My husband confessed that he is resentful about us having a child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you told your DH you were off the pill then it was on him and you to use alternate BC. He could have used condoms. So how is this your fault?

Now, if you didn't tell him that's another story.

Nope- I did not tell him. Honestly- I have a lot of friends who had been trying to have children. I just thought there is a very slim chance of me getting pregnant at the first try after being on BC for the last 15 years of my life. Stupid- but true.

Then you should get some professional help. You were purposefully deceitful, manipulative, and naive. He's entitled to be upset. I would get some professional help immediately. That and you should apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He's right. You were irresponsible. How could you not fill your prescription for 3 weeks?! Did you not use other birth control during the time.

What you did was very deceitful. No wonder your husband is resentful.

OP here. I am not arguing that I am not wrong or irresponsible. I don't think it was deceitful- because I think that I would have had to be really intentionally trying to get pregnant. I just happened to be caught up with 'being too busy' to go refill my prescription. I was working long hours and hardly had time for anything during those weeks. Either way- it is not an excuse- just an explanation. What I am trying to do now is to figure out what the next steps are. Our child is here and we love him. Our marriage is in trouble because we never resolved this. I feel horrible that DH has had to carry this pain with him all this time. I want to do my part to fix it.

Did you take sex ed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You went off birth control for three weeks and you insisted on having sex, despite agreeing not to have children? I'd be resentful as well.

Did you bother telling DH you were off birth control for those three weeks?

OP, you did this on purpose because, unless you were in a coma, nobody forgets their BC for three weeks! You are a real piece of work. I totally understand his resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You went off birth control for three weeks and you insisted on having sex, despite agreeing not to have children? I'd be resentful as well.

Did you bother telling DH you were off birth control for those three weeks?

OP, you did this on purpose because, unless you were in a coma, nobody forgets their BC for three weeks! . . . I totally understand his resentment.

I agree with what this PP said and for a second I would never believe that you thought you wouldn't get pregnant. I don't know how one gets past this sort of deception. Honestly, I'd suggest marriage counseling.

[Anonymous]

I would divorce you for this duplicity.

You knew he did not want children and both of you agreed to NOT have children. You should have termonated and the fact that you did not confirms that you got pregnant on purpose.

How can he ever trust you again.

[Anonymous]

How old is the kid? If we're past a year or so, the "whoops baby" was wrong, but I don't think that's what this is about. It's probably more about you not paying attention to him because of the child.

He can focus on the baby as a tangible cause of what's making him upset rather than you not paying special attention to him. Maybe you're caring for the baby, maybe you no longer find him so interesting, maybe you are more excited about household projects than having sex with him (yes, that oddly specific last item was me projecting.)

Anyway, my guess is that if you can find your inner-vixen and let it out for his benefit frequently, the resentment over the child will fade. Just a guess though.

[Anonymous]

Your poor son. He is the one I feel bad for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You went off birth control for three weeks and you insisted on having sex, despite agreeing not to have children? I'd be resentful as well.

Did you bother telling DH you were off birth control for those three weeks?

OP, you did this on purpose because, unless you were in a coma, nobody forgets their BC for three weeks! . . . I totally understand his resentment.

I agree with what this PP said and for a second I would never believe that you thought you wouldn't get pregnant. I don't know how one gets past this sort of deception. Honestly, I'd suggest marriage counseling.

+1!

[Anonymous]

Admit it OP, you wanted kids. You couldn't do mail order, take 15 minutes to go to CVS, any of that??

[Anonymous]

You had enough time to have sex, but not full your prescription?? Bullshit.

[Anonymous]

I would be livid. I don't know if I could get over my spouse lying to me like that. And yes, I would consider it lying. If you and your spouse had an agreement that condoms were your primary form of birthcontrol, and then you got pregnant, and he said he'd run out and hadn't gotten around to buying any more so you guys went a month with no protection? And yeah, he didn't think you needed to worry your pretty little head about it because what're the odds, right?!

Livid. And I'd feel completely trapped. I would not want my child alone with someone so completely self-absorbed, and no matter what I'd be on the hook for child support, and it'd be a real jerk move to abandon the kid just because their other parent was so selfish.

Ugh. It would take me a long long time to work through all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your poor son. He is the one I feel bad for.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be livid. I don't know if I could get over my spouse lying to me like that. And yes, I would consider it lying. If you and your spouse had an agreement that condoms were your primary form of birthcontrol, and then you got pregnant, and he said he'd run out and hadn't gotten around to buying any more so you guys went a month with no protection? And yeah, he didn't think you needed to worry your pretty little head about it because what're the odds, right?!

Livid. And I'd feel completely trapped. I would not want my child alone with someone so completely self-absorbed, and no matter what I'd be on the hook for child support, and it'd be a real jerk move to abandon the kid just because their other parent was so selfish.

Ugh. It would take me a long long time to work through all that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Your DH is a jerk. Telling you that served no purpose. Tell him to grow up and stop whining.

[Anonymous]

If your H was truely dedicated to not getting you pregnant he would have gotten a vasectomy.

He is selfish. You can't fix that.

It's 100% your responsibility, GMAFB!

Find a real man.