Puzzling "Stand Off" In Relationship (Not-Married)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:^But you have talked about them- in fact, YOU brought them up.

You are trying to prove that somehow youre a better catch than her because everyone on this thread thinks differently.

Again, I am old money too, but I dont rely on that to form my identity, and I have never used that as an excuse to not pursue earning MY OWN money.

If you bring something into the discussion, be prepared for people to call you on it and give their opinion.

No one is "trolling" you- they just dont like you or respect you... got it?

Gaslight much? Seriously, I weep for your husband. If you go back and look at the thread, you were the one who insulted me when I explicitly only gave out limited info on my bio/income and my gf's bio/income. You wrote, "Also, it's even funnier that she outearns you by such a margin and yet only has a BA and you have a ton of graduate degrees. Kind of hilarious actually." Only at that time did I come back at you to explain that yes, some people choose prestige over income and provide context on why my current salary only being in the low 100s versus 400s doesn't bother me. You were being nasty and deflecting from the topic at hand. Go back and read your posts. You were blah blah tell us about her job it sounds so interesting. OP did not come on to talk about jobs. I gave a little context and asked why she would stay. You couldn't stay on topic.

No, you brought being "old money" into the discussion.

And, excuse me, but that is hilarious. Because it speaks to a complete failing on your part, and a real reversal of the expected outcomes.

You came in to ask for relationship advice, specifically why this lady hasnt dumped you. I happen to be more interested in hearing about your GF's achievements because I find her much more interesting than you.

You also seem to be fond of whining, both about your GF and then to the posters here when they dont find you to be the impressive person you've deluded yourself into thinking you are.

And instead of taking the opinions people gave you, you argued with EVERYONE and try to convince them otherwise. Well, sorry, it doesn't work. Thou dost protest too much, and I have never seen ANYONE on DCUM make such an ass of themselves trying to convince the posters here that they arent a loser.

Seriously? Talking about being old money.

God. I have so much second-hand embarrassment for you right now.

Bingo. Read the bolded part. You thread-jacked. And did it in a d-bag manner. Even if you're now post-hoc trying to claim your focus on income was to explain gf's behavior, it doesn't. Focusing on income actually makes gf's behavior make LESS, not MORE, sense. So you clearly had your own interests at heart in this thread. You're the one who isn't a particularly nice poster.

It's not bingo anything. I asked about your GF's business and you didn't want to give out info. And then I responded accordingly, saying that I wasnt surprised (and I wasnt) given your clear inferiority complex.

This is when the bizarre ranting about being old money came in.

Actually it's very much bingo. Any fair-minded reader will note that you directly in this response admit that I came on to ask a very narrow question. Given a set of facts, what theories might other posters have (hopefully posters who had been in similar stand offs) about why my gf is choosing to remain in the relationship. You then admit in this response that such a question (my question, OP, you know? the one who started the thread) didn't interest you. Rather, you wanted to ask about my gf's business all the meanwhile insulting me about my income. The real proof comes out (that your intentions were not helpful) in the fact that your focus on my income lacking actually undermines any theory for why she remains with me. So almost everything you chose to yammer about did ZERO to explain a theory about why gf has stayed. Your sole mission in this thread had ZERO to do with OP's original question. You know it, I know it, any person reading the thread can see it.

Yes, and I gave you my take on the situation, which is that, you are useful to her, for now, despite the fact that objective parties would probably classify you as a bit of a loser in comparison to her.

You, obviously, didn't like that and that's when the "but I'm old money! Wahhhh!" claws came out. (Which, I must admit, was very entertaining, so thanks for that.)

And btw, stop gaslighting, youre not good at it and you keep referring to yourself as "I" and then "OP", and it's just embarrassing, like everything else you've said.

Wow, so your take on the puzzle of why my gf has weighed the costs and benefits of staying and is staying is that she's weighed the costs and benefits and the benefits of me are useful and outweigh the costs. Sage advice PP. Real Nostradamus answer there. You basically engaged in tautology. That's not a theory. "Oh wow, she's staying, you provide a benefit despite all the evidence I'm about to tell you about why you don't provide any benefits!" Not very coherent theory, PP.

It actually is a coherent theory. She's probably quite lonely. I would say maybe you have a good personality, but that's clearly not the case.

I mean, it works for her. She controls the purse strings, she gets house ownership. She gets to choose when to have sex.

And you get to come along for the ride.

Makes sense to me, even if you are a dud by most people's standards.

20 posts later and you're finally trying to fill in the coloring book details. Actually focusing, albeit with the personal attacks still there, on the question at hand. The reason it was a give away that you're a thread jacking d-bag is that all of your dictum in these posts actually undermines your banal theory. Your theory is she's staying for the benefits I provide. That's literally all you said in your first post. Then the 10 next posts talk about all the lack of benefits I provide (my lack of income, personality), now you throw out something vague about her being lonely. Oddly though she sounded so awesome and self-assured many posts earlier. Again, so incoherent. Def. not a sharp mind.

[Anonymous]

Possible reasons:
- She loves you.
- She loves working and subconsciously doesn't really want to have the kids she says she wants to have, or at least is ambivalent.
- She has a specific end date in mind but just hasn't shared it with you.
- She is afraid that she will always have regrets and wonder what might have been if she ends it, so she is waiting for you to end it.
- She hasn't faced the reality that time is running out if she wants to have kids, or again she is waiting till a specific time like when she turns 38.
- She is already vaguely looking for your replacement but will wait till work is less busy and the timing is better for you (you mentioned it was a bad time for you to make a transition) to end it.
- She still thinks you two can resolve the issue that has caused her to shut down. Ask her what you can do or say.

[Anonymous]

^Actually that's been my party line from the beginning. I dont know if your sense of wounded ego distracted you, or you have poor reading comprehension, or what the deal is, but my assessment of you and your situation has not changed.

(Well, maybe a little. It definitely became worse as I realized your entire concept of yourself as a success has to do with your parents' country club. At age 33.)

You dont provide many benefits, but enough for her. And she's probably a bit lonely to deal with someone that, having spoken to you for a long period of time and dealt with your asperger's personality, I can only classify as "anti-social".

[Anonymous]

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Only someone who is nouveau riche could have your worldview. The difference between us is pretty obvious to me now. I grew up wealthy. My father's father made plenty. It's called old money. We are therefore able to pursue a luxury career (something prestigious and enjoyable). Sure I make less than many guys who own plumbing businesses. But you don't see a lot of men who are owners of plumbing businesses in the New York Times wedding section. Sure do see a lot of PhDs tho!

Wow. You really are a massive fucking loser.

you resort to personal attack because you can't defeat the argument. clear i got under your skin because i have a way with the written joust.

Do you have aspergers? This is an honest question, not meant to be mean.

Not at all. I just am good at arguing. People try to deflect, get personal, etc. I stick on points of debate. Facts. Ruthless about it. Annoys people, who prefer to reason/argue based on emotion.

Honey, I'm sorry to burst the bubble, but you havent been emotionless, or stayed on point.

In fact, you managed to navigate people questioning about your self-reported under-earning to a discussion of your parents' achievements and being from "old money". That is not the point you asked about, which is why hasnt your GF dumped you yet.

You also seem to be really easy to ruffle and rile up. You get *noticeably* offended when people accuse your GF of being more successful than you.

It's almost sad, because you sound like a guy who went into this post hoping for some kind of validation and now you are spitting out the most irrelevant info about your parents' country club (??????) and it's just a clusterfuck.

Anyone who uses the terminology honey isn't what I'd call particularly cultured. I'm guessing you say "hubby" too =)

I was trying to be kind, because you seem to be in a fragile emotional state ATM.

Not fragile at all. Annoyed with trolling PPs. I can't be that upset. I'm literally stocking away 80% of a six-figure income each month into 401k since I have zero housing costs.

Perhaps you should talk to your parents' financial advisor about some smarter investment strategies. Why would you tie up that additional $60k for another 30 years when there is zero tax benefit to doing so?

[Anonymous]

She sounds like she might be gay. Not attracted to men but likes having a steady BF to show off. She doesn't want kids. Even LD women kick up the sex when they'd like to conceive a baby. She just thinks it sounds good or what she should want. A 37yo woman working over 70 hrs a week and gets a new puppy is avoiding the man in her bed. Either the sex (for her) was not as good as you thought or she likes women.

Meanwhile, OP has wasted his 30s on this woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^Actually that's been my party line from the beginning. I dont know if your sense of wounded ego distracted you, or you have poor reading comprehension, or what the deal is, but my assessment of you and your situation has not changed.

(Well, maybe a little. It definitely became worse as I realized your entire concept of yourself as a success has to do with your parents' country club. At age 33.)

You dont provide many benefits, but enough for her. And she's probably a bit lonely to deal with someone that, having spoken to you for a long period of time and dealt with your asperger's personality, I can only classify as "anti-social".

Except for the small inconvenient fact that the PP actually listed 7-8 things that you never said in any of your 20+ posts. You spent 2-3% of your words talking about some vague "benefits" that I offer to gf (which you never defined or talked about) and then spent 97% of your verbage talking about how I don't measure up. PP actually listed 7-8 plausible reasons for gf's behavior in 1 post. You offered 1 vague platitude in 25+ posts. Talk about lacking efficiency LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she might be gay. Not attracted to men but likes having a steady BF to show off. She doesn't want kids. Even LD women kick up the sex when they'd like to conceive a baby. She just thinks it sounds good or what she should want. A 37yo woman working over 70 hrs a week and gets a new puppy is avoiding the man in her bed. Either the sex (for her) was not as good as you thought or she likes women.

Meanwhile, OP has wasted his 30s on this woman.

Yeah exactly. OP has wasted a decade on this woman. Oh wait. OP met woman when he was 30. OP Just turned 33. Turns out OP has 7.5 more years before he turns 40. And OP is a dude whose career is on the rise. Damn facts.

[Anonymous]

I no longer think OP is a troll, but he IS possibly the biggest douche in DCUM history which is saying a lot.

I would LOVE to figure out where he is a professor. I'm guessing jr law professor somewhere.

Still scratching my head over on what planet OP thinks that he's so great because he has Ivy league degrees, is mooching off of his girlfriend, and having no sex.

On the off chance OP is actually sincere about wanting advice, or even able to understand normal human interactions: based on his ability to express himself in a normal way here, I'd guess that his GF actually has NO IDEA that the sex life is a deal breaker to OP, because OP has never expressed that to her in an understandable way. GF probably thinks things are fine, and is too busy to push things re marriage at the moment. But she will figure it out soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I no longer think OP is a troll, but he IS possibly the biggest douche in DCUM history which is saying a lot.

I would LOVE to figure out where he is a professor. I'm guessing jr law professor somewhere.

Still scratching my head over on what planet OP thinks that he's so great because he has Ivy league degrees, is mooching off of his girlfriend, and having no sex.

On the off chance OP is actually sincere about wanting advice, or even able to understand normal human interactions: based on his ability to express himself in a normal way here, I'd guess that his GF actually has NO IDEA that the sex life is a deal breaker to OP, because OP has never expressed that to her in an understandable way. GF probably thinks things are fine, and is too busy to push things re marriage at the moment. But she will figure it out soon.

OP here. She absolutely knows. We've been in couples counseling about it. She says she has no idea where her libido went. Has even gone to get tested for something physio related. It's not hormonal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Actually that's been my party line from the beginning. I dont know if your sense of wounded ego distracted you, or you have poor reading comprehension, or what the deal is, but my assessment of you and your situation has not changed.

(Well, maybe a little. It definitely became worse as I realized your entire concept of yourself as a success has to do with your parents' country club. At age 33.)

You dont provide many benefits, but enough for her. And she's probably a bit lonely to deal with someone that, having spoken to you for a long period of time and dealt with your asperger's personality, I can only classify as "anti-social".

Except for the small inconvenient fact that the PP actually listed 7-8 things that you never said in any of your 20+ posts. You spent 2-3% of your words talking about some vague "benefits" that I offer to gf (which you never defined or talked about) and then spent 97% of your verbage talking about how I don't measure up. PP actually listed 7-8 plausible reasons for gf's behavior in 1 post. You offered 1 vague platitude in 25+ posts. Talk about lacking efficiency LOL.

Yes, because you kept contesting my assessment of you. And I was more than happy to expand and explain exactly how I came to believe you were a loser.

Again, I have the same idea of why she is with you. That has not changed at all, though my opinion of you has gone downhill, which I initially would not have thought possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I no longer think OP is a troll, but he IS possibly the biggest douche in DCUM history which is saying a lot.

I would LOVE to figure out where he is a professor. I'm guessing jr law professor somewhere.

Still scratching my head over on what planet OP thinks that he's so great because he has Ivy league degrees, is mooching off of his girlfriend, and having no sex.

On the off chance OP is actually sincere about wanting advice, or even able to understand normal human interactions: based on his ability to express himself in a normal way here, I'd guess that his GF actually has NO IDEA that the sex life is a deal breaker to OP, because OP has never expressed that to her in an understandable way. GF probably thinks things are fine, and is too busy to push things re marriage at the moment. But she will figure it out soon.

Oh oh oh oh! And don't forget, he is "old money" and the other members of his PARENT'S COUNTRY CLUB are very impressed by him.

Laughable.

I seriously hope this is a troll and no one is actually this sad in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Actually that's been my party line from the beginning. I dont know if your sense of wounded ego distracted you, or you have poor reading comprehension, or what the deal is, but my assessment of you and your situation has not changed.

(Well, maybe a little. It definitely became worse as I realized your entire concept of yourself as a success has to do with your parents' country club. At age 33.)

You dont provide many benefits, but enough for her. And she's probably a bit lonely to deal with someone that, having spoken to you for a long period of time and dealt with your asperger's personality, I can only classify as "anti-social".

Except for the small inconvenient fact that the PP actually listed 7-8 things that you never said in any of your 20+ posts. You spent 2-3% of your words talking about some vague "benefits" that I offer to gf (which you never defined or talked about) and then spent 97% of your verbage talking about how I don't measure up. PP actually listed 7-8 plausible reasons for gf's behavior in 1 post. You offered 1 vague platitude in 25+ posts. Talk about lacking efficiency LOL.

Yes, because you kept contesting my assessment of you. And I was more than happy to expand and explain exactly how I came to believe you were a loser.

Again, I have the same idea of why she is with you. That has not changed at all, though my opinion of you has gone downhill, which I initially would not have thought possible.

I'm really hurt. Your opinion means a lot to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she might be gay. Not attracted to men but likes having a steady BF to show off. She doesn't want kids. Even LD women kick up the sex when they'd like to conceive a baby. She just thinks it sounds good or what she should want. A 37yo woman working over 70 hrs a week and gets a new puppy is avoiding the man in her bed. Either the sex (for her) was not as good as you thought or she likes women.

Meanwhile, OP has wasted his 30s on this woman.

Yeah exactly. OP has wasted a decade on this woman. Oh wait. OP met woman when he was 30. OP Just turned 33. Turns out OP has 7.5 more years before he turns 40. And OP is a dude whose career is on the rise. Damn facts.

OP, are you gaslighting again?!
Naughty naughty! *wags finger*

You do realize you have a very obvious, incredibly immature tone of speaking which makes you too damn easy to root out... right? So it just makes you look even worse when you try to comment from multiple voices, especially when you slip up and move between "I" and "OP".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I no longer think OP is a troll, but he IS possibly the biggest douche in DCUM history which is saying a lot.

I would LOVE to figure out where he is a professor. I'm guessing jr law professor somewhere.

Still scratching my head over on what planet OP thinks that he's so great because he has Ivy league degrees, is mooching off of his girlfriend, and having no sex.

On the off chance OP is actually sincere about wanting advice, or even able to understand normal human interactions: based on his ability to express himself in a normal way here, I'd guess that his GF actually has NO IDEA that the sex life is a deal breaker to OP, because OP has never expressed that to her in an understandable way. GF probably thinks things are fine, and is too busy to push things re marriage at the moment. But she will figure it out soon.

OP here. She absolutely knows. We've been in couples counseling about it. She says she has no idea where her libido went. Has even gone to get tested for something physio related. It's not hormonal.

OK, so maybe she's hoping that it will come back or putting off thinking about it or hoping you don't mean it. Not everyone is a robot weighing risks and benefits rationally. You have stayed in the relationship so far, which makes it easier for her to continue on this path. Also you're probably really bad in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Actually that's been my party line from the beginning. I dont know if your sense of wounded ego distracted you, or you have poor reading comprehension, or what the deal is, but my assessment of you and your situation has not changed.

(Well, maybe a little. It definitely became worse as I realized your entire concept of yourself as a success has to do with your parents' country club. At age 33.)

You dont provide many benefits, but enough for her. And she's probably a bit lonely to deal with someone that, having spoken to you for a long period of time and dealt with your asperger's personality, I can only classify as "anti-social".

Except for the small inconvenient fact that the PP actually listed 7-8 things that you never said in any of your 20+ posts. You spent 2-3% of your words talking about some vague "benefits" that I offer to gf (which you never defined or talked about) and then spent 97% of your verbage talking about how I don't measure up. PP actually listed 7-8 plausible reasons for gf's behavior in 1 post. You offered 1 vague platitude in 25+ posts. Talk about lacking efficiency LOL.

Yes, because you kept contesting my assessment of you. And I was more than happy to expand and explain exactly how I came to believe you were a loser.

Again, I have the same idea of why she is with you. That has not changed at all, though my opinion of you has gone downhill, which I initially would not have thought possible.

I'm really hurt. Your opinion means a lot to me.

That's obvious, since you've been trying to contest it for damn near 7 pages.