Puzzling "Stand Off" In Relationship (Not-Married)

[Anonymous]

^But you have talked about them- in fact, YOU brought them up.

You are trying to prove that somehow youre a better catch than her because everyone on this thread thinks differently.

Again, I am old money too, but I dont rely on that to form my identity, and I have never used that as an excuse to not pursue earning MY OWN money.

If you bring something into the discussion, be prepared for people to call you on it and give their opinion.

No one is "trolling" you- they just dont like you or respect you... got it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Only someone who is nouveau riche could have your worldview. The difference between us is pretty obvious to me now. I grew up wealthy. My father's father made plenty. It's called old money. We are therefore able to pursue a luxury career (something prestigious and enjoyable). Sure I make less than many guys who own plumbing businesses. But you don't see a lot of men who are owners of plumbing businesses in the New York Times wedding section. Sure do see a lot of PhDs tho!

Wow. You really are a massive fucking loser.

you resort to personal attack because you can't defeat the argument. clear i got under your skin because i have a way with the written joust.

Do you have aspergers? This is an honest question, not meant to be mean.

Not at all. I just am good at arguing. People try to deflect, get personal, etc. I stick on points of debate. Facts. Ruthless about it. Annoys people, who prefer to reason/argue based on emotion.

Honey, I'm sorry to burst the bubble, but you havent been emotionless, or stayed on point.

In fact, you managed to navigate people questioning about your self-reported under-earning to a discussion of your parents' achievements and being from "old money". That is not the point you asked about, which is why hasnt your GF dumped you yet.

You also seem to be really easy to ruffle and rile up. You get *noticeably* offended when people accuse your GF of being more successful than you.

It's almost sad, because you sound like a guy who went into this post hoping for some kind of validation and now you are spitting out the most irrelevant info about your parents' country club (??????) and it's just a clusterfuck.

Anyone who uses the terminology honey isn't what I'd call particularly cultured. I'm guessing you say "hubby" too =)

I was trying to be kind, because you seem to be in a fragile emotional state ATM.

Not fragile at all. Annoyed with trolling PPs. I can't be that upset. I'm literally stocking away 80% of a six-figure income each month into 401k since I have zero housing costs.

I will repost then:
[Redacted], I'm sorry to burst the bubble, but you havent been emotionless, or stayed on point.

In fact, you managed to navigate people questioning about your self-reported under-earning to a discussion of your parents' achievements and being from "old money". That is not the point you asked about, which is why hasnt your GF dumped you yet.

You also seem to be really easy to ruffle and rile up. You get *noticeably* offended when people accuse your GF of being more successful than you.

It's almost sad, because you sound like a guy who went into this post hoping for some kind of validation and now you are spitting out the most irrelevant info about your parents' country club (??????) and it's just a clusterfuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^But you have talked about them- in fact, YOU brought them up.

You are trying to prove that somehow youre a better catch than her because everyone on this thread thinks differently.

Again, I am old money too, but I dont rely on that to form my identity, and I have never used that as an excuse to not pursue earning MY OWN money.

If you bring something into the discussion, be prepared for people to call you on it and give their opinion.

No one is "trolling" you- they just dont like you or respect you... got it?

Gaslight much? Seriously, I weep for your husband. If you go back and look at the thread, you were the one who insulted me when I explicitly only gave out limited info on my bio/income and my gf's bio/income. You wrote, "Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually." Only at that time did I come back at you to explain that yes, some people choose prestige over income and provide context on why my current salary only being in the low 100s versus 400s doesn't bother me. You were being nasty and deflecting from the topic at hand. Go back and read your posts. You were blah blah tell us about her job it sounds so interesting. OP did not come on to talk about jobs. I gave a little context and asked why she would stay. You couldn't stay on topic.

[Anonymous]

She's happy being in a low-sex relationship with a guy she cares about and doesn't have enough of a reason to end it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^But you have talked about them- in fact, YOU brought them up.

You are trying to prove that somehow youre a better catch than her because everyone on this thread thinks differently.

Again, I am old money too, but I dont rely on that to form my identity, and I have never used that as an excuse to not pursue earning MY OWN money.

If you bring something into the discussion, be prepared for people to call you on it and give their opinion.

No one is "trolling" you- they just dont like you or respect you... got it?

Gaslight much? Seriously, I weep for your husband. If you go back and look at the thread, you were the one who insulted me when I explicitly only gave out limited info on my bio/income and my gf's bio/income. You wrote, "Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually." Only at that time did I come back at you to explain that yes, some people choose prestige over income and provide context on why my current salary only being in the low 100s versus 400s doesn't bother me. You were being nasty and deflecting from the topic at hand. Go back and read your posts. You were blah blah tell us about her job it sounds so interesting. OP did not come on to talk about jobs. I gave a little context and asked why she would stay. You couldn't stay on topic.

No, you brought being "old money" into the discussion.

And, excuse me, but that is hilarious. Because it speaks to a complete failing on your part, and a real reversal of the expected outcomes.

You came in to ask for relationship advice, specifically why this lady hasnt dumped you. I happen to be more interested in hearing about your GF's achievements because I find her much more interesting than you.

You also seem to be fond of whining, both about your GF and then to the posters here when they dont find you to be the impressive person you've deluded yourself into thinking you are.

And instead of taking the opinions people gave you, you argued with EVERYONE and try to convince them otherwise. Well, sorry, it doesn't work. Thou dost protest too much, and I have never seen ANYONE on DCUM make such an ass of themselves trying to convince the posters here that they arent a loser.

Seriously? Talking about being old money.

God. I have so much second-hand embarrassment for you right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^But you have talked about them- in fact, YOU brought them up.

You are trying to prove that somehow youre a better catch than her because everyone on this thread thinks differently.

Again, I am old money too, but I dont rely on that to form my identity, and I have never used that as an excuse to not pursue earning MY OWN money.

If you bring something into the discussion, be prepared for people to call you on it and give their opinion.

No one is "trolling" you- they just dont like you or respect you... got it?

Gaslight much? Seriously, I weep for your husband. If you go back and look at the thread, you were the one who insulted me when I explicitly only gave out limited info on my bio/income and my gf's bio/income. You wrote, "Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually." Only at that time did I come back at you to explain that yes, some people choose prestige over income and provide context on why my current salary only being in the low 100s versus 400s doesn't bother me. You were being nasty and deflecting from the topic at hand. Go back and read your posts. You were blah blah tell us about her job it sounds so interesting. OP did not come on to talk about jobs. I gave a little context and asked why she would stay. You couldn't stay on topic.

No, you brought being "old money" into the discussion.

And, excuse me, but that is hilarious. Because it speaks to a complete failing on your part, and a real reversal of the expected outcomes.

You came in to ask for relationship advice, specifically why this lady hasnt dumped you. I happen to be more interested in hearing about your GF's achievements because I find her much more interesting than you.

You also seem to be fond of whining, both about your GF and then to the posters here when they dont find you to be the impressive person you've deluded yourself into thinking you are.

And instead of taking the opinions people gave you, you argued with EVERYONE and try to convince them otherwise. Well, sorry, it doesn't work. Thou dost protest too much, and I have never seen ANYONE on DCUM make such an ass of themselves trying to convince the posters here that they arent a loser.

Seriously? Talking about being old money.

God. I have so much second-hand embarrassment for you right now.

Bingo. Read the bolded part. You thread-jacked. And did it in a d-bag manner. Even if you're now post-hoc trying to claim your focus on income was to explain gf's behavior, it doesn't. Focusing on income actually makes gf's behavior make LESS, not MORE, sense. So you clearly had your own interests at heart in this thread. You're the one who isn't a particularly nice poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^But you have talked about them- in fact, YOU brought them up.

You are trying to prove that somehow youre a better catch than her because everyone on this thread thinks differently.

Again, I am old money too, but I dont rely on that to form my identity, and I have never used that as an excuse to not pursue earning MY OWN money.

If you bring something into the discussion, be prepared for people to call you on it and give their opinion.

No one is "trolling" you- they just dont like you or respect you... got it?

Gaslight much? Seriously, I weep for your husband. If you go back and look at the thread, you were the one who insulted me when I explicitly only gave out limited info on my bio/income and my gf's bio/income. You wrote, "Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually." Only at that time did I come back at you to explain that yes, some people choose prestige over income and provide context on why my current salary only being in the low 100s versus 400s doesn't bother me. You were being nasty and deflecting from the topic at hand. Go back and read your posts. You were blah blah tell us about her job it sounds so interesting. OP did not come on to talk about jobs. I gave a little context and asked why she would stay. You couldn't stay on topic.

No, you brought being "old money" into the discussion.

And, excuse me, but that is hilarious. Because it speaks to a complete failing on your part, and a real reversal of the expected outcomes.

You came in to ask for relationship advice, specifically why this lady hasnt dumped you. I happen to be more interested in hearing about your GF's achievements because I find her much more interesting than you.

You also seem to be fond of whining, both about your GF and then to the posters here when they dont find you to be the impressive person you've deluded yourself into thinking you are.

And instead of taking the opinions people gave you, you argued with EVERYONE and try to convince them otherwise. Well, sorry, it doesn't work. Thou dost protest too much, and I have never seen ANYONE on DCUM make such an ass of themselves trying to convince the posters here that they arent a loser.

Seriously? Talking about being old money.

God. I have so much second-hand embarrassment for you right now.

Bingo. Read the bolded part. You thread-jacked. And did it in a d-bag manner. Even if you're now post-hoc trying to claim your focus on income was to explain gf's behavior, it doesn't. Focusing on income actually makes gf's behavior make LESS, not MORE, sense. So you clearly had your own interests at heart in this thread. You're the one who isn't a particularly nice poster.

It's not bingo anything. I asked about your GF's business and you didn't want to give out info. And then I responded accordingly, saying that I wasnt surprised (and I wasnt) given your clear inferiority complex.

This is when the bizarre ranting about being old money came in.

[Anonymous]

It could be inertia - sometimes it's just easier to stay in a comfortable situation, particularly if it's good in a lot of ways and offers her companionship; she really may not know if her reduced libido is about your relationship or just something going on with her hormonally. Plus the idea of starting over with someone new can be really, really daunting. She probably loves you, and doesn't want to throw your relationship away. It's also possible she's happy with the status quo -- at least, happier than you are. I highly doubt it's a game for her and she's deliberately "not budging"...

At this point, I would put it all out on the table and ask her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^But you have talked about them- in fact, YOU brought them up.

You are trying to prove that somehow youre a better catch than her because everyone on this thread thinks differently.

Again, I am old money too, but I dont rely on that to form my identity, and I have never used that as an excuse to not pursue earning MY OWN money.

If you bring something into the discussion, be prepared for people to call you on it and give their opinion.

No one is "trolling" you- they just dont like you or respect you... got it?

Gaslight much? Seriously, I weep for your husband. If you go back and look at the thread, you were the one who insulted me when I explicitly only gave out limited info on my bio/income and my gf's bio/income. You wrote, "Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually." Only at that time did I come back at you to explain that yes, some people choose prestige over income and provide context on why my current salary only being in the low 100s versus 400s doesn't bother me. You were being nasty and deflecting from the topic at hand. Go back and read your posts. You were blah blah tell us about her job it sounds so interesting. OP did not come on to talk about jobs. I gave a little context and asked why she would stay. You couldn't stay on topic.

No, you brought being "old money" into the discussion.

And, excuse me, but that is hilarious. Because it speaks to a complete failing on your part, and a real reversal of the expected outcomes.

You came in to ask for relationship advice, specifically why this lady hasnt dumped you. I happen to be more interested in hearing about your GF's achievements because I find her much more interesting than you.

You also seem to be fond of whining, both about your GF and then to the posters here when they dont find you to be the impressive person you've deluded yourself into thinking you are.

And instead of taking the opinions people gave you, you argued with EVERYONE and try to convince them otherwise. Well, sorry, it doesn't work. Thou dost protest too much, and I have never seen ANYONE on DCUM make such an ass of themselves trying to convince the posters here that they arent a loser.

Seriously? Talking about being old money.

God. I have so much second-hand embarrassment for you right now.

Bingo. Read the bolded part. You thread-jacked. And did it in a d-bag manner. Even if you're now post-hoc trying to claim your focus on income was to explain gf's behavior, it doesn't. Focusing on income actually makes gf's behavior make LESS, not MORE, sense. So you clearly had your own interests at heart in this thread. You're the one who isn't a particularly nice poster.

It's not bingo anything. I asked about your GF's business and you didn't want to give out info. And then I responded accordingly, saying that I wasnt surprised (and I wasnt) given your clear inferiority complex.

This is when the bizarre ranting about being old money came in.

Actually it's very much bingo. Any fair-minded reader will note that you directly in this response admit that I came on to ask a very narrow question. Given a set of facts, what theories might other posters have (hopefully posters who had been in similar stand offs) about why my gf is choosing to remain in the relationship. You then admit in this response that such a question (my question, OP, you know? the one who started the thread) didn't interest you. Rather, you wanted to ask about my gf's business all the meanwhile insulting me about my income. The real proof comes out (that your intentions were not helpful) in the fact that your focus on my income lacking actually undermines any theory for why she remains with me. So almost everything you chose to yammer about did ZERO to explain a theory about why gf has stayed. Your sole mission in this thread had ZERO to do with OP's original question. You know it, I know it, any person reading the thread can see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I want to clear one thing up. I'm not a starving artist. I'm successful. My income places me in the top 10-15 percent nationally. My job status is very high (graduate degrees from top-10 private universities). Not bragging either. Just don't want people getting the wrong impression. She only has a BA, but did well opening a small biz. So she makes 3-4x my salary. But it's not like I'm doing stand up at a club and waiting tables ppl.

As for other poster who asked about my appearance. I was 30lbs overweight (she's also gained). I've lost 20 of those lbs. I'm over 6' so I carry it okay. Again, I don't want ppl not seeing this for what it is. We're both equal in looks. She has an income edge. I have a status/degree edge in terms of intellectual achievements.

This is the PP who has the law degree and had to break up with the musician. Just fyi, the other post was my only post until this one (meaning, I'm not involved in all the ad hominem attacks. I recognize you are just trying to solve a puzzle in a very "T" like Myers-Briggs way, and infuriating the "F"s)

Ok given this new information, that you are successful, and degreed, and more degreed than she is, yes I see how you two balance out more.

Regardless of the musings I am about to type, I think if you get out of her house, and pay to take her out, probably like "the old days," it may help on some primal level with her sex drive issue. I'm 50 and have had many years of mom friends now, and wow, I've heard a lot. If a wife is "taking care of" a guy somehow too much in a certain way, sex drive flips into maternal drive. I've seen it re financially, and with (sad but true) a guy who had lots of health problems; the wife was nursing him all the time. Does she mate-guard? Although I can't substantiate this (I've never researched it) I personally believe this is a big clue into her relationship with you. (I'm talking about reasonable mate-guarding, not psycho jealousy)

I wonder if she recognizes her fertility is on the wane, and that she's unlikely to find anyone else in time, and you are just *almost* right but-for that problem of not feeling sexual toward you. Because she's housing you like a child (not trying to be offensive) and thus having difficulty seeing you as mate and provider for the offspring. Meanwhile it's possible given what you describe that she is super-busy, and often super-busy folks spend their energy on the urgent, not the important (to paraphrase Stephen Covey). And time ticks on, until the important becomes urgent (her bio clock running out), and only then the decision is made.

I'd ask her, OP. Sit down with some wine, ask her and listen for her answer and watch her face, too. Because when someone isn't predictable, or doing what we would do in that situation, or surprises us, usually the issue is that one of our assumptions is wrong. And it might just be the assumption that's wrong is that she's though this through--she might not be willing to work on the puzzle because she's afraid she'll find out the pieces don't fit together. Or she thinks the pieces don't fit together. Only when you see what she sees, can you can supply info to change her picture, or recognize together that this isn't going to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I want to clear one thing up. I'm not a starving artist. I'm successful. My income places me in the top 10-15 percent nationally. My job status is very high (graduate degrees from top-10 private universities). Not bragging either. Just don't want people getting the wrong impression. She only has a BA, but did well opening a small biz. So she makes 3-4x my salary. But it's not like I'm doing stand up at a club and waiting tables ppl.

As for other poster who asked about my appearance. I was 30lbs overweight (she's also gained). I've lost 20 of those lbs. I'm over 6' so I carry it okay. Again, I don't want ppl not seeing this for what it is. We're both equal in looks. She has an income edge. I have a status/degree edge in terms of intellectual achievements.

This is the PP who has the law degree and had to break up with the musician. Just fyi, the other post was my only post until this one (meaning, I'm not involved in all the ad hominem attacks. I recognize you are just trying to solve a puzzle in a very "T" like Myers-Briggs way, and infuriating the "F"s)

Ok given this new information, that you are successful, and degreed, and more degreed than she is, yes I see how you two balance out more.

Regardless of the musings I am about to type, I think if you get out of her house, and pay to take her out, probably like "the old days," it may help on some primal level with her sex drive issue. I'm 50 and have had many years of mom friends now, and wow, I've heard a lot. If a wife is "taking care of" a guy somehow too much in a certain way, sex drive flips into maternal drive. I've seen it re financially, and with (sad but true) a guy who had lots of health problems; the wife was nursing him all the time. Does she mate-guard? Although I can't substantiate this (I've never researched it) I personally believe this is a big clue into her relationship with you. (I'm talking about reasonable mate-guarding, not psycho jealousy)

I wonder if she recognizes her fertility is on the wane, and that she's unlikely to find anyone else in time, and you are just *almost* right but-for that problem of not feeling sexual toward you. Because she's housing you like a child (not trying to be offensive) and thus having difficulty seeing you as mate and provider for the offspring. Meanwhile it's possible given what you describe that she is super-busy, and often super-busy folks spend their energy on the urgent, not the important (to paraphrase Stephen Covey). And time ticks on, until the important becomes urgent (her bio clock running out), and only then the decision is made.

I'd ask her, OP. Sit down with some wine, ask her and listen for her answer and watch her face, too. Because when someone isn't predictable, or doing what we would do in that situation, or surprises us, usually the issue is that one of our assumptions is wrong. And it might just be the assumption that's wrong is that she's though this through--she might not be willing to work on the puzzle because she's afraid she'll find out the pieces don't fit together. Or she thinks the pieces don't fit together. Only when you see what she sees, can you can supply info to change her picture, or recognize together that this isn't going to work.

OP here. This is the best advice I've received in 3 years. Thank you. Sincerely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^But you have talked about them- in fact, YOU brought them up.

You are trying to prove that somehow youre a better catch than her because everyone on this thread thinks differently.

Again, I am old money too, but I dont rely on that to form my identity, and I have never used that as an excuse to not pursue earning MY OWN money.

If you bring something into the discussion, be prepared for people to call you on it and give their opinion.

No one is "trolling" you- they just dont like you or respect you... got it?

Gaslight much? Seriously, I weep for your husband. If you go back and look at the thread, you were the one who insulted me when I explicitly only gave out limited info on my bio/income and my gf's bio/income. You wrote, "Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually." Only at that time did I come back at you to explain that yes, some people choose prestige over income and provide context on why my current salary only being in the low 100s versus 400s doesn't bother me. You were being nasty and deflecting from the topic at hand. Go back and read your posts. You were blah blah tell us about her job it sounds so interesting. OP did not come on to talk about jobs. I gave a little context and asked why she would stay. You couldn't stay on topic.

No, you brought being "old money" into the discussion.

And, excuse me, but that is hilarious. Because it speaks to a complete failing on your part, and a real reversal of the expected outcomes.

You came in to ask for relationship advice, specifically why this lady hasnt dumped you. I happen to be more interested in hearing about your GF's achievements because I find her much more interesting than you.

You also seem to be fond of whining, both about your GF and then to the posters here when they dont find you to be the impressive person you've deluded yourself into thinking you are.

And instead of taking the opinions people gave you, you argued with EVERYONE and try to convince them otherwise. Well, sorry, it doesn't work. Thou dost protest too much, and I have never seen ANYONE on DCUM make such an ass of themselves trying to convince the posters here that they arent a loser.

Seriously? Talking about being old money.

God. I have so much second-hand embarrassment for you right now.

Bingo. Read the bolded part. You thread-jacked. And did it in a d-bag manner. Even if you're now post-hoc trying to claim your focus on income was to explain gf's behavior, it doesn't. Focusing on income actually makes gf's behavior make LESS, not MORE, sense. So you clearly had your own interests at heart in this thread. You're the one who isn't a particularly nice poster.

It's not bingo anything. I asked about your GF's business and you didn't want to give out info. And then I responded accordingly, saying that I wasnt surprised (and I wasnt) given your clear inferiority complex.

This is when the bizarre ranting about being old money came in.

Actually it's very much bingo. Any fair-minded reader will note that you directly in this response admit that I came on to ask a very narrow question. Given a set of facts, what theories might other posters have (hopefully posters who had been in similar stand offs) about why my gf is choosing to remain in the relationship. You then admit in this response that such a question (my question, OP, you know? the one who started the thread) didn't interest you. Rather, you wanted to ask about my gf's business all the meanwhile insulting me about my income. The real proof comes out (that your intentions were not helpful) in the fact that your focus on my income lacking actually undermines any theory for why she remains with me. So almost everything you chose to yammer about did ZERO to explain a theory about why gf has stayed. Your sole mission in this thread had ZERO to do with OP's original question. You know it, I know it, any person reading the thread can see it.

Yes, and I gave you my take on the situation, which is that, you are useful to her, for now, despite the fact that objective parties would probably classify you as a bit of a loser in comparison to her.

You, obviously, didn't like that and that's when the "but I'm old money! Wahhhh!" claws came out. (Which, I must admit, was very entertaining, so thanks for that.)

And btw, stop gaslighting, youre not good at it and you keep referring to yourself as "I" and then "OP", and it's just embarrassing, like everything else you've said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^But you have talked about them- in fact, YOU brought them up.

You are trying to prove that somehow youre a better catch than her because everyone on this thread thinks differently.

Again, I am old money too, but I dont rely on that to form my identity, and I have never used that as an excuse to not pursue earning MY OWN money.

If you bring something into the discussion, be prepared for people to call you on it and give their opinion.

No one is "trolling" you- they just dont like you or respect you... got it?

Gaslight much? Seriously, I weep for your husband. If you go back and look at the thread, you were the one who insulted me when I explicitly only gave out limited info on my bio/income and my gf's bio/income. You wrote, "Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually." Only at that time did I come back at you to explain that yes, some people choose prestige over income and provide context on why my current salary only being in the low 100s versus 400s doesn't bother me. You were being nasty and deflecting from the topic at hand. Go back and read your posts. You were blah blah tell us about her job it sounds so interesting. OP did not come on to talk about jobs. I gave a little context and asked why she would stay. You couldn't stay on topic.

No, you brought being "old money" into the discussion.

And, excuse me, but that is hilarious. Because it speaks to a complete failing on your part, and a real reversal of the expected outcomes.

You came in to ask for relationship advice, specifically why this lady hasnt dumped you. I happen to be more interested in hearing about your GF's achievements because I find her much more interesting than you.

You also seem to be fond of whining, both about your GF and then to the posters here when they dont find you to be the impressive person you've deluded yourself into thinking you are.

And instead of taking the opinions people gave you, you argued with EVERYONE and try to convince them otherwise. Well, sorry, it doesn't work. Thou dost protest too much, and I have never seen ANYONE on DCUM make such an ass of themselves trying to convince the posters here that they arent a loser.

Seriously? Talking about being old money.

God. I have so much second-hand embarrassment for you right now.

Bingo. Read the bolded part. You thread-jacked. And did it in a d-bag manner. Even if you're now post-hoc trying to claim your focus on income was to explain gf's behavior, it doesn't. Focusing on income actually makes gf's behavior make LESS, not MORE, sense. So you clearly had your own interests at heart in this thread. You're the one who isn't a particularly nice poster.

It's not bingo anything. I asked about your GF's business and you didn't want to give out info. And then I responded accordingly, saying that I wasnt surprised (and I wasnt) given your clear inferiority complex.

This is when the bizarre ranting about being old money came in.

Actually it's very much bingo. Any fair-minded reader will note that you directly in this response admit that I came on to ask a very narrow question. Given a set of facts, what theories might other posters have (hopefully posters who had been in similar stand offs) about why my gf is choosing to remain in the relationship. You then admit in this response that such a question (my question, OP, you know? the one who started the thread) didn't interest you. Rather, you wanted to ask about my gf's business all the meanwhile insulting me about my income. The real proof comes out (that your intentions were not helpful) in the fact that your focus on my income lacking actually undermines any theory for why she remains with me. So almost everything you chose to yammer about did ZERO to explain a theory about why gf has stayed. Your sole mission in this thread had ZERO to do with OP's original question. You know it, I know it, any person reading the thread can see it.

Yes, and I gave you my take on the situation, which is that, you are useful to her, for now, despite the fact that objective parties would probably classify you as a bit of a loser in comparison to her.

You, obviously, didn't like that and that's when the "but I'm old money! Wahhhh!" claws came out. (Which, I must admit, was very entertaining, so thanks for that.)

And btw, stop gaslighting, youre not good at it and you keep referring to yourself as "I" and then "OP", and it's just embarrassing, like everything else you've said.

Wow, so your take on the puzzle of why my gf has weighed the costs and benefits of staying and is staying is that she's weighed the costs and benefits and the benefits of me are useful and outweigh the costs. Sage advice PP. Real Nostradamus answer there. You basically engaged in tautology. That's not a theory. "Oh wow, she's staying, you provide a benefit despite all the evidence I'm about to tell you about why you don't provide any benefits!" Not very coherent theory, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:^But you have talked about them- in fact, YOU brought them up.

You are trying to prove that somehow youre a better catch than her because everyone on this thread thinks differently.

Again, I am old money too, but I dont rely on that to form my identity, and I have never used that as an excuse to not pursue earning MY OWN money.

If you bring something into the discussion, be prepared for people to call you on it and give their opinion.

No one is "trolling" you- they just dont like you or respect you... got it?

Gaslight much? Seriously, I weep for your husband. If you go back and look at the thread, you were the one who insulted me when I explicitly only gave out limited info on my bio/income and my gf's bio/income. You wrote, "Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually." Only at that time did I come back at you to explain that yes, some people choose prestige over income and provide context on why my current salary only being in the low 100s versus 400s doesn't bother me. You were being nasty and deflecting from the topic at hand. Go back and read your posts. You were blah blah tell us about her job it sounds so interesting. OP did not come on to talk about jobs. I gave a little context and asked why she would stay. You couldn't stay on topic.

No, you brought being "old money" into the discussion.

And, excuse me, but that is hilarious. Because it speaks to a complete failing on your part, and a real reversal of the expected outcomes.

You came in to ask for relationship advice, specifically why this lady hasnt dumped you. I happen to be more interested in hearing about your GF's achievements because I find her much more interesting than you.

You also seem to be fond of whining, both about your GF and then to the posters here when they dont find you to be the impressive person you've deluded yourself into thinking you are.

And instead of taking the opinions people gave you, you argued with EVERYONE and try to convince them otherwise. Well, sorry, it doesn't work. Thou dost protest too much, and I have never seen ANYONE on DCUM make such an ass of themselves trying to convince the posters here that they arent a loser.

Seriously? Talking about being old money.

God. I have so much second-hand embarrassment for you right now.

Bingo. Read the bolded part. You thread-jacked. And did it in a d-bag manner. Even if you're now post-hoc trying to claim your focus on income was to explain gf's behavior, it doesn't. Focusing on income actually makes gf's behavior make LESS, not MORE, sense. So you clearly had your own interests at heart in this thread. You're the one who isn't a particularly nice poster.

It's not bingo anything. I asked about your GF's business and you didn't want to give out info. And then I responded accordingly, saying that I wasnt surprised (and I wasnt) given your clear inferiority complex.

This is when the bizarre ranting about being old money came in.

Actually it's very much bingo. Any fair-minded reader will note that you directly in this response admit that I came on to ask a very narrow question. Given a set of facts, what theories might other posters have (hopefully posters who had been in similar stand offs) about why my gf is choosing to remain in the relationship. You then admit in this response that such a question (my question, OP, you know? the one who started the thread) didn't interest you. Rather, you wanted to ask about my gf's business all the meanwhile insulting me about my income. The real proof comes out (that your intentions were not helpful) in the fact that your focus on my income lacking actually undermines any theory for why she remains with me. So almost everything you chose to yammer about did ZERO to explain a theory about why gf has stayed. Your sole mission in this thread had ZERO to do with OP's original question. You know it, I know it, any person reading the thread can see it.

Yes, and I gave you my take on the situation, which is that, you are useful to her, for now, despite the fact that objective parties would probably classify you as a bit of a loser in comparison to her.

You, obviously, didn't like that and that's when the "but I'm old money! Wahhhh!" claws came out. (Which, I must admit, was very entertaining, so thanks for that.)

And btw, stop gaslighting, youre not good at it and you keep referring to yourself as "I" and then "OP", and it's just embarrassing, like everything else you've said.

Wow, so your take on the puzzle of why my gf has weighed the costs and benefits of staying and is staying is that she's weighed the costs and benefits and the benefits of me are useful and outweigh the costs. Sage advice PP. Real Nostradamus answer there. You basically engaged in tautology. That's not a theory. "Oh wow, she's staying, you provide a benefit despite all the evidence I'm about to tell you about why you don't provide any benefits!" Not very coherent theory, PP.

It actually is a coherent theory. She's probably quite lonely. I would say maybe you have a good personality, but that's clearly not the case.

I mean, it works for her. She controls the purse strings, she gets house ownership. She gets to choose when to have sex.

And you get to come along for the ride.

Makes sense to me, even if you are a dud by most people's standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why people are attacking the OP. The answer is inertia, clearly. She is waiting around hoping it will all settle down and eventually you'll marry her out of inertia. Or she knows you are not compatible but also doesn't want to leave you because she knows you are a "good catch". Do her a favor and end it.

Yes. OP, she either doesn't want to be alone or she might actually love you. You seem to have discounted that as a reason for her staying.