Stay at home Dad: My kids not accepted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

Well, my husband doesn't care, but I also don't do every single thing that he likes, or not do every single thing that he wouldn't, regardless of whether I think it is reasonable. Sure, for minor things (like don't wear that t shirt with the hole in the armpit to the gym), I'll do it whether or not the request is reasonable, but for a more major issue (like who my kids and I hang out with), I would need DH to proffer a reasonable explanation.

I agree.

How are women ever supposed to be equal if we can't be alone in private with other people because they happen to be male?

When did equal start meaning the same? Please hang out with all the dads you want but I prefer to make my own choices about my social life and family life

Are you going to teach your sons and daughters to have this preference? If so, that's a problem. If there were just a random one-off personality quirk, fine, but I'm assuming it is cultural and culture is where women become lesser or are allowed to be equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

why can't you invite the kid over for a playdate when your DH is home then?

I don't think OP is like, jonesing for alone time with moms, just wondering why he doesn't get reciprocal invites. I go on plenty of playdates where both parts of the couple are invited.

That's a possibility, of course. If the second parent is at home, then the issue is moot. I am just surmising, perhaps wrongly, that SAH parents tend to meet up when other parents are at work, and not at home. We've actually had a dad and his son over for a playdate on Sunday when both of us were home.

Ok... I still don't really get why a playdate would send off the inappropriate vibe in 2015. The kids are RIGHT THERE, so it's not like you're really alone. I like to use these things as teaching moments, e.g., "hey look, Larlo, people of the opposite gender can actually be in the same room and not immediately start having sex with each other! We're not animals!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

Well, my husband doesn't care, but I also don't do every single thing that he likes, or not do every single thing that he wouldn't, regardless of whether I think it is reasonable. Sure, for minor things (like don't wear that t shirt with the hole in the armpit to the gym), I'll do it whether or not the request is reasonable, but for a more major issue (like who my kids and I hang out with), I would need DH to proffer a reasonable explanation.

I agree.

How are women ever supposed to be equal if we can't be alone in private with other people because they happen to be male?

When did equal start meaning the same? Please hang out with all the dads you want but I prefer to make my own choices about my social life and family life

Are you going to teach your sons and daughters to have this preference? If so, that's a problem. If there were just a random one-off personality quirk, fine, but I'm assuming it is cultural and culture is where women become lesser or are allowed to be equal.

I don't get how my preference for hanging out with other women during my social time is a cultural/women's right issue. Can a rose just be a rose? I don't want to hang out with your husband. I'm just not that into him to choose him over the countless other moms I know. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

why can't you invite the kid over for a playdate when your DH is home then?

I don't think OP is like, jonesing for alone time with moms, just wondering why he doesn't get reciprocal invites. I go on plenty of playdates where both parts of the couple are invited.

That's a possibility, of course. If the second parent is at home, then the issue is moot. I am just surmising, perhaps wrongly, that SAH parents tend to meet up when other parents are at work, and not at home. We've actually had a dad and his son over for a playdate on Sunday when both of us were home.

Ok... I still don't really get why a playdate would send off the inappropriate vibe in 2015. The kids are RIGHT THERE, so it's not like you're really alone. I like to use these things as teaching moments, e.g., "hey look, Larlo, people of the opposite gender can actually be in the same room and not immediately start having sex with each other! We're not animals!"

My house is almost 4K square feet and my kids are 3 and 4. They are upstairs in their rooms or in the playroom. I use that time to hang out with my friends aka their friends parents. It's not a difficult concept to understand that I would rather spend time with my friends than your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

why can't you invite the kid over for a playdate when your DH is home then?

I don't think OP is like, jonesing for alone time with moms, just wondering why he doesn't get reciprocal invites. I go on plenty of playdates where both parts of the couple are invited.

That's a possibility, of course. If the second parent is at home, then the issue is moot. I am just surmising, perhaps wrongly, that SAH parents tend to meet up when other parents are at work, and not at home. We've actually had a dad and his son over for a playdate on Sunday when both of us were home.

Ok... I still don't really get why a playdate would send off the inappropriate vibe in 2015. The kids are RIGHT THERE, so it's not like you're really alone. I like to use these things as teaching moments, e.g., "hey look, Larlo, people of the opposite gender can actually be in the same room and not immediately start having sex with each other! We're not animals!"

My house is almost 4K square feet and my kids are 3 and 4. They are upstairs in their rooms or in the playroom. I use that time to hang out with my friends aka their friends parents. It's not a difficult concept to understand that I would rather spend time with my friends than your husband.

And no SAHD could ever be your friend, because of junk between his legs???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

why can't you invite the kid over for a playdate when your DH is home then?

I don't think OP is like, jonesing for alone time with moms, just wondering why he doesn't get reciprocal invites. I go on plenty of playdates where both parts of the couple are invited.

That's a possibility, of course. If the second parent is at home, then the issue is moot. I am just surmising, perhaps wrongly, that SAH parents tend to meet up when other parents are at work, and not at home. We've actually had a dad and his son over for a playdate on Sunday when both of us were home.

Ok... I still don't really get why a playdate would send off the inappropriate vibe in 2015. The kids are RIGHT THERE, so it's not like you're really alone. I like to use these things as teaching moments, e.g., "hey look, Larlo, people of the opposite gender can actually be in the same room and not immediately start having sex with each other! We're not animals!"

My house is almost 4K square feet and my kids are 3 and 4. They are upstairs in their rooms or in the playroom. I use that time to hang out with my friends aka their friends parents. It's not a difficult concept to understand that I would rather spend time with my friends than your husband.

And no SAHD could ever be your friend, because of junk between his legs???

And again, since you seem to have such a hard time with this, I will explain it a little more for you:
In my world, SAHD's make up a teeny tiny percentage of people I know who are available during the week for play dates. I have probably 10-15 friends that I socialize with, simply because of our schedules, kids ages, proximity. These are also called my friends, or people whose company I enjoy. Typically adults get to choose their own friends, and invite who they want into their homes. There is no reason for me to purposely seek out a man to spend my time with when I much prefer the company of my girlfriends. And I don't have to! Love being an adult, it's awesome.
This tired insistence that this is a women's rights issues is laughable at this point.
Ps I also don't befriend every mom at preschool, the horror!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

why can't you invite the kid over for a playdate when your DH is home then?

I don't think OP is like, jonesing for alone time with moms, just wondering why he doesn't get reciprocal invites. I go on plenty of playdates where both parts of the couple are invited.

That's a possibility, of course. If the second parent is at home, then the issue is moot. I am just surmising, perhaps wrongly, that SAH parents tend to meet up when other parents are at work, and not at home. We've actually had a dad and his son over for a playdate on Sunday when both of us were home.

Ok... I still don't really get why a playdate would send off the inappropriate vibe in 2015. The kids are RIGHT THERE, so it's not like you're really alone. I like to use these things as teaching moments, e.g., "hey look, Larlo, people of the opposite gender can actually be in the same room and not immediately start having sex with each other! We're not animals!"

Meh, I accomplish the same thing by not shagging the grocer in the middle of the fruit aisle. Not sure that I actually point this out to my 3 year old like you do ("Larlo, look! Mommy picked out her oranges without doing the nice man stocking them!") but yes, they sure do see me around other men without disrobing.

[Anonymous]

Look, right or wrong, I would think a lot of men would be uncomfortable with their SAHM wives hanging with another men one on one during the day, however innocent it is. A lot of people have tensions in the marriage already so this situation might escalate things. No one wants to admit it though, cause it's not 21st century progressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

why can't you invite the kid over for a playdate when your DH is home then?

I don't think OP is like, jonesing for alone time with moms, just wondering why he doesn't get reciprocal invites. I go on plenty of playdates where both parts of the couple are invited.

That's a possibility, of course. If the second parent is at home, then the issue is moot. I am just surmising, perhaps wrongly, that SAH parents tend to meet up when other parents are at work, and not at home. We've actually had a dad and his son over for a playdate on Sunday when both of us were home.

Ok... I still don't really get why a playdate would send off the inappropriate vibe in 2015. The kids are RIGHT THERE, so it's not like you're really alone. I like to use these things as teaching moments, e.g., "hey look, Larlo, people of the opposite gender can actually be in the same room and not immediately start having sex with each other! We're not animals!"

My house is almost 4K square feet and my kids are 3 and 4. They are upstairs in their rooms or in the playroom. I use that time to hang out with my friends aka their friends parents. It's not a difficult concept to understand that I would rather spend time with my friends than your husband.

And no SAHD could ever be your friend, because of junk between his legs???

And again, since you seem to have such a hard time with this, I will explain it a little more for you:
In my world, SAHD's make up a teeny tiny percentage of people I know who are available during the week for play dates. I have probably 10-15 friends that I socialize with, simply because of our schedules, kids ages, proximity. These are also called my friends, or people whose company I enjoy. Typically adults get to choose their own friends, and invite who they want into their homes. There is no reason for me to purposely seek out a man to spend my time with when I much prefer the company of my girlfriends. And I don't have to! Love being an adult, it's awesome.
This tired insistence that this is a women's rights issues is laughable at this point.
Ps I also don't befriend every mom at preschool, the horror!

I'm the pp who said I host 10:1 on the first page and I totally get what you are saying. My older child is now in 1st grade and drop offs are common. As long as the child is nice, I don't care who is dropping off (SAHM, SAHD, working parent). Usually it is like 5 min of small talk when they drop off and/or pick up. Dynamics change when kids start elementary school. When my kids were infants/toddlers, we hung out with people who were our friends. In preschool, we mostly hung out with people parents liked but kids attended same preschool. In elementary school, I am not particularly close to any of my children's friends' parents but that doesn't mean our kids can't hang out and be friends. My parents are not friends with any of my friends' parents. However, I have many family friends who are my parents' friends' kids. Hope that makes sense.

For playdates that parents stay, you want someone you get along with. Pretty certain OP's kids are older and he is not trying to stick around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, right or wrong, I would think a lot of men would be uncomfortable with their SAHM wives hanging with another men one on one during the day, however innocent it is. A lot of people have tensions in the marriage already so this situation might escalate things. No one wants to admit it though, cause it's not 21st century progressive.

I don't think most people feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Mine doesn't so I don't do it.


Well, my husband doesn't care, but I also don't do every single thing that he likes, or not do every single thing that he wouldn't, regardless of whether I think it is reasonable. Sure, for minor things (like don't wear that t shirt with the hole in the armpit to the gym), I'll do it whether or not the request is reasonable, but for a more major issue (like who my kids and I hang out with), I would need DH to proffer a reasonable explanation.


I agree.

How are women ever supposed to be equal if we can't be alone in private with other people because they happen to be male?

How are women ever supposed to be equal if they allow other women to dictate how they should feel? I am not saying YOU can't be alone in private with other male people. I am saying that I don't want to.

But that isn't what you said. If you didn't want to, I would find it unusual, but hey, different strokes for different folks. What you said, if you read your post, is that you didn't do it because your husband didn't like it, which is a different matter entirely.

I didn't realize it had to be spelled out quite so exquisitely. This is a boundary in our marriage with which we both agree - that it wouldn't be appropriate to have social visits with members of the opposite sex when there isn't anyone else adult around in the house.

god this is SO foreign to me. Can you please explain it? what is the concern? rape? temptation? appearances? What is inappropriate about it?

Not trolling. I really really do not understand this.

[Anonymous]

Ah I see pp attempted to explain. She just doesn't have male friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

why can't you invite the kid over for a playdate when your DH is home then?

I don't think OP is like, jonesing for alone time with moms, just wondering why he doesn't get reciprocal invites. I go on plenty of playdates where both parts of the couple are invited.

That's a possibility, of course. If the second parent is at home, then the issue is moot. I am just surmising, perhaps wrongly, that SAH parents tend to meet up when other parents are at work, and not at home. We've actually had a dad and his son over for a playdate on Sunday when both of us were home.

Ok... I still don't really get why a playdate would send off the inappropriate vibe in 2015. The kids are RIGHT THERE, so it's not like you're really alone. I like to use these things as teaching moments, e.g., "hey look, Larlo, people of the opposite gender can actually be in the same room and not immediately start having sex with each other! We're not animals!"

My house is almost 4K square feet and my kids are 3 and 4. They are upstairs in their rooms or in the playroom. I use that time to hang out with my friends aka their friends parents. It's not a difficult concept to understand that I would rather spend time with my friends than your husband.

And no SAHD could ever be your friend, because of junk between his legs???

And again, since you seem to have such a hard time with this, I will explain it a little more for you:
In my world, SAHD's make up a teeny tiny percentage of people I know who are available during the week for play dates. I have probably 10-15 friends that I socialize with, simply because of our schedules, kids ages, proximity. These are also called my friends, or people whose company I enjoy. Typically adults get to choose their own friends, and invite who they want into their homes. There is no reason for me to purposely seek out a man to spend my time with when I much prefer the company of my girlfriends. And I don't have to! Love being an adult, it's awesome.
This tired insistence that this is a women's rights issues is laughable at this point.
Ps I also don't befriend every mom at preschool, the horror!

I'm the pp who said I host 10:1 on the first page and I totally get what you are saying. My older child is now in 1st grade and drop offs are common. As long as the child is nice, I don't care who is dropping off (SAHM, SAHD, working parent). Usually it is like 5 min of small talk when they drop off and/or pick up. Dynamics change when kids start elementary school. When my kids were infants/toddlers, we hung out with people who were our friends. In preschool, we mostly hung out with people parents liked but kids attended same preschool. In elementary school, I am not particularly close to any of my children's friends' parents but that doesn't mean our kids can't hang out and be friends. My parents are not friends with any of my friends' parents. However, I have many family friends who are my parents' friends' kids. Hope that makes sense.

For playdates that parents stay, you want someone you get along with. Pretty certain OP's kids are older and he is not trying to stick around.

OP

As they are school age I don't mind if the other parents sticks around or not, in fact I expect it's probably rare at school age as the children are old enough not to need the other parents supervision or to assist me. I do find it annoying that I was never invited in, or had any one take me up on the offer while their toddler was over at a play date in my home... but that's history now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would and have reached out to dads for a playdate. They were not stay-at-home dads, I just knew that they tended to be the parent to take the kid to the park on weekends.

BUT - and it is a big but - this would be for a playdate in the park, in the open, or an activity. I would not invite them to the house where the dad and I would be the only adults. If there were two women or someone else, fine. But not the two of us in the house. I'm uncomfortable with that.

So you are worried about being alone in a house with the dad -- presumably, someone you know from school/neighborhood, not some random stranger -- when both of your children are playing in the next room? If you truly don't trust this person such that you would not be in a house alone with them, why would you let your child play with his in the first place, even if it is at a park? You sound really paranoid to me. I am pretty safety-conscious person, and I would not have a problem going to a play date at the house of a SAHD. If the guy gave me the creeps for other reasons (inappropriate comments or something) then no. But I wouldn't be uncomfortable just because - gasp! - he's male. I don't appreciate it when people treat me a certain way based strictly on my gender, and I try not to do the same to others.

Maybe I should rephrase. I am not worried about my safety. And none of the dads I know give me the creeps. They are all perfectly fine.

I am married. Everyone's marriage comes with boundaries and expectations. In our marriage it is inappropriate to seek opportunities to be alone in the private house with members of the opposite sex. Not because we can't control ourselves or anything but out of respect for each other's spouses and marriages. Public space together is fine. Private is not.

Ask your husband if he likes the idea of you hanging out in another man's house while your children play. Mine doesn't so I don't do it.

So do you not work b/c he is worried you might be alone with some men at the office, like in a windowless conference room? I assume work trips would be impossible.

I do work and a) no one is really alone at the office, b) no office is actually private, and c) work is a must-do, not want-to-do. Meetings with male colleagues are sometimes needed to have work done. No one HAS to do playdates.

Do you ever go out to lunch with male friends at work? Just 1 on 1?

[Anonymous]

Mine doesn't so I don't do it.


Well, my husband doesn't care, but I also don't do every single thing that he likes, or not do every single thing that he wouldn't, regardless of whether I think it is reasonable. Sure, for minor things (like don't wear that t shirt with the hole in the armpit to the gym), I'll do it whether or not the request is reasonable, but for a more major issue (like who my kids and I hang out with), I would need DH to proffer a reasonable explanation.


I agree.

How are women ever supposed to be equal if we can't be alone in private with other people because they happen to be male?

How are women ever supposed to be equal if they allow other women to dictate how they should feel? I am not saying YOU can't be alone in private with other male people. I am saying that I don't want to.


But that isn't what you said. If you didn't want to, I would find it unusual, but hey, different strokes for different folks. What you said, if you read your post, is that you didn't do it because your husband didn't like it, which is a different matter entirely.
I didn't realize it had to be spelled out quite so exquisitely. This is a boundary in our marriage with which we both agree - that it wouldn't be appropriate to have social visits with members of the opposite sex when there isn't anyone else adult around in the house.

I don't think you understand what "exquisitely" means.