Reply to Puzzling "Stand Off" In Relationship (Not-Married)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. I want to clear one thing up. I'm not a starving artist. I'm successful. My income places me in the top 10-15 percent nationally. My job status is very high (graduate degrees from top-10 private universities). Not bragging either. Just don't want people getting the wrong impression. She only has a BA, but did well opening a small biz. So she makes 3-4x my salary. But it's not like I'm doing stand up at a club and waiting tables ppl.

As for other poster who asked about my appearance. I was 30lbs overweight (she's also gained). I've lost 20 of those lbs. I'm over 6' so I carry it okay. Again, I don't want ppl not seeing this for what it is. We're both equal in looks. She has an income edge. I have a status/degree edge in terms of intellectual achievements.[/quote]

This is the PP who has the law degree and had to break up with the musician.  Just fyi, the other post was my only post until this one (meaning, I'm not involved in all the ad hominem attacks.  I recognize you are just trying to solve a puzzle in a very "T" like Myers-Briggs way, and infuriating the "F"s)

Ok given this new information, that you are successful, and degreed, and more degreed than she is, yes I see how you two balance out more.

Regardless of the musings I am about to type, I think if you get out of her house, and pay to take her out, probably like "the old days,"  it may help on some primal level with her sex drive issue.  I'm 50 and have had many years of mom friends now, and wow, I've heard a lot.  If a wife is "taking care of" a guy somehow too much in a certain way, sex drive flips into maternal drive.  I've seen it re financially, and with (sad but true) a guy who had lots of health problems; the wife was nursing him all the time.  Does she mate-guard?  Although I can't substantiate this (I've never researched it) I personally believe this is a big clue into her relationship with you.  (I'm talking about reasonable mate-guarding, not psycho jealousy)

I wonder if she recognizes her fertility is on the wane, and that she's unlikely to find anyone else in time, and you are just *almost* right but-for that problem of not feeling sexual toward you.  Because she's housing you like a child (not trying to be offensive) and thus having  difficulty seeing you as mate and provider for the offspring.  Meanwhile it's possible given what you describe that she is super-busy, and often super-busy folks spend their energy on the urgent, not the important (to paraphrase Stephen Covey).  And time ticks on, until the important becomes urgent (her bio clock running out), and only then the decision is made.

I'd ask her, OP.  Sit down with some wine, ask her and listen for her answer and watch her face, too.  Because when someone isn't predictable, or doing what we would do in that situation, or surprises us, usually the issue is that one of our assumptions is wrong.  And it might just be the assumption that's wrong is that she's though this through--she might not be willing to work on the puzzle because she's afraid she'll find out the pieces don't fit together.  Or she thinks the pieces don't fit together.  Only when you see what she sees, can you can supply info to change her picture, or recognize together that this isn't going to work.[/quote]

OP here. This is the best advice I've received in 3 years. Thank you. Sincerely.[/quote]

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