more major issue (like who my kids and I hang out with), I would need DH to proffer a reasonable explanation.


I agree.

How are women ever supposed to be equal if we can't be alone in private with other people because they happen to be male?

How are women ever supposed to be equal if they allow other women to dictate how they should feel? I am not saying YOU can't be alone in private with other male people. I am saying that I don't want to.

But that isn't what you said. If you didn't want to, I would find it unusual, but hey, different strokes for different folks. What you said, if you read your post, is that you didn't do it because your husband didn't like it, which is a different matter entirely.

I didn't realize it had to be spelled out quite so exquisitely. This is a boundary in our marriage with which we both agree - that it wouldn't be appropriate to have social visits with members of the opposite sex when there isn't anyone else adult around in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

why can't you invite the kid over for a playdate when your DH is home then?

I don't think OP is like, jonesing for alone time with moms, just wondering why he doesn't get reciprocal invites. I go on plenty of playdates where both parts of the couple are invited.

That's a possibility, of course. If the second parent is at home, then the issue is moot. I am just surmising, perhaps wrongly, that SAH parents tend to meet up when other parents are at work, and not at home. We've actually had a dad and his son over for a playdate on Sunday when both of us were home.