My husband confessed that he is resentful about us having a child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you told your DH you were off the pill then it was on him and you to use alternate BC. He could have used condoms. So how is this your fault?

Now, if you didn't tell him that's another story.

Nope- I did not tell him. Honestly- I have a lot of friends who had been trying to have children. I just thought there is a very slim chance of me getting pregnant at the first try after being on BC for the last 15 years of my life. Stupid- but true.

Then you should get some professional help. You were purposefully deceitful, manipulative, and naive. He's entitled to be upset. I would get some professional help immediately. That and you should apologize.

Yup. OP totally "oopsed" her DH and now is trying to pretend like it was all an innocent mistake, like forgetting to close the refrigerator door all the way. The only women on the PLANET who are too busy to get their birth control are women who want to be pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Having an abortion is not the same as not getting pregnant in the first place; I can see how one would be resentful of having to have a baby once you get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

If a man does not ever want children, he should not have sex or he should be sterilized. Otherwise children are a possible result of intercourse.

Same for a woman.

Don't ever rely on the other person. Ever. Under any circumstance.

People fail. Conception barriers fail. Shit just fucking happens.

[Anonymous]

OP: husband probably feels trapped and like he can't trust you. Solution? Give him an out. Tell him you were irresponsible for not taking BC. Your actions were meant to be deceitful even though they were. If he really hates life then tell him he can divorce you and you won't pursue child support and won't go after his money (if any) as a show that you really did not mean to make him feel trapped. It's totally a bluff move, but it's extreme enough where he at least can actually make a decision about going forward. Pretty sure he will chose to be with you and raise child, but now it's more a decision he's made vs being forced into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: husband probably feels trapped and like he can't trust you. Solution? Give him an out. Tell him you were irresponsible for not taking BC. Your actions were meant to be deceitful even though they were. If he really hates life then tell him he can divorce you and you won't pursue child support and won't go after his money (if any) as a show that you really did not mean to make him feel trapped. It's totally a bluff move, but it's extreme enough where he at least can actually make a decision about going forward. Pretty sure he will chose to be with you and raise child, but now it's more a decision he's made vs being forced into it.

What if says, OK.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: husband probably feels trapped and like he can't trust you. Solution? Give him an out. Tell him you were irresponsible for not taking BC. Your actions were meant to be deceitful even though they were. If he really hates life then tell him he can divorce you and you won't pursue child support and won't go after his money (if any) as a show that you really did not mean to make him feel trapped. It's totally a bluff move, but it's extreme enough where he at least can actually make a decision about going forward. Pretty sure he will chose to be with you and raise child, but now it's more a decision he's made vs being forced into it.

You don't make a bluff move about something this important. OP and her DH need marriage counseling, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: husband probably feels trapped and like he can't trust you. Solution? Give him an out. Tell him you were irresponsible for not taking BC. Your actions were meant to be deceitful even though they were. If he really hates life then tell him he can divorce you and you won't pursue child support and won't go after his money (if any) as a show that you really did not mean to make him feel trapped. It's totally a bluff move, but it's extreme enough where he at least can actually make a decision about going forward. Pretty sure he will chose to be with you and raise child, but now it's more a decision he's made vs being forced into it.

What if says, OK.?

Yea, PP whose husband didn't use a condom here. If he had calmly told me it was okay to walk out, instead of begging me with tears and flowers and threats to contest the divorce, I would have jumped ship during the worst of it all when I felt angriest. If you make someone that kind of offer, you had better be ready for them to take you up on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I had agreed to not have children. We had been married for a few years when I got pregnant. I was regularly taking birth control and didn't refill my prescription on time. I was off BC for about 3 weeks and during that time I got pregnant. When I told my husband- he took it all in stride (or so I thought), and was the supportive, caring man I always knew him to be. Even after the baby came, he has continued to be an attentive, hands on dad. I know he loves our son very much. I thought we had just adapted to this new change in our lives, and surprisingly- I am enjoying being a parent a lot more than I thought I would. He seems to enjoy it too but misses the freedom we had.

He recently told me he is really angry and resentful about this lifestyle change. He feels like he was never part of the decision. At the point we found out- I asked him for his opinion on keeping the baby or not- and he told me the decision was all mine. He says he is angry that I was irresponsible.

We have been having some challenges in our marriage and this explains a lot of why. I told him I hear him- and understand. I just don't know how you fix this.

If he was so sure he didn't want children, he should have had a vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your poor son. He is the one I feel bad for.

x1,000

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: husband probably feels trapped and like he can't trust you. Solution? Give him an out. Tell him you were irresponsible for not taking BC. Your actions were meant to be deceitful even though they were. If he really hates life then tell him he can divorce you and you won't pursue child support and won't go after his money (if any) as a show that you really did not mean to make him feel trapped. It's totally a bluff move, but it's extreme enough where he at least can actually make a decision about going forward. Pretty sure he will chose to be with you and raise child, but now it's more a decision he's made vs being forced into it.[/quote]

What if says, OK.?[/quote]

Well you are going to counseling anyway, so you can still try to work it out. Either way if he wants out bad enough he's going to leave. Or cheat. At the end of the day, he's still gonna be paying that child support though.

[Anonymous]

Your H has not gotten a vasectomy because he wants to leave his options open. He is a cake eater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He had time to rid himself of your mistake early on but chose not to. So now he can smile and get with the daddy thing or get divorced.

Actions have consequences and you BOTH should deal with that. The baby is here. It's not the baby's fault. Grow the fuck up.

That!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: husband probably feels trapped and like he can't trust you. Solution? Give him an out. Tell him you were irresponsible for not taking BC. Your actions were meant to be deceitful even though they were. If he really hates life then tell him he can divorce you and you won't pursue child support and won't go after his money (if any) as a show that you really did not mean to make him feel trapped. It's totally a bluff move, but it's extreme enough where he at least can actually make a decision about going forward. Pretty sure he will chose to be with you and raise child, but now it's more a decision he's made vs being forced into it.

You don't make a bluff move about something this important. OP and her DH need marriage counseling, period.

Why not? If the guy actually agrees to divorce or reconciliation then you at least know just how severe the issue is. They are going to counseling anyway, never said don't do that. I'm just putting myself in the guys shoes. As husband I would be pretty shocked at a proposal such as that. If I agreed to it then 1) I really don't want to be with her and 2) I'm a huge jerk and I don't deserve them anyway. Also would be a dosey of a story to try to explain to folks or future love interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He's right. You were irresponsible. How could you not fill your prescription for 3 weeks?! Did you not use other birth control during the time.

What you did was very deceitful. No wonder your husband is resentful.

He's couldn't use a condom? Or better yet he should have had a vasectomy whrn he knew he didn't want kids. He's a baby who won't take responsibility for his reproductive system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: husband probably feels trapped and like he can't trust you. Solution? Give him an out. Tell him you were irresponsible for not taking BC. Your actions were meant to be deceitful even though they were. If he really hates life then tell him he can divorce you and you won't pursue child support and won't go after his money (if any) as a show that you really did not mean to make him feel trapped. It's totally a bluff move, but it's extreme enough where he at least can actually make a decision about going forward. Pretty sure he will chose to be with you and raise child, but now it's more a decision he's made vs being forced into it.

So your advice is to build on the first lie by telling another lie. And what if her husband calls the bluff? He will deem her a habitual liar when it comes to their marriage