Stay at home Dad: My kids not accepted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest and take the backlash:
My kids friends (under 5, so that is relevant) are largely children of my friends. Whether we were friends first, or I encouraged friendships versus others because i had something in common with the parent.
At this age, the kids play and I talk to the parent.
I am not coming over to your house and hanging out with your husband for a couple hours. I'm sure he's very nice and a great guy/father, but I'm just not making small talk with him in your kitchens over coffee and muffins.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest and take the backlash:
My kids friends (under 5, so that is relevant) are largely children of my friends. Whether we were friends first, or I encouraged friendships versus others because i had something in common with the parent.
At this age, the kids play and I talk to the parent.
I am not coming over to your house and hanging out with your husband for a couple hours. I'm sure he's very nice and a great guy/father, but I'm just not making small talk with him in your kitchens over coffee and muffins.

+1

ugh, I wish I knew more SAHDs so I could disprove this awful stereotype. OP, I'd be happy to make small talk with you in your kitchen over coffee and muffins. We're not all like this.

[Anonymous]

OP I think it's probably a little about SAHMs potentially being uncomfortable with your gender but do wonder whether SAH Parents in general host much more because WOH parents like me and my husband just don't have our shit together enough to host much and want to spend the weekends with our kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are your kids? Are they in many activities?

I think people are just busy. My kids are 4 and 6 and we hang out with about 2 families frequently. That is it. Nothing personal. Between sports, homework and after school programs, there isn't much time left. Also feel like my kids entertain one another so they are never lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest and take the backlash:
My kids friends (under 5, so that is relevant) are largely children of my friends. Whether we were friends first, or I encouraged friendships versus others because i had something in common with the parent.
At this age, the kids play and I talk to the parent.
I am not coming over to your house and hanging out with your husband for a couple hours. I'm sure he's very nice and a great guy/father, but I'm just not making small talk with him in your kitchens over coffee and muffins.

+1

ugh, I wish I knew more SAHDs so I could disprove this awful stereotype. OP, I'd be happy to make small talk with you in your kitchen over coffee and muffins. We're not all like this.

+1. Just because that uptight twit isn't capable of making friends with a dad, doesn't mean the majority of moms feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest and take the backlash:
My kids friends (under 5, so that is relevant) are largely children of my friends. Whether we were friends first, or I encouraged friendships versus others because i had something in common with the parent.
At this age, the kids play and I talk to the parent.
I am not coming over to your house and hanging out with your husband for a couple hours. I'm sure he's very nice and a great guy/father, but I'm just not making small talk with him in your kitchens over coffee and muffins.

+1

This. Im sorry but i will also add that its creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest and take the backlash:
My kids friends (under 5, so that is relevant) are largely children of my friends. Whether we were friends first, or I encouraged friendships versus others because i had something in common with the parent.
At this age, the kids play and I talk to the parent.
I am not coming over to your house and hanging out with your husband for a couple hours. I'm sure he's very nice and a great guy/father, but I'm just not making small talk with him in your kitchens over coffee and muffins.

+1

This. Im sorry but i will also add that its creepy.

Huh? how?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest and take the backlash:
My kids friends (under 5, so that is relevant) are largely children of my friends. Whether we were friends first, or I encouraged friendships versus others because i had something in common with the parent.
At this age, the kids play and I talk to the parent.
I am not coming over to your house and hanging out with your husband for a couple hours. I'm sure he's very nice and a great guy/father, but I'm just not making small talk with him in your kitchens over coffee and muffins.

+1

ugh, I wish I knew more SAHDs so I could disprove this awful stereotype. OP, I'd be happy to make small talk with you in your kitchen over coffee and muffins. We're not all like this.

Lol! So you have never actually befriended a dad but are righteous about how awful people that just aren't comfortable with it are. Best post of the day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has nothing to do with setting a bad example as a role model.

A friend of mine is a guy who is a lawyer. His wife is also a lawyer. They have two kids. She is the breadwinner for the family and he is the stay at home parent. It's because he has more patience with the kids. That's the simple reason. While home he has written several published articles and is writing a book. He builds a lot of things by hand (costumes for his kids, toys for them, etc).

But I have also known two SAHD's who were such because they couldn't hack working full time. And although I'm sure those two are totally fine parents, I hesitate to encourage a friendship in a family with someone who couldn't hack it in the work world. Men always feel like they have to give a reason why they're the stay at home parent, whereas women don't. So maybe some women can't hack it in the work world either. But they aren't saying that, and then men are more likely to. And that weirds me out, to be honest.

So basically you are okay with a SAHD as long as he is a published author and a master carpenter and tailor. But SAHM you give a pass, bc that's the woman's role. SAHD who act like typical SAHM are 'weird' -- and you construct this whole story about them not hacking it in the working world where many many SAHM talk about how they couldn't balance work and parenting just like these SAHDs.

So OP it sounds like the exact phenomenon you describe is at work here, unless you can show the receipt for an advance from your publisher?

Eh, I wouldn't get so dramatic and take this so far, PP.
I have a friend in a situation like this, and knowing she is slaving away at a job she hates because her husband needed to find himself and is carving trinkets in their shed to sell on etsy, makes me not want to entrust my children to him for hours at a time under his questionable judgement and supervision. Especially when I have 10 other playmates to choose from, no, he is not at the top of my list.

Switch the genders. Would you feel the same way?

So I'm a SAHd hanging out with someone else's wife whose marriage is falling apart?
Same answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest and take the backlash:
My kids friends (under 5, so that is relevant) are largely children of my friends. Whether we were friends first, or I encouraged friendships versus others because i had something in common with the parent.
At this age, the kids play and I talk to the parent.
I am not coming over to your house and hanging out with your husband for a couple hours. I'm sure he's very nice and a great guy/father, but I'm just not making small talk with him in your kitchens over coffee and muffins.

+1

This. Im sorry but i will also add that its creepy.

Huh? how?

Yes, I am not hanging out in your house basically alone with your husband in your kitchen making small talk for a couple hours while the kids play in the playroom on the second floor.
That's really and truly great that you would not only be awesome in that situation but actually choose to do it on a semi regular basis, but some people are not.
Acting confused about why that could be awkward is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

WOHM with SAHH here. Wow, the haters are out tonight!

There might be some people who don't hang with my DH and kids because they are weirded out by him not being a published author or whatever the hell. Good riddance, if that's how they judge people. He does all right without such assholes. As for the people who are incapable of having male friends because they are married to other people, well, their sexism is clear right there in the "your kitchens." The kitchen is way more DH's than it is mine!

OP, that said I wouldn't blame the SAHD factor for your situation entirely. Unless you live in a particularly judgmental slice of society I'm not privy to, IME there aren't THAT many people who are creeped out by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has nothing to do with setting a bad example as a role model.

A friend of mine is a guy who is a lawyer. His wife is also a lawyer. They have two kids. She is the breadwinner for the family and he is the stay at home parent. It's because he has more patience with the kids. That's the simple reason. While home he has written several published articles and is writing a book. He builds a lot of things by hand (costumes for his kids, toys for them, etc).

But I have also known two SAHD's who were such because they couldn't hack working full time. And although I'm sure those two are totally fine parents, I hesitate to encourage a friendship in a family with someone who couldn't hack it in the work world. Men always feel like they have to give a reason why they're the stay at home parent, whereas women don't. So maybe some women can't hack it in the work world either. But they aren't saying that, and then men are more likely to. And that weirds me out, to be honest.

So basically you are okay with a SAHD as long as he is a published author and a master carpenter and tailor. But SAHM you give a pass, bc that's the woman's role. SAHD who act like typical SAHM are 'weird' -- and you construct this whole story about them not hacking it in the working world where many many SAHM talk about how they couldn't balance work and parenting just like these SAHDs.

So OP it sounds like the exact phenomenon you describe is at work here, unless you can show the receipt for an advance from your publisher?

Eh, I wouldn't get so dramatic and take this so far, PP.
I have a friend in a situation like this, and knowing she is slaving away at a job she hates because her husband needed to find himself and is carving trinkets in their shed to sell on etsy, makes me not want to entrust my children to him for hours at a time under his questionable judgement and supervision. Especially when I have 10 other playmates to choose from, no, he is not at the top of my list.

Switch the genders. Would you feel the same way?

So I'm a SAHd hanging out with someone else's wife whose marriage is falling apart?
Same answer.

are you being purposefully dense?

no, you're you (if you are one of the people who has trouble making friends with opposite-gendered people, then go ahead and make yourself the opposite gender too, but it is irrelevant what your particular occupation is, because the point is the judgment you are bestowing on others here).

Your friend is a dude, slaving away at a job he hates because his wife needed to find herself and is carving trinkets in their shed to sell on etsy (or if yo'ud like to make it more stereotypical, crocheting?). Would you question her judgment or supervision?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest and take the backlash:
My kids friends (under 5, so that is relevant) are largely children of my friends. Whether we were friends first, or I encouraged friendships versus others because i had something in common with the parent.
At this age, the kids play and I talk to the parent.
I am not coming over to your house and hanging out with your husband for a couple hours. I'm sure he's very nice and a great guy/father, but I'm just not making small talk with him in your kitchens over coffee and muffins.

+1

This. Im sorry but i will also add that its creepy.

Huh? how?

Yes, I am not hanging out in your house basically alone with your husband in your kitchen making small talk for a couple hours while the kids play in the playroom on the second floor.
That's really and truly great that you would not only be awesome in that situation but actually choose to do it on a semi regular basis, but some people are not.
Acting confused about why that could be awkward is ridiculous.

Awkward is not the same thing as creepy, though. I can see how it would be awkward for some people. But saying it's creepy is way out of line. Would it also be creepy to hang out with a lesbian mom in that situation?

[Anonymous]

One of my best friends is a SAHD. I'm a working mom.

Wrap your 1950s heads around that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest and take the backlash:
My kids friends (under 5, so that is relevant) are largely children of my friends. Whether we were friends first, or I encouraged friendships versus others because i had something in common with the parent.
At this age, the kids play and I talk to the parent.
I am not coming over to your house and hanging out with your husband for a couple hours. I'm sure he's very nice and a great guy/father, but I'm just not making small talk with him in your kitchens over coffee and muffins.

+1

This. Im sorry but i will also add that its creepy.

Huh? how?

Yes, I am not hanging out in your house basically alone with your husband in your kitchen making small talk for a couple hours while the kids play in the playroom on the second floor.
That's really and truly great that you would not only be awesome in that situation but actually choose to do it on a semi regular basis, but some people are not.
Acting confused about why that could be awkward is ridiculous.

Where are you from? Please don't be from DC...be from some Midwestern place or the Deep South.