I wish parents could be more supportive and less desperate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The very first thing we need in our society and nation is fair and transparent system.

Then we can talk about other stuff.

What does “fair and transparent” mean to you? Let me guess, test scores because you are the parent of a high scorer.

Yes test score should be part of it.
It's the most objective and fair measure.

And what else? How would you design it?

40% GPA(including rigor, etc. + 40% Tests + 20% extra stuff essay, awards(real ones), activity, etc.

Who decides if they are “real” awards? Who decides which ECs are worthy? No credit for being an Olympian and having good test scores and grades? Is that worthy? Or just Science Olympiad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

It’s unfair, but definitely not to you.

Again you assume too much.

Exactly, middle calss kids are

Let me rephrase that: it’s very unfair to kids from SE DC or from rural West Virginia.

Does that fit you?

Don't they get bump up and advantage??

I don't get any advantage.

We are from SE, DC. And I don't mean Capitol Hill, we are east of the river. What is this bump up and advantage? I'm out of the loop.

The person mentioned SE, DC meant low income Blacks.
If you are, you get bonus points in college admissions

Oh yeah. All of those sharp elbowed kids from Anacostia.

(I mean the ones who manage to avoid getting shot by the time they reach 18.)

Hogging all of the slots at Princeton and such.

After you spent ALL of that money on consultants, test prep, and expensive club sports.

I literally overhead a kid on the DC Streetcar yesterday. He was Facetiming a family friend with pride to let them know that he had gotten accepted into Prince George's community college.

According to College Factual, that school's six year graduation rate is 9%.

You people need to get out of your bubble from time to time.

You really do.

If the community has a problem, they need to fix the community.
They need to fix the source of the problem rather than giving them free points.

Kids are not to be punished for their parents’ actions.

You’re free to move wherever you choose.

Exactly, middle class kids are getting punished for nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is anonymous- and thus it’s where people can post all the unhinged things they would never admit to friends and neighbors.

I think a lot of parents pretend to be aloof and casual like OP and they aren’t. And then the Tiger Mom types intensify their obsessive push because they are scared of the sleeper cell full pay 4th gen Ivy legacy who seems like an average Lax bro but turns out he’s a regional robotics champion or does chemistry research at Hopkins on the weekends or something.

Correct, I have seen moms and dads that show they are well balanced and couldn't care less where their kids go to school, but actually are running non-profits in the name of their kids or using their connections to get them a first internship or jobs. For a lot of UMC people who have no connections (or spare money) want to give a head start to their kids and helping them get into a college seems the most doable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

It’s unfair, but definitely not to you.

Again you assume too much.

Exactly, middle calss kids are

Let me rephrase that: it’s very unfair to kids from SE DC or from rural West Virginia.

Does that fit you?

Don't they get bump up and advantage??

I don't get any advantage.

We are from SE, DC. And I don't mean Capitol Hill, we are east of the river. What is this bump up and advantage? I'm out of the loop.

The person mentioned SE, DC meant low income Blacks.
If you are, you get bonus points in college admissions

Oh yeah. All of those sharp elbowed kids from Anacostia.

(I mean the ones who manage to avoid getting shot by the time they reach 18.)

Hogging all of the slots at Princeton and such.

After you spent ALL of that money on consultants, test prep, and expensive club sports.

I literally overhead a kid on the DC Streetcar yesterday. He was Facetiming a family friend with pride to let them know that he had gotten accepted into Prince George's community college.

According to College Factual, that school's six year graduation rate is 9%.

You people need to get out of your bubble from time to time.

You really do.

If the community has a problem, they need to fix the community.
They need to fix the source of the problem rather than giving them free points.

Kids are not to be punished for their parents’ actions.

You’re free to move wherever you choose.

Exactly, middle class kids are getting punished for nothing.

You’re free to move to Anascotia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The very first thing we need in our society and nation is fair and transparent system.

Then we can talk about other stuff.

What does “fair and transparent” mean to you? Let me guess, test scores because you are the parent of a high scorer.

Yes test score should be part of it.
It's the most objective and fair measure.

And what else? How would you design it?

40% GPA(including rigor, etc. + 40% Tests + 20% extra stuff essay, awards(real ones), activity, etc.

Who decides if they are “real” awards? Who decides which ECs are worthy? No credit for being an Olympian and having good test scores and grades? Is that worthy? Or just Science Olympiad?

use your common sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

It’s unfair, but definitely not to you.

Again you assume too much.

Exactly, middle calss kids are

Let me rephrase that: it’s very unfair to kids from SE DC or from rural West Virginia.

Does that fit you?

Don't they get bump up and advantage??

I don't get any advantage.

We are from SE, DC. And I don't mean Capitol Hill, we are east of the river. What is this bump up and advantage? I'm out of the loop.

The person mentioned SE, DC meant low income Blacks.
If you are, you get bonus points in college admissions

Oh yeah. All of those sharp elbowed kids from Anacostia.

(I mean the ones who manage to avoid getting shot by the time they reach 18.)

Hogging all of the slots at Princeton and such.

After you spent ALL of that money on consultants, test prep, and expensive club sports.

I literally overhead a kid on the DC Streetcar yesterday. He was Facetiming a family friend with pride to let them know that he had gotten accepted into Prince George's community college.

According to College Factual, that school's six year graduation rate is 9%.

You people need to get out of your bubble from time to time.

You really do.

If the community has a problem, they need to fix the community.
They need to fix the source of the problem rather than giving them free points.

Kids are not to be punished for their parents’ actions.

You’re free to move wherever you choose.

Exactly, middle class kids are getting punished for nothing.

No, we are not in agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

It’s unfair, but definitely not to you.

Again you assume too much.

Let me rephrase that: it’s very unfair to kids from SE DC or from rural West Virginia.

Does that fit you?

Don't they get bump up and advantage??

I don't get any advantage.

We are from SE, DC. And I don't mean Capitol Hill, we are east of the river. What is this bump up and advantage? I'm out of the loop.

The person mentioned SE, DC meant low income Blacks.
If you are, you get bonus points in college admissions

Oh yeah. All of those sharp elbowed kids from Anacostia.

(I mean the ones who manage to avoid getting shot by the time they reach 18.)

Hogging all of the slots at Princeton and such.

After you spent ALL of that money on consultants, test prep, and expensive club sports.

I literally overhead a kid on the DC Streetcar yesterday. He was Facetiming a family friend with pride to let them know that he had gotten accepted into Prince George's community college.

According to College Factual, that school's six year graduation rate is 9%.

You people need to get out of your bubble from time to time.

You really do.

If the community has a problem, they need to fix the community.
They need to fix the source of the problem rather than giving them free points.

Amen! The white community has a serious entitlement problem that needs to be fixed asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem very sure that you're doing it much better than everyone else, OP.

I don't know anyone in my circle how does what you claim we all do.

Perhaps you could stretch to understand that we are all complex creatures who can be rational and tolerant most of the time, but who occasionally need to vent our disappointments and resentments on an anonymous online forum. This is why this forum gets heated.

But you know better, of course.

Where are you from? That you don't know ANYONE who functions like this. It's like this in most highly educated areas of the country. For some reasons most people think attending T20 school is the only way to be successful in life. Kids plan and mold their HS "career" just in hopes of getting into the best college.

We personally don't fall 100% in this trap. We encourage our kids to take rigorous courses, but I let our 1500 3.99UW GPA skip APUSH/APEuro/APEng for their sanity and just stick to AP STEM courses. Also let them drop FL after level 3, when Spanish IV didn't fit into schedule with band and AP was taught by an abysmal teacher (had them for SP2 and were not going to deal with that crap again). But most around us were taking 5-6 APs each year just because "it's needed for college"---hint it's not. Sure my kid did not get into their T20 choice, but they had a much happier HS 4 years being allowed to enjoy life. They are at a T30-40 and extremely happy and trust me, plenty challenged. Despite having stats that put them at the 75% for the school (even pre covid they would have been 75-80%), they are surrounded by really smart, motivated students. Because the difference between someone with a 1500 and 1350 is minimal---both are really smart people.

Love the lecture on not falling into traps from someone who fell into the STEM STEM STEM trap. Why didn't you encourage your kid to take a healthy mix of APs in science, humanities, and social sciences instead of sticking to STEM APs? Let me guess -- because you made the "I have a STEM kid" calculation and you put your money on them getting into a strong STEM program based on taking a rigorous STEM load. You were gunning in your own way so maybe cut the sanctimony a little.

No, you are so far off base it's ridiculous. My kid made the decision "I'm a STEM kid" by MS all on their own, really it was apparent in ES. They were in advanced reading/LA in ES and honors LA/History/Humanities all the way thru MS and HS. They are really smart, but gravitated towards math/science because that is what interested them. They could do the humanities AP and would have gotten an A/A-, but chose to take Honors instead and not have an extra 10-15 hours/week of Homework for EACH humanities class. Instead they spent 15-25+ hours per week at their EC (dance). We supported this decision to actually sleep more than 2-3 hours per night and to maintain their mental health in HS. They did toss in AP Psych because it sounded interesting and they loved it, but have no interest in majoring in it.

This is a kid who was at the top of their math starting in K and 1st grade classes---a kid who gets the concepts immediately, and never went to Kumon or any type of tutoring. Their 1st grade teacher told me they were one of 2 kids in their advanced class of 30 who just "got it" and were way ahead of the majority, most of whom were there because they had been drilled with Kumon or flash cards, and I would volunteer in the class and could see this as well.
They love math and chemistry and coding. But we didn't push them to do EC based on STEM. We let them focus on dance, because that's what interested them and they wanted to be a part of. In late ES/early MS, it was proposed to put them 3 grade levels ahead in math but we didn't do it. We moved at that time and did not think it was healthy for a 6th grader to be with all 8th graders in a new school with totally new people. So they stuck with 2 grade levels ahead. Had we not moved, the kid would have hit Calculus in 10th grade and easily gotten an A.

Not everyone who is in stem was "pushed into it". Some people just naturally excel at it. If my kid wanted to take only Humantiies courses, I would have no issues with it. They can be an English Lit major if they want, but they would be miserable with that, and why would I force something like that (or rather force any topics)?

Your kid is a naturally high achiever so this doesn't really apply to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

It’s unfair, but definitely not to you.

Again you assume too much.

Let me rephrase that: it’s very unfair to kids from SE DC or from rural West Virginia.

Does that fit you?

Don't they get bump up and advantage??

I don't get any advantage.

We are from SE, DC. And I don't mean Capitol Hill, we are east of the river. What is this bump up and advantage? I'm out of the loop.

The person mentioned SE, DC meant low income Blacks.
If you are, you get bonus points in college admissions

Oh yeah. All of those sharp elbowed kids from Anacostia.

(I mean the ones who manage to avoid getting shot by the time they reach 18.)

Hogging all of the slots at Princeton and such.

After you spent ALL of that money on consultants, test prep, and expensive club sports.

I literally overhead a kid on the DC Streetcar yesterday. He was Facetiming a family friend with pride to let them know that he had gotten accepted into Prince George's community college.

According to College Factual, that school's six year graduation rate is 9%.

You people need to get out of your bubble from time to time.

You really do.

If the community has a problem, they need to fix the community.
They need to fix the source of the problem rather than giving them free points.

Amen! The white community has a serious entitlement problem that needs to be fixed asap.

exactly, again 40% of Harvard admits are ALDC while the school gets all sorts of tax benefits and government aid.
very unfair and broken system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

It's this. They're frustrated. And rightfully so.
We're entering this process soon and I'm already over it. Not b/c I care where DC goes -great student but we are opting out of the AP rat race and not gunning for Ivies- but b/c the process seems fundamentally flawed in a lot of ways.

You’ve decided that your kid can’t cut it so you are opting out!? And then you have the nerve to blame the system that you didn’t even TRY?

[Anonymous]

I mean don't all parents want the best for their kids ? How is not helping and wanting them to get to best college that they can get to is looked down upon. Agreed, out of the many definitions of best college, is up to the kids and parents to decide.

It's a balancing act, you push too much you become a Tiger mom, push too little and you risk kids not getting to their potential (or their idea of how much money they need to make to get to a comfortable life).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean don't all parents want the best for their kids ? How is not helping and wanting them to get to best college that they can get to is looked down upon. Agreed, out of the many definitions of best college, is up to the kids and parents to decide.

It's a balancing act, you push too much you become a Tiger mom, push too little and you risk kids not getting to their potential (or their idea of how much money they need to make to get to a comfortable life).

+1 Even my 17 yr old recently told me that they wished I pushed them more. I did a big eye roll and said if I had done that you would've thrown a fit and hated me. Then DC said, you should've just ignored me and made me do it. Please. You can't win. Parenting is all about a balancing act.

[Anonymous]

Have your kids major in something like teaching or nursing at any public instate school and send them to a cute suburb in Ohio, Pa, Minnesota, Upper New England or the mountain west once they graduate. Have them marry early to be dual income. There they’ve won the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean don't all parents want the best for their kids ? How is not helping and wanting them to get to best college that they can get to is looked down upon. Agreed, out of the many definitions of best college, is up to the kids and parents to decide.

It's a balancing act, you push too much you become a Tiger mom, push too little and you risk kids not getting to their potential (or their idea of how much money they need to make to get to a comfortable life).

+1 Even my 17 yr old recently told me that they wished I pushed them more. I did a big eye roll and said if I had done that you would've thrown a fit and hated me. Then DC said, you should've just ignored me and made me do it. Please. You can't win. Parenting is all about a balancing act.

Haha! My kids told me the same about sports. My 19yo was like "I just realized I could have made a great college qb. Why didn't you make me stay in football?" I wanted to tackle him right then and there. He hated the summer practices and insisted on quitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The very first thing we need in our society and nation is fair and transparent system.

Then we can talk about other stuff.

What does “fair and transparent” mean to you? Let me guess, test scores because you are the parent of a high scorer.

Yes test score should be part of it.
It's the most objective and fair measure.

And what else? How would you design it?

40% GPA(including rigor, etc. + 40% Tests + 20% extra stuff essay, awards(real ones), activity, etc.

Who decides if they are “real” awards? Who decides which ECs are worthy? No credit for being an Olympian and having good test scores and grades? Is that worthy? Or just Science Olympiad?

It's a college not a sports venue. I would go with science.