Tough situation with stepdaughter

[Anonymous]

Did anyone else feel suicidal after their miscarriage? I did. I know it can be hard. Can't imagine having to deal with meanness on top of that. I feel for you, chin up. Get help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

How is my behavior deplorable? I never once lashed out. I've endured meanness and name calling.
I've been kind as much as possible and at the very least I've just been quiet and polite. I hope you're a troll and don't actually mean what you said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

NP. I think your and PP's behavior is deplorable and I can only hope you show your children more humanity than you've shown OP. You are both terrible people.

OP, I wish you peace and healing. Please ignore these hyenas. I think a lot of first wives are taking your post rather personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think the blood could have scared her and it really isn't an issue of another child but rather what happened.

If you read her original post, the SD told her outright she didn't want her to have kids. And why would she start calling the SM "bitch" if it was being scared of blood? Not criticizing your idea, but it seems unlikely. If she was afraid of blood, wouldn't it elicit sympathy?

Empathy is taught. If stepdaughter's parents have no empathy for OP, how can you expect SD to act differently. She was young, should not have been told in such a graphic detail. Dad needed to step up and be a parent. I get where OP is coming from. Its hard having older step kids and the parents set the tone. If dad lets SD be disrespectful and doesn't do anything about it, that speaks volumes of him. There is a lot more to the dynamic and the nastiness here for OP seems uncalled from. I know if I saw that at that age, I would have gotten very upset by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

NP. I think your and PP's behavior is deplorable and I can only hope you show your children more humanity than you've shown OP. You are both terrible people.

OP, I wish you peace and healing. Please ignore these hyenas. I think a lot of first wives are taking your post rather personally.

Thank you. That means a lot.

[Anonymous]

OP, I read this whole thread and I am so sorry that you are going through this.

First of all, I think you need to actually tell your husband everything you've told this board. Print out the thread itself if you want to and show it to him. I was the person who changed her mind about wanting to have more children after having a scary miscarriage (similar to yours, from what it sounds like) and I felt so awful about that. Does your husband understand how much his decision has hurt you? It is definitely one of those situations where compromise is not really possible.

Secondly, I think that it is completely inappropriate for your stepdaughter to weigh in on whether or not you and her father "could" have a child together. However, she was 14 and it was a long time ago, so there's not really much to be done about it now. It's okay for you to dislike her based on her treatment of you. I know that my mom disliked me for some of my teenage years, when I was a jerk. My child is 4, but there are times when I don't really like her either as a result of her behavior. It does not mean that my mom doesn't LOVE me or that I don't LOVE my daughter or that you don't LOVE your stepdaughter, but you have every right to feel hurt and resentful about behavior that hurts you. How you deal with those feelings is where the situation becomes less black and white. I think it's wonderful that you tried to be kind to her when you were unable to be motherly and loving. You could have chosen to be a lot more immature about it and you didn't.

I think therapy sounds like a good thing for you. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot and have been dealing with this particular situation of grief and resentment for years without much support. If your husband is ready to talk about things without a counselor, I think that telling him how much this all is bothering you would be a good start to resolving your feelings.

THAT SAID... what do you actually what to happen as a result of these conversations? Do you want stepdaughter to apologize? Do you want DH to change his mind? Telling him all this without having a desirable result will probably frustrate him (says the half-Nord). Figure out what actions would make you feel better about the situation and go into the conversation looking for a way to make those things happen together. If all you want is acknowledgement of your feelings, you'll probably get that but that will be all you get.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

NP. I think your and PP's behavior is deplorable and I can only hope you show your children more humanity than you've shown OP. You are both terrible people.

OP, I wish you peace and healing. Please ignore these hyenas. I think a lot of first wives are taking your post rather personally.

+1000 Too many people are projecting. Your stepdaughter at 14 had a lot of nerve telling you not to get pregnant. Now that she is 19, she is no longer a kid and should be treated like a young adult.

Frankly, she acts more like a jilted ex-wife than a stepdaughter; she is a little too invested in your childbearing needs. You have every right to be hurt by her behavior and should be cautious around her. Your stepdaughter sounds like she is the one who needs therapy because if you get pregnant again, she will probably become unhinged all over again.

And, yes, you also have a husband problem regarding having more children but it is completely separate from the relationship problems that also exist with your stepdaughter. Do not confide in her about your marital business.

[Anonymous]

OP, your feelings are understandable. But, she's a kid. You don't have to love her or even like her, but you do have to try to forgive, forget, move on.

Your DH changing the deal with you is a bigger issue.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I've been in a similar situation. Step-daughters older though. The first few years was tough. One daughter was cool, the other mean and nasty.

DH and I decided to have a child and it was DH who said what we do is no one's business, including his daughters. His daughters were adults and living on their own. We told them when I was 3 months pregnant. They were surprised at first, but have a great deal of respect and love for their father and now love their little brother. While we all get along pretty well now, I still see the mean girl for who she is based on how she treated me back then. Hard to like her, but I work hard to see the best and we all make it work for their dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I read this whole thread and I am so sorry that you are going through this.

First of all, I think you need to actually tell your husband everything you've told this board. Print out the thread itself if you want to and show it to him. I was the person who changed her mind about wanting to have more children after having a scary miscarriage (similar to yours, from what it sounds like) and I felt so awful about that. Does your husband understand how much his decision has hurt you? It is definitely one of those situations where compromise is not really possible.

Secondly, I think that it is completely inappropriate for your stepdaughter to weigh in on whether or not you and her father "could" have a child together. However, she was 14 and it was a long time ago, so there's not really much to be done about it now. It's okay for you to dislike her based on her treatment of you. I know that my mom disliked me for some of my teenage years, when I was a jerk. My child is 4, but there are times when I don't really like her either as a result of her behavior. It does not mean that my mom doesn't LOVE me or that I don't LOVE my daughter or that you don't LOVE your stepdaughter, but you have every right to feel hurt and resentful about behavior that hurts you. How you deal with those feelings is where the situation becomes less black and white. I think it's wonderful that you tried to be kind to her when you were unable to be motherly and loving. You could have chosen to be a lot more immature about it and you didn't.

I think therapy sounds like a good thing for you. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot and have been dealing with this particular situation of grief and resentment for years without much support. If your husband is ready to talk about things without a counselor, I think that telling him how much this all is bothering you would be a good start to resolving your feelings.

THAT SAID... what do you actually what to happen as a result of these conversations? Do you want stepdaughter to apologize? Do you want DH to change his mind? Telling him all this without having a desirable result will probably frustrate him (says the half-Nord). Figure out what actions would make you feel better about the situation and go into the conversation looking for a way to make those things happen together. If all you want is acknowledgement of your feelings, you'll probably get that but that will be all you get.

Good luck.

I wish you and I could get a glass of wine. Thanks for being empathetic, kind and constructive. I'm not 100% sure about showing him this thread (he'd probably be mortified) but I'm pretty sure I can say in all honesty to him that a "friend" has given me some good advice and take it from there. You Nords are a good bunch. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+1000 Too many people are projecting. Your stepdaughter at 14 had a lot of nerve telling you not to get pregnant. Now that she is 19, she is no longer a kid and should be treated like a young adult.

Frankly, she acts more like a jilted ex-wife than a stepdaughter; she is a little too invested in your childbearing needs. You have every right to be hurt by her behavior and should be cautious around her. Your stepdaughter sounds like she is the one who needs therapy because if you get pregnant again, she will probably become unhinged all over again.

And, yes, you also have a husband problem regarding having more children but it is completely separate from the relationship problems that also exist with your stepdaughter. Do not confide in her about your marital business.

and +1000 to this.

I don't buy the argument that being a child gives you a free pass to continually be a jerk to someone -- plus she was 16, not 6. Also, you're allowed to be hurt by what she did.

I'd suggest counseling just so you have a safe place to express these feelings-- preferably with someone who is sympathetic to blended family/step issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

NP. I think your and PP's behavior is deplorable and I can only hope you show your children more humanity than you've shown OP. You are both terrible people.

OP, I wish you peace and healing. Please ignore these hyenas. I think a lot of first wives are taking your post rather personally.

+1000 Too many people are projecting. Your stepdaughter at 14 had a lot of nerve telling you not to get pregnant. Now that she is 19, she is no longer a kid and should be treated like a young adult.

Frankly, she acts more like a jilted ex-wife than a stepdaughter; she is a little too invested in your childbearing needs. You have every right to be hurt by her behavior and should be cautious around her. Your stepdaughter sounds like she is the one who needs therapy because if you get pregnant again, she will probably become unhinged all over again.

And, yes, you also have a husband problem regarding having more children but it is completely separate from the relationship problems that also exist with your stepdaughter. Do not confide in her about your marital business.

+2,000. Your stepdaughter's behavior has been very strange. It's none of her business to tell you whether or not to have kids. And people, the stepdaughter's mean behavior went on for TWO YEARS. That is a long time, I see why you wouldn' thave warm feelings for her. I say talk it over with your DH, tell him you want a child still, and get him to talk to stepdaughter to treat you better and to apologize to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

This is completely uncalled for.

OP, wishing you health and healing and happiness.

[Anonymous]

She's no longer a child and its ok to not like some people (kids even). But I think marrying her dad was a mistake and that's your real issue. He took the motherhood card from you. His daughter sounds selfish like her dad.