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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, [b]I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.[/b]

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?[/quote]

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct. [/quote]

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.[/quote]

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.[/quote]

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her. [/quote]

NP. I think your and PP's behavior is deplorable and I can only hope you show your children more humanity than you've shown OP. You are both terrible people.

[b]OP, I wish you peace and healing.  Please ignore these hyenas. I think a lot of first wives are taking your post rather personally.[/b] [/quote]

+1000  Too many people are projecting.  Your stepdaughter at 14 had a lot of nerve telling you not to get pregnant.  Now that she is 19, she is no longer a kid and should be treated like a young adult.

Frankly, she acts more like a jilted ex-wife than a stepdaughter;  she is a little too invested in your childbearing needs.  You have every right to be hurt by her behavior and should be cautious around her.  Your stepdaughter sounds like she is the one who needs therapy because if you get pregnant again, she will probably become unhinged all over again.

And, yes, you also have a husband problem regarding having more children but it is completely separate from the relationship problems that also exist with your stepdaughter.  Do not confide in her about your marital business.[/quote]

+2,000.  Your stepdaughter's behavior has been very strange. It's none of her business to tell you whether or not to have kids.  And people, the stepdaughter's mean behavior went on for TWO YEARS.  That is a long time, I see why you wouldn' thave warm feelings for her.  I say talk it over with your DH, tell him you want a child still, and get him to talk to stepdaughter to treat you better and to apologize to you.[/quote]

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