I wish parents could be more supportive and less desperate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

No, it is you not adjusting in a healthy manner to the current reality, and helping your daughter or son do the same.

Keep what ultimately matters in perspective (Hint: it is not the USNWR ranking of your child's college).

My kid skipped two higher ranked schools and chose a lower ranked school for fit.

Anyways that has nothing to do with the fact the system is unfair and fukced up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

Maybe I view college as something that we've had to heavily save for over the past two decades. College will be second to our house as far as major purchases go, it will cost more than every vehicle we've ever owned combined. It may not be the destination, but we do very much care about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem very sure that you're doing it much better than everyone else, OP.

I don't know anyone in my circle how does what you claim we all do.

Perhaps you could stretch to understand that we are all complex creatures who can be rational and tolerant most of the time, but who occasionally need to vent our disappointments and resentments on an anonymous online forum. This is why this forum gets heated.

But you know better, of course.

Actually she IS doing it better. I think a lot of us are. I can’t imagine getting so heated about where my kid goes to college. Anonymous board or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem very sure that you're doing it much better than everyone else, OP.

I don't know anyone in my circle how does what you claim we all do.

Perhaps you could stretch to understand that we are all complex creatures who can be rational and tolerant most of the time, but who occasionally need to vent our disappointments and resentments on an anonymous online forum. This is why this forum gets heated.

But you know better, of course.

Where are you from? That you don't know ANYONE who functions like this. It's like this in most highly educated areas of the country. For some reasons most people think attending T20 school is the only way to be successful in life. Kids plan and mold their HS "career" just in hopes of getting into the best college.

We personally don't fall 100% in this trap. We encourage our kids to take rigorous courses, but I let our 1500 3.99UW GPA skip APUSH/APEuro/APEng for their sanity and just stick to AP STEM courses. Also let them drop FL after level 3, when Spanish IV didn't fit into schedule with band and AP was taught by an abysmal teacher (had them for SP2 and were not going to deal with that crap again). But most around us were taking 5-6 APs each year just because "it's needed for college"---hint it's not. Sure my kid did not get into their T20 choice, but they had a much happier HS 4 years being allowed to enjoy life. They are at a T30-40 and extremely happy and trust me, plenty challenged. Despite having stats that put them at the 75% for the school (even pre covid they would have been 75-80%), they are surrounded by really smart, motivated students. Because the difference between someone with a 1500 and 1350 is minimal---both are really smart people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

It’s unfair, but definitely not to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

It’s unfair, but definitely not to you.

Again you assume too much.

[Anonymous]

Hear, hear, OP! I find it jarring when parents here write "we have applied to 20 colleges" or "we sent in a SAT score" or "we wrote the essay".

It should not be "we". It should be he or she (or they, if that's how you roll). The parent needs to divest a bit and let the applicant own their own decisions, write their own essays, etc. Back off and stop micromanaging to the point that you use "we". When you write that "we" did it, it shouts: "I don't trust my kid to do the process correctly". Well, why is your child applying to college, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

It’s unfair, but definitely not to you.

Again you assume too much.

Let me rephrase that: it’s very unfair to kids from SE DC or from rural West Virginia.

Does that fit you?

[Anonymous]

Healthy, happy, and fulfilled. YES!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

I feel like this is always said disingenuously. You want other people to believe this so they aren't in your way, but don't practice what you preach.

If you knew my kid, you'd know that your response is way off. My kid is in no honors classes, isn't the president of anything, isn't winning national awards. He is a good kid, who tried hard in school, but there is no way he would ever get into a T20 or succeed at one. I am trying to get him through high school with his mental health in tact and looking at colleges where he can actually succeed. Or, if he wants to take a different path and learn a trade, that is fine too.

I did all the things and jumped through the hoops and can say that it doesn't mean you have a happy life. Life is way too short to be miserable in high school chasing some college "dream" where you will be miserable for another 4 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

Maybe I view college as something that we've had to heavily save for over the past two decades. College will be second to our house as far as major purchases go, it will cost more than every vehicle we've ever owned combined. It may not be the destination, but we do very much care about it.

Again, this is a choice you are making. College doesn't have to cost $80,000 per year. Now, of course, if you are going to spend that much, your child should absolutely work hard and make the most of it. But there are other options out there.

This is also part of the problem. You have saved money for it so you feel entitled to it. But that isn't how college admissions works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem very sure that you're doing it much better than everyone else, OP.

I don't know anyone in my circle how does what you claim we all do.

Perhaps you could stretch to understand that we are all complex creatures who can be rational and tolerant most of the time, but who occasionally need to vent our disappointments and resentments on an anonymous online forum. This is why this forum gets heated.

But you know better, of course.

Where are you from? That you don't know ANYONE who functions like this. It's like this in most highly educated areas of the country. For some reasons most people think attending T20 school is the only way to be successful in life. Kids plan and mold their HS "career" just in hopes of getting into the best college.

We personally don't fall 100% in this trap. We encourage our kids to take rigorous courses, but I let our 1500 3.99UW GPA skip APUSH/APEuro/APEng for their sanity and just stick to AP STEM courses. Also let them drop FL after level 3, when Spanish IV didn't fit into schedule with band and AP was taught by an abysmal teacher (had them for SP2 and were not going to deal with that crap again). But most around us were taking 5-6 APs each year just because "it's needed for college"---hint it's not. Sure my kid did not get into their T20 choice, but they had a much happier HS 4 years being allowed to enjoy life. They are at a T30-40 and extremely happy and trust me, plenty challenged. Despite having stats that put them at the 75% for the school (even pre covid they would have been 75-80%), they are surrounded by really smart, motivated students. Because the difference between someone with a 1500 and 1350 is minimal---both are really smart people.

Love the lecture on not falling into traps from someone who fell into the STEM STEM STEM trap. Why didn't you encourage your kid to take a healthy mix of APs in science, humanities, and social sciences instead of sticking to STEM APs? Let me guess -- because you made the "I have a STEM kid" calculation and you put your money on them getting into a strong STEM program based on taking a rigorous STEM load. You were gunning in your own way so maybe cut the sanctimony a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

No you are assuming too much.
You view the unfair and fuked up system is ok.
That's fine.

It’s unfair, but definitely not to you.

Again you assume too much.

Let me rephrase that: it’s very unfair to kids from SE DC or from rural West Virginia.

Does that fit you?

Don't they get bump up and advantage??

I don't get any advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:big part of it is due to the unfair and fukced up system

That's because you view college as the destination instead of part of the journey. There are many paths to a successful life and going to a T20 school doesn't guaranty any particular outcome.

Maybe I view college as something that we've had to heavily save for over the past two decades. College will be second to our house as far as major purchases go, it will cost more than every vehicle we've ever owned combined. It may not be the destination, but we do very much care about it.

Again, this is a choice you are making. College doesn't have to cost $80,000 per year. Now, of course, if you are going to spend that much, your child should absolutely work hard and make the most of it. But there are other options out there.

This is also part of the problem. You have saved money for it so you feel entitled to it. But that isn't how college admissions works.

Why do you assume 80k a year with that level of savings? Not everyone is rich. Some people have to save like that to afford instate flagships