My husband confessed that he is resentful about us having a child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is a jerk. Telling you that served no purpose. Tell him to grow up and stop whining.

It is what it is now. Yes, he has the right to feel upset, but what are his choices now:

1. divorce you - get his freedom, but everyone suffers financially, and the kid suffers most of all
2. grow up - he's got a kid now and deal with it, make the most of it. Hopefully, he doesn't ever take it out on the kid
3. Do what he's doing now - take it out on you and the marriage and be resentful, then end up in divorce (see #1)

There's no easy solution here. Just make the one that he can live with. What does he want you to do? Atone for it by serving him hand/foot and making your life miserable?

We've been in kind of similar situation. I've had resentment towards my DH for something, and vice versa. You learn to deal with it, manage it, and move on. Otherwise, what really is the alternative? Divorce or stay in a marriage full of resentment, which probably will end up in divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you told your DH you were off the pill then it was on him and you to use alternate BC. He could have used condoms. So how is this your fault?

Now, if you didn't tell him that's another story.

Nope- I did not tell him. Honestly- I have a lot of friends who had been trying to have children. I just thought there is a very slim chance of me getting pregnant at the first try after being on BC for the last 15 years of my life. Stupid- but true.

OMG

WTF

[Anonymous]

He had time to rid himself of your mistake early on but chose not to. So now he can smile and get with the daddy thing or get divorced.

Actions have consequences and you BOTH should deal with that. The baby is here. It's not the baby's fault. Grow the fuck up.

[Anonymous]

I'd feel resentful too.

Get into marriage counseling if you want to save your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your H was truely dedicated to not getting you pregnant he would have gotten a vasectomy.

He is selfish. You can't fix that.

It's 100% your responsibility, GMAFB!

Find a real man.

The blame is 100 percent on OP. Admittedly, he now has to accept uis child. And be the best father he can be. But he doesn't owe OP anything. Some things are unforgivable and this is one of them. OP thought she would trick him into fatherhood and he would change his mind about having children but it didn't work.

No. It isn't the child's fault but it will take Herculean effort on the man's part to keep from taking it out on child.

[Anonymous]

What I don't get is you were too tired and working so hard you couldn't call in your birth control prescription, pick it up on your way home but you were not too busy to have sex.

You know you did this on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your H was truely dedicated to not getting you pregnant he would have gotten a vasectomy.

He is selfish. You can't fix that.

It's 100% your responsibility, GMAFB!

Find a real man.

The blame is 100 percent on OP. Admittedly, he now has to accept uis child. And be the best father he can be. But he doesn't owe OP anything. Some things are unforgivable and this is one of them. OP thought she would trick him into fatherhood and he would change his mind about having children but it didn't work.

No. It isn't the child's fault but it will take Herculean effort on the man's part to keep from taking it out on child.

Wrong!

People accidentally get pregnant all the time. Men need to grow up and take control of their reproductive organ. Get a V if you really, really, really don't want kids. Stop blaming others.

No. It does not take a Herculean effort to not take it out on a child.

You need serious counseling if you think it is hard to take responsibility for your child and not resent them for something they did not do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is you were too tired and working so hard you couldn't call in your birth control prescription, pick it up on your way home but you were not too busy to have sex.

You know you did this on purpose.

My H is responsible for picking up all prescriptions. Take some responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Trap her DH should have gotten snipped. If not having kids why subject her to hormones for decades?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trap her DH should have gotten snipped. If not having kids why subject her to hormones for decades?

Because he is a selfish tool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you told your DH you were off the pill then it was on him and you to use alternate BC. He could have used condoms. So how is this your fault?

Now, if you didn't tell him that's another story.

+1. Sheesh, OP.

That said, it is well past time for DH to grow up. He supported continuing the pregnancy, time to embrace parenthood.

Either you guys need therapy together or he does.

[Anonymous]

I'm convinced OP that you wanted the kid, not your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you told your DH you were off the pill then it was on him and you to use alternate BC. He could have used condoms. So how is this your fault?

Now, if you didn't tell him that's another story.

+1. Sheesh, OP.

That said, it is well past time for DH to grow up. He supported continuing the pregnancy, time to embrace parenthood.

Either you guys need therapy together or he does.

Based on OP's original post, it sounds like he has embraced parenthood, but he's resentful towards OP because of the deception.

[Anonymous]

OP, here is a different perspective from that of PPs who have posted. I know what your husband is going through bc my husband and I used condoms as our primary form of birth control. He then "forgot" to put one on one night and came in me when I was drunk and he was sober. This was after we had a discussion about children and had agreed on no kids indefinitely. I ended up pregnant. He still claims that he sincerely forgot the condom, but while I was pregnant, he admitted that he had been secretly sad that, when we had had our discussion, I did not want a child.

The entire pregnancy was one big stages of grief process for me. Even as I fell in love with the baby, my rage continued to churn against him. Our daughter is now seven months, and I still feel the anger towards my husband bubble up after a particularly rough night of the baby not sleeping and me having to struggle at work the next day. Maybe it is worse for me than it is for your husband because I actually had to carry the pregnancy and breastfeed and I am the one who mostly stays up with our daughter because she wants me, not him. But as much as I love our daughter, I am still grieving the life I worked to have and angry about the betrayal of trust. I feel trapped sometimes and just crushed by the fact that parenthood is a life sentence of sorts. I can't sleep in peace, go out with friends without major logistical issued, I am struggling at work, my finances have taken a hit from the expense etc. It has definitely affected how I feel about DH, although he is an otherwise good and loving man. We are now in counseling and I have yet to tell the counselor that our daughter is the source of much of my anger towards DH because what mother feels loss and rage over being a mom? But the feeling is there and it makes me overreact to other issues in our marriage. Sometimes, my daughter is the only reason I am still in this marriage.

[Anonymous]

^^PP here. I meant to add: I suggest counseling, plenty of apologies and patience from you, and time. Those are the only things that can save your marriage.