I wish parents could be more supportive and less desperate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean don't all parents want the best for their kids ? How is not helping and wanting them to get to best college that they can get to is looked down upon. Agreed, out of the many definitions of best college, is up to the kids and parents to decide.

It's a balancing act, you push too much you become a Tiger mom, push too little and you risk kids not getting to their potential (or their idea of how much money they need to make to get to a comfortable life).

+1 Even my 17 yr old recently told me that they wished I pushed them more. I did a big eye roll and said if I had done that you would've thrown a fit and hated me. Then DC said, you should've just ignored me and made me do it. Please. You can't win. Parenting is all about a balancing act.

Haha! My kids told me the same about sports. My 19yo was like "I just realized I could have made a great college qb. Why didn't you make me stay in football?" I wanted to tackle him right then and there. He hated the summer practices and insisted on quitting.

The Olympians get full 20% points.

If you mainly get in with sports merit , then your major should be limited to certain spots related majors leaving academic related majors for academically qualified students.

[Anonymous]

The truly secure people I know don’t worry about this nonsense

They send their kids to Clemson, Arkansas, GWU, LSU, SMU, Alabama or Pepperdine where they focus on getting into the best frat or srat. Their kids run circles around yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The truly secure people I know don’t worry about this nonsense

They send their kids to Clemson, Arkansas, GWU, LSU, SMU, Alabama or Pepperdine where they focus on getting into the best frat or srat. Their kids run circles around yours.

Sure nothing is wrong with that too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The tone on this board is so Hunger Games. Like desperately seeking tips to get into a T20 or transfer in or pay consultants to eek in or choose EC's for a 12 year old so they can be interviewed on campus 9 years later by Goldman Sachs.

It is SO SO unhealthy. Really, just raise your kids to try their best, academically and later professionally. And when they do, be acknowledge their efforts. Support the person they are becoming (vs. twist them into your vision of success).

Whatever admissions they obtain, demonstrate pride. Tell them you believe in them and know they will make good use of the opportunities before them.

Strive for a kid who is healthy, happy and fulfilled. That should be what unselfish parents, with sound values, seek.

You parent your kid and I will parent mine...your help is not needed. Have a great weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

It’s unfair, but definitely not to you.

Again you assume too much.

Let me rephrase that: it’s very unfair to kids from SE DC or from rural West Virginia.

Does that fit you?

Don't they get bump up and advantage??

I don't get any advantage.

We are from SE, DC. And I don't mean Capitol Hill, we are east of the river. What is this bump up and advantage? I'm out of the loop.

The person mentioned SE, DC meant low income Blacks.
If you are, you get bonus points in college admissions

Oh yeah. All of those sharp elbowed kids from Anacostia.

(I mean the ones who manage to avoid getting shot by the time they reach 18.)

Hogging all of the slots at Princeton and such.

After you spent ALL of that money on consultants, test prep, and expensive club sports.

I literally overhead a kid on the DC Streetcar yesterday. He was Facetiming a family friend with pride to let them know that he had gotten accepted into Prince George's community college.

According to College Factual, that school's six year graduation rate is 9%.

You people need to get out of your bubble from time to time.

You really do.

If the community has a problem, they need to fix the community.
They need to fix the source of the problem rather than giving them free points.

Let us know when you've either finished your time machine so we can go back and make sure slavery doesn't happen, or when you've made the quality of education in places like SE Dc equal to that of Arlington and MoCo. Then let's have a talk about all those 'free points'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean don't all parents want the best for their kids ? How is not helping and wanting them to get to best college that they can get to is looked down upon. Agreed, out of the many definitions of best college, is up to the kids and parents to decide.

It's a balancing act, you push too much you become a Tiger mom, push too little and you risk kids not getting to their potential (or their idea of how much money they need to make to get to a comfortable life).

+1 Even my 17 yr old recently told me that they wished I pushed them more. I did a big eye roll and said if I had done that you would've thrown a fit and hated me. Then DC said, you should've just ignored me and made me do it. Please. You can't win. Parenting is all about a balancing act.

Haha! My kids told me the same about sports. My 19yo was like "I just realized I could have made a great college qb. Why didn't you make me stay in football?" I wanted to tackle him right then and there. He hated the summer practices and insisted on quitting.

The Olympians get full 20% points.

If you mainly get in with sports merit , then your major should be limited to certain spots related majors leaving academic related majors for academically qualified students.

Why are you so sure the sports person is not academically qualified? Often they have the same qualifications, but at a highly competitive school it pulls them out of the “lottery.” I would also argue that a kid with the same rigorous academic load on top of sports, is MORE qualified since they did not have as much time to study or do ECs that would reinforce what they were learning in class.it’s a myth that athletes are not academically qualified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your kids major in something like teaching or nursing at any public instate school and send them to a cute suburb in Ohio, Pa, Minnesota, Upper New England or the mountain west once they graduate. Have them marry early to be dual income. There they’ve won the game.

heck no. I would never advise to get married early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The very first thing we need in our society and nation is fair and transparent system.

Then we can talk about other stuff.

What does “fair and transparent” mean to you? Let me guess, test scores because you are the parent of a high scorer.

Yes test score should be part of it.
It's the most objective and fair measure.

And what else? How would you design it?

40% GPA(including rigor, etc. + 40% Tests + 20% extra stuff essay, awards(real ones), activity, etc.

Who decides if they are “real” awards? Who decides which ECs are worthy? No credit for being an Olympian and having good test scores and grades? Is that worthy? Or just Science Olympiad?

It's a college not a sports venue. I would go with science.

That shows your linear, in the box thinking. Sports are at colleges because of the ideal of a sound mind and sound body. Exercise improves brain function, not to mention the perseverance and hard work to excel at school and in athletics. And the team work experience. Good thing AOs have more mental flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

It’s unfair, but definitely not to you.

Again you assume too much.

Let me rephrase that: it’s very unfair to kids from SE DC or from rural West Virginia.

Does that fit you?

Don't they get bump up and advantage??

I don't get any advantage.

We are from SE, DC. And I don't mean Capitol Hill, we are east of the river. What is this bump up and advantage? I'm out of the loop.

The person mentioned SE, DC meant low income Blacks.
If you are, you get bonus points in college admissions

Oh yeah. All of those sharp elbowed kids from Anacostia.

(I mean the ones who manage to avoid getting shot by the time they reach 18.)

Hogging all of the slots at Princeton and such.

After you spent ALL of that money on consultants, test prep, and expensive club sports.

I literally overhead a kid on the DC Streetcar yesterday. He was Facetiming a family friend with pride to let them know that he had gotten accepted into Prince George's community college.

According to College Factual, that school's six year graduation rate is 9%.

You people need to get out of your bubble from time to time.

You really do.

If the community has a problem, they need to fix the community.
They need to fix the source of the problem rather than giving them free points.

Let us know when you've either finished your time machine so we can go back and make sure slavery doesn't happen, or when you've made the quality of education in places like SE Dc equal to that of Arlington and MoCo. Then let's have a talk about all those 'free points'.

PP is right, fix the source. Where is your daddy Sharpton and all the other race hustlers working to fix those communities? Let us know when you are tired of being a "victim" and you go do something to make the quality of education in places like SE DC equal to that of Arlington and MoCo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean don't all parents want the best for their kids ? How is not helping and wanting them to get to best college that they can get to is looked down upon. Agreed, out of the many definitions of best college, is up to the kids and parents to decide.

It's a balancing act, you push too much you become a Tiger mom, push too little and you risk kids not getting to their potential (or their idea of how much money they need to make to get to a comfortable life).

+1 Even my 17 yr old recently told me that they wished I pushed them more. I did a big eye roll and said if I had done that you would've thrown a fit and hated me. Then DC said, you should've just ignored me and made me do it. Please. You can't win. Parenting is all about a balancing act.

Haha! My kids told me the same about sports. My 19yo was like "I just realized I could have made a great college qb. Why didn't you make me stay in football?" I wanted to tackle him right then and there. He hated the summer practices and insisted on quitting.

DP, Another story.. we were talking about college acceptances. My kids friend's older brother got into MIT for CS. I took the opportunity to tell my Asian kid interested in CS how hard it is to get to MIT and it is such a lottery. When the time comes, consider not even applying for it, if you are not in the top 2% of the class. He is a freshman right now. He goes like, wow mom you don't believe in me.. you don't think that I have a shot..

Kids come in all shapes and sizes. My younger one in middle school doesn't even want to go into CS because he thinks it's too competitive even though he definitely has a knack for math and CS. You bet, I parent my kids differently, there is no one size that fits all. Sometimes being a supportive parent is to let them apply to MIT (or Top 20) so they don't live with regrets vs. encouraging them to set their sights lower. When the time comes we will make sure that kid has some likelies in college list, but I have a feeling that it will also be filled up MIT, CMU and Stanford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean don't all parents want the best for their kids ? How is not helping and wanting them to get to best college that they can get to is looked down upon. Agreed, out of the many definitions of best college, is up to the kids and parents to decide.

It's a balancing act, you push too much you become a Tiger mom, push too little and you risk kids not getting to their potential (or their idea of how much money they need to make to get to a comfortable life).

+1 Even my 17 yr old recently told me that they wished I pushed them more. I did a big eye roll and said if I had done that you would've thrown a fit and hated me. Then DC said, you should've just ignored me and made me do it. Please. You can't win. Parenting is all about a balancing act.

Haha! My kids told me the same about sports. My 19yo was like "I just realized I could have made a great college qb. Why didn't you make me stay in football?" I wanted to tackle him right then and there. He hated the summer practices and insisted on quitting.

The Olympians get full 20% points.

If you mainly get in with sports merit , then your major should be limited to certain spots related majors leaving academic related majors for academically qualified students.

Well, ok. My point wasn't even about admissions hooks. It was my own humorous anecdote about how parents get blamed for pushing too much AND not enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is anonymous- and thus it’s where people can post all the unhinged things they would never admit to friends and neighbors.

I think a lot of parents pretend to be aloof and casual like OP and they aren’t. And then the Tiger Mom types intensify their obsessive push because they are scared of the sleeper cell full pay 4th gen Ivy legacy who seems like an average Lax bro but turns out he’s a regional robotics champion or does chemistry research at Hopkins on the weekends or something.

Love the sleeper cell reference.

[Anonymous]

I had a neighbor shocked that we weren’t striving for TJ. I said we’re all good. Now, my kid is at a more prestigious college than their kid. Some are striving too hard. Calm down. Life is a long journey and your kid is just getting started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean don't all parents want the best for their kids ? How is not helping and wanting them to get to best college that they can get to is looked down upon. Agreed, out of the many definitions of best college, is up to the kids and parents to decide.

It's a balancing act, you push too much you become a Tiger mom, push too little and you risk kids not getting to their potential (or their idea of how much money they need to make to get to a comfortable life).

+1 Even my 17 yr old recently told me that they wished I pushed them more. I did a big eye roll and said if I had done that you would've thrown a fit and hated me. Then DC said, you should've just ignored me and made me do it. Please. You can't win. Parenting is all about a balancing act.

Haha! My kids told me the same about sports. My 19yo was like "I just realized I could have made a great college qb. Why didn't you make me stay in football?" I wanted to tackle him right then and there. He hated the summer practices and insisted on quitting.

The Olympians get full 20% points.

If you mainly get in with sports merit , then your major should be limited to certain spots related majors leaving academic related majors for academically qualified students.

Why are you so sure the sports person is not academically qualified? Often they have the same qualifications, but at a highly competitive school it pulls them out of the “lottery.” I would also argue that a kid with the same rigorous academic load on top of sports, is MORE qualified since they did not have as much time to study or do ECs that would reinforce what they were learning in class.it’s a myth that athletes are not academically qualified.

"Why are you so sure the sports person is not academically qualified?"

I never say that. I just laid down the rules.
40% GPA + 40% Test Scores + 20% extra
The excellent sports person probably earns full points on the extra.
Of course He/She can also earn the academic scores, and academically qualified.

Sometimes schools want the sports people even though they are not academically qualified.
If that's the case, then their majors should be limited to sports related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The tone on this board is so Hunger Games. Like desperately seeking tips to get into a T20 or transfer in or pay consultants to eek in or choose EC's for a 12 year old so they can be interviewed on campus 9 years later by Goldman Sachs.

It is SO SO unhealthy. Really, just raise your kids to try their best, academically and later professionally. And when they do, be acknowledge their efforts. Support the person they are becoming (vs. twist them into your vision of success).

Whatever admissions they obtain, demonstrate pride. Tell them you believe in them and know they will make good use of the opportunities before them.

Strive for a kid who is healthy, happy and fulfilled. That should be what unselfish parents, with sound values, seek.

You parent your kid and I will parent mine...your help is not needed. Have a great weekend.

Enjoy paying for your adult kid's therapy, if they have not already needed it.