Stay at home Dad: My kids not accepted?

[Anonymous]

Hi,

Have two smart/no-issue children, and it seems to be going nowhere, trying to get the kids regular friends/playmates. Though they have regular friends at school, there is little response and follow up play dates after we invite other kids over. All the the kids have fun, but we're hosting 4 times as many as others - some have never invited over to their homes, even after many visits to ours! Both of my children have told me they are lonely, the youngest especially.

No one has ever said anything to me, about me or my kids, to have an idea what's going on here. Is it a rejecting the stay at home dad as setting bad example for male role model? Are parents lazy and happy to freeload on me? Anyone have any other ideas?

[Anonymous]

I think the stay at home dad part has nothing to do with it. It is just general circumstances and nothing in particular that is causing it.

[Anonymous]

OP here again... the other odd thing (to me anyways) is the parents are all chatty and friendly at first, then start being more distant - even just driving up, letting the child jump/run to and from the car.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and we host 10:1. We rarely get invited to people's homes but if I do the inviting, kids come over (mostly drop off). I would not care if child's parent were a SAHM, SAHD or working parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the stay at home dad part has nothing to do with it. It is just general circumstances and nothing in particular that is causing it.

OP

General circumstances, Sure I could see that. But, for all the friends they have through 6-8 years of school/sports/clubs, it just seems like the odds are against it being simply circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and we host 10:1. We rarely get invited to people's homes but if I do the inviting, kids come over (mostly drop off). I would not care if child's parent were a SAHM, SAHD or working parents.

Hi Anon - glad to hear you wouldn't discriminate.

Wow! 10:1... what gives with this one-sided playdate phenomenon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and we host 10:1. We rarely get invited to people's homes but if I do the inviting, kids come over (mostly drop off). I would not care if child's parent were a SAHM, SAHD or working parents.

Hi Anon - glad to hear you wouldn't discriminate.

Wow! 10:1... what gives with this one-sided playdate phenomenon?

I have actually posted about this very same topic a year or so ago. We have a pretty large house and I keep a clean home. DH likes an immaculate home so our floors are pretty spotless. I think some people may not feel comfortable inviting us over because their house isn't as clean? I am not sure. I stopped wondering and it has stopped bothering me. My children have very active social lives and people seem to enjoy our company, just no in their homes. We get invited to a lot of outings outside the home (playgrounds, movies, Cox Farms, etc).

[Anonymous]

It has nothing to do with setting a bad example as a role model.

A friend of mine is a guy who is a lawyer. His wife is also a lawyer. They have two kids. She is the breadwinner for the family and he is the stay at home parent. It's because he has more patience with the kids. That's the simple reason. While home he has written several published articles and is writing a book. He builds a lot of things by hand (costumes for his kids, toys for them, etc).

But I have also known two SAHD's who were such because they couldn't hack working full time. And although I'm sure those two are totally fine parents, I hesitate to encourage a friendship in a family with someone who couldn't hack it in the work world. Men always feel like they have to give a reason why they're the stay at home parent, whereas women don't. So maybe some women can't hack it in the work world either. But they aren't saying that, and then men are more likely to. And that weirds me out, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

I wouldnt care about it being a stay at home Dad. I only have a 3yo so havent done any drop off play dates yet. I used to be a nanny though and was always hosting more than my kids were getting invited.
You need to learn the phrase " Larla would love to play with Larlo again some time soon" Then it kind of leads them into saying they will invite your kid there. It doesnt work all the time, but does work sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has nothing to do with setting a bad example as a role model.

A friend of mine is a guy who is a lawyer. His wife is also a lawyer. They have two kids. She is the breadwinner for the family and he is the stay at home parent. It's because he has more patience with the kids. That's the simple reason. While home he has written several published articles and is writing a book. He builds a lot of things by hand (costumes for his kids, toys for them, etc).

But I have also known two SAHD's who were such because they couldn't hack working full time. And although I'm sure those two are totally fine parents, I hesitate to encourage a friendship in a family with someone who couldn't hack it in the work world. Men always feel like they have to give a reason why they're the stay at home parent, whereas women don't. So maybe some women can't hack it in the work world either. But they aren't saying that, and then men are more likely to. And that weirds me out, to be honest.

So basically you are okay with a SAHD as long as he is a published author and a master carpenter and tailor. But SAHM you give a pass, bc that's the woman's role. SAHD who act like typical SAHM are 'weird' -- and you construct this whole story about them not hacking it in the working world where many many SAHM talk about how they couldn't balance work and parenting just like these SAHDs.

So OP it sounds like the exact phenomenon you describe is at work here, unless you can show the receipt for an advance from your publisher?

[Anonymous]

I hate hosting playdates at our house. I'm happy to meet at the park or playground or wherever, but I just detest at-home playdates. I'm a freak and I know it. So there's probably at least one weirdo like me in your group. And for that weirdo, it has zilch to do with you being a SAHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and we host 10:1. We rarely get invited to people's homes but if I do the inviting, kids come over (mostly drop off). I would not care if child's parent were a SAHM, SAHD or working parents.

Hi Anon - glad to hear you wouldn't discriminate.

Wow! 10:1... what gives with this one-sided playdate phenomenon?

I have actually posted about this very same topic a year or so ago. We have a pretty large house and I keep a clean home. DH likes an immaculate home so our floors are pretty spotless. I think some people may not feel comfortable inviting us over because their house isn't as clean? I am not sure. I stopped wondering and it has stopped bothering me. My children have very active social lives and people seem to enjoy our company, just no in their homes. We get invited to a lot of outings outside the home (playgrounds, movies, Cox Farms, etc).

OP

Oh, can you direct me to that thread? I'd love to read it.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids?

Do the friends have older siblings with scheduled activities?

[Anonymous]

no issue with your penis or your stay at home status.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that either the husbands are jealous or they worry about them being jealous.